Indiana Republican and eight-term congressman Mark Souder is resigning immediately because he had sexytime with a woman who was not married-in-Christ to him. Souder just defeated a teabagger in the GOP primary, but with less than 50% of the vote, and eh we’ve never heard of this guy — Indiana’s third congressional district, we should pay more attention to this hotspot! — so let’s get to the crazy all-caps SORRY JEEBUS I PUT MY WANG IN ANOTHER LADY’S LADYPARTS. Also, he’s a wingnut who campaigned on the bullshit “I will repeal Obamacare,” so let the Devil take him!
The Devil take you, Mark Souder, for your Infidelity Against God! The Devil take you!
UPDATE: Here is sexy (?) video of the married mistress interviewing the married congressman about WHY PEOPLE CAN’T HAVE SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE, ACCORDING TO JESUS.
Here’s the damning take from FoxNews:
Multiple senior House sources indicated that the extent of Souder’s affair with the staffer would have landed him before the House Ethics Committee. Sources told Fox News that the aide, identified as Tracy Jackson, a woman in her mid-40s, would accompany the congressman to events and to record ads at a Christian radio broadcast station.
Elected as a family values conservative as part of the Republican revolution in 1994, Souder survived a tough re-election challenge in 2008 and survived a contested primary two weeks ago.
And here is Souder’s hilarious idiot resignation statement, which he apparently had many days to prepare, ha ha:
“IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET I ANNOUNCE THAT I AM RESIGNING FROM THE US HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, AS WELL AS RESIGNING AS THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE FOR CONGRESS IN THIS FALL’S ELECTION.I BELIEVE IT IS THE BEST DECISION FOR MY FAMILY, THE PEOPLE OF NORTHEAST INDIANA, AND OUR COUNTRY. I WILL SUBMIT MY RESIGNATION TO SPEAKER PELOSI EFFECTIVE THIS FRIDAY. I CAN NEVER FULLY THANK ALL THOSE WHO HAVE WORKED SO HARD, GIVEN SO MUCH AND SUPPORTED ME THROUGH EIGHT CONTESTED PRIMARIES AND EIGHT GENERAL ELECTIONS.ONLY WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN THE RECIPIENT CAN YOU REALLY FEEL THE HUMBLING POWER OF SUCH GENEROSITY. IT HAS BEEN A PRIVILEGE TO BE A PART OF THE BATTLE FOR FREEDOM AND THE VALUES WE SHARE.IT HAS BEEN A GREAT HONOR TO FIGHT FOR THE NEEDS, THE JOBS, AND THE FUTURE OF THIS REGION WHERE MY FAMILY HAS LIVED FOR OVER 160 YEARS. IT HAS BEEN ALL CONSUMING FOR ME TO DO THIS JOB WELL, ESPECIALLY IN A DISTRICT WITH COSTLY, COMPETITIVE ELECTIONS EVERY TWO YEARS I DO NOT HAVE ANY SORT OF “NORMAL” LIFE – FOR FAMILY, FOR FRIENDS, FOR CHURCH, FOR COMMUNITY.TO SERVE HAS BEEN A BLESSING AND A RESPONSIBILITY GIVEN FROM GOD.I WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER EXAMPLE. I SINNED AGAINST GOD, MY WIFE AND MY FAMILY BY HAVING A MUTUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A PART-TIME MEMBER OF MY STAFF.IN THE POISONOUS ENVIRONMENT OF WASHINGTON DC, ANY PERSONAL FAILING IS SEIZED UPON, OFTEN TWISTED, FOR POLITICAL GAIN. I AM RESIGNING RATHER THAN TO PUT MY FAMILY THROUGH THAT PAINFUL, DRAWN-OUT PROCESS.DIANE AND MY FAMILY WERE MORE THAN WILLING TO STAND HERE WITH ME. WE ARE A COMMITTED FAMILY. BUT THE ERROR IS MINE AND I SHOULD BEAR THE RESPONSIBILITY, NOT ONLY AM I THANKFUL FOR A LOVING FAMILY BUT FOR A LOVING GOD. MY COMFORT IS THAT GOD IS A GRACIOUS AND FORGIVING GOD TO THOSE WHO SINCERELY SEEK HIS FORGIVENESS AS I DO. BUT I AM SO ASHAMED TO HAVE HURT THOSE I LOVE.I AM SO SORRY TO HAVE LET SO MANY FRIENDS DOWN, PEOPLE WHO HAVE FOUGHT SO HARD FOR ME. THE IDEAS WE ADVOCATE ARE STILL JUST AND RIGHT.AMERICA WILL SURVIVE AND THRIVE WHEN ANCHORED IN THOSE VALUES.HUMAN BEINGS, LIKE ME, WILL FAIL, BUT OUR CAUSE IS GREATER THAN INDIVIDUALS.IT IS BASED UPON ETERNAL TRUTHS.BY STEPPING ASIDE, MY MISTAKE CANNOT BE USED AS A POLITICAL FOOTBALL IN A PARTISAN ATTEMPT TO UNDERMINE THE CAUSE FOR WHICH I HAVE LABORED ALL MY ADULT LIFE.I LOVE THIS AREA.THIS IS MY HOME.IT HAS BEEN SUCH AN HONOR TO SERVE YOU.FOR SIXTEEN YEARS, MY FAMILY AND I HAVE GIVEN OUR ALL FOR THIS AREA. THE TOLL HAS BEEN HIGH.AS I LEAVE PUBLIC OFFICE, MY PLANS ARE FOCUSED UPON REPAIRING MY MARRIAGE, EARNING BACK THE TRUST OF MY FAMILY AND MY COMMUNITY, AND RENEWING MY WALK WITH MY LORD. I HUMBLY ASK YOU, FOR THE SAKE OF MY FAMILY THAT YOU RESPECT OUR PRIVACY IN THIS DIFFICULT TIME.”
Ha ha, he blames “THE POISONOUS ENVIRONMENT OF WASHINGTON DC” for making him take an Indiana lady around to Christian radio stations in Indiana and then fucking her all the time, GROSS and also, sorry, not exactly “THE POISONOUS ENVIRONMENT OF WASHINGTON DC.” Fuck you, hypocrite. The Lord not only isn’t going to be renewing any walks with you (gross), but you are also going to Hell, with the Devil. The Devil take you!