Scariest house in town.
The derelict city of Detroit is finally “getting serious” about razing thousands of boarded-up abandoned houses, and the worst ghetto crackhouse of all will soon be bulldozed: the childhood mansion of Mitt “Mittens” Romney. The Romneys and their servants once lived a life of Mormon Aristocracy in the five-bedroom two-story 5,500-square-foot estate in the once-grand neighborhood of Palmer Woods. (Actually, the neighborhood still looks nice beyond the Romney Slum Castle.) Why won’t Mitt Romney pay for the destruction of his awful haunted mansion instead of making Big Government take your tax dollars to knock down this horror-haus?

The Detroit News reports:

The dilapidated home at 1860 Balmoral in Palmer Woods is slated for an emergency demolition, city officials said. Wayne County seized the house from its current owners in court in 2009, declaring it a nuisance and a demolition permit was issued at the end of March.

The Romneys lived in the home from 1941 to 1953, according to Eric Fehrnstrom, a spokesman for former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.

Once the city blows through god knows how much federal stimulus money to knock down Mittens’ manse along with another 3,000 derelict homes, Detroit will still have 90,000 vacant eyesores that still need to be knocked down — because the broke-ass city can’t afford to maintain basic services for all these ghostly shacks in mostly abandoned neighborhoods.

The question, however, is this: “How can Mitt Romney be a total asshole even about this specific situation which isn’t even really his fault, as his family hasn’t had anything to do with the house for sixty years?”

Easy! Mittens is always a deeply unlikeable asshole:

The younger Mr. Romney, who is considered a leading GOP presidential candidate for 2012, said “it’s sad” that his childhood home is being razed, “but sadder still to consider what has happened to the city of Detroit, which has been left hollow by fleeing jobs and liberal social policies.”

Mittens in 2012! [Detroit News/Wall Street Journal]

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  1. I assume the “liberal social policies” in question include “paying factory workers a living wage” and “banning dismemberments”.

  2. Right. Liberal social policies, like massive white flight when the Negroes got uppity. Detroit is the poster-child for all of the neoliberal policies that Mittens has been championing since forever.

  3. You have to watch out for those liberal social policies — every few years they get restless and swarm, and then they travel for miles in a giant mass that blots out the sun, laying waste to good jobs, eating fields of entrepreneurship down to the nub and leaving nothing but a trail of regulation and bureaucracy. Thank goodness there are forces like BP standing up to that sort of horror.

  4. One might say that it wasn’t liberal social policies which caused the mass exodus of Detroit or even the burst of the massively inflated housing bubble, but rather conservative fiscal policy! No, no, no… It was abortions and gay marriages.

  5. Former head of a workers union Ronald Reagan agrees with fellow life-long taxpayer-funded healthcare recipient Mitt Romney.

  6. If GM had stopped building $45000 pieces of shit, Mitten’s Fantasia palace might be worth living in. Let’s not dwell… helloooooo Chinaman cars!

  7. Those damn liberals with their social policies forcing the American car manufacturers to build inferior vehicles so they lose ground to the Japanese and lay off a shitload of workers.

  8. Still, it’s impressive that Romney could rise from being the son of a Mexican immigrant living in a Detroit barrio to the position of, whatever the hell he is now.

  9. I can almost see him skipping down the path as a wee one. I said almost because, thankfully, I scarred my mind’s eye yesterday while weedeating. Which, if ya think about it, Mitten’s childhood home needs a bit of.

    “Take that sucker down. It’s only history!!”

  10. Why, if Mittens still owned that house he’d have hired an army of illegal immigrants to keep up the landscaping, you betcha.

  11. Liberal social policies? You mean like those championed by Rockefeller Republican George Romney as Michigan’s governor and HUD secretary? Way to throw the old man under a bus Mittens.

  12. Uhh, so building miles and miles of super-highways over, under, and through Detroit’s neighborhoods, allowing workers in the city’s core to flee to the suburbs more quickly and in greater numbers than a bonafide mass transit system ever would have, is suddenly a “liberal social policy”? Relying on a single all encompassing gargantuan dinosaur of a manufacturing industry for the entire tax base and well being of your municipality and your citizens is “liberal social policy”? Man, I could wring your lying, revisionist, scrawny, white neck, you motherfucker.

  13. I would like to see the proof of liberal social policy causing the problems that Detroit has, but that would mean having to listen to a diatribe which when boiled down to it’s basic premise, consists of the fact that Lincoln freed the slaves in 1865.

  14. It used to be that here in Detroit “we were workin’ hard, we were building Thunderbirds.” Now a goddamn pizza magnate–srsly–a guy who schleps mediocre-to-bad pizzas, owns Every Fucking Thing. Pizza magnate, indeed. We used to have Captains of Industry here, at least. Now, we build fucking Hot ‘n Ready $5 pizzas. Which blow and which blows.

  15. I TOLD my parents to buy a Rambler American back 1965.
    But NOOO.
    They had to buy a Chevrolet.
    And they weren’t even commies.
    Like Chevrolet is.

    Because of them, George Romney’s family lost their home and had to go into the whoring politics business.

  16. Mitt’s erectile disfunction is a result of his penis having been left hollow by fleeing jobs and liberal social policies.

  17. From the houses of the holy, we can watch the white doves go. From the door comes Satan’s daughter, and it only goes to show. You know…

  18. Fuck you, Mitt and your “liberal social policies.” What you mean to say is that the BLACKS got uppity, demanded their fair share and terrified the shit out of people like your parents and rose up against the power structure and scared white people the fuck out of town? A movement that, depressingly, sparked the political careers of a Hall of Fame’s-worth of kleptocrats, manipulators, racebaiters and scare-mongerers who, in tandem with protectionist, misguided politicians, ensured that Detroit the city would end up raped bare, an empty shell, and Detroit, the region, would be left to face a terrifyingly shaky future?

    It appears that the last two years of media spotlight shining on the city have done nothing to bring the urgency and sadness of the state of this city to light. Everyone’s just as clueless and stupid as they were before, and fucknuts like Romney get away with using a city of hundreds of thousands of people (oh, hey, most of them are stupid, poor and dark, they can’t fight back!!!!!) as a fucking political pawn.

    Yay America! Jesus must be SO proud.

  19. [re=578553]I Heart Accuracy[/re]: Chinese people are determined to repeat all America’s mistakes, like mass car ownership. Ask a new car owner “why” and eventually he will tell you “everyone in America has a car”!

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