• February 15, 2012

Scariest house in town.
The derelict city of Detroit is finally “getting serious” about razing thousands of boarded-up abandoned houses, and the worst ghetto crackhouse of all will soon be bulldozed: the childhood mansion of Mitt “Mittens” Romney. The Romneys and their servants once lived a life of Mormon Aristocracy in the five-bedroom two-story 5,500-square-foot estate in the once-grand neighborhood of Palmer Woods. (Actually, the neighborhood still looks nice beyond the Romney Slum Castle.) Why won’t Mitt Romney pay for the destruction of his awful haunted mansion instead of making Big Government take your tax dollars to knock down this horror-haus?

The Detroit News reports:

The dilapidated home at 1860 Balmoral in Palmer Woods is slated for an emergency demolition, city officials said. Wayne County seized the house from its current owners in court in 2009, declaring it a nuisance and a demolition permit was issued at the end of March.

The Romneys lived in the home from 1941 to 1953, according to Eric Fehrnstrom, a spokesman for former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.

Once the city blows through god knows how much federal stimulus money to knock down Mittens’ manse along with another 3,000 derelict homes, Detroit will still have 90,000 vacant eyesores that still need to be knocked down — because the broke-ass city can’t afford to maintain basic services for all these ghostly shacks in mostly abandoned neighborhoods.

The question, however, is this: “How can Mitt Romney be a total asshole even about this specific situation which isn’t even really his fault, as his family hasn’t had anything to do with the house for sixty years?”

Easy! Mittens is always a deeply unlikeable asshole:

The younger Mr. Romney, who is considered a leading GOP presidential candidate for 2012, said “it’s sad” that his childhood home is being razed, “but sadder still to consider what has happened to the city of Detroit, which has been left hollow by fleeing jobs and liberal social policies.”

Mittens in 2012! [Detroit News/Wall Street Journal]

{ 48 comments }

bfstevie May 17, 2010 at 1:32 pm

This could all have been avoided by mass Mormon conversion.

BobTheBuilder May 17, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Damn those Liberal Social Policies for making this happen!

V572625694 May 17, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Fucking carpetbagger. Mittens is the Rambler of perennial presidential candidates. He makes Harold Stassen look electable.

JamesMichaelCurley May 17, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Is that a caged dog strapped to the roof?

Simba B May 17, 2010 at 1:37 pm

[re=578532]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: ALT-TEXT, MAN.

Naked Bunny with a Whip May 17, 2010 at 1:38 pm

I assume the “liberal social policies” in question include “paying factory workers a living wage” and “banning dismemberments”.

Jim Demintia May 17, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Right. Liberal social policies, like massive white flight when the Negroes got uppity. Detroit is the poster-child for all of the neoliberal policies that Mittens has been championing since forever.

SayItWithWookies May 17, 2010 at 1:39 pm

You have to watch out for those liberal social policies — every few years they get restless and swarm, and then they travel for miles in a giant mass that blots out the sun, laying waste to good jobs, eating fields of entrepreneurship down to the nub and leaving nothing but a trail of regulation and bureaucracy. Thank goodness there are forces like BP standing up to that sort of horror.

George Oscar Bluth May 17, 2010 at 1:40 pm

One might say that it wasn’t liberal social policies which caused the mass exodus of Detroit or even the burst of the massively inflated housing bubble, but rather conservative fiscal policy! No, no, no… It was abortions and gay marriages.

Extemporanus May 17, 2010 at 1:40 pm

How can that dog be scratchin’ at the back door? We ran over him years ago

ella May 17, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Looks like Keith Olbermann in the right hand window.

Extemporanus May 17, 2010 at 1:42 pm

[re=578536]Simba B[/re]: Yeah, the alt-text is strapped to the top of the photo, so it’s kinda hard to miss.

Fox n Fiends May 17, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Former head of a workers union Ronald Reagan agrees with fellow life-long taxpayer-funded healthcare recipient Mitt Romney.

Extemporanus May 17, 2010 at 1:46 pm

[re=578545]Fox n Fiends[/re]: Rima Fakih, tear down that house!

bored with gravity May 17, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Why does Keith Olbermann want to live in Mittens’ old house?

freakishlystrong May 17, 2010 at 1:49 pm

[re=578539]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yes. And thank goodness for wingtarded, Mormon, Republican hacks. Also.

I Heart Accuracy May 17, 2010 at 1:52 pm

If GM had stopped building $45000 pieces of shit, Mitten’s Fantasia palace might be worth living in. Let’s not dwell… helloooooo Chinaman cars!

JMP May 17, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Those damn liberals with their social policies forcing the American car manufacturers to build inferior vehicles so they lose ground to the Japanese and lay off a shitload of workers.

x111e7thst May 17, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Is that blue stuff on the roof magic underwear?

slappypaddy May 17, 2010 at 1:55 pm

detroit is the future of america. look upon its desolation in fear and weeping.

Extemporanus May 17, 2010 at 1:58 pm

[re=578555]x111e7thst[/re]: It’s a TARP!

Canmon (the Inadequate) May 17, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Still, it’s impressive that Romney could rise from being the son of a Mexican immigrant living in a Detroit barrio to the position of, whatever the hell he is now.

Baldar T Flagass May 17, 2010 at 2:00 pm

When Detroiters TP a house, they don’t fuck about, do they?

Panquake May 17, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Michael Moore wants to know if Mittens wants his bunny as pet or food.

jus_wonderin May 17, 2010 at 2:02 pm

I can almost see him skipping down the path as a wee one. I said almost because, thankfully, I scarred my mind’s eye yesterday while weedeating. Which, if ya think about it, Mitten’s childhood home needs a bit of.

“Take that sucker down. It’s only history!!”

imissopus May 17, 2010 at 2:08 pm

Why, if Mittens still owned that house he’d have hired an army of illegal immigrants to keep up the landscaping, you betcha.

Cape Clod May 17, 2010 at 2:09 pm

I bet you could put a prison camp on that property that’s quadruple the size of Guantanamo.

Woodwards Friend May 17, 2010 at 2:12 pm

Liberal social policies? You mean like those championed by Rockefeller Republican George Romney as Michigan’s governor and HUD secretary? Way to throw the old man under a bus Mittens.

Bearbloke May 17, 2010 at 2:23 pm

Hopefully they held Mormon Baptisms for the Dead on behalf of all the half-white Romney-sired mulatto slaves, ‘half-breed’ indians and multiracial foetuses buried in that accursed ground…

NJB May 17, 2010 at 2:27 pm

You have to admit, the blue tarp is an edgy architectural feature.

cheeto_jeebus May 17, 2010 at 2:28 pm

I have a massive plume of liberal social policy i’d like to go all Lithuanian on him with. While dressed as a duck.

trondant May 17, 2010 at 2:32 pm

[re=578547]bored with gravity[/re]: I wondered that myself. But what this picture really lacks is “Fudge Glove” Romney.

ellemme May 17, 2010 at 2:35 pm

“That’s one dilapidated Romney, son.”

joementum May 17, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Those double-hung windows look nice.

bitchincamaro May 17, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Uhh, so building miles and miles of super-highways over, under, and through Detroit’s neighborhoods, allowing workers in the city’s core to flee to the suburbs more quickly and in greater numbers than a bonafide mass transit system ever would have, is suddenly a “liberal social policy”? Relying on a single all encompassing gargantuan dinosaur of a manufacturing industry for the entire tax base and well being of your municipality and your citizens is “liberal social policy”? Man, I could wring your lying, revisionist, scrawny, white neck, you motherfucker.

Mr Blifil May 17, 2010 at 2:46 pm

However the basement will be preserved and used as the future site for the Dog Torturing Hall of Fame.

Tim May 17, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Why is that blue tarp all shredded up? Is that where they used to put the dogs?

GOPCrusher May 17, 2010 at 3:20 pm

I would like to see the proof of liberal social policy causing the problems that Detroit has, but that would mean having to listen to a diatribe which when boiled down to it’s basic premise, consists of the fact that Lincoln freed the slaves in 1865.

ThePuckStopsHere May 17, 2010 at 3:26 pm

It used to be that here in Detroit “we were workin’ hard, we were building Thunderbirds.” Now a goddamn pizza magnate–srsly–a guy who schleps mediocre-to-bad pizzas, owns Every Fucking Thing. Pizza magnate, indeed. We used to have Captains of Industry here, at least. Now, we build fucking Hot ‘n Ready $5 pizzas. Which blow and which blows.

S.Luggo May 17, 2010 at 3:52 pm

At least save the rubber room. So many happy Romney memories.

RobPetrified May 17, 2010 at 4:49 pm

I TOLD my parents to buy a Rambler American back 1965.
But NOOO.
They had to buy a Chevrolet.
And they weren’t even commies.
Like Chevrolet is.

Because of them, George Romney’s family lost their home and had to go into the whoring politics business.

BarackMyWorld May 17, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Mitt’s erectile disfunction is a result of his penis having been left hollow by fleeing jobs and liberal social policies.

WindbagCity May 17, 2010 at 6:22 pm

From the houses of the holy, we can watch the white doves go. From the door comes Satan’s daughter, and it only goes to show. You know…

4tehlulz May 17, 2010 at 6:52 pm

>liberal social policies

Like the minimum wage and not losing your job when your sick

Fuck you lazy black American worker!

mynameisdetroit May 17, 2010 at 8:49 pm

Fuck you, Mitt and your “liberal social policies.” What you mean to say is that the BLACKS got uppity, demanded their fair share and terrified the shit out of people like your parents and rose up against the power structure and scared white people the fuck out of town? A movement that, depressingly, sparked the political careers of a Hall of Fame’s-worth of kleptocrats, manipulators, racebaiters and scare-mongerers who, in tandem with protectionist, misguided politicians, ensured that Detroit the city would end up raped bare, an empty shell, and Detroit, the region, would be left to face a terrifyingly shaky future?

It appears that the last two years of media spotlight shining on the city have done nothing to bring the urgency and sadness of the state of this city to light. Everyone’s just as clueless and stupid as they were before, and fucknuts like Romney get away with using a city of hundreds of thousands of people (oh, hey, most of them are stupid, poor and dark, they can’t fight back!!!!!) as a fucking political pawn.

Yay America! Jesus must be SO proud.

new complexnegro May 18, 2010 at 1:09 am

Mitt Romney in the ghetto? Nah! Too posh, to peroxied and too pimpless.

zhubajie May 18, 2010 at 7:13 am

[re=578553]I Heart Accuracy[/re]: Chinese people are determined to repeat all America’s mistakes, like mass car ownership. Ask a new car owner “why” and eventually he will tell you “everyone in America has a car”!

pirate king of the Jews May 18, 2010 at 12:27 pm

I thought this was what the Halloween night arsonfest was for.

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