Here’s Dale Peterson, who is just a little bit INTENSE, especially about his mealy-mouthed jackass opponents in the Republican primary who are just doing such terrible stuff like stealing signs and making jokes on the Facebook. Is this a time to joke? Dale Peterson’s gonna come pump you full of birdshot you damned pansy communist. This is our favorite campaign ad of 2010. [YouTube via Wonkette operative “Ben R.”]

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  1. [re=578245]pondscum[/re]: You beat me too it. Perfectly timed with “We’re Republicans”. That’ll win the primary right there.

  2. Ah, al-Abama, America’s most entertaining state, politically speaking, and by the way don’t be a man of the Black persuasion at a traffic stop late at night in downtown Birmingham. Or a Mexican. Five million dollars! That should solve the immigration problem.

  3. I think it would have been more effective had he pointed the rifle to the horse’s head and said, “Vote for me or the horse gets it!”

  4. You can tell this guy has gone through all those NRA gun safety courses, considering he’s got his finger on the fucking trigger, waving a gun around. But yes, this is the greatest 70 seconds of political advertising ever.

  5. Sure, he’s all “I’m a badass, I’m Mr. Tradition, nothin’s changed for me evar” but then halfway through he’s all “On his facebook page?!!? Teh lulz. What a n00b.” Poseur.

  6. No continuous camera action for more than about five seconds. I guess they had to cut out the real rants. Or maybe he had to re-ink his palm everytime he touched the horse.

  7. [re=578260]PsycGirl[/re]: the auteur behind this spot is obviously employing numerous jump cuts as an homage to french new wave cinema, duh!!1!

  8. RIAA: Um, Mr. Peterson, did you license the theme music for your commercial?
    Dale: Shoot, no. I downloaded it illegally while I was commenting on Norman Grace’s Facebook page. And then I went right back to cutting the shit out of my video footage in iMovie.

  9. All this ad needs to be perfect is a Simpsons-style disclaimer: “Note: Ag Commissioner is not empowered to take actual prisoners.”

  10. We’re not losing 3 family farms a day because of anything but the farm being a shithole to be stuck on when the big city beckons. Like Dick Cavett said, “How you gonna keep ’em down on the farm, after they’ve seen the farm?”

  11. I’m king, and they know it, When I snap my fingers everybody says show it. I’m hot, and you’re not, But if you wanna hang with me I’ll give it one shot. Top that, top that.

  12. [re=578254]ohiolobbyist[/re]: Seriously, if that jackass had his finger on the trigger like that when he was a Marine, someone would have put their foot up his ass and made him stand repeating something like “I am a bad boy, I am a bad boy,” over and over again from sunrise to sundown.

  13. [re=578270]Big Liver[/re]: I prefer Ween’s telling of this.

    Corn’s… turned brown. Leaves fall… to the ground. It’s the South… that stinks like poo.


  15. He makes one big mistake in the ad, though. He attacks an opponent for taking money from the industries he would regulate, then says “We’re Republicans, we should be better than that.”

    No, Republicans should not be better than that; corruption in the favor of corporate interests in one of the defining policies of the Republican party. He’s a Republican, he should know that.

  16. 10 gallon hat – check
    2 gallon brain – check

    How do you fit all that anger in such a small place.

    Mmmmm, pointing and laughing in the showers… never mind.

  17. lawn signs == votes, therefor stealing lawn signs is stealing votes. Democrats steal votes (ACORN!) therefor his opponent is a Democrat. Plus, he has a horse AND a gun! who can beat that!

  18. [re=578276]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]:
    Daddy’s doing Sister Sally
    Grandma’s dying of cancer now
    The cattle all have brucellosis
    We’ll get through somehow …

  19. I have to work with the AL Department of Agriculture on support of children’s issues. Can I be the side-kick or will I have to be the clownish Indian, the school marm, or dress in black and grow a real estate salesman’s mustache?

  20. [re=578256]ddenby[/re]: Remember when the right wing nutz pushed repealing the inheritance tax because it would save family farms? And then someone asked if a family farm had ever been lost because the heirs had to pay those taxes? And not a single example could be found in these United States?

    Am I the only one who remembers? Me…Old…Old…

  21. [re=578258]obfuscator[/re]: Actually, he holds the rifle on his sidekick and forces him to jump the horse. Then he hands the rifle to him and says “Now make me do it.”

  22. [re=578296]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Your job is to grow a pencil-thin, twirl-able mustache, and pound furiously on a piano next to some train tracks. Lady tied to tracks is optional, because Dale’d come running for a little boy on the tracks as well.

  23. “Well, just take it easy, man.”
    “I’m perfectly calm, Dude.”
    “Yeah? Wavin’ a gun around?!”
    “Calmer than you are.”
    “Just take it easy, man!”
    “Calmer than you are.”

  24. So apparently in Alabama, the Agriculture Commissioner is empowered to shoot illegals. Which would save family farms. Which couldn’t harvest so much as a bushel of rutabagas without illegals. Which would generate rapid growth in unemployment.

    Which, of course, means we need a man like Dale Peterson!

    And here I thought that required course in logic would come in handy.

  25. [re=578254]ohiolobbyist[/re]: “greatest 70 seconds of political advertising ever” = absolutely correct. I was hooked from the first note of the John Ford-style score.

  26. He’s been “a farmer, a businessman, a cop, a Marine in Vietnam.” Typical Republican politician who quits everything he tries.

  27. Wow. All these years later, and the gym teacher from Beavis and Butthead has not mellowed at all.
    (and I could have used a little DOES IT TO YOU!? at the end)

  28. Holy shit, this is awesome. I’m off to Alabama next month to accompany my GF to her high school reunion. I need to start shopping for firearms NOW! I grew up in the Idaho Panhandle and thought it was as redneck as any place was possible to be. But it’s gotta be like a Humboldt County commune compared to Alabama.

  29. Jesus, if this is what a campaign ad for Agriculture Commissioner looks like in Alabama, what’s an ad for Sheriff like? Does the candidate execute horse thief on air?

  30. Just a note: he will take off your head and take a shit down your neck, and you can take that to the bank, etc. Oh, for the moment this dude and his missus realize the “A” train doesn’t make local stops.

  31. Them there danged illegal corn & pepper plants jut get me ariled. A bullet from my here big gun is what these criminal type crops gonna get they try crossing the border to feed anybody but me & mine.
    Yeeehaw & other redneck appropriate utterings of dumbness & numbness.

  32. It almost had me fooled until he turned around and showed those little flowers crocheted into his shirt. Bet that routine gets him rentboys during fetish night at the local saloon!

  33. With apols to Lyle Lovett:
    “And if I were Roy Rogers, I’d sure enough stay single–
    I couldn’t bring myself to marry no Dale”

    ps What about all those baserunners standing on second base stealing signs, Mister Dale Peterson? When ya gonna start blowin’ those guys away, huh, Mister Fancy Pants Agricultural Commissioner?

  34. [re=578349]KingCoCrazy[/re]: Many years ago, a year after my own 10th HSR I attended my girlfriend’s in Birmingham. It was a blast! They didn’t have temporary liquor licenses, so the party was BYO. Out of about a thousand people I was the only one who brought a six-pack. The bartender stuck it down in the bottom of the ice barrel. It was the only party I’ve ever been to in my life where I brought six beers and drank them all! What a great party. People reliving high school romances 10 years later – cheerleader and football player getting it on in a parked car. She came back to the party half lit and her backless dress on sideways. Good times!

  35. An excellent ad. It manages to combine the entirety of the dumb hick visual narrative with the verbal one: Stetson & cowboy shirt, obeisant horse, gun-waving (should have been an assault rifle, but that would take the imagery decidedly out of this awesome Howdy Doody version of the late 1800s). My only question is: Where the hell is the chaw wadded up on the inside of his (presumably right) cheek?

  36. [re=578438]Charlie Bucket[/re]: Didn’t you hear from Skoalrebel? Obamer’s taken away our God-given right to mouth cancer!

  37. The editor wanted his performance to flow more naturally but Peterson kept cock-slapping him into making insane quick cuts back and forth to accentuate the crazee.

    Does it to you?

  38. [re=578427]Zadig[/re]: You don’t. He doesn’t. He’s the darkhorse at best. He’s just praying to come in second in a 3 way primary to make the July runoff, and even then the Democrat should be the favorite in the fall.

  39. The river-rapids pacing of the script reminds me so much of the used-car-lot salesman rushing to squeeze in as many deals as he can in :30 of late nite TV ad time.


  40. You laugh now, but one day we’ll look back on this as the event that set in motion the NRA-sponsored law requiring all elected officials everywhere to brandish a firearm at every opportunity.

  41. [re=578370]Serolf Divad[/re]: Seriously! Agriculture Commissioner must be the dictator for life of Alabama.

    Git ‘er done!

  42. [re=578434]Tundra Grifter[/re]: If this gathering is dry, I will beg ‘ol Dale to shoot ME. There is no way I could survive an evening surrounded by big-haired Bible thumpers without copious amounts of alcohol.

  43. [re=578471]Dave J.[/re]: Yes, those jeans are mighty high. I think he’s one of those fellers with “high butt” and if he didn’t wear the momjeans we’d all be too distracted by his posterior cleavage.

  44. [re=578482]ZombieRichardFeynman[/re]: Good pickup. If he saw action, he’d list himself as a “Proud Combat Veteran,” and would be wearing his necklace of human ears he collected as bounties from Charlie.

  45. [re=578509]Limeylizzie[/re]: OMG you’re right! And on closer observation, I see no adam’s apple. That Dale is one tough chick!

  46. Hell, I’ll vote for him, maybe two or three times! Let’s see, if I vote in the Dem primary I can then vote in the Rep primary but if I vote in the Rep primary I can’t then vote in the Dem primary? Or is it the other way around? It’s all so confusing for an eclectic independant deep in the Heart of Dixie…

  47. So why are his opponents “stealin’ urine signs in the dark of night”? Do other Southern agriculture commissions collect and label urine too? Theirs or the livestocks’?

  48. Did they edit out the part where he derides Republicans for doing guys up the butt yet not having the courtesy to give the guy a reach-around? That’s the best part of the whole dang speech!

  49. So….Alabama lost 1095 “family farms” last year, or are on pace to this year? The definition of “family farm” must be pretty loose in Alabama…maybe he is counting all the Mexican illegals getting constantly deported from apartments they share 12 people at a time.

  50. He seemed like one tough cowboy until he started whining like a teenage girl about his opponent’s Facebook page. Even his horse seemed surprised.

  51. I like that he showed the gun a lot but he didn’t shake it enough over his head for my tastes. A real man would’ve shaken it over his head more.

  52. Part of the game in Alabama is to cross party lines in the primary. Meh, this year I just may not vote. Maybe I’ll move to some civilized state like, uh, Maine.

    The last “New South” candidate in which I placed my hopes was Don Siegelman, the greatest political disappointment I’ve ever seen.

  53. You know why this is the best ad of the year? Because my MAIN MAN HARLEY BROWN hasn’t put a tv ad out. If he does….


  54. [re=578758]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Yeah, we plan to vote in the Rep. primary so Moore and Tim James will not become the candidate. In the fall we’ll vote for Artur Davis. We’ve crossed lines every election; if we didn’t, we wouldn’t have had a vote at all in some of the races which only had Rep. candidates. Does feel most of the time as if we’re banging our heads against a wall.

    Remember the Ag Com was Charles Bishop before Sparks… our fistfighting state senator now.

    Sad state. We keep thinking @ moving to Canada, maybe Vancouver.

  55. Nice score and productions values. I’d just add some wet backs hilariously skedaddling for the hills as he walks off camera, and perhaps his horse could do a Scooby-doo double-take.

  56. This is wild. I live in Alabama, and at times like this, I feel like I need to remind the people out there that there are liberals and progressives down here who really do love our state too! Being a liberal down here is like being a hobbit in Mordor, but it is fun to be on the front lines, too. All that said, this sort of campaigning is crazy.

  57. I really agree with the individual above. As someone born, raised, and living in Alabama, I did also want to say that we are not all rightwing idiots like this guy and Tim James, and, from what I’ve seen down here, things are slowly changing for the better, even in places like Alabama.

  58. [re=579021]Cuttlefish[/re]: [re=578983]medicalsoul[/re]: It’s easy to be a liberal in a place like Boston or San Francisco or DC. We Alabamians have our own great liberal traditions, people like Morris Dees and Millard Fuller. The yahoos are easy to mock, in fact we do it ourselves, but there is much more to Alabama than the simplistic stereotypes. I’ll take any state with people like Frank Stitt and Butch Anthony and Natalie Chanin in it. And even snotty states like Minnesota and Maine (and of course, California) have their own fair share of bat-shit crazies.

  59. [re=578983]medicalsoul[/re]:

    We know you’re down there! Don’t take it personally when we mock Alabamans or southerners. We aren’t talking about you, and it is tongue-in-cheek most of the time even when we’re talking about ‘them’. :D

    Keep up the good fight, don’t drop the ring, watch out for sneaky Shelob.

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