BREAKING FOOTAGE: 234-Year-Old ‘America’ Experiment Collapses On Self

  next: that a nad dropping out of her shorts?

This is a pretty informative montage of cable-news journalism that TPM has put together. Sure, we’ve known for 40+ years that Pat Buchanan was a lesbian, after he let it slip mid-sentence in one of those “Southern Strategy” memos. But Joe Scarborough? Didn’t know Joe Scarborough was a lesbian. CORRECTION: We knew Joe Scarborough was a lesbian. [YouTube]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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68 comments

  1. Dave J.

    So if you are a woman and you play softball, you are gay. Apparently this means Jennie Finch is also a lesbian, which actually works pretty well for this dream scenario I’ve been working on…

  2. woke up liberal

    It is being whispered in the back rooms that she was once seen in a plaid shirt and she likes the Dixie Chicks. Done deal.

  3. meyotch

    Yeah, it was good while it lasted. Don’t worry too much, folks. The real party starts *after* the empire collapses.

  4. Katydid

    When I was little my dad used to take me out for softball practice and then scream at me that I throw like a girl. I gew up to be a woman. Most lesbians are women. Coincidence?

  5. Smoke Filled Roommate

    Scarborough didn’t mention all the cats and dildos laying around the office.. Oh, and the Birkenstocks.

  6. weejee

    [re=577073]Katydid[/re]: I’ve got a 5-year-old who throws the ball hard, fast, and hits what she aims at. ‘Tis amazin’ what some patience and showin’ a few trick can do. Hard, fast, and on the mark, just like I hope Justice Kagan will do from the bench.

    [re=577078]Extemporanus[/re]: I’d love to see Pansyass Pat Buchanan hit Danielle Lawrie. He’d have a serious Depends moment after the first pitch went by, much less hit the freakin’ ball.

  7. the problem child

    Actually, unlike her later photos, I think she looks quite fetching, gripping that bat and getting ready to whack something hard. Does that make me a lesbian?

  8. Tube City

    Just to waste time being logical… they’re at best conflating a hardcore women’s softball team with a woman playing softball. However, women who play on mixed-sex teams may be doing so for the outdoor fun, the exercise, the sociability or, to hang out informally outside of work with, um… guys.

  9. comicbookguy

    Five minutes into the confirmation hearings, one of the committee members will put on a Melissa Etheridge CD and everyone will watch closely how she reacts.

  10. Katydid

    [re=577076]Limeylizzie[/re]: Harumph. I said most. And that is one mean and inaccurate site. Rolling Stone is not only for old people, Prince looks like a young lesbian, and John Denver only looks dead, the last according to the Dead People Server.

  11. Bearbloke

    [re=577071]meyotch[/re]: [re=577074]Pete-O[/re]: This is good news for Queen Elizabeth!

  12. Katydid

    [re=577087]weejee[/re]: Well, after screaming at me, maybe my dad was afraid that if he showed me how to aim, I’d throw the ball at him.

  13. E-lite-Marxist

    This montage actually makes Mica look like a mature, emotionally stable person. It’s THAT far out there.

  14. Neilist

    If “she” plays American-style football (with all those girly pads and helmet thingies) — rather than rugby — “she” definitely is gay.

    Particularly if “she” has a penis.

    Just sayin’.

    In contrast, ladies who play The Game are All Women – even the Dykes.

    Beer, honey?

  15. chascates

    Even if she follows the LPGA and listens to the Indigo Girls it doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian. And I’d like to see a gay or lesbian on the Supreme Court. What I most would like to hear is that she comes out as an atheist.

  16. WHITE DRAGON

    Can we (the nation) get our minds off our sex organs long enough to make a few rational decisions?
    Problems to be addressed:
    1)Political peccadilloes of the Massa persuasion
    2)The Tiger / Sex-Tourette’s syndrome in all professional athletes (his caddy quit)
    3)The oil industry’s porn parties (sort of like Boeing’s a while back)
    4)The movie industry where disfunctionals go to get immobilized. (make a list of your own)
    5)Mexican immigration and the undocumented lady-mules who outnumber everyone else.
    6)Gays in and out of the Military closet (pity about the Arabic translators)
    7)Feminism in Afganistan (as though they had no other worries)
    8)The Holy Rulers of Rome etc. (Caligula has left his imprint, specially in the choir)
    9)The Great Unfounded and Unattributed Randy-Rumour-Mill which is believed and unstoppable.
    10)Larry King’s sister-in-law.

  17. ladymacbeth

    but we never have as much fun as france – possibly even germany.

    what is up with that?

    also, where is my jet-pack????

  18. rocktonsammy

    [re=577099]E-lite-Marxist[/re]:

    With that new haircut and the European father, I assumed she was gay.

    But still, she a dullard.

  19. Mr Blifil

    I’ve passed Scarborough at 30 Rock a time or two, near the security entrance at NBC. I can bear personal witness that he cruises dudes. I am not being the least ironic or flippant. This is my personal anecdotal story, make of it what you will.

  20. Blender

    LordyLord, just pulled this off one o’ those “serious” liberal blogs that think about stuff and stuff:

    “But they should probably steer clear of slurs on her background–and that would include innuendoes about her sexual orientation as well as her place of birth and religion– that are not obviously germane, but are very obviously conducive to prejudice.”

    Dayum, whatchu lookin’ for, son? A pewlitzer? It doesn’t surprise me that the “smart” people have gotten too damn smart for their own good. Thank God for WAR BLOGS.

  21. RPolanski

    Years ago, I was hired to lift Joe Scarborough’s luggage on a weekend trip we took to Europe together. Before we left on our excursion he took me on a tour of his office. He had all these posters of George Michael. I’m not kidding. For reals.

  22. Scruffy, The Janitor

    Wow, I didn’t know that I was a lesbian for playing softball. Thank you, Fox News, for alerting me to this fact.

  23. dijetlo

    Look at the way she’s gripping that bat!
    The woman knows how to handle her wood, ’nuff said.

  24. Mr Blifil

    [re=577164]RPolanski[/re]: Funny story, I used to live four blocks from that office…

  25. Lazy Media

    Take local teevee happy talk news from the ’80s, mix with a middle school lunch table conversation, and voila! 21st century cable “news.” And guess what? The faster the Internet gets, the more it’s turning into teevee!

    /shoots self.

  26. Lish

    I have a wet gay kiss ready for anyone who beans Scarborough with a softball during his next “broad” cast.

  27. zhubajie

    [re=577094]Katydid[/re]: Nominate Prince for Supreme Court! He’s actually had a successful career as something besides a lawyer! And since all the conservacrooks and Republibubbas will sh*t themselves to death within 15 minutes of the announcement, confirmation should be easy!

  28. zhubajie

    “Sure, we’ve known for 40+ years that Pat Buchanan was a lesbian”

    If you look at his face, it’s clear that he’s capable of anything. He is the Portrait of Dorian Grey.

    Zhu Bajie

  29. zhubajie

    You can just look at Pat Buttcannon and know he’s capable of anything. He’s Dorian Gray without the portrait.

  30. SayItWithWookies

    Aren’t these the same people who, every other month or so, drag out the sermon about how we have no sense of shame anymore? If irony were a blind arthritic snake on crutches, it would’ve caught up to them, wrapped itself around them, slowly squeezed them blue and then swallowed them whole before they noticed.

  31. gurukalehuru

    [re=577125]WHITE DRAGON[/re]: Way to get our minds off the old sex organs, dragondick.

  32. Way Cool Larry

    Good to know Pat Buchanan is an expert on gayness! And I never really thought about it before but Joe Scarborough IS totally gay… Explains some things…

  33. Way Cool Larry

    didn’t Scarborough have a dead girl show up mysteriously in his congressional office? wonder what the real story is on that?

  34. keepintime

    They act like schoolyard bullies, and display about the same level of maturity. They should be ashamed.

  35. Toomush Infermashun

    Thank gawd she doesn’t play soccer….she does…?…there goes the Constitution…what, the Teabaggers absconded with it in Boston.?…doesn’t the ACLU have any more copies..?..I’ll just be down here in the bunker, never mind…

  36. BlueStateLibtard

    Oh, to be back in junior high school again! This brings back such fond memories of it.

  37. smitallica

    Good lord, Morning Joe is fucking awful. Is Joe Scarborough not one of the three most punchable people ever?

    And Greg What’s-his-fuck from RedEye is an unfunny asshole coke fiend, also.

  38. irishdave3

    But the question remains…When Orrin, The Senator with the Face of a Fetus, gave her the Litmus Test of Sexual Orientation (he “showed her his ‘gun’”) did she pass?

Comments are closed.