Barack Obama continued his “give speeches from the ruins of once-great industrial cities” tour today, visiting the stereotypical ruined rust-belt pit of Buffalo. He told the assembled crowd of unemployed people (the entire population of western and upstate New York) that something or other would be “the future,” and he purchased the local food item from the local eatery which sells the gross local food item — “Buffalo wings,” in this case. Greasy throwaway bone-parts of a chicken corpse, slathered with a corn-grease margarine and garnished with mysterious stalks of a cold vegetable that can only be sampled after being used as the “spoon” in a giant bowl of “blue cheese salad dressing.” And then some lady put the sexytime moves on Barack Obama because he’s so damn fine.
Imagine living in Buffalo. Or, more accurately, “Wherever you live will be like Buffalo very soon, if it’s not already, and the only measurable difference will be in terms of snowfall.”
Anyway, imagine your future: You, along with other unemployed people who somehow got the gumption to leave the slum-house and the Tyra Banks show or whatever for a little while, you go to the local fast-food place — the one place a politician’s advance team can find that’s not another goddamned Dunkin’ Donuts or convenience store with drunk old men staggering around outside and cars with their hoods up — and there you see this elegantly dressed “young man” (he’s older than you, but whatever, poor people age rapidly as if you didn’t know), and he’s somebody famous, maybe from that American Idol, so you run over and start the sexytime talk. Maybe he will give you some good lovin’, because he’s in Buffalo and what, really, are the options?
The crowd seemed especially glad to see Obama — especially one Luann Haley, age 45.
“You’re a hottie with a smokin’ little body,” she told the president.
And then the Secret Service pumped her full of lead and left her body in the chicken-fat dumpster, the end.
SORRY, WAIT: And then the FreeRepublic people made a bunch of nigger jokes about the pictures, the end. [USA TODAY]
{ 132 comments }
Jeebus, you cant even tell the truth these days without getting your head blown off.
Of course they did
We all feel this way, and it makes some of us feel kinda uncomfortable, so what else to do but the n***** jokes.
In Buffalo, they’re just called “wings”, Ken.
To be fair Junior Samples is considered to have a smokin’ hot body in Buffalo.
I’d hit it.Him not her.
Mmm, Buffalo wings; why are you trying to make us all hungry, Ken?
Luann is America’s greatest hero, among Boozy Buffalo Broads.
Seriously, though, good for her. Who wouldn’t be tempted to try that?
I was once attended a wedding in Buffalo. The maid of honor was thirty and all of her teeth were rotten teeth. ‘Nuff said.
He told the assembled crowd of unemployed people (the
entireremaining population of upstate New York)…//fixed
If Luann Haley really was from Buffalo, her body was likely full of lead long before the Secret Service got to her.
Man, those photo captions are absolutely fucking hilarious. Like, so funny they should be in Maxim. We’re talking funny funny comedy stuff.
That story had something for everyone. Well done, sir.
After reading the Freeper comments, it strikes me again that conservatives just aren’t funny. How many teleprompter jokes were there? And yet these are the same people who used to worship George Bush who used his a hell of a lot more.
I’d like one of the woman with the glasses and pony tail he’s talking to in several of the pics, please.
It’s the magic of mass appeal, Mr. President — at least she’s not still mad about you beating Hillary.
Luann, you Buffalo ‘ho! He’s married, you dumb snatch.
I mean, remember what happened when the first black President had a bit too much of the sexytimes. There were stains and kids everywhere learned about oral sex and Newt Gingrich almost became President or something! (ok, I don’t remember EXACTLY, but it was bad. I’m sure of that)
So they aren’t called that because they’re made from buffalo meat?
“Wings!” Just say it! “Wings!”
Ken, I don’t mind you hating on the entirety of upstate New York (honesty, why is it, even?). But don’t you DARE malign Buffalo-style chicken wings, which are quite simply the greatest American food –nay, greatest food, period– ever to grace this country.
GOOD DAY, SIR.
Back off, “Luann.” He MY MAN.
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Whoa! No need to hate on buffalo wings. It’s careless comments like those that lose readers.
Freepers can’t spell for shit. Everytime I go there I feel dumber. GOD, buy a dictionary, people, really.
This is how you know the level of decorum in this country has plummeted since the Muslin became President; where once George W. Bush received the amourous affections of those of similar (political) class, in the person of Michelle Bachmann, now the President draws the cackled come-ons of the dreary lower classes.
Ah yes, Yank-food… something we haven’t yet welcomed into our “exotic and other foreign” cuisine-ghettos down here…
I did like the Free Republic joke about the teleprompter thought. It was very relevant.
[re=576934]George Oscar Bluth[/re]: [re=576932]mumblyjoe[/re]: We are not here to make you all feel better about devouring gelatinous mounds of fat-slathered waste product from the dead-chicken/antibiotics factory.
[re=576916]rambone[/re]: I had to go there once for the same reason. In winter no less. They took me to the dump/bar that originated the wings. The highlight of the evening was a table full of frat boys having a chugging contest with shots of the extra hot sauce. They must have farted fire for a week afterwards.
It’s pretty much been all down hill for them since McKinley was shot.
Dicks Wings is the best wings. BELIEVE IT
Wings is industry, too!
[re=576937]Bearbloke[/re]: Down where Bearbloke, I had assumed you were up here with us in NYC, are you in the South???
“[T]he entire population of upstate New York”. You mean ‘Western New York’. Trust me, the people there get pretty anal about that sort of thing, though to me it’s a case of ‘same shit, different pile’.
[re=576923]JMP[/re]: I am surprised no one came up with “heil Hitler” as a caption for the raised arm photo. The rest of the comments were in the usual hate vein Freepers love to follow.
This lady is a hero for standing up and speaking truth. No diss to Mrs. O tho. but the things I would do to this man. He is like fine wine just gets better.
She only said what Lindsay Graham and the rest of us girls have thought for years.
Ken, did you bring back any pieces of the true cross?
Barry should have gone to the Anchorhead Bar supposedly the original home of the wing (been there a few times when I went to see the Sabres play the Maple Loafs.)
As for the lady who hit on Barry. In Buffalo, she’s considered a looker. I felt like Captain McAllister (Simpsons) “Arrrgh, not a looker among the bunch.”
[re=576945]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Let me re-phrase: “The entire population of New York State, excepting three of the five boroughs of New York City.”
[re=576947]speaktruth[/re]: No kidding, I love Michelle and all, but I would fuck his brains out.
[re=576944]Limeylizzie[/re]: Try a bit farther south mate – here’s a hint: I’m enjoying a lovely cool autumn morn, right now…
[re=576950]ManchuCandidate[/re]: But, Aaahhrrr, she blows.
[re=576956]Bearbloke[/re]: Fiji?
[re=576937]Bearbloke[/re]: Lies, I went last year and there were KFCs everywhere.
[re=576939]Ken Layne[/re]: Come over to my place for dinner some night, you big vegan unabomber looking mountain man, I make buffalo chickens, I deep-fry whole cornish game hens, and then give them the buffalo sauce treatment. I’ll even make you tater-tots.
[re=576923]JMP[/re]: yeah, the captions reminded me of that Millard Fillmore cartoon our paper carried for about two years until the paper decided to have readers vote on their favorite and least favorite comics so they could save $$ by dropping a couple. Millard Fillmore left along with Mary Worth, and the wingnuts went crazy about how the vote was rigged. This was around the same time that the great Florida Recount of 2000 was going on and said wingnuts saw NO hypocrisy about being all “we won, you lose, get over it” on the election and “That can’t be right! I demand a recount” about wingnut cartoon.
ANYWAY, captions reminded me of Millard Fillmore and Norm MacDonald: supposed to be funny but just mean-spirited.
I prefer Arizona style chicken wings – no flavor, color or spice.
The best chicken wings are Korean fried chicken wings. Trust.
[re=576945]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: As far as I’m concerned, it’s all Canada. Though, for some reason, my roommate, who’s from one of those cities bordering one of the lakes (don’t know/care which one) gets pissy whenever tell her that. Which I do. Daily.
[re=576951]Ken Layne[/re]: +1
Although Westchester can get a pass, depending on how charitable I’m feeling that day.
[re=576914]m_supercomputer[/re]: [re=576916]rambone[/re]: That’s the girls on the block with the nasty curls, wearing padded bras, sucking beers through straws, dropping down their drawers — where did you get yours?
[re=576939]Ken Layne[/re]: Well it’s a lot better than eating a live chicken. And mmm, chicken…
[re=576965]PsycGirl[/re]: Just compare the wignutty Mallard Fillmore, Shoe or BC to Doonesbury, or Bloom County or Boondocks of old to prove that liberals are a lot funnier than conservatives.
I also like the comment about how they should all BOYCOTT the place, I guess for serving the coloreds…
[re=576971]mumblyjoe[/re]:
I don’t know why she’d be pissed. Western NY is a depressing place.
[re=576944]Limeylizzie[/re]: When Bearbloke says down there, he means DOWN THERE.
Comment on Free Republic: “I’ll just say the 2nd amendment to the Constitution is there for a reason!”…gee whiz!
It would seem from the comments that Obama drawing breath is enough to stir the wingnuts up.
Philly has the cheesesteaks
Buffalo has the wings
New Orleans has the crawfish etouffé
But if you come to Vegas
you can dine on all these things
and more, at the all you can eat buffet
[re=576979]gurukalehuru[/re]: So that’s what that funny feeling in my panties was all day.
[re=576973]Extemporanus[/re]: AMG, Nenah Cherry. I love you.
[re=576986]Limeylizzie[/re]: [re=576979]gurukalehuru[/re]: I’m guessing he’s rather upset with the fact that it’s been so long since his last feeding.
[re=576981]Cape Clod[/re]: I’m going to go out on a limb here and posit that just about *any* instance of a black man enjoying fried chicken with hot sauce is liable to draw comment from the likes of your average Freeper.
“People should boycott Duffs…put them out of business.”
Yeah, because the President visited. That makes soooo much sense.
Thanks for the description of the “Buffalo Wings”. Now when someone asks me why I don’t like them I can use that as a reason. I bet they won’t like them anymore after I use it.
Hmmmm…. 20 years ago I had a girlfriend from Buffalo and all I got out of the relationship was a year in psychotherpy.
“I know this is Buffalo, but I don’t like to get my food from white people. Do you have a brotha I can pose with?”
It’s funny because it’s true*.
*Non-Hispanic whites are actually less than 50% of Buffalo’s population. The whiteys fled to the burbs long time ago.
And BTW, I thought the Buffalo delicacy was “Beef on Weck”???
[re=576962]m_supercomputer[/re]: We have Macca’s and Hungry Jack’s also, but that’s airport dreck, not sit-down food…
I KNEW this was written by Ken about midway through the first paragraph.
This is how Freep categorizes the nigger-joke post – and I could barely bring myself to click on the link:
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: caption; communistterrorist; duffs; illegalalienpotus; kenyanvillageidiot; obama; obozohussein
[re=576999]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Yeah, what the fuck? He stood up Charlie the Butcher for some wings? Geez.
[re=576999]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Beef on Weck WOULD get Michelle’s attention, cholesterol-wise.
Seriously, if you go to Buffalo (for whatever reason) and don’t order the wings…and then don’t praise them…you’ll never make it to the airport. And you want to get to the airport. The last thing the cabbie will say before opening your door is, “How’d you like the wings?”
It’s sad to me as a former Buffalonian that he went to Duff’s and not the Anchor Bar. Duff’s isn’t even in Buffalo, it’s in fucking Amherst, the most Republican part of the ruins of Erie County.
I will say, for all of Buffalo’s faults (and they are legion), it is a place remarkably resistant to the soulless midscale chains so omnipresent everywhere else in America. This is mostly because the city has a long tradition of little grimy locally owned restaurants specializing in salt-flavored fat, but they have character, damn it.
[re=576979]gurukalehuru[/re]: Under where?
As my name implies, I reside here in this rust-belt backwater, and quite love it. Not too into the wings, however. By the way, this article really made me laugh — and made me proud to be a resident of said rust-belt backwater.
[re=576990]Extemporanus[/re]: ??
In fact, I had a Macca brekkie roll in town the other morn, and whilst it was filling and momentarily tasty morsel, it was nothing close to an decent enjoyable meal….
[re=576979]gurukalehuru[/re]: What’s all this then about me DOWN THERE? Did someone find those ‘art fotos’ I made?
[re=576965]PsycGirl[/re]: Or so the Germans would have us believe.
[re=576996]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: So I worked for a woman in Connecticut who was from Buffalo, and one day she shared that I was the very first Jew she had met, and the look in her eyes and her manner just screamed, wow, was I relieved, you’re not so bad, and I didn’t even know to look for your horns until you confessed you were Jewish. Then she asked me what my people ate for Thanksgiving.*
*No, not really, but my best friend in high school did ask me that. I told her chicken.
But my boss’s mother was exceptionally nice and was an incredible cook. So no stereotyping from me!
I just saw an interview on our local news with the lovely young lady who waited on the President at Duff’s — also checked out the obnoxious comments at Free Republic — I with there was a way she could sue the pants off those racist bastards.
Do Teabagger Patriot Freepers even eat Buffalo Wings? I thought they only ate fried dough, paid for in solid gold liberty coins.
Did he visit the grave of Tim Russert?
True story: the first person ever executed in the electric chair was from Buffalo (he murdered his wife in a jealous rage.) No one can ever take that away from the city. It’s manufacturing base and football team maybe, but not that.
[re=577018]Katydid[/re]: I won’t go into the details, because they were a long time ago, but let’s just say the complications involved private investigators, two moving companies and the destruction of part of my furniture by way of cat claws.
[re=576939]Ken Layne[/re]: Some comedian said restaurants just take the discarded bones from wings, run ‘em through the dishwasher, and fry ‘em up to serve again.
[re=576941]Joshua Norton[/re]: Fun, but not as entertaining as the guy who washed down his “lava wings” with lots of beer, then forgot to wash his hands before taking a piss. That shriek was heard all over town.
[re=577023]Tim[/re]: Mostly, they eat their own.
[re=577027]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Wow. I just hope the cats were still attached to their claws when your ex used them to scratch up your furniture.
I had wings in Buffalo last winter, while looking out the glass wall of the hotel restaurant at the boarded up storefronts across the street. And then looking in horror at my greasy hands.
Wings are nothing but gristle, skin, bone and a little tendon. They’re slathered with so much grease I needed piles of napkins. Plus, the fry is awful for the digestion including the farting part and the health part of digestion.
For the full experience, might as well let the grease slide and drip from your hands onto the plate, the table, and your clothes and shoes. Oh yeh, have some blue cheese dressing on the side, sure. That’s the perfect complementary salad, just dressing.
There’s a restaurant in either Buffalo or Pittsburgh, I can’t remember which, where the hottest wings are called the Chernobyl, but they’re so spicy they’re inedible for most. What is the point?
[re=577031]Katydid[/re]: I think the cats did it on their own. This was my introduction to cats, BTW, as I was previously a “dog person”.
The trauma must have faded, since I eventually married another cat person (reference http://www.kittenkam.com)
[re=577036]Katydid[/re]: Are you even American?
I caught one pretty funny caption at Freeper: “Obama places his order for wings; left ones only, please.”
[re=577041]The Lucky Republican[/re]: lol, depends if you’re a lib or not I guess.
[re=576939]Ken Layne[/re]: You forgot about how the sauce tastes like it was pissed through a yak’s lightly spiced asshole.
[re=577023]Tim[/re]: I think you might be confusing Tea Baggers with Pittsburghers. Don’t worry, it’s an easy mistake to make. There’s a lot of overlap in that Venn diagram.
A few exits up from where I live on I-90, there is a New York State Thruway Authority garage that has a decommissioned snowplow shovel out front, painted with the words: ‘Welcome to Syracuse, Average Snowfall 115″‘
Fun fact: Lake Erie is shallow, and freezes some time around December, which ends their lake-effect snow. Lake Ontario is deep enough that it does not freeze.
[re=577036]Katydid[/re]: It’s about bragging rights for those who need to be reassured that they are macho bad boys. If some joker bottles coyote urine with scotch bonnet peppers and vinegar, clearly labels the contents and then mentions Scoville units in the billions, said joker can sell thousands of bottles of coyote piss laced hot pepper sauce to idiots trying to prove something. Hot is fine, but unless there is a flavor other than liquid fire, I don’t understand the appeal either. BTW I don’t consider coyote piss a flavor.
Wait, I thought that Buffalo and its population were reduced to cinders on Tim Russert’s funeral pyre.
Buffalo: where Pres. McKinley was assassinated.
ON the topic of local inedible ‘merikun dishes– in St. Louis they have this abomination called fried mozzarella sticks which are served with a side of Ragu sauce for dipping. Next best grease pool to Buffalo wings .
*shudder*
[re=576925]assistant/atlas[/re]: Warren G. Harding was our first Black president! But he too enjoyed the sexy-times.
Buffalo must be a cool place. Many of my friends here in Colorado moved from there.
Today we are all skanks with teh hotz for Barry.
It certainly is exciting when you see an adult male who weighs under 200 lbs for the first time in your life. You just assume they are an underwear model.
Wonkette was funny until Ken made fun of Buffalo wings. Now it’s just stupid.
[re=577040]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Your wife is one of the good insane cat people. Your ex is one of the bad insane ones. Sometimes its best not to examine the insanity too closely. And those kittens have been giving hours of joy since you first shared them.
[re=577010]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Amen. And Anchor Bar has great jazz to boot.
Having working in pizza for a number of years, one of the first thing I noticed when I moved here was the lack of Dominos, Pizza Huts, and Pappa Fucking Johns. Given what I’ve heard about a few of the local joints (La Nova I’m looking at… no wait, I mean I’m NOT, I’M NOT I SWEAR!), I think it’s clear they’re not exactly welcome if you knowwadImean, eh?
Sigh. B-Lo. What a town.
Ever had a tuba steak in Tuba City? Me, neither.
[re=576973]Extemporanus[/re]: massive props for Neneh ref.
[re=577036]Katydid[/re]: The best wings I ever had were from an Indian restaurant and were extremely spicy, but tasted so good I was compelled to keep eating even though I was aware that they were phisically hurting me. Food does funny things to people.
[re=577082]the problem child[/re]: [re=577027]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I agree about the kitties. They have been having a vicious kitty fight for some time. The little biracial one is not being transcendent.
If only I could have a few; my dog does not like kitties, and would not be kind to them. Sigh.
[re=577058]yargisbargis[/re]: Fried mozz or fried ravioli is all well and good, but not in the top 20 for the midwest. Try taking a piece of bread, putting meat of choice on it (greasy burger is a classic, but pork, turkey or fried tenderloin are all welcome), throwing a mountain of french fries on that and then covering the whole with globby cheese sauce (white or yellow depending on location, but with all the taste of wallpaper paste). That concoction is lovingly known as the “horseshoe” in Springfield, Illinois, and is so ubiquitous that when chains come here they add one to the menu. Apparently French Canadians eat something similar called puteen or some such, but it is basically a coronary on a plate.
If you want a special treat, take all the above and swap the toast for a pizza crust. Because nothing makes more sense as a pizza topping than cheese fries.
[re=577118]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Oh I dunno. Back in the daze when I smoked the maryjewanna, I could totally see jonesing for a cheese fries pizza. But then I once pigged out on Spam and Twinkies from 7-11 whilst in the thralls of a reefer munchie, so take it for what it’s worth.
The wings is the shits, Ken baby. Get outta that elitist fucking city you live in and LIVE a little.
But, but… the bars in Buffalo are open till 4 am! Well, at least that was a big selling point for me when I went to college there.
[re=577050]Simba B[/re]: Turns out, not so much. Based on just 2 years ago data. Frozen lakes still produce quite a bit of snowfall due to sublimation. Also they produce shitloads of blowing snow off the ice, where said snow failed to melt when it landed, oddly enough.
[re=577090]rottenart[/re]: I heard that about La Nova, too! I mean, I didn’t hear nuthin’… And they have awesome pizza. Also.
[re=577118]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Apparently there’s some part of the country where people routinely put fries on their salads. One of my students is from there, I just can’t remember where, and she says she got some really strange looks the first few days in the cafeteria. Could this be the same area? Because these sound equally weird, although the horseshoe sounds unhealthier.
[re=577015]Bearbloke[/re]: In fact, I had a Macca brekkie roll in town the other morn, and whilst it was filling and momentarily tasty morsel, it was nothing close to an decent enjoyable meal…
Why, clearly you have yet to discover the joys of iSnack 2.0. Mate. G’day, also?
[re=577136]BMK[/re]: Italics FAIL.
[re=576954]Limeylizzie[/re]: “No kidding, I love Michelle and all, but I would fuck his brains out.”
Take a number and get in line.
Hey, even Ken could get laid in Buffalo!
Guess she was looking for a wiener roast.
the best wings ever….the heavenly wings at Thai Basil in Chantilly, Va. Chef won the throwdown, man, on cable.
Stuffed with crab meat in a light tempura crust. I am eating there next week-can.not.wait..
Will Obama go there next?
NO, because they are immigrants, damnit. The right wing spin machine must be obeyed.
[re=577136]BMK[/re]: A Marketing Fail and Meme Fail also…
[re=577134]PsycGirl[/re]: Haven’t seen that, but I know the greater midwest is pretty potato crazy.
While I find the horseshoe troubling, there is one version of it that I am borderline addicted to. In my defense, it isn’t the classic version, but the breakfast horseshoe. Toast, sausage or bacon, a couple of eggs (best done sunny side up or over easy), hashbrowns and sausage gravy. Takes the great southern tradition of biscuits and gravy then kicks it up 3 levels of cholesterol. Not every day, by any means, but once in a while I just have to have it. Somehow it manages to make me feel guilty and restores my faith in humanity all at once.
[re=577126]AutomaticPilot[/re]: This is, in fact, both one of the best and worst things about Buffalo. It’s guaranteed that you will meet some odd cats at 4:30 in the morning in Allentown. Plus some drunk skanks. Win-win, really.
I wanna cheesesteak. When I moved from Philly to [Munch's scream] Hamilton, OH, nobody knew what the fuck I was talking about– “a slice a cheesecake, sure..”. The only good thing that came outta living in that shithole for a year and a half were trips to BW3 that had my favorite dorky bar thing in 1994–trivia!
[re=577082]the problem child[/re]: Glad to hear you guys have enjoyed them! Makes getting up at 5am (to the sound of kitten-kalls) worth it!!!
[re=577268]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Where are the kitties?? How can I, un abashed cat-freak, have missed this ? As I am bi-coastal( hmm) I have two legitimate cats who live in LA , and I foster ( rent) assorted little devils when I am in NYC.
Yessss, yes yes yes it’s terribly sad here sometimes and there are lots of buildings falling down and probably hobo squatters pooping in former factories for miles, but may I meekly say that it just ain’t like that. As long as you have had an education and can manage to snag a job (I know). I laughed at this post and would have laughed harder if it was about Detroit (and THEIR gross local food: MOTOROILBURGERS) but, as the hip young black kids almost certainly no longer say: I gots to represent. Buffalo’s a nice place ! It’s true! You look away in disgust but, brothers, I speak the truth.
ext. BUFFALOAD.
[re=577222]Berkeley Bear[/re]: No, what you want is a plate piled with the following heavenly combo: first, a layer of hash browns, then, a layer of genuine corned-beef hash, then, two eggs over easy on top of that. Let the yolks drip down through the hash and hash browns. Use lots of hot sauce.
She is right. It is ridiculous. He is hotter now than a year ago. They gray in the hair and the confidence thing just make him off the charts. My husband has agreed that I have a free pass with him, if the occasion should arise (heh).
Chicken wings are revolting. Why not just mix a bowl of schmaltz with bleu cheese dressing and hot sauce?
Oh, and 45 is not “old”. Ahem.
[re=577118]Berkeley Bear[/re]: I think you mean poutine, which is typically french fries with cheese curds mixed in and gravy poured over the top. Yes, it is disgusting, but it is also delicious, and it is the perfect food for a winter day in Quebec.
[re=577419]dinkybossetti[/re]: and to be authentic, the fries need to be cooked in beef fat.
I’m visiting my Mom in the WNY area in a few weeks. If I can find the collections agency where Cultural Icon Luann Haley is employed, I’m going to high five her smoking hot ass.
[re=576970]tunamelt[/re]: … and from the obscurest ‘carry-out’ in the shittiest section of town.
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