Hey, it’s Eric Cantor, talking like a nine-year-old girl as usual — no offense to nine-year-old girls! — about nothing. He is introducing the Republicans’ latest brilliant policy plan YOUCUT — or rather, YouCut. It’s like YouTube, but completely different in every way: the Republicans list a bunch of tiny federal budget measures and have YOU VOTE on which ones should be YouCut! None of the honored nominees would come close to doing anything even remotely related to the $100 trillion in unfunded liabilities that makes up our actual future fiscal hell, but “money’s money,” or whatever, jesus christ…
Let’s just take a look at the very first item up for death, and then be done with it.
Presidential Election Fund
$260 million in savings
This federal program provides matching funds to political candidates during Presidential primaries, certain third-party candidates, and funds for political conventions. In the 2008 presidential election, the candidates raised over $1.3 billion from individuals and PACs, do they really need to supplement that with taxpayer money? This proposal has been estimated to save $260 million over five years. (Also proposed as part of the RSC Sunset Caucus.)
Not even going to inquire about what the “RSC Sunset Caucus” is, but it’s probably illegal, and gay.
So the first thing the Republicans would like you to cut is the sole apparatus for publicly funded national presidential campaigns. Now we’re doubtful, after Obama’s 2008 campaign being the first in history to forgo it and the Citizens United decision coming shortly afterwards, that either major party’s presidential nominee is ever going to accept matching funds again. (There is much more to write about the prospects of this fully corporate-funded future, but… well, someone else go write it, damnit.)
And yet, it’s the first cut up for killing entirely, because of socialism or something? Goodness. GOODNESS GRACIOUS. Eric Cantor is funny but also mean.
[YouCut]
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$260 million saved. That ought to take care of the deficit, right?
When you look at the list of cuts to vote on, there are some suspicious omissions:
1. Pointless war in Afghanistan
2. New ships for the Navy to fight nothing with
3. Pointless war in Iraq
4. Agricultural subsidies to giant corporations
5. Corporate welfare
What’s up with that, Eric? Huh?
A well-placed “n” would also spell appropriate URL for Eric Cantor.
You cunt.
Why do all southern Republicans talk like mildly retarded, incredibly effeminate closet cases?
Oh wait. Answered my own question.
*an appropriate, dipshit.
If Eric Cantor weren’t such a self-hating Jew, he could’ve named it “YouBris”.
How about listing “War In Afghanistan/Iraq/Pakistan – $1 Trillion”, ehhh?
Thought so. Frigging cowards.
This is something the fucktards in Brand Marketing in the company I work for would come up with: an elaborate scheme to make it look like the public has input on an issue that the executive-in-charge is just going to decide in favor of whoever is giving him the hardest boner that day.
[re=576860]Extemporanus[/re]: Ha!
(1) Bart: [to Milhouse] Oh, how can someone with glasses that thick be so stupid?
(2) The first name for the program, “YouFart in a YouHurricane,” was rejected.
[re=576860]Extemporanus[/re]: Yes, no offense to those of the chosen tribe, but perhaps the GOP could have gone with someone of a different faith to extol the virtues of the cutting.
What government programs should we cut?
a) Money to ACORN’s pimp and ho employment program
b) Government program to confiscate your guns
c) Socialism for all
d) Gay recruitment for children
e) Federal block grants to kick you in the nuts
Hooray! Eric Cantor fixed teh deficit!
Eric Cantor makes me want to hurl.
Why has this clown not been caught with one (or more) penis(es) shoved inside them in a finer rest area public toilet yet?
Let the Circumcision jokes begin!
“help put Uncle Sam on a diet” — whoah, have you ever seen Uncle Sam? Maybe he meant to say Santa Claus.
Heyyyy… wait a minute. That link just took me to an all-circumsized porn site.
(not really terribly upset)
[re=576860]Extemporanus[/re]: Again with the genius.
Let’s take the $2 billion we send Israel each year and use it to buy gold from the Monex lady with the shiny shirt.
What a platitudinous dip shit.
“The route we take will determine the kind of country we want to be.”
What the fuck does that even mean? Doesn’t it make more sense to say that the kind of country we want to be will determine the route we take?
Eric and the Republicans are trying to get all ‘Tea Party’ reactionary on us.
Next, YouCut will be posting miss-spelt banner ads on their web site to be at one with their people.
I’m taking up a collection to send a mohel to Cantors house for a redo. Just a little more off the top.
Or we could attack the deficit by raising more funds, like making rich investors pay full taxes on capital gains or getting rid of the loopholes corporations use to avoid paying any taxes at all. How about that, Eric?
His lips are out of sync with his eyebrows.
Cut List
1. War in Iraq
2. War in Afghanistan
3. Republican “S&M Saturdays”
Budget Saved!
[re=576857]germansteel[/re]: I was wondering who would be the first to say that..Congrats.
Dunno how thoroughly it is moderated, but all the wingnut comment action is going on over here.
[re=576860]Extemporanus[/re]: YouBris would also be reflective of their smug satisfaction and complacency as well — not that there would be much sympathy after their tragic fall.
Holy crap! My pic is on the front page of teh Wonkett! What are the odds? (1/1,309, apparently.) This is THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE111
[re=576857]germansteel[/re]: [re=576889]Limeylizzie[/re]: And for those who may have missed the post that was the source of this current (or “cu’nt”) meme, could an explanation be offered?
[re=576891]SmutBoffin[/re]:
“Tried to vote and it didn’t work… get it fixed ”
“Service not available while watching Greta. I will continue to try and I think that this is an excellent idea! ”
“Please get You Cut working right ”
“I have tried to vote and all I get is service not available. ”
HAWHAWHAW
The next step of the Great Pizza Party Summit of 09!
Jeff_Vernon @GOPWhip Some requests for #YouCut: defense spending, abstinence-only ed funding, marriage incentives, and agricultural subsidies.
Hey, how did one of our kind get in on this?
Here I thought his taste went toward uncut.
Cut this, bitches:
1. Round the clock Secret Service protection for multi millionaire Dick Cheney and his family.
Finished.
Unsurprisingly, You[old white person]Cut.com does not approve of learning about urban issues. They probably think “urban studies” is a euphemism for ACORNZ and the new black panther party
Revelation 8:8: “The second angel sounded his trumpet, and something like a huge mountain, all ablaze, was thrown into the sea. A third of the sea turned into blood, a third of the living creatures in the sea died, and a third of the ships were destroyed.”
“Here is a fairly safe estimate of the economic damage to tourism, fisheries and the like in 3 US states. (AL, MS, LA) Over the next 10 years this will cost about $1 Trillion Dollars.” – Paul Noel, examiner.com, 5/13/10
“Well I guess this leaves alot of us out ! pretty hard to sead a text if U don’t have phone…… So now we will get only the people with phones to have a say NOT COOL
Great idea if U make so any one can have a say!”
Why won’t the GOP accept this poor man’s mimeograph?
My favorite YouCut is “Leave Britney Alone”.
Brilliant…. all of Cantor’s propsed cuts together would save less than 5 billion … the federal deficit is close to 1 trillion dollars… So we’re talking about cutting the deficit by 0.5%.
wow. 260 million saved over five years. why, that’s 52 million a year (a cool million every sunday, howzabout dat?). now, while i would not sneeze at 260 million, or 52 million, or even 1 measly million american dollars if they fell into my lap (or anywhere else close enough to reach out and snatch ‘em up), i decided to compare this savings to the current united states federal budget of 3.55 trillion dollars.
my calculator started smoking after i punched in the figures and ran the computations — and please feel free to correct me if i am wrong — but by my figuring, that 260 million is the equivalent of what the government of the united states of america spends every 4.62 seconds. let me repeat that: THAT 260 MILLION IS THE EQUIVALENT OF WHAT THE GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES SPENDS EVERY 4.62 SECONDS. amirite?
i’m sure it would be good to start somewhere to get government spending reduced, as i believe in prudence and fiscal responsibility, but for the republicans, the supposed party of fiscal discipline, 260 million is a pretty pathetic start. amirite? it is chump change on this scale. amirite? i popped on over to youcut for a quick look-see before i wrap this up, and the rest of the measly list is suspiciously politically slanted and is likewise chump change. a serious, adult, meaningful (albeit painful) cut would be 10% across the board on discretionary spending, which would save only 136.8 billion, but it would be a start. and tax hikes would probably be necessary to help pull the national government out of its fiscal mess, but you won’t catch the republicans proposing those. the first thing they cut off when they went to set up their youcut site was their own balls. amirite?
[re=576905]Potater[/re]: I’d figure most of the Republican base only corded land-lines, but no phone at all is just sad. And yet they type like a teenager on AIM (they still use AIM, right? No? God I’m old.)
Isn’t the Presidential Election Fund funded by voluntary, opt-in contributions? If so, then cutting it wouldn’t reduce the deficit at all.
[re=576929]slappypaddy[/re]: I don’t think anyone is *against* fiscal responsibility, but the Republicans’ idea of the thing is to cut all the federal programs that people *need*, rather than the mass of corporate welfare and DoD funding.
[re=576929]slappypaddy[/re]: no, i am not right, i think. 52 million is what uncle sam spends every 4.62 seconds. i think. my calculator caught fire, singed my fingers.
chump change nonetheless.
Actually, Way Cool Larry, it’d cut 0.16%. You were being just a bit too generous.
I would have thought Eric Cantor isn’t that big of a fan of Youtube, considering last time someone made a video for him…
Trucknutz says, haha YouSuck.
[re=576857]germansteel[/re]: That’s McCain’s YouTube contest for who tells off his wife the best.
[re=576872]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: “Let the Circumcision jokes begin!”
Am I the only one who thought that immediately? Maybe because YouCut rhymes with JewCut.
Cantor, the friendly cunthair, is in for a trim.
So there’s a $0 cut to the deficit right there, since 100 percent of that fund is paid for by taxpayer checkoffs, and if the fund is eliminated, so will be the revenue. Brilliant!
I read somewhere yesterday that when you total up all the proposed cuts on Cantor’s list, it comes out to something like .16 of 1% of the entire federal budget. Which is probably about how much of his brain Cantor uses on a daily basis.
What happened to volcano monitoring?
Can someone please tell me what they mean by “New Non-Reformed Welfare Program.” Is that a don’t piss-off the Poor White Trash vote (also known as the Republican Party’s Southern Base) by saying “End Your Re-re-re-extended Unemployment Checks?”
[re=576866]norbizness[/re]: As was youcutone.com
So, I read this right after Pawlenty held a press conference because he is going to veto gay lesbian partners being able to participate in end of life decisions because the liberals put this in the bill so people would pay attention to the bill…. this once and for all obviating any shade of hope that Pawlenty was not going to morph into Palin-speak in order to achieve teabagger sainthood, and now, one of my own MOT peeps of the republic persuasion is undermining the only favorable stereotypes my people have–that we are smart and good with money — to bring about this travesty of smoke and mirrors. 26o milllion? Really, fucktard?
[re=576860]Extemporanus[/re]: He should have named it YouPutz or YouYutz.
[re=576929]slappypaddy[/re]: Or you could save the wear and tear on your calculator by simply noting that $52 million a year is STILL less than what non-voter Meg Whitman has spent in her vanity effort to purchase the governorship of California.
Who cut the cheese?
[re=577035]Barrelhse[/re]: Who moved my mouse?
[re=576892]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m glad “Jew” got it.
[re=577022]Katydid[/re]: i glanced at it again and thought for a moment it said “youcunt.” i thought, son of a bitch, i’ve been outed.
[re=576856]ArkansasFred[/re]: I thought that this was the name of Walnuts’s PAC?
Take heart. Whom the gods destroy, they first make talk like a nine-year old girl.
How about reducing military spending to the 1930 level?
Erdick Cuntor can suck a bag of fuck.
[re=577005]imissopus[/re]: not to mention that he only uses .16% of his heart, too.
[re=576869]comicbookguy[/re]: A lot of Republican not-so-closet sadists might want to keep the “kick someone in the nuts” programs. So long as it’s someone else getting kicked!
[re=576957]slappypaddy[/re]: YOULIE!!11!
Hard to watch from the beginning. What a putz.
[re=577157]Mr Blifil[/re]: yes, but what’s your point?
So where’d I leave that izmel? If we don’t act soon, that foreskin’s gonna start creeping up over Cantor’s face.
Percent chance that E. Cantor’s master list of tiny bits of waste will get enacted vs. the citigroup lobbiest’s list of shit they want the government to cut them checks for . . .
[re=577089]zhubajie[/re]: Uh, that didn’t work out so good in 1941.
Fuckfacecantor spells Eric with a “C” because kunt is not correct. Or something else scathingly insulting pertaining to this turd with lips.
What, no one’s made a YouHung joke? I’m incredibly disappointed.
Since GOP congressmen are so fond of cutting government spending, how about they start with themselves and take a 100% pay cut? Put their money where their mouth is, so to speak.
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