Remember how a few months ago the only paying jobs available in all of Americaland were “Census taker” jobs? And you were like, “Hey, I know how to use pencils and take notes. I should do that!” Then you closed your eyes and envisioned a man resembling Ted Nugent shooting at you for bringing your government-issued clipboard onto his property, and you quickly resumed making Twitters. Well, smart move, Nostradamus! Because you probably avoided attack by pickaxe, crossbow, machete or machine gun on the mean streets/rural routes of America:
Last month, an Idaho man reportedly fired a shotgun near a Census worker. A Tampa man was arrested after he allegedly grabbed a large pickaxe out of his car and threatened a Census taker near his apartment, according to MyFox Tampa Bay. The 65-year-old man was charged with aggravated battery. According to The Union newspaper, a homeowner in Northern California over the weekend threatened two Census takers with a crossbow and a machine gun.
It would be anti-feminist not to mention this attorney lady from a Texas town who shot at her census worker for religious reasons (patriotism).
In other census-related Texas craziness news, this news report warns of a “wave of violence” sweeping across the state, in which everyone who is not an official census worker dresses up like one to enter other people’s homes and kill them. The census is a temptress, seducing us into committing grave acts of wrongdoing.
The Census Bureau has responded to the recent outbreak of violence by telling its workers to do careful things like “immediately remove” themselves from sticky situations. And “remain calm” around wingnuts (and angry dogs), because trying to subdue them with playful kisses on the nose never works. If the Bureau had told its workers this stuff months ago, then these random attacks probably wouldn’t have happened.
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I like to go from door to door and “take” (chop) “the census” (people’s heads off).
Bah, just fill the shit out for them. Solves problems all around. Necessity is the mother’s day of invention.
My census taker was about a size 14 and very helpful.
Nice work by the Texas wignut blog, describing a single alleged incident as a “murderous rampage” and a “wave of violence”, and feeding the nutcases more justification to get violent. At least there’s some commenters trying to counteract the “ACORN! ACORN!” conspiracy nutcases.
But please, wignuts, follow through on your promises not to allow census workers near your house, don’t get counted, and cause your areas to lose representation. Please.
Why not use US America’s ex-soldiers as Cesus (sic) workers? They can take orders and do a job. Plus they’ve got weapons training (and combat experience) so they can take out anyone who shoots at them.
Dirty Jobs = Census-taker in the Idaho panhandle
We’ve always told employees to remove themselves from situations if it elevates to a level beyond their control or they don’t feel safe. We can always utilize proxies or come back with increased protection.
i was cleaning up branches from a storm the other day when my son came up to me and told me there was a guy in our driveway. (we live in a rural area.) i approached him with my chainsaw in hand, still idling, and then i remembered the census people were out and turned off the saw and set it down…but too late…i think i scared the bejeebers out of him. sorry there, harmless census guy.
[re=576507]Bernie Madeoff[/re]: Oh wait… was she a great big fat person?
Okay, so cops can demand your papers if you live in Arizona and look funny — but if someone tries to count you as mandated in that atheist Muslim communist Constitution, you should run them off your property. How the righties keep this shit straight is beyond me.
Census workers are paid for the risks that they take. Why, they make $10 an hour – which in today’s economy makes them middle class.
Texas – A Rampage of One?
[re=576514]SwanSwanH[/re]: ha!
[re=576514]SwanSwanH[/re]: Aren’t all Americans great big fat people now?
[re=576516]SayItWithWookies[/re]: There’s a simple difference; the census takers are asking questions of white people, intrusive government controlling the lives of the brown is just peachy.
I sent in my census form so have no worries about being accosted in my home by a feral census worker, but I will take some of these reported reactions on board for consideration when the Jehovah’s Witnesses come calling.
guy in ‘strategic real estate coach’ ad has scary bachmann eyes. DO NOT WANT
I personally threatened a local census worker-lady with a a hot cup of Earl Grey tea. No, I didn’t throw it at her, I offered it to her to drink, as she spent 1/2 hour filling in a form about a person who used to live at the hotel I run, but no longer does.
And no, this does not make me officially a ‘teabagger,’ as I only use loose tea.
This makes those guys working a crab boat in Alaska look like major pussies.
So, why don’t we stop counting rural white people, they’ll stop getting votes, and we’ll stop having to give them our tax dollars. Problems solved all around.
[re=576509]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Better yet, let’s just say there’s a gajillion US Americans and be done with it.
[re=576542]user-of-owls[/re]:
The Deadliest Count.
[re=576532]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Teaballer.
The Census is clearly a succubus! Run for ur lives!!1!!?
The more I look at that picture, the more confused I get. Black, not mottled white hands? Official Census Taker ID banner with “I’m packing” scrawled on it?
Does this mean a swarm of armed black Censusteros are roaming the land? Answers please!
[re=576550]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Go ahead and tease him, but do you know what the kettle calls you?
Didn’t Jeebus like tax collectors? And wasn’t Matthew, friend of jeebus, a tax collector? And aren’t census takers like tax collectors, except they don’t take your money? My head hurts.
I like how the Stateman gives you a handy map to the attorney’s home… though I was expecting Indian Trail to be in a trailer park.
I wrote a porn script called “Fillin’ in and out” based on the census taker and a house full of nubile coeds.
people who don’t want to be counted don’t count. seems equitable to me.
[re=576558]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: I think you could shoot this sorority reverse-gangbang at Miami University (OH).
http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20100512/NEWS01/5130340
[re=576554]user-of-owls[/re]: Earl Grey?
[re=576558]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: “I wrote a porn script called “Fillin’ in and out” based on the census taker and a house full of nubile coeds.”
Some Hollyweird liberal ripped off your idea and made that movie, cuz I saw it. They just changed the census taker with a pizza guy/ cable guy.
[re=576558]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: Knocks on their door, says “I’m packing”.
You know, I’m kind of surprised that none of these incidents involve a Congresswoman from Minnesota blasting away at those Census workers. Yet.
People who shun this exercise in participatory democracy should lose their right to vote for ten years. Anyone who thinks that Michelle Crazy-eyes offers sound advice has no business being within a country mile of a voting booth, anyway.
Census taker? BP roughneck? One-legged rodeo clown?
Hallmark should declare a special day for these people, and they could take the day off, which would be one less day that they might be, you know, killed.
[re=576572]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Sorry for that last comment. I wrote it in a fit of Pekoe.
This gives me a sad. The wingnuts have succeeded in utterly destroying any sense of American community and painting this country as US against THEM. Way to go, librul media!
I love the opening line of the Dallas blog
“People now have a good reason to mail in their census forms. Some criminals, posing as United States’ Census workers, are introducing themselves to homeowners and then killing them in a wave of violence.”
Avoiding the threat of murderous violence is the only good reason for mailing in your census form. I hope Texas loses a few wingnut reps.
[re=576579]Cape Clod[/re]: Maybe we could send them down to work in the cranberry bogs, like in the good old Plymouth Plantation days. Or mark them with a letter of shame, like a backwards B on their cheek.
[re=576573]harry palmer[/re]: Was it called “Logjammin’”? Because I have seen that movie too.
[re=576584]user-of-owls[/re]: “Sorry for that last comment. I wrote it in a fit of Pekoe.”
I was trying to work “oolong” in with the pr0n movie thing but couldn’t come within a country chamomile of making it funny.
[re=576588]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: You’re out of your element, Donny!
[re=576591]harry palmer[/re]: Don’t fret, Darjeeling, it was a pretty steep challenge.
[re=576565]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: I’m so glad to see that the term “drunken puke fest” has finally made it into mainstream reporting.
A census taker tried to quantify me once…
I just chased a Jehovah’s Witness away from my front door with a broom made in China. No gubmint worker is going to spy on me pretending to be a Jehovah’s Witness.
[re=576599]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: “Judas, can you point to the place on this doll where the census man enumerated you?”
[re=576503]TGY[/re]: A friend of mine was actually fired from his job as a census worker for doing this. He couldn’t get the people living in a house sporting a “Charlton Heston is mah president!” sign in their window to answer the door.
[re=576593]harry palmer[/re]: The chinaman is not the issue here. We’re talking about gathering reliable data. Also, “chinaman” is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
[re=576565]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: After a sorority member vomited at the dinner table about a half hour into the 7 p.m. event…
The kids these days! (Lightweights.) The sorority girls I used to date could rage for hours and hours before the vomit fountains erupted. Never saw it happen before midnight.
[re=576584]user-of-owls[/re]: No problem — I don’t judge people until I’ve walked a chamomile in their shoes.
[re=576606]SmutBoffin[/re]: There ain’t no justice.
[re=576565]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: [re=576618]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I appreciate that the article used the term “drunken puke fests”.
[re=576586]Cape Clod[/re]: I liked the “wave of violence” comment. One group of guys and one house is a wave. My daughter is working the census and I feel better about her working in the inner city than I would out in the suburbs/exurbs with these asshole, right wing, retards who should be institutionalized; not walking around with guns.
[re=576607]DoktorZoom[/re]: Asian-American, please.
I think that was one of the choices on the census form. But only for those that built the fucking railroads.
Why are attacks on census takers included in the recent wave of violence? I thought they didn’t count.
[re=576532]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: So that is what you kids call it these days? “I only use loose tea” So you don’t use spiral notebooks, only loose paper?
In other news:
The original concept of the Boston Tea Party was about not having Government Representation.
Today’s Tea Baggers when given a chance to be counted for the purpose of representation, scream bloody murder and gloat about not filling out the census like it’s a badge of honor.
Oh, and since this article is on the Fox Site, do be a dear and look at the comments that the nice Fox people post. They really back up the article nicely.
I’m really surprised that the Article wasn’t:
Census Takers creating crime wave as reports of workers attacking homeowners start coming out.
Glenn Beck: Now I’m not saying you should ambush census workers, I’m just staying your home is your castle and you have a constitutional right to defend it from any invaders.
[re=576507]Bernie Madeoff[/re]: Did she go great with fava beans and a nice chianti?
[re=576599]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: They prefer the word “enumerate”, and are officially referred to by their superiors as “enumerators”.
(Seriously. I took the test and everything, but they appear to be only hiring black people to enumerate my hood, probably because all black people always pack their own heat, and this saves the federal government millions in unneeded handgun expenses.)
I say we agree with the NRA and arm them with AK-47′s and advise them to shoot first if threatened. Now Tex, tell me the truth or I’ll start blastin’.
Actually, they haven’t issued us with clip boards for NRFU (pronounced, alas, “Narfoo”, meaning Non-Response Follow Up). We have to supply our own.
I mailed in my census form(s), 3 of them. Someone decided my detached garage and RV were housing units and sent forms for those as well as my house. I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks and the follow-up people picked that time to come a-calling. Lucky for me, my Paultard neighbor sent them packing.
[re=576648]ALIVE![/re]: Nothing say locavore like fricassea di
lavoratore censimento fegato e fave.
Buona salute!
(Cue Vide Cor Meum)
I shot at my census worker with votes. Also.
[re=576618]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: …we have received more than two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.
Eh, go ahead, who cares…
can you imagine going to Glen Becks house and asking him the census questions?
1. Number of retards currently inhabiting this residence?
2. Are you, or have you ever been, a card carrying member of the Buttsecs Party of America?
3. How many fingers in a traditional “One Gun Salute”?
4. Nazi? Nazi?
5. How many guns can you cram up yer ass at one time?
6. Does Rush Limbaugh’s sack smell like your breath?
7. Have you ever passed on a second helping of ANYTHING?
8. How many slaves do you currently own?
9. Nazi? Just asking….seriously – Nazi?
10. Can you give your wife my condolences?
Does it make Census to you?
Since I no longer have any children in any institution of learning in OK and am so unimportant I really don’t have to go anywhere so the conditions of the roads don’t matter to me, I am encouraging all my fellow Dustbowlites to refuse to cooperate with the census although I am NOT advocating violence. Just passive resistance.
I am doing this because, let’s face it, how much better off would the rest of the country be if Oklahoma lost all but one of their congressdopes?
You’re welcome, America.
[re=576591]harry palmer[/re]: Just don’t get yer Darn jeeling anywhere near that slant-eyed Gunpowder cuz Jasmine will shoot you if you don’t speak fucking English before Breakfast everyday. This was hard. I think I’ll take a nap because I feel Sleepytime coming on.
You can’t beat this, Teabaggers!
Here’s our TX shooter attorney. Her firm has a real weird name:
Legal Guidance by Carolyn Barnes, P.C.
http://www.medmalpractice.net/meetus.html
It also looks like she’s into selling those Japanese magnet therapy things by Nikken.
Laff riot:
At Legal Guidance by Carolyn Barnes, P.C., we are committed to the highest ethical standards. When we make a promise, we keep it. To this end, we have developed a Client Bill of Rights, which details what you deserve and should expect from your client-attorney relationship.
[re=576584]user-of-owls[/re]: Ouch! He shoots; he scores!
[re=576573]harry palmer[/re]: The one I saw, the part of The Census Taker was played by The Pool Cleaner.
Do we have any statistics from, say, the 2000 census on the number and type of incidents involving census workers? I’m just curious how much of this is general American anti-gubmint wingnuttery, which is eternal, and how much is due to our Negroe Sultan-King.
As one of the lucky few to be employed by the Census, I can honeztly say that almost everyone I’ve “enumerated” are happy to answer all the questions I ask. I even live in MN, but thankfully nowhere near Bachmannland. The only annoying thing about the job is having to return over and over to vacant-seeming units, cuz my bosses want verifiable info from a proxy before signing off on an address asd vacant.
Shit, that’s not very funny, is it? You see, Larry? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
[re=576514]SwanSwanH[/re]: Zat you, Jamie? Jamie Gumm?
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