Heroic Joe Barton Defies Death To Look At Oil Slick From Airplane

by Jim Newell

Comical Texas Rep. Joe Barton sure as hell does not want one iota of added oversight to the oil industry as a result this “insane oil spill” liberal conspiracy theory. But he cares, anyway.

Check out this funny video his office made to show Barton’s constituents the extent to which their congressman is really really badass. He demanded such a clear view of that oil slick that the pilot had to open up that back hatch, so Barton could tiptoe to the edge. Sure, he was wearing a harness, but he woulda fuckin’ done it without one. Would prefer it. Some liberal law made ‘im wear it in the first place.

Joe Barton will chair the powerful Energy and Commerce Committee if Republicans retake the House this fall.


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rambone May 12, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Sorry to have to correct you Jim, but I think the harness might have just been left over from some midair gay-sexcapades.

forgracie May 12, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Funny thing–that’s not the first time Representative Barton has asked someone to “open up the back hatch.”

Extemporanus May 12, 2010 at 5:33 pm

[re=576112]rambone[/re]: “Bungeehole jumping”?

Mr Blifil May 12, 2010 at 5:34 pm

What a fucking idiot. “Looks like chocolate milk, ayep. You cain’t trust them liberal satellite photografees, sometimes a man has to hitch up his britches, pull up his boot straps and make a personal communion with the issues, like Jesus done did. Now let’s go find some BBQ. I like BBQ.”

chascates May 12, 2010 at 5:34 pm

“Oil. It does a body good.”

SayItWithWookies May 12, 2010 at 5:35 pm

Good thing you used all those military resources to get a worse view than you could’ve gotten by looking at any number of slideshows online, congressman. Now we’ll fly you back to your hearing on government waste.

Extemporanus May 12, 2010 at 5:36 pm

[re=576114]forgracie[/re]: It’s not gay if you just tiptoe to the edge, right?

slappypaddy May 12, 2010 at 5:36 pm

an “up-close view” would have been swimming around in it and scraping it off the feathers of dead birds. fucking pussy.

Bearbloke May 12, 2010 at 5:36 pm

There’s a bag of money floating over there with your name on it, Joe – dive in and get it!

Tim May 12, 2010 at 5:37 pm

TX, you are not welcome in The Big Greasy. Go away.

CapnFatback May 12, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Yawn. Another re-run? *SPOILER ALERT* Michael dies when the ocean liner blows up. *TEARJERKER MOMENT*Representative Barton jumps from the plane to conserve fuel so that the others can get off that damned island.

Beef Supreme May 12, 2010 at 5:40 pm

“Shee-it, I cud clean that up with a fukkin’ napkin.”


“Looks like mah britches after a 3 cheese enchilada platter.”

mumblyjoe May 12, 2010 at 5:40 pm

I love how the oil slick is so fucking huge that you can see it on a shitty youtube video with terrible resolution and lousy lighting because the camera, itself, is indoors, but the oil slick is outdoors, and several miles away. Also.

Oh, and in other news, apparently 28% of Republicans say that the terrible oil slick that is costs millions of dollars and is threatening to destroy the entire economy of the entire Gulf Coast makes them more supportive of coastal drilling than they were otherwise. Yay!

Oh hell to the no May 12, 2010 at 5:41 pm

If he’d wanted to get an up close look at an orange colored sheen, I don’t understand why he left Washington. Or even The House.

Dave J. May 12, 2010 at 5:43 pm

Chuck Norris once got so mad at terrorists that he had sex with Danny Trejo, and then their baby had sex with Godzilla, and Godzilla gave birth to Joe Barton, who killed Godzilla and ate him, and shat out a tank.

Extemporanus May 12, 2010 at 5:43 pm

[re=576119]SayItWithWookies[/re]: But looking at slideshows online wouldn’t have given him to opportunity to growl “Get off my plane!”, now would it?

Accordion-o-rama May 12, 2010 at 5:44 pm

Don’t defy death, Joe. Embrace it.

facehead May 12, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Watch your back Google Earth.

Extemporanus May 12, 2010 at 5:50 pm

[re=576135]Extemporanus[/re]: Upon further reflection, a touchscreen may not be “to” most elegantly designed user interface afterall.

Pithaughn May 12, 2010 at 5:52 pm

The vid is fake. No way a respectable TX elected official would appear in public without a pearl handled side arm, and a backup piece either on the ankle or small of back. Since who knows where the next Mezican will strike, what with there switchblades and what not. Freedom First! Ask before hunting on private land!

Buzz Feedback May 12, 2010 at 5:59 pm

jump asshole

Extemporanus May 12, 2010 at 6:03 pm

[re=576123]Bearbloke[/re]: “Coming soon, to a theater near you…

…it’s internationally known back hatch action star ‘Oily Joe’ Barton in…

…The Pursuit of D.P. Pooper!

Who says you can’t take it in you?”

user-of-owls May 12, 2010 at 6:03 pm

Is it too much to ask that someone uses that video, with the oil slick parts edited out, with the tagline, “Joe Barton up close and personal with his constituents.”

Johnny Zhivago May 12, 2010 at 6:05 pm

He’s got more oil in his hair…

edgydrifter May 12, 2010 at 6:07 pm

Naturally, fat fuck Barton had to get a belt extender to strap his bacony torso to the bulkhead. I’m actually kind of surprised he didn’t flick a butt into the slick.

jus_wonderin May 12, 2010 at 6:15 pm

This reminds me of that scene in Air Force One where we see people floating by all smiles ‘cuz they were just saved from the hideous terror. Or was that the Wizard of Oz?

Snarkalicious May 12, 2010 at 6:16 pm

Thut thur Gulf a MEXICO is stealin th’ oil. Shoulda bilt us a hire wall, I reckon.

Scarab May 12, 2010 at 6:20 pm

Texas politicians love to be photographed in military aircraft after one of their colossal screw-ups.

Tommmcatt May 12, 2010 at 6:21 pm

Joe Barton will chair the powerful Energy and Commerce Committee if Republicans retake the House this fall.

40 seats is a hard slog. We’re talking a swing almost as big as 1994 for that to happen. Right? RIGHT????

Hold me.

jus_wonderin May 12, 2010 at 6:24 pm

“Cayn’t we jist pump sum cowchips into that stuff??”

jetjaguar May 12, 2010 at 6:34 pm

Joe Barton could beat up Chuck Norris.

Serolf Divad May 12, 2010 at 6:37 pm

Will he land an S-3B Viking on an aircraft carrier next? Are GOP voters really so easily manipulated by cheap stunts? (Don’t answer that last one.)

Lazy Media May 12, 2010 at 6:39 pm

[re=576143]Pithaughn[/re]: IVORY-handled. Only a New Orleans pimp would carry a pearl-handled pistol. ‘Cause oysters aren’t endangered.

nappyduggs May 12, 2010 at 6:53 pm

O yes, Joe Barton knows how to keep it heroic and sexxay, with his fly-overs. But what about the folks he represents? The real American heroes who sit on their meaty fucking haunches and believe in the general sentiments of guys like Superjoe; trusting bigger ‘n shit corporations to do the right thing as a rule –not an exception– without being babysat like a bunch of goddamned third-graders. These everyday heroes –after using a gross, cataclysmic, manmade disaster to re-enforce their faith in a cockamamie agenda that they know next to nothing about– get in their Dooleys or Hummers and drive three blocks to Arby’s in rush hour traffic while leaving all the lights in the house burning so the obese dog won’t act out its neuroses and howl at the top of its lungs and upset the neighbors, who then won’t be able to hear even one of the five plasma teevees they have going all at once. That, my friends, that is truly looking out for your fellow Americans like a true American hero.

Crank Tango May 12, 2010 at 6:55 pm

[re=576174]Lazy Media[/re]: general patton, is that you?

Extemporanus May 12, 2010 at 6:56 pm

[re=576134]Dave J.[/re]: [re=576170]jetjaguar[/re]: Joe Barton isn’t wearing a harness to keep from falling off of the plane — Joe Barton is wearing a harness to keep the plane from falling off of him!

Radiotherapy May 12, 2010 at 6:57 pm

Tail Gagger Joe

NYNYNY May 12, 2010 at 6:59 pm

“Goodbye Sir!” said Capt. Avery P. Firthingwald as he booted Barton out the hatch. The secure line that had been dangling behind the Congressman, too shocked to make a noise as he hurtled towards the shark-infested oil sludge 1000s of miles below, whipped out of the plane in an arc. Avery stared out at the shrinking spot. He’d done a good thing. A very good thing.

“POTUS is on the line,” yelled back the radio man, “Wants to know how it went.”

(Part of my Joe Barton fanfiction series)

Dave J. May 12, 2010 at 7:08 pm

[re=576184]Extemporanus[/re]: Joe Barton is just trying to calculate how much of his ejaculate it’ll take to plug up that leak. The trick is that due to the massive force he generates, he’s going to have to do it from the Atlantis when it launches next week. If he blasts that much jizz into the ocean from anything less than low earth orbit, he’ll affect the tilt of the earth’s axis, permanently.

Crank Tango May 12, 2010 at 7:09 pm

[re=576187]NYNYNY[/re]: i just hope you’re shopping that around for a reality series.

Jukesgrrl May 12, 2010 at 7:22 pm

And then they landed the plane and invited George Bush over for cake.

FlownOver May 12, 2010 at 8:06 pm

Barton, himself a walking oil slick, was just jealous. Size matters.

Way Cool Larry May 12, 2010 at 8:25 pm

“to see the clean up efforts first hand”…what a cocksucker… the oil is still fucking gushing out.

Beowoof May 12, 2010 at 8:30 pm

[re=576157]jus_wonderin[/re]: For me the scene was Full Metal Jacket where Drill Sargent is yelling on the obstacle course, Don’t Fall Representative Barton that would break my motherfucking heart. Ah pleasant thoughts.

Neilist May 12, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Can anyone tell what the airplane is? It looks about the size of a Short Skyvan, but I don’t think the USAF or other branch files that.

the wiz May 12, 2010 at 9:07 pm

I bet he got real close to the edge and pissed on the oil. That’ll teach um

SayItWithWookies May 12, 2010 at 10:36 pm

[re=576237]Neilist[/re]: I was thinking it wasn’t an airplane at all but a Chinook.

SayItWithWookies May 13, 2010 at 1:54 am

[re=576237]Neilist[/re]: Okay, nevermind the Chinook thing — there’s a prop at 0:21 that looks vertical rather than horizontal. Anyway, this nice person says it’s a “C-140″ which means it’s probably a C-130, since the C-141 is a jet. And the USCG definitely has a VIP C-130, since that’s how Hillary flew to Haiti once — on the 1720 out of Clearwater. And even though a 130 looks bigger than the thing in the video above, I can’t come up with anything closer. And no, I did not spend the last three hours looking for the answer to this. I took a break for dinner.

SayItWithWookies May 13, 2010 at 1:59 am

Dammit — here’s the link to the guy who said it was Coast Guard but got the plane wrong:

S.Luggo May 13, 2010 at 2:45 am

“Smokey Joe” Barton, puffing again.

diegowardd May 13, 2010 at 4:48 am

It looks like he wants to show his heroism in the plane. That is why he is getting filmed on the camera.
Alta White Teeth Whitening

arewethereyet May 13, 2010 at 6:34 am

Too small for a C-130, crewed one back in the day.

Baldar T Flagass May 13, 2010 at 8:16 am

“Go, dude, go!!!”

“Are you sure the parachute was packed right?”


Arewethereyet: I’m guessing C-27J. The Air Guard has a number of them. Eye-talian plane, WTF?

libwakman May 13, 2010 at 10:53 am

Sheeeit..I douse more oil on my salads..
Nuthin’ to see hea’..move along.

JoeMac May 13, 2010 at 1:12 pm

[re=576486]libwakman[/re]: And I understand Barton is known for tossing a mean salad.

momus May 13, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Joe needs to be on a leash more often.

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