MEET YOUR CANDIDATES  4:22 pm May 12, 2010

California Candidate Guy Apologizes For Not Being Clearer, When He Said He Wanted To Shoot All Liberals

by Jim Newell

California congressional hopeful and “Lodi grape grower” Brad Goehring — the standard spelling is “Göring,” but you can’t have everything — recently posted this on his Facebook, and everyone on the Internet loved it: “If I could issue hunting permits, I would officially declare today opening day for liberals. The season would extend through November 2 and have no limits on how many taken as we desperately need to ‘thin’ the herd.” Silly Göring. Maybe if had had said “cull,” it would have sounded… well, considerably creepier. His apology was the funniest part, though, and he wrote that on the Facebook too!

I intended to include the wording ‘we would use votes and not bullets’ (but) hit the share button by accident before I finished and decided to leave it, thinking it would not be taken in a literal sense. I’m sorry if I confused anyone.

“Der der der i cliked the safe and then i thought ‘der der’ and then them libs and der der der der & what for,” is what he meant.

He has now deleted both of these terrible, terrible Facebook posts.


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steverino247 May 12, 2010 at 4:27 pm

Knock yourself out, dickhead. I’m more than qualified to zap your ass first.

snideinplainsight May 12, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Republican pencild*ck has gun fantasies about shooting liberals. Many Bothan spies died to bring us this information.

tencentcomic May 12, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Oh, and I am sure it will never come up prior to the election unless he’s hoping to go with the “martyr” strategy.

germansteel May 12, 2010 at 4:29 pm

He also forgot to sign off with “Seig Heil.”

Come here a minute May 12, 2010 at 4:30 pm

I will reserve judgment until I hear the opinion of state Sen. Goebbels.

S.Luggo May 12, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Herman’s nephew?

SayItWithWookies May 12, 2010 at 4:32 pm

I would like to declare today the day that all political candidates who make asshole statments and then make asshole apologies have their balls cut off and their lower lips pulled up over their faces and sewn that way. Metaphorically of course.

jodyleek May 12, 2010 at 4:32 pm

I think I have to go with the words of Jesus on this one:

“Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger ’til it goes “click.”

armoredbore May 12, 2010 at 4:33 pm

Even conservatives know that Man is the deadliest prey of all

Birdcrash May 12, 2010 at 4:35 pm

He’s a nationally ranked water-skier with a kid named Lexus.

Sharkey May 12, 2010 at 4:35 pm

He could just burn down the Reichstag, see if that works instead.

bitchincamaro May 12, 2010 at 4:35 pm

[re=576012]germansteel[/re]: Gotta be related to this guy.

Mahousu May 12, 2010 at 4:36 pm

Wait a minute, everybody knows Lodis are apples. I think this “grape grower” is actually a Nazi spy. Ask him to explain the infield fly rule. If he can’t do it, then straight to Gitmo with him.

TGY May 12, 2010 at 4:37 pm

A yellow-bellied stogie-sucker, and them’s good eatin’!

rambone May 12, 2010 at 4:38 pm

Living up to a family name can be difficult, but it seems Herr Goehring is doing the job admirably.

JMP May 12, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Man, those liberals are so touchy, getting offended by some little joke like “I wanna kill all the liberals”! Some Jews also got offended at a similar joke Herr Goehring made about them. Can’t they take a little joke?

His flimsy “excuse” doesn’t even hold up, since if people were to go after liberals with votes, it would be on November 2, not from now until then; you’d almost think he just made that extra sentence up while issuing his non-apology apology.

XOhioan May 12, 2010 at 4:39 pm

FYI, wine produced in Lodi CA may have been made from grapes grown by “Manhunter” Goehring. I’m sure I can find some good Zins made elsewhere.

Edsdesk May 12, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Another client of ‘Rentboyz’, no doubt.

guangho May 12, 2010 at 4:40 pm

“10 people like this.”

comicbookguy May 12, 2010 at 4:40 pm

Worst. Incitement of genocide. Ever.

slappypaddy May 12, 2010 at 4:43 pm

a little five-year-old playing with fire. another damned gun-happy christian crypto-fascist wrapping himself in the flag and spewing the very sort of nonsense that would be the destruction of everything he claims to adore.

Allyson May 12, 2010 at 4:43 pm

“I…hit the share button by accident…”
That “fat finger” theory did not pan out for the Wall Street crash–what makes Goehring/Göring think he can pull it off?
“I’m sorry if I confused anyone.”
Oh, I think the only confused individuals are those who will be voting for you…

Come here a minute May 12, 2010 at 4:44 pm

[re=576028]Mahousu[/re]: With runners on base, a batter hitting a ball in the air to the infield is called out and … Mein Führer! I can walk!!

comicbookguy May 12, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Libruls make me so mad, I just want to stomp them in the face, crack open their skulls, and feast on the goo inside!

Ummmm… forgot to add: with votes.

Extemporanus May 12, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Oh Lord, fuckin’ Lodi again…

Shaggypixel May 12, 2010 at 4:48 pm

[re=576033]JMP[/re]: Exactly. No way this was a misunderstanding. He was trying to get attention from the most malevolent of the wignuttery, so they’ll step away from their pipebomb labs long enough to run a small errand on 2 Nov.

Real DC Native May 12, 2010 at 4:49 pm

He has the nut case vote tied up.

From his Facebook page:
“I have a matter that needs to be addressed. I did some research and found that the microchip that is mandatory to be placed in dogs within Stockton City limits is linked to cancer. The lab animals also developed cancer when it was being tested. This is NOT something that the public is informed of when they go to get th…eir pet “chipped”. What can I do? My dog died from this…this is playing Russion Rhoulette with the lives of our pets…what happened to cruelty to animals?…MY DOG SUFFERED TREMENDOUSLY….WON’T YOU HELP ME PLEASE?????????????????PLEASE?????????”

cheaphits May 12, 2010 at 4:50 pm

A 26 yr old man was sentenced to 15 months in the UK a couple days ago for saying on Twitter he would bomb the airport if his flight was cancelled.

This ijit should be put in the slams in Califoria for a year or so and let’s see how tough he is.

I bet not very…but then again it might build his self of steam.

JMP May 12, 2010 at 4:52 pm

[re=576044]Allyson[/re]: Like with the watermelon etc. emailers, he knows his only actual mistake was in sending it some non-crazies who somehow disagree with mass murder.

Oldskool May 12, 2010 at 4:52 pm

If the day these fucktards dream about ever comes, they’re going to be awfully surprised how many other people like guns too.

jetjaguar May 12, 2010 at 4:55 pm


Extemporanus May 12, 2010 at 4:56 pm

[re=576024]Birdcrash[/re]: You know who else was a famous water skier with driven children?

Escape Goat Nation May 12, 2010 at 4:57 pm

It’s a pretty sad state of affairs in the GOP when you can’t tell the difference between a posting by some retarded Tea Bagger on FoxNation and a post by an actual GOP candidate on his own page.

I used to think the Tail was wagging the Dog, but there isn’t even a Dog anymore. They’re just a bunch of randomly wiggling tails.

ThePuckStopsHere May 12, 2010 at 4:57 pm

[re=576046]Come here a minute[/re]: Infield Fly Rule: With runners on first or second, or first, second and third and less than two outs, if the batter hits a fly ball which, in the opinion of the umpire, can be caught by an infielder with reasonable effort, the batter shall immediately be declared out and the runners may advance at their own risk. Unless the base-runners are liberals, in which case they may be shot forthwith.

bureaucrap May 12, 2010 at 4:58 pm

[re=576052]Real DC Native[/re]: That’s just frightening.

rocktonsammy May 12, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Tonight on “Hannity.”

jus_wonderin May 12, 2010 at 4:59 pm

“I’m sorry if I confused anyone.” Oh, THAT is rich!!

Senile Agitation May 12, 2010 at 5:01 pm

The instinct to destroy what is disliked is part of the infantile frustration at the heart of conservatism. Baby want juice now. It’s only natural to suggest murder of liberals. They are destroying our freedoms, dang it, and not agreeing. Good thing I wasn’t “confused” by his remarks for too long. Might get mistakenly shot or something.

Escape Goat Nation May 12, 2010 at 5:02 pm

He just ruined his campaign. What kind of self respecting Tea Bagging asshole is going to now vote for some pussy who retracted his statement about killing Liberals?

FunkyPalmettoBug May 12, 2010 at 5:02 pm

What the Heil?

jus_wonderin May 12, 2010 at 5:02 pm

BTW: I ordered my Goehring about two weeks ago. Me and the Mrs eagerly await its arrival by USPS. And yes, it is legal in my state.

Way Cool Larry May 12, 2010 at 5:06 pm

He meant “opening day” like in baseball, right???

Isn’t the right term “open season”, anyway?

gurukalehuru May 12, 2010 at 5:07 pm

They are going to shoot us with votes??

mumblyjoe May 12, 2010 at 5:09 pm

He’s aware that many of the “liberals” (read: Black people) that he’s talking about *also* have guns, and probably have more practice aiming them at people, right?

No, he’s not? Alright then. Hope he has fun with that little plan of his, then.

El Pinche May 12, 2010 at 5:12 pm

[re=576072]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: HA!!!

Fox n Fiends May 12, 2010 at 5:12 pm

For every dead Liberal, 100 dead Conservatives.

ttommyunger May 12, 2010 at 5:12 pm

There are talkers and there are doers, now we know which this turd is. Kalifornia, so fucked.

edgydrifter May 12, 2010 at 5:12 pm

[re=576058]Oldskool[/re]: Precisely. Wearing Birkenstocks does not make a person defenseless and ignorant of arms. In fact, having exquisitely comfortable shoes probably aids concentration and makes one a BETTER shot.

Extemporanus May 12, 2010 at 5:14 pm

[re=576074]jus_wonderin[/re]: You Goeh, goyle!

bamaboy May 12, 2010 at 5:14 pm

[re=576080]mumblyjoe[/re]: yeah! Just once I’d like to see a liberal shoot back, you know, in self defence.

JMP May 12, 2010 at 5:17 pm

[re=576066]jus_wonderin[/re]: It’s even better than the usual “sorry if I offended anyone” non-apology. No no, people thinking he said what he clearly typed were just misinterpreting his real meaning.

jus_wonderin May 12, 2010 at 5:20 pm

“hit the share button by accident”

Isn’t that what his Mom said about that night in the backseat of that ’62 Chevrolet Biscayne? Oh, if only, to have a time machine, a bottle of fizzy pop and some napkins.

comicbookguy May 12, 2010 at 5:21 pm

[re=576077]gurukalehuru[/re]: They are going shoot us, and stack us like cord wood in the fields. With votes.

El Pinche May 12, 2010 at 5:21 pm

[re=576080]mumblyjoe[/re]: Are you kidding? Conservatards are biggest pussies of all.

If someone pulled a gun on that asshole, he’d piss his himself and beg and cry for his life. Then the state would create a law banning all guns for non-whites. That’s how the conservatives roll.

Bearbloke May 12, 2010 at 5:22 pm

Now Herr Göring will really be cross with the Juden who control Die Facebook!!

Beef Supreme May 12, 2010 at 5:22 pm

Brad Goehring: Earlier when I wrote, “I like having gay sex with boys”, I accidentally hit the wrong keys multiple times. What I meant to say was, “Taxes are too high, cute them all, and no health care for mexicans.”

OzoneTom May 12, 2010 at 5:23 pm

[re=576017]jodyleek[/re]: Nice Big Lebowski ref!

zhubajie May 12, 2010 at 5:25 pm

You know, some should have challenged him to a fist-fight, see if he could be tough as a without a gun. Seriously.

ella May 12, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Reload! is what he meant to say.

Darkness May 12, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Perhaps I’m too young to remember, but did the left EVER have this kind of penchant for violence?

Or does one Weatherman == Eleven billionty Tim McVeighs and Humvee Hardee Har Hars (or whatever that Michigan cult was called . . .)

mumblyjoe May 12, 2010 at 5:30 pm

[re=576077]gurukalehuru[/re]: But apparently they’re only going to be doing all of their “voting” at libruls before election day. Because, yeah, that’s how voting, and not violence, works, right?

CapnFatback May 12, 2010 at 5:31 pm

[re=576055]cheaphits[/re]: “A 26 yr old man was sentenced to 15 months in the UK a couple days ago for saying on Twitter he would bomb the airport if his flight was cancelled.”

Fifteen months under that Parliament? I can haz solitary confinement instead, pleez?

slappypaddy May 12, 2010 at 5:34 pm

“he who knows what is enough will not be shamed; he who knows where to stop will not be in danger.” — lao tzu (who said this long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, and was not a white overweight american christian businessman, so he doesn’t really count, now does he?)

Mr Blifil May 12, 2010 at 5:38 pm

“Sorry” if you’re so stupid you confused my advocacy of gun violence against harmless nice people as advocacy of gun violence against harmless nice people. Damn you must be stupid, but if you got confused, I’m man enough to say “my bad,” jackhole.

Darkness May 12, 2010 at 5:43 pm

[re=576034]XOhioan[/re]: Thanks for the link. We buy two cases of wine a month. We are one of the 5% keeping their asses in business.

comicbookguy May 12, 2010 at 5:54 pm

[re=576106]Darkness[/re]: I believe the Michigan cult was called “Punishing Dildo Mallet Wielding Ducks in Diapers for Jesus”

ArugulaTeleprompterz May 12, 2010 at 6:03 pm

I like that 10 people “liked” his original statement. Can we find out who those 10 people are please? “Hoo-hoo-hoo honey, I’m votin’ for this un. He wants to kill the libruls an’ so do I. I like it!”

PineyWoodster May 12, 2010 at 6:17 pm

A lot of us Liberal types will be shooting back…

BobTheBuilder May 12, 2010 at 6:27 pm

Hey Goering – remember what the Inglourious Basterds did to the Nah-zees! You better hope that ugly thing on your head is a toupee.

Of course, we would use votes and not a 12-inch Bowie knife.

DemmeFatale May 12, 2010 at 6:34 pm

[re=576085]edgydrifter[/re]: Latte-sipping also improves focus.

Crankenstank May 12, 2010 at 6:35 pm

I think not being able to figure out that Facebook has a “Delete” button should be prima facie evidence a guy is unfit to hold high office in this land, or for that matter, own a firearm, but I’m just one crazy liberal…OW, I’VE BEEN HIT! AAAAARRGgghhh……..

mrbgoode May 12, 2010 at 6:42 pm

He meant it as metaphor, you know like the Bible. Damn literalists!

hagajim May 12, 2010 at 6:52 pm

Goehring is boring…with that kind of stupidity his name ought to be Klink

slappypaddy May 12, 2010 at 6:56 pm

[re=576179]hagajim[/re]: or sergeant schultz, who knew nothing.

problemwithcaring May 12, 2010 at 7:07 pm

Not Genocidal Just No Longer Silent!!!1!

Sue May 12, 2010 at 7:20 pm

Republicans do this over and over again and we’re supposed to believe they don’t really mean to suggest killing people with whom they disagree? Right.

Que miras, cabron! May 12, 2010 at 7:47 pm

The honorable thing would be to sip a cyanide cocktail like his uncle Hermann Goering.

zhubajie May 12, 2010 at 7:49 pm

[re=576033]JMP[/re]: He appears to think that Liberals don’t have guns, too.

Sharkey May 12, 2010 at 7:57 pm

Goehring killed me with that joke!

zhubajie May 12, 2010 at 7:58 pm

[re=576052]Real DC Native[/re]: Does he worry that the RFID chip in his drivers’s license might be the Mark of the Beast?

zhubajie May 12, 2010 at 8:05 pm

[re=576047]comicbookguy[/re]: Can’t do this with conservacrooks: nothing inside!

zhubajie May 12, 2010 at 8:14 pm

[re=576080]mumblyjoe[/re]: Mexicans, too, are often well-armed.

zhubajie May 12, 2010 at 8:22 pm

[re=576202]Sue[/re]: I’ve long thought that civil war of some type was a matter of time.

rmjag May 12, 2010 at 8:35 pm

big news 4 this bitch , not only libruls , but indies and even some less insane conservatards will jokingly , in a tampering sort of way , b rearranging his lifespan , in a hilarious and extremely joking way . from now ’til nov 2

Beowoof May 12, 2010 at 8:37 pm

The only thing this douche ever hunted was more pork barbeque at the pig roast.

melvin May 12, 2010 at 8:53 pm

Somebody give this guy a cyanide capsule.

badmuthagoose May 12, 2010 at 8:55 pm

I love how they always think we’re unarmed.

Sexual Harrassment Panda May 12, 2010 at 9:06 pm

Unfortunately Melvin it would probably not kill him. Oh, asshats, where would we be without them? Oh, that’s right, there would be progress for a while. Frankly any politician having a facebook is ridiculous, it just makes them look stupid. What ever happened to facebook being a college networking site? Whatever, oh, the 2005s, I miss you.

AutomaticPilot May 12, 2010 at 9:07 pm

It’s really hilarious the lengths he went to, to explain what happened:
“…hit the share button by accident before I finished and decided to leave it, thinking it would not be taken in a literal sense.”

Maybe he would have gotten more traction if he said:
“…hit the share button and before I had the chance to delete it, I saw an old lady out the window who needed help crossing the street, so I ran out there to help her, and then Lassie came along and communicated to me that Timmy was stuck in a well, so I rescued him, and then I was kidnapped by aliens and held for several hours before they set me free, and by then it was too late.”

Geogre May 12, 2010 at 9:13 pm

Hang on, folken. Yes, we’re as armed as “they” are. We’re Americans, after all. Myself, I believe in shotguns — less phallic overcompensation, less need for good aim, less chance for fatality. However, communicating in that language is as silly for “us” as them. Both involve, ultimately, fantasy, and not the J.K. Rowling kind.

Herr Goehring is probably a creation of the well known Matt, and therefore yellow. He certainly seems to be a cartoon character…only less believable.

Real DC Native May 12, 2010 at 9:43 pm

[re=576244]Sexual Harrassment Panda[/re]:
He also has a MySpace link on his website. I thought MySpace was for like high-schoolers. uck.

If I was a campaign manager the first thing I would do is change the passwords on my candidate’s Twitter, Facebook and what ever other social networking accounts they have and never never let them post anything themselves.

snideinplainsight May 12, 2010 at 10:05 pm

All my votes are hollow point.

Hoplight May 12, 2010 at 10:07 pm

He has now deleted both of these terrible, terrible Facebook posts.

What a lame weenie. And now his staff has to clean twinkee filling off his keyboard, AGAIN.

Big Liver May 12, 2010 at 11:00 pm

Ya know, I’m liberal as hell, but I can also shoot straighter than shit.

guangho May 12, 2010 at 11:10 pm

Say why aren’t there more Jewish Republicans?

Beanball May 12, 2010 at 11:55 pm

My favorite voting machine is a customized .45 cal Springfield Model 1911, with a 1/2 oz pull and iron sights. (One-half-inch groups full-clip rapid-fire at 20 paces.) Or we could go with the .357 Dan Wesson.

Beanball May 12, 2010 at 11:58 pm

[re=576288]Beanball[/re]: OK, I’m bragging. One-inch groups.

smitallica May 13, 2010 at 12:07 am

This is just in retaliation for all those liberal politicians that threaten to murder their opponents, publicly, or incite their constituents to do so. In public.

knoxtheharpy May 13, 2010 at 12:20 am

Sadly, for Lodi, this cracker is just center-right.

nappyduggs May 13, 2010 at 12:32 am

Guns don’t kill people- votes do.

S.Luggo May 13, 2010 at 2:35 am

Brad’s explanation is accepted, so back off. The right to bear votes is covered by the 2nd Amendment, hippie trash.

Jestme May 13, 2010 at 5:16 am

The first rule is that you don’t talk about the libr’l huntin’ gun club.

Papas got a brand new teabag May 13, 2010 at 6:03 am

why do these fuckwads assume I won’t shoot back?

Geogre May 13, 2010 at 6:20 am

“Came in on a Grayhound
Be walking out, if I go.
Oh, Lord!
Stuck in Lodi again.” — John Fogerty

I gather the town’s position as a vortex to the other side, in the 1970′s, resulted in hellspawn babies who decided to run for office under the banner of a childish prank, the TP-ing of America.

bored Socialist/Communist May 13, 2010 at 6:45 am

I love his original post- “have no limits on how many taken as we desperately need to ‘thin’ the herd.” I wonder if anyone’s explained to him yet that he just admitted his campaign’s in the toilet.

The sound of impotent conservative rage is music to my ears.

Baldar T Flagass May 13, 2010 at 8:23 am

[re=576102]OzoneTom[/re]: Ah, Lebowski. Is there no situation in the real world for which you can’t provide an appropriate quote?

disgustedcitizen May 13, 2010 at 8:51 am

[re=576006]steverino247[/re]: So true. I’m 63, but if I can’t take out that never-did-a-days-work-in-my-life, overweight, marshmallow-looking, wine-sucking, sack of repug, then I deserve to be shot.

KidCrucial May 13, 2010 at 9:46 am

Pfft…I say bring it.

jus_wonderin May 13, 2010 at 10:44 am

[re=576254]Real DC Native[/re]: “He also has a MySpace link on his website. I thought MySpace was for like high-schoolers.”

He uses MySpace after hours to network with high-schoolers.

RobPetrified May 13, 2010 at 12:15 pm

FOX, Americas most watched ‘news’ source, says Twitter is BAD, mmmmkay?

Since they’re fair and balanced, I guess Obama is a NAZI.

GOPCrusher May 13, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Now, now, now. This is just a result of the many librul acts of violence against the Gawd-Fearing Conservatives that have been perpetrated since Nov. 5, 2008.

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