Republicans About To Settle On... Ha ha ha, Freaking Tampa, Freaking *Tampa, Florida*, For Their Next Convention

Nowhere on Earth is better for old white men with no control over their sweat glands to spend their August than FLORIDA. And yet it appears that's where the Republicans will hold their 2012 convention, in its ~4th-largest fake town of lies and candy, Tampa, home of nonsense.

Terrible sell-out Juli Weiner of theVanity Faircorporation hiked all the way to TampaBay.com to learn something about this imminent municipal victim of the oil slick: "Seattle has grunge, and the Bronx has hip-hop, but Tampa lays claim to the cradle of hardcore death metal. If the Tampa Bay area has one signature musical legacy, this dark, devilish sound may be it."

Why are Republicans holding their quadrennial no-pants party in the humid birthplace of Satan? Oh, right.

[ Vanity Fair ]