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Here is Wolf Blitzer on Larry King Live Guest Hosted By Paul Begala, For Some Reason, celebrating his 20 years of terrible service to America’s most mediocre cable channel! As is traditional in Ted Turner’s empire of depravity, Blitzer was rewarded for his service with an on-air sex act with the furry of his choice.

The bearded TV-word-speaker chose “Gee Whiz,” who is apparently the mascot of the local basketball team, a squad that Blitzer pretends to follow so as to appear more “relatable.” (Actual Blitzer quote, after he rattles of the names of front-office personnel he found on Wikipedia: “They’re going to have a team!”) Anyway, then this grotesque blue beast came out and ran its sexy four-fingered hands all over Blitzer’s finely tailored suit. It also brought out an unappetizing-looking pink cake, for later, while Begala cackled like a terrifying banshee.

And why isn’t Larry King on his own show, anyway? Begala says “Larry can’t be here,” but he’s such a figure of robust health that this seems suspicious, and … OH MY GOD WHO’S IN THE SUIT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! (Thanks to extremely attractive Wonkette tipster “WindbagCity” for the horror.) [CNN]

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