When Wonkette “editor” Ken Layne declared that he was going to drive to the site of the stolen Jesus Cross in California’s Mojave Desert yesterday, most of us assumed that this was his latest excuse to hitchhike to the nearest McDonald’s and drink a liter of vodka, as he does every afternoon. We still believe this. The Los Angeles Times, however, claims to have spotted the Layne Monster at the site of this Jesus Cross, looking like a nut. Let’s split the difference and just assume that he’s dead. [LA Times]
Where The Hell Is Ken Layne?
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Doesn’t Ken Layne do those Slim Jim commercials?
What does Gina Ferazzi look like? The name suggests hot.
Photoshop contest!!!
Oh, well, now that Ken has been in the LA Times does that mean he’s going to get all uppity on us? (But does anyone see the irony of someone photographing someone taking a picture?)
I have faith that He will rise again (once His hangover wears off).
What’s this Ken? You are cavorting about with the LA Times Photog Babes?
[re=575550]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Blingee!
Ken stole teh cross!!eleventy!
I thought taking a picture of another person taking a picture was a goofy thing kids tend to do, because they are easily amused and think it’s funny; not something a professional photographer for a major metropolitan newspaper would do.
It’s also weird that, according to the LA Times, Ken is just some guy from the Yucca Valley; of course, the dead tree journalists always like to pretend bloggers aren’t really part of the media.
[re=575551]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: does anyone see the irony of someone photographing someone taking a picture?
An old “photographer’s trick of the trade,” adding a human element to an otherwise bereft scene. Of course our Ken looks more like a sasquatch in this photo, but still.
That silhouette seems Eskimo-like. Parka, hat? Looks like Sarah P. in that ice sculpture photo.
Any leads yet?
Leads, yeah, sure. I’ll just check with the boys down at the crime lab, they’ve got four more detectives working on the case. They got us working in shifts!
Leads…
:: snort::
:: laughter ::
Leads…
Hmmm…Newspaper photog pictures of blogger posted on newspaper Web site, then linked by the blogger’s blog. Awful lotta meta going on here.
Alsoz and tooz, my cuz is hiking the Pacific Crest, so he mighta take a detour with his trusty
axeMilwaukee recip and generator. It’s just amazing what he can fit in that backpack.Ken, go be a PCT trail angel and leave him some Ding Dongs and a 30 pack of Hamm’s.
Jesus, Ken really does live in the middle of nowhere:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=Yucca+Valley,+CA&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=41.224889,58.007813&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=Yucca+Valley,+San+Bernardino,+California&ll=34.095885,-116.411133&spn=1.619377,3.164063&t=h&z=9
From the Caption
Ken Layne of Yucca Valley
Somebody needs to explain to this boy that someone named that valley “Yucka” for a reason, probably because “Shithole” and “Hellscape” valleys were already taken, but I digress…
climbs to the spot in the Mojave National Preserve where a cross honoring troops who died in World War I vanished.
Much like our memories of WWI.
You don’t suppose somebody went out there and, you know…just dug it up and hauled it away for scrap, do ya? It was probably worth slightly more than the cost of the gasoline to get out there and then back to the recycling yard or perhaps not.
Whatever! The New Economy, green shoots!!!!!
Life in the fast Layne.
Hey, there’s cool shit to steal right in Yucca Valley!
http://www.panoramio.com/photo/25635201
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desert_Christ_Park
California Layne and the Lost Hunk of Metal
Does this mean that The Politico won the morning by not participating?
[re=575563]V572625694[/re]: Any more meta, and this might as well be a Grant Morrison story, and smash the fourth wall into smithereens.
Come on, which one of you Wonkett guys took it? We won’t tell, but silently applaud.
[re=575563]V572625694[/re]: Today, we are all circular reference: see reference, circular.
Layne is out taking snaps of petrified McCain turds left over from from the Neolithic. Pick one up, Ken. I double dares ya.
http://tinyurl.com/24sekue
Well, that didn’t take long. I commented “Needs moar TruckNutz,” and it was up for about 2 seconds before they disappeared it. Dumb LA Times can’t take a joke.
Any links to the blog of the picture being taken of a picture taker? I figure we can just keep this up until we disappear into our collective navels.
[re=575565]V572625694[/re]: And yet it is full of subdivisions. It just seems wrong somehow.
Seriously, the LA Times scooped Wonkette on a story about Wonkette’s editor? You guys need better sources. And they scooped POLITICO, too? How did that happen?
I’m bettin’ there’s peyote involved…and several Carlos Castenada books.
Was this before or after the Zabriskie Point-style orgy commenced?
I’ll bet the thief was a pious Glenn Beck follower — someone who was sick and tired of seeing the symbol of their religion defiled by honoring Woodrow Wilson’s progressive war to end all wars, form a One World Government, get us off the gold standard and have us all wearing gray pajamas and saluting a giant portrait of Eugene V. Debs every morning when we’re doing our calisthenics in the Great Square. Either that or some stoned hippie with a flatbed truck.
[re=575582]TGY[/re]: I recurse your circular reference and dare you to raise.
Silly old media. Ken is not of Yucca Flats. Ken is of Wonkett.
Wait, the editor of Wonkette, “a political satire and gossip blog that details the goings-on of the political establishment in Washington, DC” as per Wikipedia, lives in small-town California? Is this legal?
Of course, reading a profile of Yucca Valley(also on the ever-useful Wikipedia), provides some useful insights.
“Yucca Valley has 3 neighborhood elementary schools, one middle school and two high schools. The private schools in Yucca Valley include:
- Our Lady of the Desert, a Christian school for K-12;
- Joshua Springs Christian School, non-denominational affiliation for PK-12;
- Grace Christian School, Brethren affiliation for K-12;
- Hi-Desert SDA Elementary, a 1-6, Seventh Day Adventist affiliation school; and
- Yucca Valley Christian School, affiliated with The Assembly of God, for PK-12.”
[re=575587]x111e7thst[/re]: Empty, desolate subdivisions, leftovers from the hopeful time when commuting into the LA basin from there seemed possible because gas for the F-150 was $2.50/gallon and anyone could get a mortgage with a 1-year teaser rate. Too bad all those houses were stickbuilt piles of drywall on slab protected by tissue-thin shingles and cheesy stucco, because they’re not even worth the effort to salvage. Ah, America: where developers are the most entitled class, after Yalies.
[re=575592]Katydid[/re]: Oh, I can think of something a little more circular (Footnote 12)
[re=575599]JMP[/re]: Footnote 12: This is the famous recursive footnote (Footnote 12)
Haven’t we all wasted enough time and energy on this fucking thing?
Ken’s been to the desert on a horse with no name but for his blasphemy, god spirited him away. As we speak, he is being probed.
Only one litre? What a lightweight.
I’m picturing something like the original Planet of the Apes movie where Heston (Ken) discovers what is left of the Statue of Liberty (cross remnants).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31QUOUxqz2M
Layne spotting
[re=575562]Troubledog[/re]: That cross really held the mountain panorama together.
Rangers will be looking for fingerprints, tire tracks or anything else that might provide clues to who was responsible. As federal law enforcement officers, they can go wherever the evidence leads them and will have access to a wide range of tools, including forensics equipment, Slater said.
Dear Ken–
Plz to wipe down anything, pick up any stray, DNA-laden Sonic wrappers you might find, and clomp around/drive around all dusty areas.
Sincerely,
Wonkett
I like to think that Layne is using the cross to crucify his enemies, who are, after all, our enemies. Apart from that, this story is like the destruction of the giant Bhudda statues in the Bamayon Valley by the Taliban, only stupid.
[re=575605]WhatTheHeck[/re]: OMG! They killed Kenny!! You bastards!!
Sorry, I couldn’t help myself— you had to bring up probing..
Looking at the google map of Yucca Valley, looks like they make a lot of meth there.
[re=575599]JMP[/re]: [re=575602]JMP[/re]: I bow down to you both and lay down my literary sword. I did mean to write “challenge,” not “dare.” I say this truthfully, not just because I’ve been soundly defeated. (smile)
In the first pic Ken looks like a person John McCain would yell at to get off his lawn. Which is a compliment, really.
Maybe he’s dumping Riley’s body? Where is that kid?
Yucca Valley to DC every day must be a hell of a commute…
Ken just went back to “cover” the story so that there would be an excuse for his fingerprints, tire tracks, and stray DNA to be found in the vicinity.
The image they DON’T WANT YOU TO SEE:
http://www.roundmountaingroup.com/images/kenlayne.jpg
[re=575591]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Either way, a piece of shit vehicle was involved.
Oh god, Yucca Valley? I live next to that in Palm Springs, and everytime I go up there I think meth central.
Why is he wearing a jacket?? Is he one of those wimpy Brits who need to bundle up if it goes below 60 degrees? Is he one of those metroseksual types? Is it really him?
Yucca Valley is way the fuck out there, too.
At least he’s not “hiking the Appalachian Trail” with some boy “carrying his bags”. Is he?
[re=575566]dijetlo[/re]: First, The Mojave Desert Cross – Next, ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY!!! Uh, wait… them’s some big fuggin guns… Next, BRET MICHAELS’ STINKY HAT!!!
You know who else went into the desert alone, before he came back to be crucified, and then rose from the dead on the third day? Hehhhng?
Wait, Ken goes off to some mount with a cross and apparently dies? I am so not looking forward to what happens on the third day. He’ll be absolutely insufferable then.
Yucca Flats? Are you sure that’s not the beast himself, Tor Johnson, in the photo?
Anyway, get out of there, Ken. It’s mid-May, and the temperature is about to soar to 120 and stay there for four months.
During the oral arguments Scalia said (with a straight face) that the cross isn’t necessarily a CHRISTIAN symbol, it’s more of a general symbol of remembering the dead.
So I’m hoping it turns up in a Muslin graveyard somewhere as a general symbol of Scalia’s being a douche.
[re=575598]V572625694[/re]: Balloon-frame, not stickbuilt, but otherwise spot on. The tattier new suburbs of Atlanta, built specifically for black flight as white hipsters drove the inner-city prices to nutso levels, are pretty much the same thing, and equally doomed.
[re=575723]Boozeweek[/re]: In the same way the swastika isn’t a Nazi symbol because some Hindus used it a long time ago.
I’m hoping for alien anal probing myself. Well not for myself, for Ken actually. For the comedy.
Ken’s Vision
[re=575655]ella[/re]: Now, there’s another term for people who are are so wimpy about weather they need a jacket whenever it gets below 60, not even anywhere near cold yet – Californians.
[re=575618]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: My buddies did not die face down in the mud so some perfidious liberal blogger with a lithium-ion-battery-powered angle grinder could come out here in some biodiesel-powered solar buggy and steal our motherfucking jesus pole.
[re=575757]Dean Booth[/re]: Waaaaay too much peyote.
[re=575700]Prommie[/re]: Um, Edward Abbey?
[re=575559]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Here’s A PICTURE OF KEN posing with two of the federal investigators.
[re=575757]Dean Booth[/re]: [re=575743]Mr Blifil[/re]: Ken had a close encounter near Devil’s Bumpit, California?! No wonder we still haven’t heard from him!
Phone home, Ken! PHOOOONNNE HOOOOOMMMME!
[re=575757]Dean Booth[/re]: Instead of “The Burning Bush”, Ken has received divine guidance from “The Glowing Grifter”.
[re=575789]Extemporanus[/re]: Message from unknown child in Yucca Valley, “Daddy – PLEASE COME HOME!!!”
And here I thought that NASA invented this “Ken Layne” on some sound stage at Area 51 back in the late 60s.
[re=575797]GoinGreen[/re]: *sigh* Blitzer was sooo cute as a kid…
[re=575757]Dean Booth[/re]: That picture can only be taken at the Winter Solstice or whenever a new branch of the Bank of Wasilla opens.
[re=575763]JMP[/re]: Since Ken is of Yucca Valley, he knows how damned cold it gets in the desert with no advance notice. I have seen temps as low as 18 degrees at night when you “wouldn’t think” that would happen.
Alternate Los Angeles Times photo caption, for slappypaddy:
Ken Layne photographs the box where the cat once did or did not hide. It was constructed in 1935 by the Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger.
I always thought “Ken Layne” lived in the Antelope Valley.
So….. Now I can say: Howdy, neighbor!
Layne is wriggling in the L.A. Times?
I like the picture of “Henry and Wanda Sandoz”; perhaps this explains Ken’s “road trip”…
Very sad — he’ll be missed, poor….um…what was his name again?
Weirdos, all of you.
I don’t live in a town at all. The place mentioned is one of a half-dozen or so small towns within fifty miles of my compound, and sounds much better than “Palm Springs” or “Trona.” And since we posted a very long & detailed thing on the Mojave Cross Caper yesterday, as did more than a thousand newswires and websites, I’m pretty sure there’s no morning newspaper today that “scooped” anybody or anything. Print newspapers haven’t really had much of an edge there since, oh, the Golden Age of Radio.
Aw, Ken — NOTHING sounds better than Trona.
Unless it’s Slab City.
[re=576178]Ken Layne[/re]: Except for that one thing back in the 70′s about some office suites between Foggy Bottom and Georgetown. What was that called? About Nixon and stuff? Ah! Watergate! That was a newspaper (print journalism) scoop!
Though after the paper broke the story they droned on for months on the tee vee about it.
[re=576178]Ken Layne[/re]: What exactly is your interest in missing desert historical artifacts? You wouldn’t be the guy who stole The Mojave Phone Booth, would you?
So, Ken. Was Gina already there taking a pic and you jumped in front? Or did you invite her along to specifically take a pic? Or WTF?
[re=576242]desertwind[/re]: But not much smells worse than Trona.
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