BEST CHAPS  5:02 pm May 11, 2010

A Children’s Treasury Of David Cameron Stalking Barack Obama

by Jim Newell

Back in 2008, the hottest fad among European politicians was to get their pictures taken with presidential candidate Barack Obama, who was much more popular among Europeans than any of them. David Cameron, who had been preparing for his royal takeover of Britain for years already, chased Barack Obama all over the place. Up top, we have Cameron’s video from election night 2008. He watched Barack Obama win on the telly and read about his Glories in the local news-tabloids, and then proceeded to suck up like the Dickens. “I KNOWETH THIS MAN. WE ARE BEST CHAPS. HE LOVES ME,” he narrates.

Here is Cameron’s video from Obama’s visit to Englandtowne in July, 2008, where they sat next to each other in green chairs and talked policy and probably all sorts of other really important stuff. Obama’s only reason to make that whole 12-day trip to the Old World was to meet the awesome and important politician David Cameron, our stalker implies.

During this same trip, a very suspicious open mic caught a private conversation between Cameron and Obama, where Cameron told him a bunch of bad (WINNING!) jokes and offered him friendly advice, because they were best chaps and this is how best chaps talk to each other.

CAMERON: You should be on the beach. You need a break. Well, you need to be able to keep your head together.

OBAMA: You’ve got to refresh yourself.

CAMERON: Do you have a break at all?

OBAMA: I have not. I am going to take a week in August. But I agree with you that somebody, somebody who had worked in the White House who — not Clinton himself, but somebody who had been close to the process — said that, should we be successful, that actually the most important thing you need to do is to have big chunks of time during the day when all you’re doing is thinking. And the biggest mistake that a lot of these folks make is just feeling as if you have to be …

CAMERON: These guys just chalk your diary up.

OBAMA: Right. … In 15 minute increments and …

CAMERON: We call it the dentist waiting room. You have to scrap that because you’ve got to have time.

OBAMA: And, well, and you start making mistakes or you lose the big picture. Or you lose a sense of, I think you lose a feel …

CAMERON: Your feeling. And that is exactly what politics is all about. The judgment you bring to make decisions.

OBAMA: That’s exactly right. And the truth is that we’ve got a bunch of smart people, I think, who know 10 times more than we do about the specifics of the topics. And so if what you’re trying to do is micromanage and solve everything then you end up being a dilettante, but you have to have enough knowledge to make good judgments about the choices that are presented to you.

Look at the ease with which David Cameron converses with Barack Obama!

Cameron also gave Obama an English Smattering of cool musical recordings by the Smiths, Gorillaz, and Radiohead during this trip, which is what most stalkers do when they meet the person they’ve been stalking.

Anyway, today is the best day in David Cameron’s life. Not because he became prime minister of the United Kingdom — who would ever want such a thing? — but because OMFG, HE’S CALLING!

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OzoneTom May 11, 2010 at 5:04 pm

Some of his best friends are Kenyans.

Snarkalicious May 11, 2010 at 5:07 pm

David Cameron: He’s not Bush. Except that he is.

Texan Bulldoggette May 11, 2010 at 5:11 pm

Wonder if Cameron will let Barry finish a sentence in this conversation since he didn’t appear to above. I guess he thinks they’re so close they can complete each others sentences??

SayItWithWookies May 11, 2010 at 5:12 pm

So that’s what they do at their dentists.

Buzz Feedback May 11, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Shame fat-ass in the press office mis-spelled your title.

Tommmcatt May 11, 2010 at 5:12 pm

He gave him a mix tape. Genius.

Zadig May 11, 2010 at 5:13 pm

[re=575111]Snarkalicious[/re]: He’s Bush, if Bush was a reformed (?) furry.

Whiskeybaby May 11, 2010 at 5:13 pm

All the other leaders are gay for Barry. Ahmedinejad only came to the US because Barry wouldn’t respond to his text messages.

SayItWithWookies May 11, 2010 at 5:15 pm

[re=575119]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And yes, that was obvious and stereotyped. It’s been that kind of day.

chascates May 11, 2010 at 5:17 pm

Wait till he meets with the Minister of Magic.

magic titty May 11, 2010 at 5:17 pm

This is the Growing Pains guy, right?

user-of-owls May 11, 2010 at 5:19 pm

[re=575129]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It was also quite funny…once I thought about it. Still, that’s not cricket, old bean.

tunamelt May 11, 2010 at 5:20 pm

[re=575130]chascates[/re]: GodDAMN you. I signed on here SPECIFICALLY to make that joke.

bfstevie May 11, 2010 at 5:21 pm

You can never go wrong with English language captioning of people speaking English. Now if only we could get them to label objects in videos so we knew what they were.

Jim Newell May 11, 2010 at 5:21 pm

[re=575130]chascates[/re]: Yes, when does Cameron get briefed on the classified knowledge that there is a community of actively warring wizards in his country?

user-of-owls May 11, 2010 at 5:22 pm

Really, the only thing surprising about that conversation is that after telling Barry he should be at the beach, Cameron said, “You need a break” instead of “You need a tan.”

tunamelt May 11, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Seriously though, what’s up with that? “You should go to the beach.”

It’s like he’s hitting on him or about to write political slash fiction.

chascates May 11, 2010 at 5:24 pm

Via Aethelread the Unread:
“I want to build a more responsible society in Britain, one where we don’t just ask “What are my entitlements?”, but “What are my responsibilities?”
“As a guide to that society: those who can should, and those who can’t we will always help. I want to make sure that my government always looks after the elderly, the frail, the poorest in our country.”
“I want us to build an economy that rewards work.”

At the equivalent moment, Margaret Thatcher talked about sowing harmony where there was discord – before going on to the single most divisive figure in modern British history. And David Cameron started way to the right of that, he started with the iron fist clearly visible through the velvet glove. If this is his moderate stance, then what in the name of crap is he going to be forcing on us in a year’s time?

The Silver Fox May 11, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Brits make everything sound better with their little accent. I like Obamar, but Cameron is making quite a pitch.

Johnny Zhivago May 11, 2010 at 5:33 pm

[re=575141]user-of-owls[/re]: You mean briefed on the status of James Bond, the Avengers, UNIT and the current whereabouts of the Tartus?

edgydrifter May 11, 2010 at 5:35 pm

As opposed to the conversation he tried to have with the last prez.

CAMERON: These guys just chalk your diary up.

BUSH: Huh? What is that, some kind of food? I like pretzels. They’re good.

CAMERON: We call it the dentist waiting room. You have to scrap that because you’ve got to have time.

BUSH: Mmm-hmm. Yeah. You talk funny.

bitchincamaro May 11, 2010 at 5:35 pm

Looks to me like he’s playing the same drinking game I was playing, that same speech. I rather like this chap.

yargisbargis May 11, 2010 at 5:36 pm

[re=575140]Jim Newell[/re]: I’m sure the Magic Negro has already filled him in.

chascates May 11, 2010 at 5:38 pm

At least Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward is still around to fix things.

Limeylizzie May 11, 2010 at 5:38 pm

And this ponce would fucking move if anyone remotely the colour of Hopey and the family moved in next door to him.

WriteyWriterton May 11, 2010 at 5:40 pm

[re=575140]Jim Newell[/re]: When he finds out he’s just entered an alliance with the Death Eaters. Not the LibDems, mind, the permanent under-minister class, which runs everything, if you believe them.

SayItWithWookies May 11, 2010 at 5:41 pm

[re=575143]tunamelt[/re]: The conversation took place in July of 2008 — so it was two people who had never run their country talking about how difficult it was running their country. I’m sure they both realized how silly and awkward a topic it was, considering — however, when a polite English gentleman accidently brings up an awkward topic, he does as he is taught and charges along at full speed like he meant it so as not to make the awkwardness too obvious. It never works, and it’s hilarious.

Shaggypixel May 11, 2010 at 5:59 pm

[re=575159]edgydrifter[/re]: And then perhaps Bush would voice his concern over dentists not being able to practice their love with teeth.

zhubajie May 11, 2010 at 6:07 pm

[re=575143]tunamelt[/re]: Maybe he was hitting on him! You know about Tories, don’t you?

RoscoePColtraine May 11, 2010 at 6:14 pm

The wannabe giving advice to someone he knows he can never be. I think it’s cute.

assistant/atlas May 11, 2010 at 6:28 pm

Hey Cameron–it’s not that kind of “special relationship” you poof.

user-of-owls May 11, 2010 at 6:28 pm

[re=575173]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Precisely! See Fawlty, Basil. (Who I’ve heard will be named Minister of Foreign Affairs)

trondant May 11, 2010 at 6:32 pm

[re=575159]edgydrifter[/re]: Oh c’mon, go all the way:

Bush: You talk like a fag and your shit’s all retarded.

ella May 11, 2010 at 7:34 pm

Barry had Bunny’s number, as the New Statesman reported at the time:

On meeting Cameron, Obama was, according to diplomatic sources, “distinctly unimpressed”, contrary to some reports (excitedly spun by the Conservatives) which suggested that the two men had formed an instant “bond”. Instead, I have been told, Obama exclaimed of Cameron after their meeting: “What a lightweight!”

rambone May 11, 2010 at 7:58 pm

but you have to have enough knowledge to make good judgments about the choices that are presented to you

He’s the Decider!

Pilate May 11, 2010 at 8:30 pm

This is harder to watch than Skoalrebel.

Lazy Media May 11, 2010 at 9:32 pm

Slitherin = Tories
Labour = Hufflepuff
Lib Dems = Ravenclaw
?? = Griffindor

Long Form Def Certificate May 11, 2010 at 9:47 pm

David Cameron is as old as Obama’s half-sister. Perhaps Bunny can tag along with Obie, then, & learn the lessons the Pres would have taught sis, had she been able to leave Indonesia prior to adulthood.

Dreamer May 11, 2010 at 10:15 pm

I didn’t know Pierse Morgan was the new British Prime Minister.

zhubajie May 11, 2010 at 10:17 pm

[re=575130]chascates[/re]: Or the Archdruid!

hotdog May 11, 2010 at 10:26 pm

[re=575144]chascates[/re]: He stole that first line from an American president’s inaugural address (“Ask not…”)

snideinplainsight May 11, 2010 at 10:26 pm

You know, I really feel like we’re slipping here – nobody’s said this here yet;

Samantha Cameron : I’d hit that! I’d hit that til my ears bled.

zhubajie May 11, 2010 at 10:37 pm

“?? = Griffindor”

Raving Looony Party.

desertwind May 11, 2010 at 10:44 pm

Ha ha!

Somewhere else I read that Barack left the meeting with “Dave” and said to one of his traveling crew:

“What a lightweight!”


Mr Blifil May 11, 2010 at 10:51 pm

Makes me long for Screaming Lord Such.

sezme May 11, 2010 at 11:56 pm

Probably also a good day for Obama. Politics aside, who’d want to spend any time at all with the clinically depressed Gordon Brown?

assistant/atlas May 12, 2010 at 12:56 am

Needs moar Monty Python.

[re=575140]Jim Newell[/re]: Do you realize how many posts on the bloody English elections you’ve done in a row, good sir Newell? I fear Miss Peggy Nooninghamshire has infekted thine brain. ….ahem, we’re going to go back to mostly ignoring them soon, right?

[re=575347]snideinplainsight[/re]: Also! Also hitting that also! …but no sloppy seconds.

DC Hates Me May 12, 2010 at 2:43 am

This whole ‘Prime Minister of Great Britain’ thing is going to his head. England is an insignificant American colony. Greece, Poland, even Canada are more relevant than England.

lbm0914 May 12, 2010 at 3:41 am

Chanel:Gucci:Thank you very much!
Your article is very useful!

libwakman May 12, 2010 at 11:01 am

Holy ghost of Jo-Jo Smith!! advertising on the Wonkette has to be the beginning of the end.
Fireballs crashing to earth, more at eleven.

libwakman May 12, 2010 at 11:07 am

So you are moving on up as they say, my close personal nigga’ Bharach.
Yo that D., to the east side, gonna finlly git my slice’o’dat pie.
Titter titter, jolly good mate.
Where be the white wimmenz in this hea hazouse?
Pardon? titter titter.

DustBowlBlues May 12, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Late to get on this thread but who cares? Every fucking “leader” in Europe (mockery quotes) has a pending request to be Barack’s friend, except for Putey-Put, who’s playing hard to get. Barack is still the cool kid in the class–while Rahm walks two steps behind him, slamming kids against their locker doors.

My advice to the prez? Look south, Mr. President. No, not Mexico–farther south. And brush up on your Portuguese, though I hear Lula isn’t too great at speaking the language, either.

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