earth's oldest rituals

Posh-Ponce David Cameron To Beg Honorable Elizabeth Windsor For Her Government

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Here is the scene in dreadful, leaderless Englandtowne right now, where posh-ponce David Cameron is on his way to the Palace to perform his latest rabbit-goblin dance for the delight of royal lady Queen Elizabeth, of the German-British ruling family.

The Queen shall then decide whether to allow Cameron to form a government on her rather indebted Island, based on the merits of his pagan rabbit-goblin skipping. Should the dance suffer from a deficit of spark, Cameron will politely request that Her Majesty do him the honor of chopping off his head.

The Guardian has more.

8.17pm: When Tony Blair became prime minister, he gave a speech announcing his victory as dawn broke over London. Cameron seems to have had equal luck with the elements. Apparently there is a rainbow over Buckingham Palace.

How delightful.

[YouTube, Guardian]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Mr Blifil

    “I dub thee Sir Slippier Dicken.”

  • Bearbloke

    Will he bring his own knee-pads to the Royal Audience? The ones kept on hand by the Royal Protocol Office have too many blood-stains on them…

  • turboslut

    Jesus christ, this still kills me, every time. Will it ever get less hilarious?

  • Extemporanus


  • user-of-owls

    Needs more gamboling.

  • Jim Newell

    [re=574960]turboslut[/re]: Never.

  • Come here a minute

    Watch out for the leprechauns — it’s always the fucking leprechauns.

  • WriteyWriterton

    Empire comma sun never sets on it comma. And it’s the only Ministry. Always has been – the others are only sub-cabinet bureaucracies.

  • Words

    Is he doing the Python Silly Walk of Ministers? And what’s up with Brits and their hats? So dorky!

  • schvitzatura

    Maybe William will finally revert from the ersatz Windsor to the original Saxe-Coburg und Gotha…the ┼ávaba Bosche have finally been humiliated by their destitute Hellenic cousins, why not.

  • wheelie

    We can only hope that former New Labour education secretary Ed Balls becomes head of New Labour and therefore, Leader of the Opposition.

  • rambone


  • SayItWithWookies

    So is Cameron going to be a Margaret Thatcher/Tony Blair — a luminary leader who pipes England to disaster, or a John Major/Gordon Brown, the follow-up clown who sorta muddles through until the people tire of him? Either way, there’s finally something going on in another part of the civilized world that makes me glad I’m in the US and not there.

  • yargisbargis

    Love the accolades for Brown:” In his departure, the Labour party have lost not just a leader, but almost a force of nature”

    Of course in Britain drizzle is a force of nature.

  • Baldar T Flagass

    [re=574960]turboslut[/re]: I’m still a fish-slapping dance guy, but this runs a close second/

  • wheelie

    [re=574974]wheelie[/re]: And then we can hope that Ed Balls, as Opposition Leader, has a big debate in Parliament with Prime Minister Cameron. And that Cameron will totally win the debate.

    That way, Wonkette can run the headline:
    “British Prime Minister Licks Balls in House of Commons Debate”

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Well there’ll certainly be some car door slamming in the streets of Kensington tonight.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=574968]Come here a minute[/re]: Ron Paul’s diminutive stature, isolationist tendencies, and unnatural obsession with gold finally makes perfect sense.

  • user-of-owls


    “Ballz Cocks Up PM’s Reform Bill”

  • WriteyWriterton

    This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England, this stinking hot mountain of debt and Conservative hand-wringing windbaggery. Will visit it late this summer. What’s left of it after teh China repossesses Windsor. Anyway?

  • chascates

    The ‘Clicking 41st’, the Queen’s own tapdancers, are lining Downing Street to honor his eminence. Tonight the public houses will be serving Bloody Spotted Dick in a Toad Hole with Natties & Peeps!

  • plowman

    [re=574968]Come here a minute[/re]: Yes, the leprechauns with Armalites and C-4…

  • user-of-owls

    [re=575030]plowman[/re]: Up the Provos, Eire’s very own chupacabras!

  • snideinplainsight

    “Is the Queen a goer?”
    “er, hey, what?”
    “Is your Queen a…goer…eh? Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge nudge. Nudge nudge. Know what I mean? Say no more…know what I mean?”
    “I beg your pardon?”
    “Your Queen… does she, er, does she ‘go’ – eh? eh? eh? Know what I mean, know what I mean? Nudge nudge. Say no more.”
    “Well, she sometimes goes, yes.”
    “I bet she does. I bet she does. I bet she does. Know what I mean? Nudge nudge.”
    “I’m sorry, I don’t quite follow you.”

  • ez

    Cameron is a master of the snarky put down, as evidenced by his performances in the PM Question time Wednesday’s. I always kind of enjoyed that, BUT, it remains to be seen if he is anything other than a puffy faced dildo with more bone structure in his ass than his face.

    (Oh and place Nick Clegg in a basket as well. They are both sell outs. Let us hope the whole election process has to be done again in year…)

  • Aurelio

    [re=575382]ez[/re]: I used to like to watch that asshole Tony Blair during Question Time. He was a rhetorical genius. In the US, the presidential press conference is supposed to take the place of Question Time. But it’s comparatively thin soup. Even Dubya could handle a presidential press conference. He would have been devastated by Question Time. Barry could handle it, though. In fact, Barry is a lot like Tony Blair. Another bright Third Way politician.

    I didn’t understand that when voted for him. Now I haz a sad.