THINE ROYAL ELECKTION  2:46 pm May 11, 2010

Gordon Brown Going To Queen’s House To Resign, David Cameron To Take Over In Tit-Bit?

by Jim Newell

Ha ha she has had sex with Gordon BrownSelf-loathing Labour monster Gordon Brown is literally in a fancy car right now on his way to the Queen’s Palace to tell the noble monarch Elizabeth Windsor that he would be honored to no longer have a job running Her Majesty’s Government, immediately, if she would be so gracious & comely as to accept his failure. She will then utter a faint “quite quite” and honorably chop off his head with her longest, most jewel-encrusted Knife and feed it to her pet lions, Bubby and Munnie, of Dover.

It looks like a done deal now that the Evil Tories will form a government with the rudderless Lib-Dems, to be known henceforth in Englande as the “Sell-Outtingtons.”

“England’s Talking Points Memo,” The Guardian, has a liveblog of these rather crude developpements. (Did you know that England takes place in the future?)

7.25pm: Sky is saying that Nick Clegg will be deputy prime minister.

7.25pm: As a family, they walk hand in hand down to the car, which is not parked immediately outside the front door. Some of my colleagues find the pictures a bit sugary, but I found it sweet and touching. The children looked delightful.

Brown then got into one car to go to the palace. Sarah and the children left Downing Street in another car.

7.22pm: Holding hands with Sarah, he goes back into Downing Street and comes out again with his children, John and Fraser.

7.22pm: He thanks his wife. And as he leaves the second most important he could ever hold, he cherishes even more the first – his job as a husband and father.

7.21pm: His resignation as Labour leader will take effect immediately. (Harriet Harman must be acting Labour leader.)

How very tasteless to make such a Scene.

[Guardian, BBC]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 51 comments }

Baldar T Flagass May 11, 2010 at 2:49 pm

The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!

ManchuCandidate May 11, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Goes to show once again that finance ministers with ambitions of being PM are political death.

Welcome to the FM/PM losers club
-Paulie “Canada City Walnuts”/”Mr Dithers” Martin

Johnny Zhivago May 11, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Nick Clegg will be Her Majesty’s hound cleaner and keeper of the Royal litterboxes.

Pilate May 11, 2010 at 2:52 pm

…and nobodie voteth for the Lib-Dems ever agayne, The Ende.

Sharkey May 11, 2010 at 2:53 pm

So they’re all homeless now? Time for knifecrime!

snideinplainsight May 11, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Does it seem to anybody else that they’re just making up the results of the election as they go along? Maybe I’m just out of touch on the whole British/English politics thing. Is this what they refer to as a “googly”? How do you know when an inning is over?

chaste everywhere May 11, 2010 at 2:53 pm

“Husband and father” are a job? Only to such a wanker as GB the XPM, methinks.

Do liveblogs run backwards because England takes place in the future? Discuss.

As he drove off, was the evening spread out against the sky like an XPM etherised upon a table?

So many questions, so much limey drabness.

ella May 11, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Between the Tory press having attacks of the heart over the hung parliament and Brits all over teh webz being all OMG, when will know who our leeeeeeader is!!, I’m glad they didn’t have to live through Bush-Gore as Americans. Their upper lips would have been flaccid.

Tommmcatt May 11, 2010 at 2:54 pm

[re=574831]ManchuCandidate[/re]:

Haha, adorable. You talk about those fantasy countries like they are real places!

Snarkalicious May 11, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Gordon Brown seems the sort to leave all the light bulbs unscrewed just a little as the pinnacle of hillarity, and then stand in growing frustration later on when David Cameron fails to bring it up at a party. Later, when drunk, he apologizes, out of context, to the house itself.

Long Form Def Certificate May 11, 2010 at 2:56 pm

#cleggishite

x111e7thst May 11, 2010 at 2:56 pm

Don’t know what I want
But I know how to get it

JMP May 11, 2010 at 2:56 pm

Labour’s letting an MP named Harriet take over? Great, that’s just begging for a series of alien invasions.

snideinplainsight May 11, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Explanation: While a normal leg break spins from the leg to the off side, away from a right-handed batsman, a googly spins the other way, from off to leg, into a right-handed batsman (and is distinct from an off break delivery). The bowler achieves this change of spin by bending the wrist sharply from the normal leg break delivery position. A prime minister-elect may effect a change in momentum of the leg-break in relation to the pitch by negotiating a number of ministerial positions with the leading minority spin-bowler.

anonymousryan May 11, 2010 at 2:57 pm

How whimsical…

predilectrix May 11, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Now imagine a Republicant in that position. Wouldn’t admit election defeat, wouldn’t vacate 10 Downing St, would imply the Queen is a lesbian radical destroying the country, before heading out to his fun bunker with a King’s College choir boy to carry his luggage.

freakishlystrong May 11, 2010 at 2:58 pm

This is the happiest day of Gordie’s life. It’s also good for John McCain.

snideinplainsight May 11, 2010 at 3:00 pm

The googly is similar in principle to the doosra, the ball from an off-spinner which turns the opposite way from his stock ball.

magic titty May 11, 2010 at 3:00 pm

That first paragraph was the best thing I’ve read in weeks.

the problem child May 11, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Jim, they’re corgies, not lions. But otherwise, very truthy reportage.

Pilate May 11, 2010 at 3:02 pm

This whole thing would be vastly improved by a musical number about tuppence.

rptrcub May 11, 2010 at 3:02 pm

How long do you want to bet that the GOP will be fwap fwap fwapping over David Cameron becoming PM?

Darkness May 11, 2010 at 3:03 pm

I thought she was Elizabeth Hanover. Oh, that’s right, that rather bit of unPLEAsantNESS . . .

the problem child May 11, 2010 at 3:05 pm

[re=574851]snideinplainsight[/re]: And suddenly, cricket makes sense. Turns out, you just have to explain it in terms of Parliamentary procedure.

Buzz Feedback May 11, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Buddy Cole for PM.

chascates May 11, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Isn’t the British PM essentially the same as mayor of Pittsburgh? Will anyone notice if there isn’t one? Can’t one of the ‘royals’ just get tarted up in Nazi ‘fancy dress’ and run things?

iwillsavethispatient May 11, 2010 at 3:11 pm

[re=574860]rptrcub[/re]: David Cameron is far too left-wing for the current GOP. He campaigned on action on Climate Change, and support for the NHS. Communist!

There are reports that the Tories have accepted a load of Lib Dem policies, which is a good thing. Lets hope so, anyway.

Panquake May 11, 2010 at 3:12 pm

Chop, chop, guvnah, back to Gordon-over-Sumner with you lot. Brisket and banger, twats in the lorry, wot? Cor blimey!

BlueStateLiberal May 11, 2010 at 3:12 pm

But when do the beheadings start? Or am I confusing eras?

Extemporanus May 11, 2010 at 3:13 pm

I sure hope Brown’s not driving, or this resignation’s gonna leave a Biden-like body count in its wake.

user-of-owls May 11, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Bah, I already saw this on Masterpiece Theatre. Only difference is that in the PBS version, Gordon Brown wore overalls smudged with coal dust, David Cameron had a top hat and hound at heel, and Dame Clegg wore a flouncy dress.

snideinplainsight May 11, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Y KANT TORY LEAD?

Oblios Cap May 11, 2010 at 3:15 pm

Dear me! Gordon, don’t bother the Queen during tea-time by tendering your resignation. Swing by the olde Cock and Balls Pub for a quick gulpa and let the poor girl finish her scones.

Forsooth. Also.

Panquake May 11, 2010 at 3:17 pm

[re=574879]snideinplainsight[/re]: +1 failed record contract

Bearbloke May 11, 2010 at 3:17 pm

And HM thinks to Her Royal Self “Eh! Fook all these bloody wankers thinkin’ they get the run MY bloody country – I should ‘ave their heads, the whole lot of ‘em! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!!!!!

Dateline London [BBC]: Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II today chose to exercise and greatly expand Her Reserve Powers by dissolving Parliament, dismissing all its MPs, appointing HRH Prince Charles as Hereditary Prime Minister-for-Life and appointing other members of the Royal Family to serve the Kingdom in the other Ministerial positions of Government, all the pleasure of the Crown. As word of this remarkable decision to return the UK to an Absolutist Monarchy spread, celebration broke out in the streets of the United Kingdom. In response, the Governments of Australia and New Zealand jointly announced an immediate plebiscite on abandoning the Monarchy, with public support running at roughly 90%…

freakishlystrong May 11, 2010 at 3:17 pm

[re=574860]rptrcub[/re]: Every time they hear the word “conservative” a nut gets his wings.

SmutBoffin May 11, 2010 at 3:22 pm

Needs moar HOOIGANERY!

jimmynail May 11, 2010 at 3:27 pm

Ugh, fucking hell. Can I be American now, please?

j6n May 11, 2010 at 3:29 pm

Another opportunity for the Queen to dissolve Paliament and take back what is hers by Divine Right has been wasted.

rptrcub May 11, 2010 at 3:31 pm

[re=574907]jimmynail[/re]: I’m not sure if you’d want to deal with the teabaggers.

Extemporanus May 11, 2010 at 3:31 pm

[re=574879]snideinplainsight[/re]: I blame the Whigs.

Mr Blifil May 11, 2010 at 3:35 pm

Lor’ duckie, ‘oo you gonna cawl a bigot this toime? ‘Is nibs hain’t so ‘oi and moity naow, naow is yoo? ‘Oos gonna giv us back awl dowze pounds and sixpence yoo lot wasted on dem illegal ‘ooligans what run riot widdout so much as a boiyo leev? Credit ‘im for a cheeky bugger, dat’s wad oi say.

schvitzatura May 11, 2010 at 3:42 pm

Whither the coalition of the UKIP & BNP might happen, prithee?

That would be the British equivalent of the Teabaggerish (English Breakfast version) GOP…with scones and bad teeth.

WriteyWriterton May 11, 2010 at 3:42 pm

needz moar soccer hooligans, I say, what-what?!

user-of-owls May 11, 2010 at 3:44 pm

[re=574920]Extemporanus[/re]: What about the chavs?? Won’t anybody think of the chavs??

Curved May 11, 2010 at 4:20 pm

[re=574830]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: Baldar T, or Arthur, if you prefer, listen. Strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government! You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you! ‘Ow ’bout if I went round sayin’ I was Emperor just because some moistened bink lobbed a scimitar at me? They’d put me away!

S.Luggo May 11, 2010 at 4:34 pm

I want Tony Blair to resign again. Just because.

rocktonsammy May 11, 2010 at 6:03 pm

At least Brownie’s wife has a great rack.

That counts for something.

Sharkey May 11, 2010 at 8:00 pm

[re=575202]rocktonsammy[/re]: Heckova job.

Geogre May 12, 2010 at 6:04 am

Until now, I would not believe that Nick is the son of
Corporal Clegg.

Bruno May 12, 2010 at 9:18 am

Wow, I am so used to reading Wonket’s liveblogs, that I forgot that some people actually think liveblogging is a Serious Deal

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: