Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger flew on his supervillain pope-plane to Portugal and said a few words about the decades-long child-rape scandal destroying the Vatican Mafia’s global bullshit business. This is apparently a big deal, that Ratzinger sort of half-ass acknowledged that priests and bishops raping children and the highest officials in the Catholic Church engineering massive international cover-ups might be kind of a rotten situation. He’s the best pope ever, for saying this! He didn’t even blame the newspapers and the homosexuals and the Devil and the liberals this time, specifically, the way his creepoid henchmen did during the Easter week “festivities.”
Ratzinger didn’t even claim that worldwide outrage over adult priests and bishops raping children was basically antisemitism — the same thing that happened in the Holocaust, to the millions of Jews murdered at Hitler’s death camps. (In the Vatican marketing department’s insane comparison, the Jewish victims of genocide were akin to wealthy old Catholic priests fucking children for fun but then getting criticized, by newspapers.)
Maybe Ratzinger avoided this particularly foul train of thought because he was actually a prison guard outside prison-labor camps in Nazi Germany. You know, because that’s what he did, as a Nazi soldier, for Hitler: “Ratzinger was enrolled in an anti-aircraft unit that protected a BMW factory making aircraft engines. The workforce included slaves from Dachau concentration camp.”
Anyway, Ratzinger says today that, let’s see:
“Attacks on the pope and the church come not only from outside the church, but the suffering of the church comes from inside the church, from sin that exists inside the church,” Benedict told reporters aboard his plane en route to Portugal, speaking about the abuse crisis.
“This we have always known, but today we see it in a really terrifying way, that the greatest persecution of the church does not come from the enemies outside but is born from the sin in the church,” he added. “The church has a profound need to relearn penance, to accept purification, to learn on the one hand forgiveness but also the necessity of justice. And forgiveness does not substitute justice.”
Well, huzzah for the pope-plane encountering a bit of reality on the way to Portugal. (Ratzinger was headed there so he could let some bishops sexually abuse the ghosts of the children who saw that Lady of Fatima UFO in 1917, shortly before God killed two of the darling little kids with the Spanish Flu. And ha ha, among Ratzinger’s many other crimes, he is also accused of covering up the true “Third Secret” and releasing a fake instead, in the Year 2000. The real secret apparently predicts an impossible evil: That a Nazi would become pope and preside over and Empire of Rape.)
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I think that dude is covering my daughter’s pencil eraser. Oh, yeah, child rape by priests bad. Can I be the pope now?
Once in a while Bill Maher says something cogent: There is no situation so bad that religion can’t make it worse.
Is it “Flock of Seagull’s Nostalgia Week” at the Vatican?
Alt-alt-text for that photo: There’s Something About Ratzi.
Looks like Nazi Pope used some kiddie spunk to achieve that ‘Something About Mary’ hairdo. How nostalgic!
Great news. Old widows, please resume signing your deeds over, so the Father will keep attending you teas.
When did he turn into the old don from Prizzi’s Honor? Skip that, he’d have to de-age about 50 years to make that credible.
That picture explains a lot. The pope is Calvin of the Calvin and Hobbs franchise. Calvin makes up the rules and in fact his own reality to suit his mood. Apparently the pope and his “church” also make up a reality that suits their mood, which is always angry.
Ha ha , I remember that scene from Something about Mary , that’s alterboy jizz .
So what’s the penance for that? A million Hail Marys?
[re=574570]swarm of bees[/re]: [re=574568]One Yield Regular[/re]: God dammit!
Nice There’s Something about Ratzi photo there — a bit of whimsy serves as a nice counterpoint to a lifetime of sordid corruption and destroying the trust of millions of innocents all over the world.
Now I feel dirty. I own a Bimmer.
[re=574578]El Pinche[/re]: thank you for beating me to that joke, thus taking away my will to post for the day.
Pope Palpatine is one scary-funny looking dude!
Pro-life Catholics should just be glad altar boys can’t get pregnant. Imagine the moral pickle that would put them in.
Organized crime could learn a thing or two from organized religion: “Got a nice little everlasting soul there, my friend. It’s be a shame if anything, you know, happened to it?”
So much wrong with those two sentences, don’t know where to start.
Tintin at 80 years old.
[re=574582]El Pinche[/re]: Sorry. Low-hanging fruit. I’ll treat everyone to coffee.
Persecution? I’ll take “Poor Word Choices” for $500, Alex.
He could have said this a long time ago, but since he didn’t I’m guessing donations are down because of the liturgical gang bangs.
You know, Cliff Stearns looks like a younger version of the Pope, but with teeth.
all the buttseks and the nazi past has left the poor dear with a low self of steam.
[re=574585]Crank Tango[/re]: I knew that reference was too easy — just waiting to be used, like a rosy-cheeked altar boy.
[re=574592]One Yield Regular[/re]: Abortions or GTFO.
This has profoundly affected my life… to the extent that I’ve taken to referring to those crested bright red birds as Buttfuking pederasts.
I say we dub the new hairdo a “Pohawk”. And blame it on the homosexuals.
“I am not a crook,” the pope added while flashing his trademark grin causing an involuntary cringe among everyone in the room.
Hah, Third Secret of Fatima. You might as well believe in self-translating golden plates and magic underwear.
[re=574601]Ducksworthy[/re]: I blame my disinterest in chess on this, also. Those extra-large pawns really creep me out now. Where have their curved little hats been?
“A little dab’ll do ya…”
What’s the First Secret and the Second Secret?
And do The First Three Secrets have anything to do with “The Jesus Secret” or “National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets?”
He kinda looks like Rumpelstiltskin. Ken, where are the Rumpettes?
Oh, sorry, never mind.
[re=574584]Words[/re]: Now I feel dirty. I own a Bimmer.
Don’t feel too bad about driving a BMW, the workforce that included slaves from Dachau concentration camp were the luckiest prison camp refuges in all of Germany. Reasonably well-fed and sheltered, and even protected by a future Pope on the ack-ack gun.
Oskar Schindler works in mysterious ways, his wond’rous deeds to perform.
All aboard Pope Maverick’s “Rape Talk Express”!
As a former catholic all I can say is “Stupid fucking catholics” I guess you can’t spend 1200 or so years doing whatever the fuck you want, (ruling the “known world”) without it leaving a little residual arrogance, bullshit, and child raping.
[re=574605]TGY[/re]: I really want to design some shit like that. Faux gold plates that are scrawled with absolutely wrong shit in, I dunno, Sanskrit or some other form of Mexican, that contain tinny recordings of Bill Hicks. Just cold drop em off door to door in SLC.
[re=574575]Pithaughn[/re]: By “Calvin” you mean that little kid who likes to pray to the cross and then piss on everything from Chevys to Bin Laden?
The sin is coming from INSIDE THE CHURCH
Theres gonna be some fun tonight
Spread the news around the town
The vicars are transvestites
With a fetish for robes and gowns
I’ve got nothing against church
Or the people who go there and show they’re
Plain ignorant they don’t understand
At congregation at weekends will change their behaviour
So many people are weak enough
To have to seek answers from peddlers of hope
I should know I used to go there myself
That’s the day I became antipope
The honest Germans got out of the business of being Catlickers during the Reformation (though absolute power over others always appealed to them, hence Hitler).
The last priest with an honest intellect was Father Guido Sarducci.
It’s something, maybe, but the pope makes nice use of the passive voice to evade responsibility, “the suffering of the church comes from inside the church.” And most of us don’t give a flying fuck about the harm done to the church by this scandal, which is all Ratzi seems to care about; it’s the suffering of the children who were raped by the church’s officials. Oh, and all the people dying of AIDS in Africa, but the pope keeps justifying that evil shit.
In other words, no apology from this cocksucker is acceptable unless it’s accompanied by ritual seppukoo.
[re=574592]One Yield Regular[/re]: [re=574585]Crank Tango[/re]: We’re all winners!!
[re=574646]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: “Have you checked your alterboys lately?”
“What do you want, bishop McTierney??”, “Your sin…all over me !!”
[re=574589]smitallica[/re]: You know the old saying: “If men could become pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.”
Always with the Jim Carrol.
[re=574574]norbizness[/re]: That pix of the Nazi pope looks like what you would get if the old Prizzi’s Honor don had a baby with Yoda.
Is he too old and senile to be pope or too old and senile to be anything else? And why is the world increasingly powered by the farts of drooling old men?
That was almost an apology. See, doesn’t everyone feel better already?
[re=574620]thefrontpage[/re]: First Secret: Hell’s actually kind of a neat place.
Second Secret: Oh, those Rooskies! What will those scamps be up to next?
Third Secret: “Just so much blather,” according to Ratzinger.
Why doesn’t the Pope do something useful, like call on the Big Guy to shut off the goddam volcano in Iceland and plug that hole in the Gulf? I guess that would be too practical, or too convincing that maybe nobody’s on the other end of the God phone.
I did not know the pope was a fan of Billy Idol!
[re=574650]SmutBoffin[/re]: You speak for me…
Enjoying ones afternoon sitting on an electric cattle prod to atone for ones sins will do that to ones hair. So’s will the invisible hand of Jeebus trying to tug one out of this life & into the next threw the hole in the ozone layer which of course is not man made.
threw..through..thru up..truthat.
If his hair gets any longer he won’t need his fancy popehat.
And if god really existed, this clown would be the night manager at a transient hotel in Chicago.
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