America's Clown.OMG you guys, this is more awesome than a Night Ranger/Styx double-bill: According to the teabagging fetishist website Ensuring Liberty, “rock star” Congressvixen Michele Bachmann will be performing LIVE and IN CONCERT at a virtual town hall meeting tonight at 8 PM EST, with fellow Congressional “rock star” Steve King as her opening act. Real America’s two greatest talents will perform a set of shriek-y fight-the-power ballads about “the disasterous [sic] implications of the Dodd Financial Reform Bill,” and other things that make them feel all emo inside. Then they’ll answer questions from viewers at home — that’s you, maybe! — about their latest collaborative EP, We Poop Flags, available at Walmarts and feed mills now.

Don’t miss this all-star online extravaganza! Head over to Ensuring Liberty’s website RIGHT NOW and click on the clip-arty “Register” button (it’s on the left). It will take you to a screen where you punch in your email address and send it to some Internet goblin who will respond with directions, URLs, and rules (“no questions about playing Joseph McCarthy in the bedroom,” “no questions about eating barbed wire for lunch,” etc.).

When it’s time for the show to start (remember, it’s time-zone sensitive!), grab your six-pack of Hamm’s and head down to your basement computer terminal, where you will type in some things and hopefully be able to take part in this glorious opportunity. Please save your chats and send the evidence to your Wonkette.

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  1. If the friction from her thighs were ever to spark a conflagration from her gastric by-products, the toxic explosion could probably take out an entire Census processing center.

  2. Instead of giving the internet goblin your email address, consider giving it the email address of someone who really annoyed you last week. I have a feeling that “Ensuring Freedom” is a spammer of the first order.

  3. Hey now, Styx is awesome, but a double-bill with a group that’s basically a one-hit wonder (although one very good song) would be a little weird.

    Oh, and uh, this is really about Bachmann and King. Their thoughts must be complete confusion, but yet they somehow won the game. I wish their power was just a grand illusion, because deep inside they’ve got no brain.

  4. [re=574488]Mr Blifil[/re]:That comment erases my disdain for your forgotten in the previous post. Consider your self of steam restored.

  5. How I wish my Wonkette would take opportunities like these to use a site like so we can share the pain together, in realtime… Oh the adventures we would have…

  6. If we collected all the word salad from this event we could feed the homeless for a week. Or Steve King’s mom for a day- HIOOOOOO!

  7. [re=574495]JMP[/re]: Only time I ever saw Styx was on a double bill with Starz at a mid-sized arena in 1978, I think. There was me and a few thousand willowy high school girl pumping pheromones in gushers, dreaming of making it with long-locked troubadours. I had shortish hair and acne and consequently did not get laid, since I had not provided myself with any contraband substances to share with my neighbors, a major miscalculation. So yeah, Styx definitely sucked.

  8. [re=574509]Mr Blifil[/re]: Best Styx Lyric EVER!

    I know you feel these are the worst of times

    I do believe it’s true.

    When people lock their doors and hide inside

    Rumor has it, it’s the end of Paradise.

    But I know

    If the world just passed us by Baby, I know

    I wouldn’t have to cry. No, no.

  9. I think I will take my Hamm’s at Saint Paul’s own Nook tonight. Mmm, Nook. (Where, apparently, Clarance Thomas supped on Saint Patrick’s Day—how was I not there for that? Would have been best out-state Wonk’d ever. Oh wait I was passed out after drinking lots and lots of Jameson. That’s where I was.)

  10. Come on Lauri — you’re an artist, admit you Photoshopped a little Xtra-Crazee into Michelle’s eyes in that image. Is there a button for that in the program?

  11. [re=574525]weejee[/re]: It was $1.90 a pitcher, in Gainesville in the early 80s. I had a budget of $10 on a Saturday night, so its a good thing. That worked out to 3 pitchers, 20 chicken wings, and a $1.00 tip.

  12. Lauri, that is your best portrait yet — I love the way you exaggerated the crazy beyond anything that could exist in reality.

  13. Is it a virtual town hall because they’re too chickenshit to meet with their real constituents live? Well as long was we can be disruptive and shouty that’s all the democracy the teabaggers really want. I’m just sad I won’t be able to egg the bus.

  14. [re=574536]JMP[/re]: I don’t know what’s worse about Styx– their incredibly hackneyed lyrics or their melodramatic, histrionic opera-style lead singer

  15. I always thought Bachmann, Kitty Harris and Sarah Palin would be great ZZ-top girls – ya know, the skimpy clothes, the fuck-me shoes, the ass wiggling and boob shakin’, and no speaking parts.

  16. Only on Wonkette can a post about Bachmann turn into a thread about Styx! :-)

    That being said, as much as I love Wonkette, there isn’t enough alcohol in the world, tea in China, etc. that could make me tune into a Steve ‘fucking crazy’ King & Bachmann town hall. The crazee would make my head explode.

  17. [re=574495]JMP[/re]: Yea, but wasn’t the “cute” (for Styx)guitarist in Night Ranger. And Night Ranger was a super group consisting of 4 members belonging to other 80’s super hair groups whose names escape me (sorta like my ability to spell and put coherent sentences together).

  18. [re=574521]Prommie[/re]: Puh-Leeeze! “Mr. Roboto”! No other group since Queen has been able to bring the beauty and culture of Japan to the sweaty American teen.

  19. [re=574509]Mr Blifil[/re]: You got me thinking. I saw Styx at my high school, took a date and everything. I had tenth row tickets, she couldn’t stand it, too loud. It was the best of times, the worst of times. Come to think about it, she did look a bit like Bachann, Oh the humanity of it all!

  20. [re=574525]weejee[/re]: Participated in a blind taste-test of canned beer a couple of years ago: Hamm’s Milwaukee’s Finest, PBR, couple of others I can’t even remember. Everyone agreed that the worst was – wait for it – PBR, the beer of hipsters everywhere. If the dictionary people ever want a new illustration for “swill,” they should go with a picture of a PBR can.

  21. [re=574587]WriteyWriterton[/re]: In a lot of blind test of ‘Merican beerz Stroh’s from Detroit often wins, leaving Coors, PBR, MGD, and all the lites in the dust.

    Being an old fart staying hip is no longer an issue for me so I tend to go towards a pint of bitters or porter, with the odd ale here and there. Since there is a 13 year old under the gray mantle, that still drags me to the mountains to get served my pride in the moguls, I haz to watch the intake to keep the waistline down. I consider it my spiritual equivalent to a bushel basket of OFs & HMs.

  22. On the Flag point: If all the flags are now made in China (available at a Walmart near you), is it OK to poop on them, or is that still considered unconsteetootional?

  23. I once saw a Pole Dancer in California with eyes like Michele. They hauled her off to Rehab a couple of days later, never to be heard from again.

  24. [re=574556]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Lauri brought up the Styx, so it just flows naturally. That said, if Bachmann even did become President, I’d have to go sailing away, set an open course on the virgin seas…

    [re=574587]WriteyWriterton[/re]: The secret of PBR is that hipster kids can claim to be drinking it ironically, because of the scene in Blue Velvet (which I think is still big at colleges; it was when I was in school and it was a decade old then) while they’re really buying it because it’s really, really cheap.

  25. Golly, one of my my darkest secretest, naughtiest “juice out” fantasies would be to make babies with that nice conservative all womyn lady, thank you Wooodrow Wilson for giving the “other” white meat their god given right to interfere in the political process… Oh how my pants tighten

  26. [re=574688]4tehlulz[/re]: I invented that, the screaming “play freebird” ironically, at folk music concerts and piano recitals, and to heckle local bar bands. Yup, that was me; it was 1981, in the Shipwheel, in Brielle, New Jersey.

  27. GAAHHHH, good god, I looked right into those crazy cockeyes. They’re strangely hypnotic…and when you stare at them…suddenly her insanity makes sense….YOU’RE ALL LIBERAL NAZI FASHICT COMMONISTS PORGRESSIVES!…oooh, ohhh, I stopped looking…where am I?

  28. [re=574509]Mr Blifil[/re]: I was at that gig too. In fact I’ve been at every STARZ gig ever, but that’s cuz it’s sort of required when you’re the singer.When we toured with Styx, the part of the show when each guy did a solo turn, the other guys would come in our dressing room, one by one, and rag on how much the guy currently on stage sucked.

    So yeh, I guess by their own collective judgement,they reek.

    Sorry you didn’t get laid, you should have come to the hotel and hung out. In fact, I think I actually,umm, “met” Michelle Bachman one night. We played in St. Paul and I woke up next to a 5 foot 16 year old whose eyes glowed in the dark like those neon stick things they waved around during the encore….

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