AMERICA'S WORST TRAGEDIES  3:29 pm May 10, 2010

Arlen Specter May Lose Next Week, Because Of Angry Hippies

by Jim Newell

Primary season is underway like hotcakes! Next week, the “very hyped” Democratic Senate primary race between Arlen Specter and Rep. Joe Sestak will reach its terrifying conclusion, and the old man appears to be on his way to a loss. It doesn’t help him now, either, that Sestak is going around yapping about how Specter voted against Elena Kagan’s confirmation as Solicitor General last year, when he was a Republican, even though no one on the left really likes Elena Kagan anyway. Then again, do any voters really care about Arlen Specter’s vote in a mid-major confirmation process last year, when they’re currently unemployed?

Before switching parties last April, Specter voted against Kagan’s nomination. At the time he complained about the response he got to questions during confirmation hearings, in written questions to Kagan and during her courtesy visit with him.

“I have gone to really great lengths to find out about Dean Kagan’s approach to the law and approach to the job of solicitor general and get some of her ideas on the law because she is in a critical public policy making position. After the long process I have described, I still don’t know much about Dean Kagan.”

Hours after Obama announced Kagan’s selection Monday to replace retiring Justice John Paul Stevens, Specter praised her exemplary academic and professional credentials.

“I voted against her for solicitor general because she wouldn’t answer basic questions about her standards for handling that job,” Specter said. “It is a distinctly different position than that of a Supreme Court Justice.”

Specter would really help himself more if he just said, “I voted against her because I was a REPUBLICAN AND WE HAD TO, YOU IDIOTS, THAT’S WHY I SWITCHED PARTIES, JESUS CHRIST…” Then again, that may not help him, because it sounds mean.

John Kerry endorsed Specter today, though! That’s… a thing!

[FiveThirtyEight, Washington Post]

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Lascauxcaveman May 10, 2010 at 3:33 pm

John Kerry?

Kiss-of-Death. Take care, Arlen. Nice(?) knowing you.

Buzz Feedback May 10, 2010 at 3:36 pm

Who put this pubic hair on my Arlen? See ya later, asshole.

Crank Tango May 10, 2010 at 3:39 pm

ya know I am glad he joined us but I still tend to look at “was a republican up until last year” as a con.

PineyWoodster May 10, 2010 at 3:40 pm

That graph is like an optical illusion – if you look at the area inside the curves, it looks sort of like a penis – if you look at the area outside the curves, it looks sort of like a vagina.

I blame the Reagan years, they messed me up…

JMP May 10, 2010 at 3:40 pm

It’s been pleasantly surprising and simple to watch Sestak’s rise in the polls. He started with his campaign ads just about a month ago, and most of them are just clips of Specter campaigning with Bush, Santorum and Palin, and the results are what you see above.

Bearbloke May 10, 2010 at 3:40 pm

[re=573966]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: If you Yanks would just banish the losing Presidential candidates, your politics would be free from McWALNUTS and Kerry – plus Al Gore would really prefer being a Canadian anyway…

Smoke Filled Roommate May 10, 2010 at 3:41 pm

She goes by ‘Dean’ when she’s feeling manly..

Mahousu May 10, 2010 at 3:41 pm

At the time he complained about the response he got to questions during confirmation hearings, in written questions to Kagan and during her courtesy visit with him.
So she shot him down, I take it?

Aflac Shrugged May 10, 2010 at 3:43 pm

As a Pennsylvania resident, I hope that if Sestak wins, he says whatever wingnut indefensible bullshit is necessary to get elected.

Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and Alabama in between.

norbizness May 10, 2010 at 3:43 pm

I gave him $50 the day after Arlen switched sides.

StrangelyBrown May 10, 2010 at 3:44 pm

So, if I read this graph correctly, the Uncircumcised Mardi Gras Cock of Voter Anger is about to fuck Specter up the ass? Where’s Santorum on all this?

jus_wonderin May 10, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Sestak? Were they not characters in “The Land of the Lost”. Oh, help me Will and Holly. I have fallen through a temporal vortex.

snideinplainsight May 10, 2010 at 3:49 pm

[re=573986]jus_wonderin[/re]: I was thinking of the non-PC black creatures in Uncle Wiggley.

Jukesgrrl May 10, 2010 at 3:51 pm

Quick, Arlen! Here’s how to get the Pittsburgh vote.

Film an ad where you wander aimlessly around the room with Mrs. Specter, looking terrified, in a headlock. Look down at your crotch occasionally (proven win), and say, “People. Joe Sestak is a jagoff … ‘n at. So go up yer mum’s and bring ‘er down here to vote for me, Arlen Specter.” And then a cartoon Ben Roethlisberger with demon sheep eyes (another proven win), pops up and says, “Vote for him or I’ll poke your sister.” The the camera moves to Joe Lieberman who says, “He’s Arlen Specter, he’s as independent as I am, and he approved this message because I told him to.”

Cape Clod May 10, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Appearing with Snowbilly put a curse on both Specter and McCain. That woman is a political albatross.

Schmegeg May 10, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Arlen ran a couple of Swifty ads over the last few weeks, then cratered. According to the ads, Sestak was a hopeless, incompetent, traitor in a Clown costume, all while rising to Admiral of the High Seas in a 30 year career. People aren’t buying it and Arlen might be done.

SayItWithWookies May 10, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Sure, Specter voted against her, but that was when he was a scurrilous, opportunistic hack. Now he’s a paragon of integrity and a tireless defender of civil rights. Please don’t get the two confused just because they’re the same person.

Mull_Man May 10, 2010 at 3:54 pm

[re=573973]PineyWoodster[/re]: Mr. Woodster, a Dr. Rorschach on line one for you.

Katydid May 10, 2010 at 3:57 pm

[re=573984]StrangelyBrown[/re]: +50

Vulpes82 May 10, 2010 at 3:58 pm

I have to say, Sestak’s ads the past few weeks have been VERY effective. Whoever he’s paying to do them deserves the obscene amounts of money they’re ripping from the carcass of American democracy. Also, Specter’s about 104 and has had cancer seventy times; why on earth would anyone want to vote for THAT?

proudgrampa May 10, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Who is Arlen Specter?

Lascauxcaveman May 10, 2010 at 4:03 pm

[re=573973]PineyWoodster[/re]: Yeah, ummm … not sure you should be blaming Reagan for that.

More apt to blame teh Wonketts.

JMP May 10, 2010 at 4:05 pm

[re=573981]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: You’d think we would have learned our lesson after the years of embarrassment with the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter, but no, apparently a number of Pennsylvanians are seriously considering a new far-right, Club for Growth-approved nutcase.

And then there’s the Gubernatorial election, which is looking like a mess right now.

Katydid May 10, 2010 at 4:07 pm

[re=573981]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: What are the political leanings of Pittsburgh, generally? I ask because one side of my ex’s family is from there, and he had a pretty dim view of the city because the older generation of his family that was born there pre-WWII is comprised of a bunch of anti-Semitic, racist motherfuckers. For example, his aunt remarked about me and his latest girlfriend, for absolutely no reason, “First a Jew, now a black,” while making weird noises with her tongue. She’s lovely, his aunt. We felt encouraged that she said Jew and black, frankly.

Not to paint with too broad a brush or anything. What’s Pittsburgh like now?

Beowoof May 10, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Didn’t this guy help write the Warren Report, shoving a real penis, not a graphic renditon of one, up the anus of truth.

Gratuitous World May 10, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Sestak is the purest Quaker. Now to observe 90 minutes of silence.

CrunchyKnee May 10, 2010 at 4:10 pm

Mmmmmmm, hotcakes.

Come here a minute May 10, 2010 at 4:10 pm

“It is a distinctly different position…”

Uh, Arlen, voters really don’t get that whole “this thing is different from that thing” thing. Does the phrase “voted for it before I voted against it” ring a bell? Think hard — maybe ask one of your new best friends.

J.Robert Oppenheiner May 10, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Pittsburgh is still comprised of anti-Semitic racist motherfuckers, but they are Democratic anti-Semitic racist motherfuckers.

An Outhouse May 10, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Kerry is on the pot again.

An Outhouse May 10, 2010 at 4:14 pm

Kerry is on the pot again… as in smoking the pot again. Not some terrible intestinal disease.

Jukesgrrl May 10, 2010 at 4:19 pm

[re=574019]Katydid[/re]: Does she actually live within the city limits, or in one of the charming surrounding boroughs (similar to Ukranian gulags) like Beechview, Brentwood, Carrick, Greentree, Carnegie, Millvale, or Etna? Those residents like to say they live in Pittsburgh, but actually they only go to the city for Fourth of July fireworks and Steeler parades. They shop in the yuppie malls in the north, south, east, or west exurbs. If she does live in the city limits, she probably lives in a house built by her grandparents (free) in North Side, South Side, or Polish Hill (that’s the real name, not a pejorative), otherwise she would BE a Jew (Squirrel Hill), a Pitt student (Oakland), or African-American (everywhere else).

chascates May 10, 2010 at 4:32 pm

[re=574019]Katydid[/re]: There are worse epithets so perhaps that’s progress?

DC Hates Me May 10, 2010 at 4:38 pm

[re=574009]Vulpes82[/re]: I watched his ads and they are good but sort of artifically sweet. He should do an ad saying: Joe Sestak is chemotherapy for Pennsylvania.

Norbert May 10, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Arlen Specter
Pert Cleanser
Steel Prancer
Replaces Rent
Parcel Resent
Scarlet R. Peen
Rectal Preens
Leper Canters
Repels Nectar
Clasp Reenter
Clap Reenters
Renal Scepter
Pearl Centers
Antlers Creep
Rapes Lectern

and so on

friendlynerd May 10, 2010 at 4:48 pm

[re=574075]Norbert[/re]: How could one person’s name be such a rich treasure-trove of words?

PerhapsSo May 10, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Yay, something I get to vote in!

Vulpes82 May 10, 2010 at 4:59 pm

[re=574073]DC Hates Me[/re]: Actually, I was talking about the ones with Specter being lauded by Bush, talking about how his party-switch would allow him to be reelected (with the evilest look on his face), and ending with a picture of him and Palin next to each other, asking about how Arlen Specter is doing all this to save ONE job, but what millions of jobs? Damned effective, if you ask me. And, yeah, the ones with all the vets are corny, but those kind always are, and he had to punch back against the “Sestak was a commie weakling (Rear Admiral with 30 years in service to his country)!” stuff.

Looy May 10, 2010 at 5:01 pm

[re=573973]PineyWoodster[/re]: As though they might even fit together!

Jerk Cade May 10, 2010 at 5:03 pm

[re=574037]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Or a yuppie (Shadyside)

and I think you meant “get ‘er dahn here”

DC Hates Me May 10, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Well, the fact that he’s was a Navy Admiral means he couldn’t be a pure Quaker. Catholic, in fact.

Bearbloke May 10, 2010 at 5:24 pm

[re=574135]DC Hates Me[/re]: Wasn’t the war-criminal Nixon a Quaker?

Katydid May 10, 2010 at 5:40 pm

[re=574037]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Nope, city limits, or did. DEFINITELY not a Jew, as they are German Lutherans, and do not like my peoples at all. Their mom totally disowned my ex-father-in-law for marrying an Italian Catholic. Refused to talk to him for the rest of his life. They were very tolerant people, as you can see.

[re=574065]chascates[/re]: That’s what I was thinking. “Jew” and “Black” are pretty good for what she was thinking and meaning. Strangely enough, she considers herself a liberal, so we were wondering why she a)had to comment at all and b)had to snort and cluck while she did so. My ex’s mother thought my ex was going to punch his 83-year-old aunt (last straw type of thing), but he didn’t, so all is well in the family. It’s just if you say “Pittsburgh” to my ex, you get a “Slowly I turn, step by step” moment.

bakeneko May 10, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Reservoir-tip for combined safety and comfort.

smitallica May 10, 2010 at 5:52 pm

I’ve been a big fan of Specter’s comedy since the Magic Bullet Theory. Still a knee-slapper.

FlownOver May 10, 2010 at 6:21 pm

If this “uncut rentboy” graph ever meets up with the “bikini” unemployment graph, there’s gonna be trouble. Or confusion.

Jukesgrrl May 10, 2010 at 6:30 pm

[re=574129]Jerk Cade[/re]: I bow to your superior knowledge. How could I forget Shadyside! Must be because I stopped going there after The Gazebo closed.

Jukesgrrl May 10, 2010 at 6:37 pm

[re=574170]Katydid[/re]: Wow, she can’t deal with Catholics or Jews and she lives in Pittsburgh?! It’s a wonder she hasn’t starved to death. Not to mention, where does she find a doctor?

Aflac Shrugged May 10, 2010 at 8:18 pm

[re=574016]JMP[/re]: We elect a shockingly high number of Republican senators in Pennsylvania. Santorum defined the event horizon of how batshit an incumbent Republican needs to be, in order to lose a general election for the U.S. Senate around here. As long as Toomey keeps on a thong and pasties over his more objectionable beliefs, he’ll probably win.

[re=574019]Katydid[/re]: Pittsburgh is really two cities. In one of them, you find ~70,000 undergrad/grad/professional students, and the working professionals who haven’t left (mostly lawyers and people working in the universities or the university hospital system). In the other, you have the yinzers, who may or may not remember the bottom dropping out of steel in western Pennsylvania. A lot more people vote Democratic than agree with most of the national party’s core tenets – I guess it’s just habit from the days where unions really ran shit.

I stay inside the professional-student bubble and feel good about it.

Katydid May 10, 2010 at 8:35 pm

[re=574216]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Well, she finally died. Now I know why.

FlownOver May 10, 2010 at 10:15 pm

[re=574075]Norbert[/re]: Or a particular medical subspecialty: Rectal Seep RN.

Crankenstank May 10, 2010 at 10:25 pm

Kerry endorsing Specter? That’s really slumming for a billionaire to stoop to endorsing a mere millionaire, especially after Kerry won the Balls Contest for marrying the previous Senior Senator from Pennsylvania’s widow and diving into the pool on her estate, naked, while it was filled with nothing except for thousand-dollar bills and the tears of the exploited working classes. I mean, maybe if Meg Whitman were running for Senate in Pennsylvania, I could see it…

DC Hates Me May 11, 2010 at 4:14 am

[re=574155]Bearbloke[/re]: Yes, Nixon was a non-pacifist Quaker, as was Betsy Ross. It happens but it’s not traditional. Black sheep.

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