Maine GOP Platform Hijacked By Teabaggers In Comical Fashion

by Jim Newell

FREEDOM VOTES!Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins must be looking forward to their next primary seasons with such enthusiasm! “An overwhelming majority of delegates to the Maine Republican convention tonight voted to scrap the the proposed party platform and replace it with a document created by a group of Tea Party activists.” This document is called The Bible. No, it is called something else, but it is basically a copy-paste of The Bible: “The official platform for the Republican Party of Maine is now a mix of right-wing fringe policies, libertarian buzzwords and outright conspiracy theories.”

The document calls for the elimination of the Department of Education and the Federal Reserve, demands an investigation of “collusion between government and industry in the global warming myth,” suggests the adoption of “Austrian Economics,” declares that “‘Freedom of Religion’ does not mean ‘freedom from religion’” (which I guess makes atheism illegal), insists that “healthcare is not a right,” calls for the abrogation of the “UN Treaty on Rights of the Child” and the “Law Of The Sea Treaty” and declares that we must resist “efforts to create a one world government.”

It also contains favorable mentions of both the Tea Party and Ron Paul.

Click here for the FREEDOM PDF!

This is only going to give New Hampshire ideas.

[Maine Politics via Jon Chait]


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slappypaddy May 10, 2010 at 1:45 pm

someone take the bag of cookies away from those children, they have eaten too many, are running around in circles, screaming, and are going to make themselves sick.

Ducksworthy May 10, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Wackjob Pablum does not sound appetizing at all. Descriptive though. Somebody on the Maine site thinks some of this makes sense. The problem is, you have to buy it all. Totalitarianism is a package deal.

snideinplainsight May 10, 2010 at 1:46 pm

It also calls for declaring the moose the “national mammal” and the outright refutation of the existence of the “Eurasian Elk” (quotes in the original).

dum librul May 10, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Can I just say how happy I am to have the FIT Personal Training guy back?

Also teatards lol.

x111e7thst May 10, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Death Panels now!

Ducksworthy May 10, 2010 at 1:48 pm

On the other hand, the Maine commenter who said the Tea Party is like the chickens voting for Colonel Sanders makes good sense.

Redhead May 10, 2010 at 1:48 pm

“We don’t need no education; we don’t need no thought control. No dark sarcasm, in the classroom…”

V572625694 May 10, 2010 at 1:48 pm

Does Susan Collins have Diane Rehm’s Disease? Sure sounds like it when she talks…so…slow…ly.

WhenTheMessiahComes... May 10, 2010 at 1:49 pm

I read their platform and then I promptly threw up in my mouth…who are these people. Look I have a two-state solution for the ‘baggers’ let them have Wyoming, The Dokota’s, Utah, Montana, Idaho, Nebraska, and Kansas. Then the rest of us can enjoy, our health care, paved roads, and emergency responders, happily paid for with our tax dollars!!!

Buzz Feedback May 10, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Those nice lay-deez up there might as well jump ship and become Ds today.

sezme May 10, 2010 at 1:49 pm

What about the rights of the lobsters? Anything in there about that, Maine crazies?

FlownOver May 10, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Austrian economics? Austrian economics?!?!?

Like Alois and Klara’s kid kept pushing in the Thirties? Yeah, go with that.

mmmmms May 10, 2010 at 1:49 pm

I, for one, and pro-One World Government. Providing I get my black helicopter.

RoscoePColtraine May 10, 2010 at 1:50 pm

Hey teabaggers, you could just keep your brood home and school them all right there at the fabled “kitchen table.” You’re not working at a job anymore, due to the free markets and out-sourcing, so might as well go out and buy chalk and a chalkboard. Glenn Beck can get you a patriot’s discount over at “OneRoomSchoolHouse” dot com.

ph7 May 10, 2010 at 1:50 pm

I miss the days when all Maine populists had to promise was a Lobster in Every Pot.

mmmmms May 10, 2010 at 1:50 pm

[re=573778]WhenTheMessiahComes…[/re]: [re=573778]WhenTheMessiahComes…[/re]: Wyoming is so pretty though, can’t we give them Ohio or Indiana?

iburl May 10, 2010 at 1:50 pm

Freedom from religion is a GOP lie! The constitution clearly states that this is a Christian nation and that Jews, muslins, buddhas, anamationists, pope/virgin Mary worshippers, and vegetarians can go back to Russia!

Long Form Def Certificate May 10, 2010 at 1:51 pm

Sadly, the left in Maine, at least as represented by the Phish-heads, isn’t much saner.


RobPetrified May 10, 2010 at 1:51 pm

The sad thing is, these people will probably decide the next two elections.
Unless Obama somehow manages to walk on water and get everyone in the USA a good paying job where they don’t have to do any work.
And kill all the terrists.
For the rest of this decade, we’ll look back at the Bush II years as Americas last golden age, and blame Obama for everything that is or ever was wrong in the world.
Now where did I put that razor blade….?

The Church of Realism May 10, 2010 at 1:52 pm

I whole-heartedly support these lunatics in their attempts to keep their state Kenyan and Amero free. Viva La ‘Tards…

snideinplainsight May 10, 2010 at 1:53 pm

No pension for congresspeople – that will go over big.

Extemporanus May 10, 2010 at 1:54 pm

It’s still better than the Democratic Party of Maine’s platform, which reads in its entirety:

“The main thing’s to keep the Maine thing the main thing.”

snideinplainsight May 10, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Now that total idiots are using the internets, I think the time has come to advance my “dot-tard” domain proposal.

Ducksworthy May 10, 2010 at 1:56 pm

[re=573781]FlownOver[/re]: They have realized that this whole Democracy thing is a lie made up by Demoncraps. The movement is calling for restoration of the Hapsburg monarchy with Ron Paul as King Ron the First.

SayItWithWookies May 10, 2010 at 1:56 pm

I like the item in their platform urging the Federal government to investigate the Rothschild family’s plot to use the island of St. Helena to house the gravity ray they’re developing to threaten any nation that opposes the rise of the Illuminati with being cast into permanent darkness via an artificial lunar eclipse.

JMP May 10, 2010 at 1:56 pm

I like the “collusion of government and industry in the global warming “myth”"; yes, industry’s just been bending over backwards to acknowledge the reality of global warming and attempt to reduce their emissions.

Although the craziest part is probably the screed against the UN treaty on the rights of the child; that comes basically from the fundies’ belief that people should be allowed, and in fact encouraged, to beat their children, together with the neocon and Paultard general hatred of the UN.

Snarkalicious May 10, 2010 at 1:57 pm

[re=573781]FlownOver[/re]: No, no, no. They just want to do for Maine what The Last Action Governor (Governator, you say? Fuck you. That was a good movie.) has done with the economy of California.

Dave J. May 10, 2010 at 1:58 pm

From Wikipedia: “Austrian School economists advocate the strict enforcement of voluntary contractual agreements between economic agents”

The folks in Maine must be big fans of the “pay your doctor with chickens!1!!1!!” lady in Nevada.

freakishlystrong May 10, 2010 at 1:58 pm

So, Somalia then? They have VERY limited Gubmint in Somalia. And then the teatards could see what uppity nigras can really get up to.

bfstevie May 10, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Hey. This mentions Thomas Jefferson. If the people of Texas hear about this could be a Maine-Texas civil war.

Aflac Shrugged May 10, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Article I, section h calls for the Maine Republicans to reject “LOST.” I think the more nuanced approach would be to wait to see whether Hurley and Desmond live, but that’s what makes me a liberal.

RoscoePColtraine May 10, 2010 at 2:01 pm

[re=573808]freakishlystrong[/re]: Oh, and militias! Please let’s have militias!

Ducksworthy May 10, 2010 at 2:04 pm

[re=573808]freakishlystrong[/re]: Somalia then. Yes. That’s the model for limited gubbermint and unlimited 2nd amendment rights. I have a 92 Toyota pickup that has spent a lot of time in Maine (hence the rust) and I’m planning on mounting a .50 caliber machine gun on it to complete the Somali look.

Mista Eko May 10, 2010 at 2:04 pm

Reject “LOST” the Law Of The Sea Treaty.

Jesus, teabaggers. I know this last season hasn’t answered any questions but I still think we can watch it for the sake of completion.

Lascauxcaveman May 10, 2010 at 2:04 pm

I call bullshit on this story. The hard, multi-syllabic words like “collusion” and “government” are all correctly spelled. This is clearly work of librul agents provocateur, just like the ones shouting racial epithets at that black congressman back in the healthcare debate.

comicbookguy May 10, 2010 at 2:05 pm

If they actually do get a thorough investigation of industrial and political collusion in the global warming myth and prosecute the same, they are going to put a lot of oil industry executives and think tank members in prison for colluding to perpetuate myths that deny global warming. Is that really what they want? If they were smart they would fight against any honest investigation.

Also, since it needs to be said…

You know who else suggested the Austrian model???

SlouchingTowardsWasilla May 10, 2010 at 2:05 pm

They want “strict adherence” to their right to keep and bear arms. If I’m readin’ that amendment thing right, it means they either have no right to arms, or they get bazookas and tanks. Maybe we should have a court look into….. oh, right.

Serolf Divad May 10, 2010 at 2:08 pm

Discard political correctness, make public the declaration of war (Jihad), made against the US on 23 Feb 1998, and fight the war against the United States by radical Islam to win.

Ouch, my eyes hurt just trying to figure out what that sentence is supposed to mean.

I Heart Accuracy May 10, 2010 at 2:08 pm

[re=573803]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Is that when we get on the meteor?

ManchuCandidate May 10, 2010 at 2:08 pm

Get in bed with retarded ignoranus fanatics, wake up with teabags.

Airborne Toxic Event May 10, 2010 at 2:09 pm

They also fight over roadkill in Maine.

Jim89048 May 10, 2010 at 2:11 pm

[re=573806]Dave J.[/re]: That presents a real quandry here in Nevaduh. In one ear I have some guy telling me to keep fucking that chicken, but in the other ear I have Sue Lowden telling me to pay my doctor with it. I’d like to do both, but in this world of absolutes, no can do.

Cape Clod May 10, 2010 at 2:21 pm

[re=573823]Serolf Divad[/re]: make public the declaration of war (Jihad), made against the US on 23 Feb 1998, and fight the war against the United States by radical Islam to win.

The first step of which will be the quite reasonable decision to nuke Mecca.

qwerty42 May 10, 2010 at 2:25 pm

What about Austro-Hungarian Economics? We get a King-Emperor to be in charge of the Federal Reserve. And, for a slogan: “Moar Blimps!!!”

PsycGirl May 10, 2010 at 2:25 pm

to ensure domestic tranquility, they’re gonna keep those gays from marrying and keep those heteros from aborting. I don’t even know where to start on that one. Especially since earlier there was a serious shout-out to the second amendment. Armed straight married people never threaten domestic tranquility, right?

Monsieur Grumpe May 10, 2010 at 2:27 pm

Just imagine a country based on the gibberish in that document. Somalia would look like Disney World in comparison.

JMP May 10, 2010 at 2:30 pm

[re=573809]bfstevie[/re]: It’s doubly ironic. They quote Jefferson after decrying freedom from religion, which was his idea; and they quote him decrying ignorance to support their proposal to eliminate the Dept. of Education, which would increase it. They also claim the Constitution requires the states control education which, let me see, nope it’s completely silent on that.

They also claim the teabaggers are reminiscent of the start of the Republican party, which is just completely the opposite of the truth. The original Republicans opposed slavery and “states’ rights”, while the teabaggers are against having a black president and want to restore de facto segregation.

comicbookguy May 10, 2010 at 2:33 pm

[re=573846]Cape Clod[/re]: I’m confused, are they fighting for radical Islam to win?

Advocatus_Diaboli May 10, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Austrian economics sounds about right for this crowd since it lets you make up your own facts to make your argument.
I’d like to have similar Austrian traffic laws. No officer, the speed limit is 110 on this road because that’s how fast my car can go.

Geogre May 10, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Oh, come on. This is the Republican Party we’re talking about!

These people practically invented the poll tax. I’m sure they’ll find a clever way to eliminate all that democracy from affecting them, when it’s meant only to derail the other guy… the one who, uh, likes democracy and the little guy.

steverino247 May 10, 2010 at 2:42 pm

[re=573850]qwerty42[/re]: Nah, some Serb would come along and fuck it all up.

mumblyjoe May 10, 2010 at 2:45 pm

[re=573808]freakishlystrong[/re]: (notso) FUN FACT: Somalia’s the only country other than the US not to have signed that children’s treaty thing. And Somalia’s excuse is that it doesn’t have a government.

America: clearly the the guiding moral light for the rest of the world.

qwerty42 May 10, 2010 at 2:47 pm

[re=573875]steverino247[/re]: not if they have enough blimps.

joementum May 10, 2010 at 2:47 pm

[re=573825]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I thought the teabaggin’ came first.

Manos: Hands of Fate May 10, 2010 at 2:47 pm

[re=573863]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Do you really think anybody at the convention even knows what the hell Austrian economics are? I’m gueesing they heard Mark Levin praise it once on the air. I’ll bet half of them thinks it comes from Texas.

mumblyjoe May 10, 2010 at 2:49 pm

[re=573808]freakishlystrong[/re]: At least Somalia is doing something about global warming, y’know, because of the pirates. Also.

Come here a minute May 10, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Based on their voting records, Snowe and Collins will not have a problem with this.

Gunner May 10, 2010 at 2:53 pm

“fight the war against the United States by radical Islam to win.”

Is there any way to read this than that they want to fight against the United States so that radical Islam will win?

UnattendedConsequence May 10, 2010 at 2:55 pm

I live in Maine and as it regards teabaggin’ I feel I must quote the Beach Boys – (this shit is) “spreadin’ round like an awful disease.”

What Fresh Hell is This? May 10, 2010 at 2:57 pm

[re=573888]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Sigh. Much of it actually comes from Yankee exiles who have relocated to Alabama. My little town is home of the Von Mises Institute, and the local paper often hosts guest columns by one of the institute’s “scholars.” Even by Alabama standards, they are seriously weird.

An American in Toronto May 10, 2010 at 3:00 pm

OK. Finally something I have a little knowledge about. I was born and raised in the Pine Tree State (Go, Fighting Trees!) and I could see this coming a few years back. I don’t know if you guys know this, but Maine is pretty darn Caucasian. But about a decade ago, the Somalians (yes, actual Somalians!) began emigrating to Maine.

Man, did that unnerve people (my Dad for one). These were non-white people who wore bizarre clothing and didn’t go to Baked Bean suppers. Immigrants moved from a lawless shithole to the Greater Portland area and a thousand teabaggers were born. They don’t say Maine is a little bit of the South up North for nothing.

Then you have Northern Maine who only know about non-white people from Sanford and Son reruns and when they can get good reception of Glenn Beck’s radio show.

Limeylizzie May 10, 2010 at 3:06 pm

[re=573777]V572625694[/re]: Oh no kidding, is that the thing that Bobby Kennedy( or Joe Kennedy?) the one who sounds like Kate Hepburn, has? They should sing a duet- “You’re Just in Love” would be a laff fest with those two.

GOPCrusher May 10, 2010 at 3:06 pm

Didn’t take them long to throw Bible Spice to the curb and adopt Ron Paul as their de facto leader. MORE TINFOIL HATS!

dannygutters May 10, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Pandy May 10, 2010 at 3:10 pm

[re=573908]UnattendedConsequence[/re]: The good news for these folks is that if they keep this up noone will WANT to come to the US any more.

Woodwards Friend May 10, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Best line: “Eliminate the Department of Education and restore schools to local control as specified in the constitution.”

Obviously these America-hating Maine teabaggers never read the Constitution.

assistant/atlas May 10, 2010 at 3:14 pm

[re=573850]qwerty42[/re]: “We get a King-Emperor to be in charge of the Federal Reserve.” ….I’m sorry, I guess I don’t keep up with the gubmint as well as I should…is that different from what we have now…?

CitizenWhy May 10, 2010 at 3:22 pm

Time for those blue helicopters to start landing in Maine, with a BIG supply of Meds or medical marijuana for those poor afflicted people.

Barrelhse May 10, 2010 at 3:23 pm

[re=573815]Ducksworthy[/re]: I was born in Maine in 1949, and I suspect I look a LOT like your Toyota, only worse.

UnattendedConsequence May 10, 2010 at 3:25 pm

Can you still have surreal, hallucinogenic, alternate universe flashbacks if the last time you dropped acid was thirty years ago?

Mahousu May 10, 2010 at 3:36 pm

[re=573850]qwerty42[/re]: Austrian economics is Austro-Hungarian economics. It got its name since its original proponents were all born in Austria-Hungary.

We’re refighting the battles of the ’60′s again – only this, time, it’s the 1860′s.

the problem child May 10, 2010 at 3:50 pm

“Seal the border and protect US citizens along the border and everywhere, as is the prime directive of the Federal Government.”

This is making Canadians giggle. Maybe we should invade Maine again. This time, we won’t give it back.

imissopus May 10, 2010 at 3:54 pm

[re=573994]the problem child[/re]: Threat or promise?

the problem child May 10, 2010 at 4:01 pm

[re=574003]imissopus[/re]: Promise. We need the space for potatoes.

give us a bob May 10, 2010 at 4:08 pm

[re=574003]imissopus[/re]: I do believe it is time to revisit the Missouri Compromise, and maybe this time we can offload BOTH Maine and Missouri. I would recommend giving one of ‘em to Afghanistan as reparation, but I think that might be considered a war crime (against the Afghanis, that is).

WadISay May 10, 2010 at 4:10 pm

[re=573817]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: They didn’t use “usurpation” once. Somebody is just mailing it in.

An Outhouse May 10, 2010 at 4:21 pm

” 1. The Constitutions, both State and Federal, are the framework to which any and all legislation must adhere.”

These people are brilliant legal scholars. I thought we could just make shit up.

Pop Socket May 10, 2010 at 4:22 pm

It reads like it was transcribed from a Glenn Beck pay-per-view event by illiterate rednecks with crayons. As it probably was.

chaste everywhere May 10, 2010 at 4:44 pm

[re=573796]Extemporanus[/re]: I thought it read “The brain in Maine stays mainly insane.”

DP May 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm

[re=573994]the problem child[/re]: I guess now we’ll need a danged fence up there too?

MilwaukeeKent May 10, 2010 at 4:59 pm

I think it was Ronald Reagan who said of the GOP “The problem is our right hand dooesn’t know what our far-right hand is doing”. It’s like watching lemmings in action.

MOG May 10, 2010 at 5:17 pm

I want to laugh, but I keep tearing up because these people are scaring me. Every now and then I meet someone here (DE) who appears to be normal and then they start spouting this stuff. Yikes.

BobTheBuilder May 10, 2010 at 5:32 pm

You know, I was just thinking to myself that the problem with our economy is that it isn’t Austrian enough.

Katydid May 10, 2010 at 5:49 pm

[re=573806]Dave J.[/re]: From Wikipedia: “Austrian School economists advocate the strict enforcement of voluntary contractual agreements between economic agents.

I honestly thought you made that up. How is it possible to strictly enforce voluntary agreements?

carlgt1 May 10, 2010 at 5:51 pm

I’ve seen nothing on the left as insane as this uber-reich-wing Tea Party BS. As if tree-huggin’ hippies screaming about flouride in water really compares to the neo-fascists on the right? Now they’re saying that center-right pro-corporate Goldman Sachs lawyer & now Supreme Court appointee Elena Kagan is an ultra-left activist liberal. How friggin’ insane is that?

Citizen Kang May 10, 2010 at 5:52 pm

This country is swirling the toilet bowl faster and faster. It’s just a matter of time until we all take a big whiff of what the teabaggers had for lunch. Hope you all came hungry because I’m holding off as long as I can before jumping ship for a decidedly more “Canadian” locale.

JavaJack May 10, 2010 at 6:02 pm

Who put the Maine in maniacs?

What no End-Time mention, can’t be real Americans.

Mpls Dave May 10, 2010 at 6:03 pm

1) Paultards are in control
2) “Eliminate Dirigo” wasn’t that some nerdy 1970s cult classic movie?

What Fresh Hell is This? May 10, 2010 at 6:18 pm


JavaJack May 10, 2010 at 6:27 pm

Austrian economics is like a pro-sports game with out the rules, Ref’s, or Ump’s. The players are all adults with an intimate knowledge of their game. No coercive outsiders needed to tell them how to play fairly.

Just like the stock market plays itself out.

slappypaddy May 10, 2010 at 6:43 pm

[re=574176]Katydid[/re]: vee haff our vayss.

petey May 10, 2010 at 6:54 pm

Would not it be great, if we could just give 100% of our income and not worry about anything

Scruffy, The Janitor May 10, 2010 at 7:20 pm

[re=573768]slappypaddy[/re]: Their main form of education was being fed Coco Puffs for four hours, then going outside to run and run and run, and whoever hit the most trees got an A. (Credit for joke goes to Lewis Black)

NYNYNY May 10, 2010 at 7:25 pm

Weird, I’m from Maine, and everyone I know is quite reasonable. I always suspected the toothless women running the gas stations and the mulleted meth heads hanging out near the tressle were wingnuts, but how did they become delegates to the Repub convention. Shit. My guess is A LOT of Republicans in Maine are asking themselves WTF just happened.

FlipOffResearch May 10, 2010 at 7:26 pm

The Republicans are really screwing themselves by letting the crazies take over their party. What a sweet slow motion train wreck.

imissopus May 10, 2010 at 7:34 pm

[re=574020]give us a bob[/re]: Maine? What, and drag down Afghanistan’s national literacy rate?

nickknack May 10, 2010 at 8:03 pm

Thanks you, Madam Wonkette. I rise today (okay, I’m sitting at the migraine-o-tron) in defense of the great State of Maine. Contrary to popular opinion, we all didn’t just fall of the haywagon up here. Some has been around the block, from Skowhegan to East Sangerville, and don’t take no stock in these Tea-Bagger perverts (why the hell would they do stuff like that, anyway?). Seems like they got no sense. Now they’re talking about doin’ away with the Department of Ejoocashun. Why, where would people be, where the hell would I be, without learnin’ and such. And they think global warming is a fraud, when here we are, livin’ in a state where a body cain’t count on ridin’ a snow-sled more’n two and half outen the year no more. It’s a dumb shame.

JMP May 10, 2010 at 8:09 pm

[re=574178]carlgt1[/re]: You’re slandering the hippies here; the fluoridation in the water conspiracy theory bullshit comes from the John Birch society, which is on the far right.

Dashboard_Buddha May 10, 2010 at 8:19 pm

[re=574020]give us a bob[/re]: Hey now…I live in Maine.

GayInMaine May 10, 2010 at 8:36 pm

Hell, we think of people from Massachusetts and Canada as foreign up this way. Why would we want anything to do with Austria? They don’t even have Ameros.

Olympia Snowe is up for re-election in 2012. This should be fun.

NYNYNY May 10, 2010 at 9:00 pm

…and furthermore demands that Teddy and Franklin Roosevelt’s bones be disinterred and desecrated by giving them profiles.

Maxfretless May 10, 2010 at 9:06 pm

[re=573867]Geogre[/re]: Y=To be fair, the poll tax was a southern Democrat invention after reconstruction. (Post-Reconstruction Southern Democrat being a fancy term for crazed bigot.) Actually, until the 1930′s the only political party that made even symbolic attempts to court black voters were the Republicans.

Hoplight May 10, 2010 at 9:22 pm

[re=574258]JMP[/re]: As a certifiable lefty, let me chime in with flouridation is stupid. It is a highly reactive halogen. And it only does anything when it comes in contact with the surface of your teeth. Rinsing your mouth with it is effective. Drinking it makes no sense . . . it is poisonous.

Timely enough, Eyjafjallajökull, in fact, has rather a lot of flouride in its ash. Previous eruption, this killed all the livestock in the ashfall areas by rotting their bones out.

Hoplight May 10, 2010 at 9:28 pm

[re=574220]petey[/re]: Yeah because no way that private interests are better incentivized to provide some things and government better incentivized to provide others. Not a chance.

Cute phrases == policy is the reason the country is totally fucked up.

George Oscar Bluth May 10, 2010 at 10:36 pm

So this is what happens when the baby-boomers begin to go senile!

gurukalehuru May 11, 2010 at 3:00 am

The official language of San Marcos is now Swedish. All underwear will be worn on the outside.

Terry May 11, 2010 at 7:25 am

Years ago, my elderly father who is a transplanted New Englander explained his region of origin to me:

Maine: Deliverance with lobsters

New Hampshire: Goddamn ridge runners who don’t want to pay taxes but come across the border to states who do and use the systems there

Vermont: Rich hippies, skiers, and a few old red necks tapping trees

Rhode Island: Run by the Italian and Irish mobs, lots of swamp Yankees (in other words, red necks)

Connecticut: Suburb of NYC

Boston: Pain in the ass loud people

Amherst and neighboring towns in the Connecticut River Valley: Out of touch hippies, who due to a lack of energy from their vegan diets and a pathological need to build consensus, never actually do anything but sit around and talk and feel self-satisfied.

Eastern half of Massachusetts (other than Boston): Suburb of Boston

Western half of Massachusetts (other than Amherst): Out of work immigrants, out of work children and grandchildren of immigrants, bunch of red necks, plus Milton Bradley and the Basketball Hall of Fame.

oldguy May 11, 2010 at 11:27 am

The whole thing is a hoax. The giveaway is at the bottom of the last page:

“Restore a vigorous grounding in the history and precepts of liberty, freedom, and the constitution to the educational process. As Thomas Jefferson said, “If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be.””

Thomas Jefferson doesn’t exist.

Tundra Grifter May 13, 2010 at 10:01 pm

[re=573790]RobPetrified[/re]: I don’t think so. According to Wonkette the most recent poll showed TBaggers are about 2% of the voting population. I see these nutz as splitting what remains of the GOP and letting the Democrats waltz right back in.

Tundra Grifter May 13, 2010 at 10:07 pm

[re=574199]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Sans-Synapses.

Tundra Grifter May 13, 2010 at 10:13 pm

This is just flat out amazing! Where to begin? GAAP Accounting for the Federal and state governments (By the way, anyone else notice the state of Maine always comes before the Feds)? The current problem with our economy is that we’re not taking enough depreciation as a nation?

Just how is that going to work? I don’t think Statutory Accounting would work, either.

“II. To Establish Justice:
“a. Restore “Constitutional law” as the basis for the Judiciary.” That one is going to be a little tricky because that whole thing about the US Supreme Court ruling on laws passed by Congress being Constitutional really isn’t in the Constitution (thank you John Marshall, Chief Justice with, I believe, no previous judicial experience).

Finally, the suggestion that Congress act to create term limits is not only a dumb idea (let’s go out of our way to have amateurs running things here), it would require a change in our Constitution. I thought we already had term limits? We call ‘em elections. [Remember when George Bush talked about term limits during a debate and Al Gore said "We're fixin' to limit some terms..."]

One Flew Over the Wingnut May 13, 2010 at 11:50 pm

It’s like they aren’t even trying to conceal the wingnuts anymore, they’re ruling the roost now. Seriously, no “one world government”? I was reading this platform, noticing all the idiocy and masochism at work (austrian economics, boo! diversity, boo! poor people, boo! education, on and on) and thinking this must be a hoax…then I remembered with horror, THIS is the modern GOP. This is the party that allows a few hundred teabaggers to take it over with nary a fight. Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, kiss your raggedy asses goodbye; yer a cuppa compri-misers, er at least not down with stopping one world gubmint like the other Maine GOPers are. Seriously, if these douchebags believe so much in constitutional originalism, they need to inform non-landowners they can’t vote, black people shall be remanded to bondage, women: git yer asses into the kitchen, chineses are railroad slaves, and so forth.

While you’re embracing the originalist nutbutter teabaggers, you’d better also be reminded: no national defense. The entire military industrial complex needs to go and militias will defend each states borders, like the good old days of 1776. The government cannot regulate interstate commerce anymore, so if a larger state population-wise than Maine comes along (of course wingnuts strategically inhabit states with tiny rural populations) they can take whatever they want by forcing your poor asses to sign whatever trade agreement they shove in front of you, and you’ll sign it out of basic need; now you’ll understand how the 3rd world feels dealing with us. And since you’ve decided to boo fedealism and have decided we’re instead a CONFEDERACY of 50 sovereign states (haha, teabaggers) with a weak central meeting house, don’t expect any of us to come to your aide when ignorance, religious coersion and terrible economic policies wrecks your entire city-state.

The last great remnant of the confederacy still needing to be unveiled: open white supremacy. Come on teabaggers, dive right in…you’re about 90% there already. I hope Democrats strategically post this platform everywhere, they’ve eaten all the sane ones left and now we must show how batshit these Randian retreads really are. Oh and a bag of poxy dicks upon them all! Also.

Looy May 14, 2010 at 8:51 am

Austrian Economics via Wikipedia (apparently they do a lot of reading during Maine winters…..)
“The Austrian School is a heterodox school of economic thought that emphasizes the spontaneous organizing power of the price mechanism. Its name derives from the identity of its founders and early supporters, who were citizens of the old Austrian Habsburg Empire, including Carl Menger, Eugen von Böhm-Bawerk and Ludwig von Mises.[1] Currently, adherents of the Austrian School can come from any part of the world, but they are often referred to simply as Austrian economists…

…Followers of the Austrian School are now most frequently associated with libertarian political perspectives that emanate from such bodies as the Ludwig von Mises Institute.”

Tim May 14, 2010 at 11:08 am

[re=574178]carlgt1[/re]: Oh, there is serious insanity on the left, but it’s infinitesimal. Look up the Maoist International Movement and read their film reviews; I think they’re archived somewhere.

Exterminatus May 14, 2010 at 1:58 pm

[re=577271]Looy[/re]: In the context one should consider Austrian economics “heterodox” in the same way that Creationism and homeopathy are “heterodox”. None of them have any evidence to support their claims, but they have plenty of rationalizations for the lack of evidence. Their supporters are ignorant and sound insane when they talk about their quackery.

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