Here’s The Official Catalogue Of Sins, From The Family Research Council

  must memorize immediately

Did you pray like the dickens yesterday, on the National Day of Prayer that Barack Obama hates so much? Yeah, we forgot too. But they say certain corners of Hell have been successfully gentrified in recent decades, so there’s always that. Anyway, there’s another prayer day, maybe, on May 23, and here’s the official Catalogue of Sins (PDF) that Jesus wrote on his conservative Acer PC, via the Family Research Council. (“Lifting someone’s luggage” is missing! Phew, now that joke’s out of the way.) Let’s explore the State & National Sins category, cuz it’s our beat, right?

STATE & NATIONAL SINS
Citizens –

Abandonment of God and His Word
as the foundation for civil order

Apathy & neglect – failure to vote, serve,
& support God-fearing men & women in
government

Related video

Passive & active support for evil leaders

Neglect of stewardship of liberty & Godly
heritage

Willful ignorance & neglect of
community, state & national affairs

Silent indifference to the imposition of
evil laws & public policy

Greedily seek entitlements & largess of big
government despite cost to children

Leaders –

Judicial, legislative & executive actions
affirming, fostering, promoting &
exporting: abortion, infanticide,
homosexuality & atheistic education

Treasonous barter of American liberty to
international interests

Deceitfully leading America into New
World Order

Using international influence to promote
immorality & abortion

Deliberate destruction of America’s
military defense

Interference and usurpation of parental rights
& responsibilities

Violation of the Church & religious civil
liberties

Usurpation of parents’ authority by
indoctrinating children into sexual
promiscuity, pantheism (worship of the
environment), polytheism
(multiculturalism), atheistic humanism,
liberal politics, socialism & statism under
the guise of public “education” while
failing to teach fundamental academics or
simple truths of right & wrong

Thievery via confiscation of private property
under veil of “environmental protection”

Thievery of family wealth via confiscatory
estate and inheritance taxes

Thievery via confiscatory levels of income
tax & use of tax dollars for evil

Thievery from future generations through
wicked borrowing, deficit spending &
amassing unconscionable public debt

Thievery from all Americans via inflation

Oppression via suffocating overregulation

Violation of the national covenant with the
people: the Declaration and Constitution

Tyranny via unjustified surveillance, search &
seizure

Persecution of Christians (restraining, abusing
& firing Christian School teachers,
government workers, etc., who are true to
their faith), passage of laws
discriminating against vocal pro-life
Christians, imposing outrageous fines and
punishments which do not fit the “crimes”
(e.g., abortion clinic bubble laws, hate
crimes laws, etc.)

Imposition of Statism and Socialism in every
arena of American life (schools,
medicine, business, charity, etc.)

Exaltation of State as God, nullifying His laws
& demanding control over areas of life
(including the Church & Family), that
rightly belong to God

That is Psalms, word-for-word.

[PDF via Call2Fall/trusty old chascates]

Related

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

197 comments

  1. steverino247

    I lost 41 sins by obeying this one ancient rule: Think for yourself and forget that bullshit about “sin.”

  2. ph7

    Tyranny via unjustified surveillance, search &
    seizure

    Except for mexicans, even if named Jesus.

  3. Sharkey

    “Thievery from all Americans via inflation”
    If these poopies actually know how to stop inflation, I may have to reconsider my lack of faith to any and all organized religion.

  4. Jukesgrrl

    The requirement to “rebuke & correct disobedient” explains why there are so many trolls on every Internet site I read. Makes sense to me. Duzzittoyew?

  5. germansteel

    I’ve never seen such an exhaustive and 100% accurate description of my life, in one place. Thanks be to whoever put this together.

  6. Extemporanus

    Place your ORDER NOW if you want YOUR SIN delivered in time for MOTHER’S DAY!

    Enter offer code “BAGGAGE69″ and receive FREE GIFT WRAPPING!

  7. AutomaticPilot

    Do I have to order from the cataglogue or are these sins available on the interwebs?

  8. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=572849]germansteel[/re]:
    I’m impressed. I can only claim 76.43%.

  9. pondscum

    Once again, something about sins and God is written by someone who obviously hasn’t read the Bible.

  10. bureaucrap

    Dear Friends at FRC: Thank you for sending me your “Catalogue of Sins”. I’d like to place the following order:

    Three (3) “Imposition of Statism and Socialism in every arena of American life (schools,
    medicine, business, charity, etc.)” in the following colors and sizes:

    Medium – navy
    XLarge – Red
    Large – Hunter Green

    Please send my my sins using the address and credit card information you have on file.

    Sincerely,
    Bureaucrap

  11. sati demise

    Fuck these fuckin fucks. They are hypocrites on every single bullet point.
    Jeebus weeps every time they speak.

  12. JMP

    Just looking at the portions of the list Jim’s excerpted:

    Strange that the FRC, which has shown great fear of gay men, along with Muslims and secularists, says “fear of man” is a sin.
    Since the FRC and others are the ones who have rewritten America’s history, by lying and claiming that the US was founded as a Christian nation, it’s also weird that they would consider that sinful.
    Hypocrisy is a sin; I suppose that doesn’t include hiring rentboys while publicly hating gay people.
    The FRC has ignored the shedding of innocent blood over in Iraq and Afghanistan.
    Neglect of truth in teaching includes the pushing for lies like creationism and the aforementioned “Christian nation” bullshit the FRC has done.
    Covetousness, selfishness, greed and materialism would include bilking their followers.
    For idolatry, see Sarah Palin and George Bush before her.

    And that’s just the beginning! I’m sure the FRC is guilty of a lot of their other listed sins.

  13. Mad Brahms

    Whatever happened to the old standards like murder and rape? Those were good sins to stay away from!

    “Leading America into the New World Order”, well, that’s just silly.

  14. Limeylizzie

    Why don’t they just say ‘Whatever the Muslin Kenyan does is wrong”. These people are such turds, so very silent when Bush was causing death and destruction, but let our Hopey try to give us some Socialized Medicine and all Hell breaks loose.

  15. comicbookguy

    Oppression of innocent oil companies via over-regulation and oppressive safety rules under the guise of “Protecting the environment” and “preventing explosions.” Sinners! Repent!

  16. SmutBoffin

    When will Barack Obama recognize the National Day of Slayer?

    Not mah President!

  17. WendyK

    This is Rekers’ org, right?

    I see no mention of rentboys, ergo we are all systems go to heaven. Amen.

  18. Spike

    So, not just the National Day of Prayer, but they have to do a fucking Global Day of Prayer later this month as well? Plus the National Prayer Breakfast? These guys are getting out of hand. Its almost as if they expect people to pray every day. Ridiculous!

  19. Extemporanus

    [re=572863]bureaucrap[/re]:

    http://frc.biz

    Air jesus(1-24)sandals $33

    Nile shokker(R4,NZ,OZ,TL1,TL2,TL3) $35
    Teabags(Greed nv fendi d&g) $35
    Hairshits (adultry ,retards,pederasty) $16

    Jean(True Religion,eve adam,anal) $30
    Sunglasses(boyz,coach,Lucci,Manarmi) $16
    Dark era cap $15

    Burqini (one piese,wool) SOLD OUT

    FREE sHIPPING
    http://frc.biz

    @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@2

    2

  20. user-of-owls

    “Usurpation of librarians’ authority by illegitimate and unauthorized categorizing.”

  21. Dear Diorama

    This list has way too much “prayerlessness,” it’s actually kind of, oh?, political.

  22. GOPCrusher

    They could of saved a lot of time and effort if they just would have put Barack Obama on the list. That’s it, nothing more.

  23. JMP

    [re=572845]ph7[/re]: They had to throw in a token offense by George Bush just to appear nonpartisan, just like throwing in “neglect of poor” and “racism” among all the bullshit. One more irony: “racism & ethnic hatred & DISCRIMINATION” is listed shortly after they call both homosexuality and witchcraft sins.

    [re=572863]bureaucrap[/re]: I’d like some spiritual adultery; that sounds hot. Suppose I’ll go for Aphrodite, the old standby; I’d most want to go for Athena but the whole virgin goddess thing makes that pretty much impossible.

  24. Tommmcatt

    [re=572876]Carson[/re]:

    Thanks for that. I can hear the Wonkette Symphony tuning up, ready to blast their “Ode To Fucktard Jeebus Freaks in F Minor”.

    Tap the baton on the podium, Newell. It’s time to begin….

  25. Snarkalicious

    [re=572846]Sharkey[/re]: Oh, that’s easy. Permanent recession and death panels with a yearly-regressive age cap. Start next year at age 45 and sunset the fucker in 2060.

  26. One Flew Over the Wingnut

    Jesus is apparently a movement Teabagger according to these assholes. Seriously, how can they rail against materialism and greed while in the same church-lady lecture go onto calling “confiscation of wealth” and “over-regulation” and “worship of the environment” (fuckin’ hippies) a sin? These assholes are so racked with cognitive dissonance no wonder they’re all out fucking “rentboys” (eh, I meant having them carry luggage and then preaching the gospels to them ALL NIGHT LONG). This has to be one of the biggest stink-bombs of partisan politics dressed up as religious morality that I’ve ever seen.

    Okay, I can understand why social conservatives are regressive, slavery-worshipping, bigoted and misogynistic cavemen. After all, they are pretty much the same every other religion. But this bullshit also marks their idea of morality coincidently in PERFECT alignment with the GOP line and it is…unforgiveable. These people here are exactly why I’m barely agnostic; I was raised Episcopelean until I noticed people who talk about “justice” and “deep morals” are just douchebag Republicans trying to lead the flock to voting for their party of rich, racist, pasty Randian policies that they call “morale”. Memo to assholes: Ayn Rand FERVENTLY hated religion, possibly more than even Marx did (Marx didn’t accuse the church of lying and stealing from people or call it a blight and its members “lice”, but he’s the evil one). So wrapping her beliefs into the bible and calling them moral is the height of comedy.

    Ya know, they’re lucky. Lucky they have mindless tea baggers who froth at the mouth for them, lucky they have the entire backwards and mostly useless South to shout “amen” when they preach the gospel of supply-side Jesus (delivered through Saint Ronny). They’re lucky they live in a bubble where disagreement is punishable by expulsion (only for now). And they’re also lucky that Rekers found love in some male prostitutes anus…because buttsecks by family research council members is of course, allowed. They’re also lucky they never have to confront anyone with sense and sanity who can explain the “holy free market” is what has caused the real downfall of the American family that they pretend to care so fucking much about. Sorry to go on and on, but these assholes sicken me; I hope the rapture is soon so I need never watch their pasty-assed spokesman on TV again, or hear about Rekers paying some kid to carry his holy ballsack. I’d rather enjoy the peace and quiet of “hell on earth” than listen to these self-righteous closet-cases. Hypocritical, self-obsessed douchebags, also.

  27. JMP

    [re=572884]Come here a minute[/re]: Oh, I think “Lust, fornication, adultery, homosexuality, Pornography & other sexual perversions” contains some things that are fun for everybody; as does “Drugs, sex, wicked music & every evil practice” (kind of a generic catch-all at the end there).

  28. Limeylizzie

    [re=572876]Carson[/re]: Oh I could really use some fun, I was in Times Square today when the “Suspicious Cooler” closed down about 8 blocks.

  29. germansteel

    [re=572855]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]:

    I’m probably older than you. You can catch up, young man.

  30. Dashboard_Buddha

    did that…did that…got paid for that…that one hurts to much…would like to do that again.

  31. chascates

    [re=572892]WendyK[/re]: Not sure about that:
    Thank you for your comment! It has been added to the moderation queue and will be published here if approved by the webmaster.

  32. Cerveza Si

    blatant omission: never forget thy password…..green balloons

    Me thinks they prefer when one forgets……

  33. Lascauxcaveman

    Treasonous barter of American liberty to
    international interests

    Deceitfully leading America into New
    World Order

    Geeze, FRC, way to paint a target on the backs of the entire Bush family, from Prescott on down.

  34. Chuckie Jesus

    “Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free health care. You’re thinking of Jesus.” – John Fugelsang

  35. SayItWithWookies

    [re=572881]Spike[/re]: Yeah, prayer should be like waterboarding — the damn thing either works or it doesn’t. You shouldn’t have to try it 183 times and then still have to make up some damn faith-based rationale for why it doesn’t work.
    Oh, and Dobson: You’ll be happy to know I wasn’t “Looking away while America’s spiritual and religious history were being rewritten [sic] and the Church [what?] marginalized.” I was right there cheering it on. And believe me, there’s a lot more marginalization to go before you and your organization and your nonexistent god are sufficiently disempowered.

    Speaking of which, Sunday May 9th is the 50th anniversary of The Pill. Celebrate appropriately.

  36. greatgooglymoogly

    They forgot rum, romanism and rebellion. And miscegenation, can’t forget that horror.

  37. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    In what must be a shout out to the Papist, “Molesting young boys” did not make the list.

  38. natteringnabomb

    Thievery via destruction of public and private property under the veil of drill baby drill.

  39. stew

    Actually, there is no prohibition in the Bible re. massaging a man’s taint, so maybe this guy can survive this little rentboy.com thingy.

  40. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Strangely, “Making money off of peoples fear of damnation” did not make the list either.

  41. GOPCrusher

    [re=572903]chascates[/re]: That’s what I got too. I’m sure a fine upstanding organization such as the Family Research Council wants to make sure that only family-friendly Xtian messages are posted on their site.

  42. Neoyorquino

    All of that cataloging of sins doesn’t leave me much time for being judgmental and hypocritical.

  43. edgydrifter

    I didn’t see anything on the list about kicking loudmouthed Xtians in the nutz, so I’m good to go!

  44. nappyduggs

    Did some maffs and a little cross-referencing on a cocktail napkin and it turns out that, according to this list, I am the anti-christ. Good. I’ll stop trying now.

  45. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    And it is strange that abortion makes the list, but the buttsex doesn’t.

  46. bored with gravity

    I want to see the Charleton Heston movie where God puts all that stuff on rock tablets. Moses would be carrying like 15-18 of those things down Mt. Sinai.

  47. ella

    I like “worship of the environment” but I’m not sure if it means Drill baby, drill or fuck the tree huggers or global warming’s a myth. Or all three.

  48. Can O Whoopass

    Pope eating Cheetos is a sin? I already know a bear shitting in the Sisteen Chapel is a Death sin. Marryin’ yer sister at Walmart is NOT a sin, according to the book of Reagan, ya heah?

  49. x111e7thst

    Restraining, abusing and hot candle-waxing Christian School teachers. I call that Friday night.

  50. libwakman

    List is short if not included:
    Voting for a Democrat
    Supporting the Halfrican
    Failure to carry loaded gun to church
    Not killing abortion providers
    & other assorted WWJD shenanigans.

  51. Scruffy, The Janitor

    It’s a sin to collect taxes, and a sin to amass debt? Looks like they created this document to be just like the actual Bible: You’re damned no matter what you do!

  52. Aguacatero

    The only one I ever violate is “failure to rebuke & correct disobedient”.

    THAT ENDS TODAY, bitches!

  53. Rotundo

    Holy Shit. Or should that more properly be spelled Wholly Shit? You would think a religious group wouldn’t be so obsessed with politics (rendering unto Caesar etc.) but I guess these folks are more political than religious. They don’t seem too familiar with the new testament either, or at least the more “Jesusy” bits. I imagine they need to keep the faithful (suckers) wound up so they keep donating to keep these swell folks in their nice offices with their nice salaries.

  54. V572625694

    I will now deliver complete series of lectures comprising the Atheistic Education program:

    “There is no rational evidence that God or a supreme being by any other name exists.”

    Now it is time to take the Final Axam, and all who pass will be granted the PhD in Atheistic Education:

    1. Is there rational evidence that God exists?

    (a) No
    (b) Yes

    Congratulations! If you answered (a). If not, you flunk.

  55. caughntx

    Was rubbing one out watching old 8mm films of your aunt while crying in a dark corner on there?

  56. Barrelhse

    I guess I’ll take the False Witness one. That means I get to watch first, right?

  57. Scooter

    I notice that “loving you” isn’t on the list of proscribed activities, but should it be categorized as wrong either now or at some future date, I would like to go on record as not wanting to be right.

  58. comicbookguy

    Found a loophole:

    “indoctrinating children into sexual
    promiscuity, pantheism (worship of the
    environment), polytheism
    (multiculturalism), atheistic humanism,
    liberal politics, socialism & statism under
    the guise of public “education” while
    failing to teach fundamental academics or
    simple truths of right & wrong”

    So as long as you include fundamental academics OR simple truths of right & wrong, you’re okay to teach them to become hedonistic liberal atheists. Today’s lesson: sexual promiscuity, how to do it right.

    Rock on.

  59. Smoke Filled Roommate

    ‘Failure to tend God’s flock’– you’re telling me I gotta be a fucking farmer now?

  60. PsycGirl

    [re=572867]Mad Brahms[/re]: “Leading America into the New World Order”, well, that’s just silly.
    Actually that’s “DECEITFULLY leading America into the New World Order” as sinful. Openly leading America is apparently A-OK.

  61. Bordo

    Damn, I am far behind in my sinning by the dictates of that list.

    But. . .it’s Friday and the weekend is made for double-dating with Satan.

  62. Redhead

    “Interference and usurpation of parental rights & responsibilities” – except for sex ed, or what science teachers can and can’t teach regarding evolution versus creationism, or for history in states outside Texas, or to who their kids and can’t date (like people of the same sex), or maybe the parental right to choose when and how to start a family in the first place

  63. PsycGirl

    [re=572892]WendyK[/re]: Looks like they wised up and closed/deleted comments. But on the bright side, I got to read a Patrick Henry college student explain that they (the 325 students) don’t kill each other because of all the strict rules on campus, which apparently include “Don’t Kill Each Other”. I’ll have to pass that one along to my college’s administration.

  64. steverino247

    [re=572851]Extemporanus[/re]: Genius! Times 2

    [re=572899]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Thanks!

    [re=572918]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: What about those three great sins of the Royal Navy: Rum, Buggery and the Lash?

  65. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=572953]caughntx[/re]: Wow…it is true…happy families are all alike

  66. Pandy

    They forgot one major sin…..deliberatly interpreting the word of God to benefit yourself. I hear the original author doesn’t like that.

  67. rambone

    TLDR: Anything on the link about dressing up your loved one as a Jesus-Furry and then assfucking them until the rapture?

  68. BlueStateLibtard

    What the hell does any of this have to do with Christianity? “Deliberate destruction of America’s
    military defense”–is this some special teaching of Jesus that I missed somewhere in my many years of Catholic school and church?

  69. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=572851]Extemporanus[/re]: You forgot two complimentary coupons for all-you-can-eat tossed salad at Sweet Tomatoes.

  70. Oldskool

    They could make it much shorter by saying “Don’t Interact With Anyone, Ever. Goddammit.”

  71. sati demise

    [re=572895]One Flew Over the Wingnut[/re]: amen
    .Name one of these Christianist preachers who has not been caught with a prostitute, doing meth, adultery, the essence of gluttonist bags of idiocy who stuff their faces with corn syrup gravy and bilk the poor so they can have a jet plane and three diamond whores, a shiny wig..
    , have you seen the lady with the pink hair and false eyelashes? Every single one of them is a grifter that competes with Snowbilly.
    They are the most vile thing to come out of America.

  72. zhubajie

    [re=572879]WendyK[/re]: Yes it is! Ask about rent boys, etc., on their blog! Of course, the biggest topic in the Bible is: STOP CHEATING POOR PEOPLE!!!

  73. Redhead

    [re=572986]ladymacbeth[/re]: The one where Jesus warns his disciples not to over-inflate their tires before coming to look for him in the garden of Gethsemane. Silly Repugnicans, always taking things out of context.

  74. Hemp Dogbane

    My selective memory of Focus on the Family greatest hits includes the pre-Y2K (remember that?) financial advice show that concluded with a word from Dr. Dobson. The host mentioned that it seemed certain that something big and awful was likely to happen. Dobson said God was sure to teach us a lesson since the world was so wicked. I guess wishing harm on others is OK if you worship the right political party. Another of our Greatest Americans.

  75. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=572959]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: ‘Failure to tend God’s flock’– you’re telling me I gotta be a fucking farmer now?

    No, technically, a shepherd. But you’re getting the idea.

  76. Hemp Dogbane

    p.s.- sins not expressly defined in the US Constitution are reserved to the states.

  77. zhubajie

    “That is Psalms, word-for-word.”

    Definitely not! I’m a real Bible scholar (among other things) and the Psalms are far better literature. Ditto Proverbs, the Prophets, et al.

    The biggest moral topic in the Bible is STOP CHEATING POOR PEOPLE.

  78. NYNYNY

    [re=572943]Can O Whoopass[/re]: if a bear shits in the sistine chapel and no one is around, is it still a sin?

  79. RoscoePColtraine

    For the gentrification of Hell, which was so ghetto for so long, the homosexuals say YOU’RE WELCOME.

  80. Exterminatus

    The metadata present in the PDF file is actually a bit interesting as well:

    The original name of the Microsoft Word document was “Catalogue of Sins.doc”. Yes, the author spelled catalog the British way. The author was “kdw”. With some searching, determining the identity of the author could be interesting. Assuming the clock on the computer was set properly, the PDF file was created on 6/4/2009 at 10:16 AM and was not modified since. I guess they were planning ahead for this year. Which was odd as the the PDF producer was “GPL Ghostscript 8.15″. Which means they were using ungodly, commie, open source, free software. Unless they were idiots and actually paid some scam artist for it. The version of Ghostscript available for commercial distribution in software would be displayed as “AFDL Ghostscript X.xx”. The 8.15 version of Ghostscript was released originally in September 2004, and even in 2009 this made version 8.15 eight versions out of date and just a bit long in the tooth.

  81. user-of-owls

    [re=572892]WendyK[/re]: [re=572964]PsycGirl[/re]: We’ll see, but I just put one in that just might…might…get by. Sort of a cryptoquip from a crazed Boston sports fan. In case I don’t make the cut:

    Praise Jesus for all work you’re group yaz done for the Lords’ work!! Thank YOU!!! I dont know how I could go on without the Famly Reserch Council orr my pastor who is Pastor John Most in Foxboro MA. Please can you help me with my problem? My granddaughter Emily is 8 years’ old and she is a good Christian girl, prase the Lord! I wish she would come with me to Pastor Mosts bible study more but at lest she comes to me with services two times a week. My problem is that she(Emiliy) is a big fan of the hockey Boston Bruns and loves to watch there games and tell me and her Papi all about it. But one of the men on that team is named SATAN!!! She is always saying to me how much she likes sATAN!!! I knew she dosnt mean the real SATAN but I am praying and praying thatour Lord JEsus Christ will open her eyes!! Why do the let him have a name like that anyway!?!! It seems likein our soceity today any famous people can just change there name to something evil and nobobdy cares!!! Like that MAGIC johnson person who was not humble at all and he just changed to a name of THE DEVILS’ WORK and our leaders’ just said no problem!!! Well it is a problem and now we even have a man named SATAIN ON OUR TVS’!!! pleas help me my fellow Chritains you have already ment somuch in my life with God and I do not even havl a check I can send to you because of my Social Securty check is so small I can not pay for ANYTING!! I will try to follow all the sins on your list(Thank YOU) walking with our Lord Jesus but I know that I am not prefect just forgiven by Jesus. I am sorry but if I here my little Emily say SATAN onemore time I think I will go Crazy!! With you in JESUS CHRIST OR LORD SAVIOR!!! Humbely,
    The Lords’ Bird to Use
    Foxboro ma

  82. chascates

    They must have the built-in snark detector activated: My fail:
    We should celebrate the godliness of Motherhood as woman’s place in God’s Plan is to fill His planet with as many Dutiful servants as possible. While the Vile Islamists and Illegals breed unceassingly they dispoil His World. And pray also for the unclean bloggers (i.e., Wonkette) for they have the Satan.

  83. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=572996]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Oh, sheesh. ‘Livestock herder’, then. ; )
    It just sounds dumber when you use the broad agrarian term ‘farmer’.

  84. zhubajie

    [re=572887]JMP[/re]: Maybe Athena goes in for the buttsecks; she is a Greek, after all.

  85. RoscoePColtraine

    “Abandonment of God and His Word
    as the foundation for civil order”

    Slavery is coming back? -and- When do we get to stone John Ensign? “Get your rocks, folks! Step right up and get your rocks! Buy four and I’ll give you a fifth one half off!”

  86. Georgia Burning

    Thanks for remiding me that by most fundamentalist definitions of Christianity, Jesus of Nazareth was against it.

  87. RoscoePColtraine

    “Failure to tend God’s flock”

    Okay, I confess. I have been out of it for so long that I don’t know the euphemisms ‘tend’ and ‘flock.’

  88. thehelveticascenario

    Well, I’m certain that this all has a sound theological basis. Not having read my Bible, I’m just going to assume that they did and be on my merry way. It’s not like they could be it to push an agenda, or anything like that. They’re Christians!

  89. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=573012]user-of-owls[/re]: How many birds does the Lord have at His Disposal to “use”? Shouldn’t be more than one, I would think, unless it’s pleasurable to Him..

  90. Blender

    “Catalogue” sounds pretty fucking ‘uropean to me. Or Canadian. I smell a conspiracy.

  91. Custersdeadhorse

    How many whore diamonds does this latest translation of the Bible deserve, & from what did they translate, White Power for Dumbies perhaps?

  92. Old Redneck

    Let’s see — if I get started now, and run like hell, I bet I can work my way through the entire list in one year. Anyone want to see if you can beat that?

  93. Hoplight

    I’ll give these guys credit for making me, the atheist, consider prayer. Prayer that these religious loons don’t destroy the country I love. I don’t have a god to listen, but maybe the loons do. Maybe Someone will rein these talibanical freaks in if Man can’t do it.

  94. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=573050]user-of-owls[/re]: d’oh! tl;dr.. scanned a little and thought it was what scientists refer to as “real” these days..

  95. PsycGirl

    I did support the idea of this sin: ignoring and neglecting people in terrible need of food or shelter or assistance. Oh, wait…that was only in the REAL Bible. Never mind.

  96. user-of-owls

    [re=573073]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Please everybody…PLEASE…don’t make the mistake that Mr/s. S.F. Roommate made!!

    If you don’t read my original post I will hold my breath til I turn blue.

    Or else I’ll put a blanket hold on you. You wouldn’t like that…read the post.

  97. Blender

    [re=573083]user-of-owls[/re]: I took a shot at it, and all I got was this:

    YOU!!! SATAN!!! SATAN JEW MAGIC THE DEVILS’ WORK SATAIN ON OUR TVS’!!! ANYTING!! YOU SATAN JESUS CHRIST OR LORD SAVIOR!!!

    Then again, I’ve always been lousy with “cryptoquips,” and I’ve already been drinking. A lot.

  98. AlexisHidell

    “…failing to teach fundamental academics…”

    This one is my personal favorite. I went to parochial school from K-8 and to this day can’t subtract, tell time on an analog clock, or calculate a tip. But I CAN sing you the books of the Old Testament to the tune of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”! Now THAT’S edumacation, y’all!

  99. NYNYNY

    Dear Lord, strike the numerous &’s from this list, for they do annoy you (i.e. me) and give you displeasure.

  100. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=573100]AlexisHidell[/re]: Man, I hope that’s not a Catholic school you went to, because if it was, you’re one hell of an outlier.

    (You sound like a product of the “Independent Bible School” that eventually went out of business in my town because the parents weren’t quite dumb enough to keep sending their kids there.)

    OTOH, no misspellings in your comment!

  101. Bruno

    Excellent. Gayness is only a sin if you are a leader! It’s OK for ordinary citizens! Praise be upon Him.

  102. peeno nwar

    [re=572895]One Flew Over the Wingnut[/re]: Ahhhhhhh. I had to have a cigarette after I read that, and I don’t even smoke.

  103. peeno nwar

    [re=573116]Bruno[/re]: That’s not quite it — I think their policy line on homosexuality is more like “Hate the sinner, love the sin.”

  104. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=573083]user-of-owls[/re]: I thought you copy/pasted some crazo’s ramblings.. ne’ermind.

  105. CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    I’m not ordering anything from a catalog unless I can at least see it on a model first. Also, what’s the return policy? Can I get free shipping?

  106. What Fresh Hell is This?

    Once again, I am terribly confused. Fundies say Jesus called off things like the “don’t eat shrimp” rule and the “don’t wear cotton/polyester blend” rule. However, I’m pretty sure that that his robe did not contain Spandex and that he and the boys didn’t knock back pulled-pork BBQ sandwiches at the Last Supper. And since Judge Roy Moore wants to post the Ten Commandments on all my state’s buildings, I will have to look closely to see if God told Moses: “Thou shall not greedily seek entitlements & largess of big government despite cost to children.”

    And what about the in-field fly rule and “tie goes to the runner?”

  107. zhubajie

    I note the leave out the typical preacher sins, cheating people of theirs and telling the sisters (and brothers ) of the congregations “take your clothes off, G-d wants us to have sex.”

  108. Mr Blifil

    I prayed that one of the models from the Athleta catalog would show up at my front door and offer to blow me. MY GOD WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?

  109. plowman

    They left out the designated hitter rule, that’s the work of Satan and liberals for sure.

  110. disgustedcitizen

    [re=572836]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Actually, considering the secret sexual lives of a good number of the FRC hypocrites, HIV the chance of them getting and spread HIV is pretty good.

  111. chascates

    Next on the Christian Victimization Outrage Meter (via Politico):
    White House drops Christian dating for Jewish proclamation
    The use of the proclamation boilerplate “in the year of our Lord” for a celebration of Jewish Heritage Month had struck a slightly off-key note for Jewish groups in Obama’s last proclamation, as in those of Bill Clinton and George W. Bush.
    This year, the phrase has been replaced by the simple phrase, “in the year two thousand ten.”

  112. pinko-commie

    [re=572892]WendyK[/re]: Thanks you for the link to the FRC website. I had a quick look and this precious gem stood out:

    “In less than two weeks from today I will graduate from Patrick Henry College and finish four years of my undergraduate. Looking back, I can remember a lot of the typical college experiences– late night studying, spring break road trips, and nights out with your friends. I’m fortunate to say that I was never involved or associated in one particular college trend in all of my four years – violence or murder.”

    Seriously. This clearly is the work of one of America’s greatest minds….

  113. BerkeleyFarm

    So nice of them to actually do their own inventory for once – see the section “against God and man” in the screenshot for many examples.

  114. avidreader

    One Flew Over The Wingnut:
    “lucky they have the entire backwards and mostly useless South to shout “amen” when they preach the gospel of supply-side Jesus”

    Ah, try not to paint with such a broad brush, my friend. We’re not all toothless, cousin-marrying morons. Aside from the remark above I agree with your post.

  115. leaveskoalrebelalone

    i ll take “little or no fear of god” for $100. god is a fricken ahole!!

  116. dijetlo

    [re=573153]Mr Blifil[/re]: Just one?

    Try mentioning how it would glorify His name. That always seemed to work for David.

  117. Redhead

    Aren’t many of these the same people who freak out if anyone says goddamn (or, my favor, jesus fucking christ)? Or the people who freak out when anyone says “I swear to god.” But they’re also the ones who talk so much shit about Islam and Mohammad, right?

  118. Abou Diaby

    [re=572895]One Flew Over the Wingnut[/re]:

    And the best part is that the Randian shtick plays to their captive audience but it doesn’t transalate into butts on pews.

  119. Bordo

    Ah,hell, become a Pastafarian and worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster. That theology makes as much sense as the drivel from the FRC.

  120. zhubajie

    [re=573148]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: I keep hoping they will engrave the commandments on their hearts, along with circumcizing said hearts. While their dying from amateur heart surgery, I will enjoy life, put black rum in my coffee, etc.

  121. Katydid

    [re=573178]Redhead[/re]: I sorta favor “Jesus Tapdancing Christ,” “Jesus Christ on a Cracker,” and the favorite of my former in-laws, Italians all, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph.” The last one is not a swear, but for some strange reason it always cracked me up the way they used it like one.

  122. bunnyhead

    How about corporate and business sins, like charging usurious rates of interest? As I recall, “usury” appears in the bible a number of times. 29% credit card interest? Go to hell Capital One, go directly to hell.

  123. user-of-owls

    [re=573185]Katydid[/re]: They took it one step further in my neighborhood (Guineas all, ‘cept for my mick family)with:

    “Jesus, Mary and Joseph DiMaggio”

    Honest, they did say that. Even as a kid that cracked me up.

  124. MsJoanne

    [re=572869]Limeylizzie[/re]:

    Is that based on what he’s wearing on a given day?

  125. smitallica

    [re=573153]Mr Blifil[/re]: My god, I said the EXACT same prayer! Mine was from the Title Nine catalogue, but that’s semantics. No dice for me, either. What gives with the Almighty and all his cock-blocking?

  126. Mad Brahms

    [re=573196]smitallica[/re]: This is why, on the eighth day, He gave us porn.

    I just noticed “Failure to rebuke and correct disobedient” on that list. Haha, it’s like they actually think they have divine license to be assholes. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU… to be a dick.

  127. What Fresh Hell is This?

    Notice that “Drugs, sex, wicked music & every evil practice” only makes it onto the kids’ menu.

    I need to see the wine list and find out if there are any specials.

  128. Lake Affected

    The FRC can probably get away with it, but the first religious organization organized under Section 501 of the Internal Revenue Code that displays or promotes this document should have its tax-exempt status yanked straight out its ass.

  129. ShortShadey

    They forgot: Thievery of our time by the Department of Motor Vehicles forcing us to wait in line for one and a half goddamn hours to get new “Respect Life” license plates for my Hummer.

  130. MissEllie

    [re=573100]AlexisHidell[/re]: The whole Old Testament? I’m jealous. My commie liberal Bible School only taught us to sing the books of the New Testament to the catchy tune of “Bring Them In”. And if you all don’t know that old favorite, well, you’ve got a lot of catching up to do. I have to say it came in pretty handy for English Literature classes and Trivial Pursuit matches, not to mention your standard issue bar bets.

  131. iburl

    “polytheism (multiculturalism)”

    I don’t think they know what those words mean…but they sound evil, like that evil leader Obamar HUSSEIN!

  132. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=573185]Katydid[/re]: I like ‘Jesus, John, Paul, George and Ringo’.

  133. Geogre

    Of course, like good Puritains, their primary focus is on a sin diary.
    However, like good con-men, their primary focus is on adding in their own personal interests to the uncontroversial.
    Like only themselves, FRC anoint and appoint themselves prophets and tell people that they must repent any time they failed to devote all of their money, time, and energy to doing what FRC wants.

    Actually, that last isn’t only like themselves. I believe Jim Jones and David “Koresh” did the same.

  134. Geogre

    They have had a real influence, or there may be a Q. source that has an effect on Dobson and the other fundamentalists, but, either way, the jargon and special pleading is the same.

    For example, they argue, privately, “multiculturalism would have us treat all religions as the same; anyone who believes that is not believing in the one God; multiculturalism is polytheism.” It’s bad logic, private logic, and a closed system (i.e. an argument that can only happen if they neither check with reality (the people who practice multiculturalism) nor external beliefs), but it’s closed because the argument is, in fact, that respecting the rights of another group is exactly equal to believing what that group believes, and, since they think they must be “pure,” they can’t listen.

    Now, once they’ve proven, to themselves, by themselves, with the a priori belief that The Enemy is everywhere and that we are in a culture War (look at the radical catholic Donohue do exactly the same), they can lay it down — from private reason — as divine law. They will, of course, go off to find Bible verses as “proof text,” but they begin and end with the personal, private reasoning.

  135. will e coyote, supergenius

    I am just grateful to have a quick reference list to go to instead of trying to read and interpret the Bible myself. Learnin’ is hard.

  136. arewethereyet

    I can’t afford any of this stuff at the moment so i’ll have to wait for the sale catalogue, do these prices include shipping? Also, what is their return policy?

  137. OldGrowthSwamp

    Credere Obedire Combattere (Believe, Obey, Fight).
    A forest of fascism for the trees.
    I pledge allegiance to real forests.

    OT: does luggage lifting include package adjustment?

  138. lawrenceofthedesert

    Us Zappa fans are most disappointed that Paperwork and Nostalgia didn’t make the list.

  139. Jazzman

    Is eating yellow snow on the list too Lawrence?

    I am so confused by this. I was trying hard to keep track of all my sinning and thought I’d checked almost everything off the list. Now these guys come up with a whole new list of sins??!!! I’m sorry, but call me a conservative, I think the sins in the bible are enough. Just breaking those has taken me a good part of my life!

  140. Mad Brahms

    [re=573278]arewethereyet[/re]: Offer not valid in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico (mexican heathens)

  141. butterflymcqueen

    what happened to the ten commandments? Particularly, love thy neighbor as thyself?

  142. butterflymcqueen

    render unto Caesar the things that are Caesars and to God, the things that are Gods……
    sounds like separation of church and state to me….

  143. Slamtundra

    Polytheism = Big Pimpin’ Sin. Hmm.

    One could argue that

    Pops + Boy + Holy Rollin’ Ghost = 1

    while

    {Pops, Boy, Holy Rollin’ Ghost} ∈ positive real integers

    could be interpreted as such.

    I know there are complex theological arguments about how all that works, and that ya’ll smart Christians understand that it’s hard, but those jackasses don’t know any of that shit. If they have heard about it, well, they know it was made up by some liberal elite bastard at some college somewhere that obviously wasn’t founded by Oral by-God Roberts. Liberal elite bastards.

  144. BarackMyWorld

    [re=573317]butterflymcqueen[/re]: You are giving the Ten Commandments too much credit to include that pearl of wisdom.

  145. zhubajie

    [re=573173]avidreader[/re]: No, I knew at least one kentuckian who pushed his teeth back in after they’d been knocked out in a bar fight. They rooted themselves and grew again, too! Just at an odd angle.

    He wasn’t a moron either, but somehow had not learned to read or write. Thanks to the low quality school he spent 12 grades in.

  146. Gumboz1953

    I didn’t read through the whole list — is contributing to thermonuclear war on there anywhere? How about killing any living thing that isn’t threatening you? Just wondering.

  147. sanantonerose

    This is better than browsing my new Crate&Barrel catalogue! Gimme 2 orders of stubbornness and 3 of prayerlessness to complete my summer place setting.

  148. themercenary

    If I am not allowed to lead America into the New World Order, can I at least still hang out with my Reptilian friends?

  149. zhubajie

    [re=572918]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Miscegenation is fun, they just don’t admit to it afterwards. Kinda like Strom Thurmond in SC.

  150. zhubajie

    [re=573317]butterflymcqueen[/re]: “Woe to those who are at ease in Zion.” Amos, if I remember right.

  151. zhubajie

    “… because buttsecks by family research council members is of course, allowed.”

    Ah, the traditional sin of evangelists and preachers! “Take your clothes off! G-d wants us to do it!”

    Zhu Bajie

  152. mudslingersRignorant

    I am no longer surprised at how little it takes for some to accept nearly anything as truth, no matter how nonsensical it sounds, or how little it is actually based in reality, simply because it fits their own preconceived notions. When ‘the Catalogue of Sins’ was first passed on to me I began to do a little research to find the source, which pointed directly to…..The Wonkette. Every other instance of this ‘free download’ (and there were many) happened to be another liberal blog that mindlessly accepted The Wonkette’s version as gospel truth. Searches on FRC’s website were futile, so I called them, only to be told that they had never heard of this ‘publication’.

    There is so much vitriole on this site that truth appears to be an unnecessary distraction to your real purpose of bashing others…

  153. mudslingersRignorant

    Offering my own mea culpa: It has been pointed out to me that this is a list that an affiliate group (Call2Fall)actually published for the specific purposes of their project: calling on churches to pray for our nation on July 4th 2010. This ‘catalogue’ was put together for the sole purpose of helping churches to pray in the context of this project, and therefore contains the narrow focus (as published on Wonkette) on specific issues facing our nation as this group sees it. Wonkette’s truncated publication left the impression that FRC highlights certain political stances as more sinful than others and that is unfortunate. I do apologize myself for further muddying the waters of clarity by passing on misinformation myself and thereby maligning Wonkette. I did research this first by doing a web search, and then searching FRC’s site for ‘Catalogue of Sins’ (to no avail), and I finally called FRC, but the person I spoke to was not aware of any ‘Catalogue of Sins’. I simply went by that statement as fact, when in reality, the person was incorrect. I apologize.

  154. cneajna

    You don’t really think an organization like the FRC is going to freely admit they have such a doctrine, do you? I checked their website myself. It used to be there, but they removed it. Gee.. now.. I wonder why??? I have never liked or trusted James Dobson and his ilk. And thankfully I don’t have to justify why… they show themselves for what they are on a fairly regular basis. Have to say the Rentboy story was hilarious though. :)

  155. MsQuasimodo

    [re=572839]steverino247[/re]: Did you also lose 40 lbs by following that one ancient rule?

Comments are closed.