lol comments

American Web Commenters Very Upset About Arab-Speaking Nations Getting Terrorist Version of Internet

He's finally got his online home.If you are an elitist internationalist with a nancy-boy education, the news that internet top-level domains will now be available in other alphabets was probably not a direct threat to your precious freedoms and sexuality. You probably didn’t even give a damn, right? Well, this is why you’re sitting around getting vegetarian-sushi recipes off your iPad while REAL AMERICA burns in its own toxic excrement. Types one important American commenter/thinker: “Geez. Now they can hatch their plots more easily! Seriously, who cares?” Yeah, right! Wait what?

The CNN internet article’s great sin, of course, is the editors’ use of the word “Arabic” in a headline without clarifying that all Arabic-speakers should be nuked for not believing in the right desert-caveman mythology.

And that’s why this stream of delightfully coherent opinion is so, well, delightful:

  • Why not just call “.COM” “.MOHAMMED”? Half of the Islamic world has named their boy children Mohammed, so they’ve inadvertently destroyed the word’s brand reputation.
  • Gooooooooooo! Christianity! :D
    Google.com/eg
  • English should be the national Language of the world. It is the most widely spoken because America is still the dominant power in the world. If you go to someone else’s country you best know their language but when you come here you dont need to learn english which is bs. We invented the internet and there needs to be standards.
  • Just what we need in America…Arabic people to come in and take over for us….as a member of the Armed Forces, I say ” Come on America, stand up for what you believe”.
  • Who cares about them.. The US owns the net, owns ALL of the oil in the world… WHY? Because we got the bomb.. That’s right, nuclear frakken weapons…
  • The internet was invented in swiss by a guy called Tim Berners Lee. Great American’S think they invented everything. Sorry, I don’t wnat to put all US citizens in one pot, but … come on, guys like you make me think America only consists of rednecks (either color ;) )
  • All I can say when I read through some of these blogs is that I get the same chills when I read about extremist ‘pro-americans’ than when I read about any other extremists of any kind in the world. But understanding the first kind is harder, provided in theory they have had more opportunities to be educated, see things for what they are and understand that before we are citizens of any country, we are all citizens of the ‘world’ and that entails variety in everything.
  • The possibilities is bigger then you can imagination… :)
  • Comments have been closed for this article

WHAT??!?! Comments closed? Has CNN gone elitist on America? This wasn’t even that dumb, compared to, say, every other CNN article’s comments. [CNN via Wonkette commenter Johnny Zhivago]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

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  • GWIZ!

    NUCLEAR FRAKKEN WEAPONS MAN!

  • Johnny Zhivago

    This is a bigger threat than the metric system!

  • tiny mexican

    :)

  • Rachel Ray Jihad

    Nuclear frakken weapons!

    .moron

  • JMP

    The English-only thing in America is annoying and bigoted enough, but I never thought the wignuts would take it to the point of wanting to force the rest of the world to speak English. They really are going beyond parody these days.

    CNN allows some really inappropriate comments; the ones with those smileys, they are very annoying.

  • I Heart Accuracy

    CNN: America’s 30% Flypaper.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Just what we need in America…Arabic people to come in and take over for us….as a member of the Armed Forces, I say ” Come on America, stand up for what you believe”.

    I thought getting other people to do our work for us was what we believed.

  • Tim

    Oh no! How are murrikkkans gonna surf east European child porn now?

  • Snarkalicious

    Derka derka derka jihad fatwah jihad MOHAMMED.

  • bureaucrap

    Even worse, people from other countries are allowed to talk to each other without their communications (internet, telephone, mail) being routed through the US for inspection/censorship by the CIA or FBI. The horror accumulates — I have it on good authority that there are international flights from say, Frankfurt to Bombay, or even worse, from Tehran to Cairo, or from Johannesburg to Kampala, that don’t even touch down in the United States, not even for a minute.

    I actually once overheard some German girls conversing with some Scottish men, and the subject of the United States and its importance to their lives did not even come up once.

  • magic titty

    [re=572759]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: And the Dewey Decimal System!

  • Zadig

    It will be so tragic when the CIA can no longer read terrist web blogs because their ‘puter doesn’t support the formatting to display the links they receive via chain email, resulting in the deaths of ten hojillion ‘merkins.

  • privatejoker

    I’m convinced some people are just looking for something to bitch about.

    Their stealing our webz!!!

  • magic titty

    “English should be the national Language of the world. It is the most widely spoken because America is still the dominant power in the world. If you go to someone else’s country you best know their language but when you come here you dont need to learn english which is bs. We invented the internet and there needs to be standards.”

    Best thing I have ever read. There’s so much here. For example, “national Language of the world.” I mean, come on. That’s gold.

  • Prommie

    Yup, they speak English all over the world because of that great American Empire of the 19th century, you remember, “the sun never sets on the American empire.” Thats why they speak English, makes sense to me, does it to you?

  • charlesdegoal

    Thanks. What we need more of are blog entries filled with comments from other blogs. Maybe some blogger can select some of the comments in this thread and post them on their own blog, just to make fun of us and our stupid comments about comments.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    “desert-caveman mythology.”

    That reminds me, I’ve never told you guys about that EPIC trip to Vegas I took last fall…

  • RoscoePColtraine

    You go around giving freedom to everybody, and sooner or later, some bad guys are going to figure out that this freedom actually helps them be bad. It’s a huge flaw in the “freedom for everybody” paradigm, one that needs to be addressed, and by ‘addressed,’ I think you know what I mean.

  • Rentboy.gov

    “English should be the national Language of the world…” I lulzed

  • Extemporanus

    The possibilities is ginormouser then you can imagination… :roll:

  • Tim

    The whole multi language interweb thing relied heavily on gay arabic translators (who else would learn Arabic?) who have thankfully been fired. This ensures an english interwebs.

  • chascates

    We can always take away their citizenship if they upset Joe.

  • Redhead

    [re=572778]Prommie[/re]: Well English is good enough for them so it must be good enough for everyone. I mean, if they can’t understand it then it must be part of some conspiracy theory/terrorist plot.

    America, fuck yeah! Coming again to save the motherfucking day, yeah!

  • Extemporanus

    [re=572776]privatejoker[/re]: im in ur e4rl, killing ur d0m41nz!

  • JMP

    [re=572777]magic titty[/re]: And the author does not seem to know about one traditional part of English grammar, the comma; and neglected to include a verb in “you best know their language.”

  • Zadig

    [re=572784]Rentboy.gov[/re]: As did I, when I read your name.

  • JMP

    [re=572788]Extemporanus[/re]: GAH!! The smiley, take it away!

    [re=572776]privatejoker[/re]: [re=572796]Extemporanus[/re]: All your internet are belong to us.

  • the problem child

    It’s not like they were speaking English on the CNN comments thread, were they?

  • AutomaticPilot

    Why is it that the ones who howl the loudest about the importance of speaking English are always the same people who struggle to string a few words together, let along spell them correctly.

  • Come here a minute

    I want to read all my internets in English, just like Jesus did!

  • AutomaticPilot

    Why is it that the ones who howl the loudest about the importance of speaking English are always the same people who struggle to string a few words together, let alone spell them correctly.

  • germansteel

    What, the world wide web isn’t only in America? How can that be?

  • ladymacbeth

    i’m sorry i was finishing my mid afternoon green tea snack of lavender honey on organic 15 grain toast.

    are the baggers and nuts upset again?

  • weejee

    so what part of Wonkette’s new linkie com.أكل الخراء ويموت don’t they understand?

  • imissopus

    Because we got the bomb.. That’s right, nuclear frakken weapons…

    That’s part of Denis Leary’s rant towards the end of “Asshole.”

  • yellowerdog

    Psycho CNN commenter, qu’est-ce que c’est?
    Run run run run
    Run away

  • trondant

    We invented the internet and there needs to be standards.

    Wait wait wait. I thought it was part of retard catechism that Al Gore invented the internet.

    [re=572759]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Joke’s on you: the US went metric in ’86!

  • Sharkey

    Release the Frakken!!

  • Sharkey

    “I brought the internet into this world… and I can take it back out.” -B. Cosby

  • Jukesgrrl

    And our military won’t be able to draw a line between their firing all the Arabic language specialists who happened to be gay and this issue.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=572803]JMP[/re]: I DID NOT PUT THAT SCARY THING THERE! :lol:

    Oh, and this is interesting:

    When you run the phrase “All your internet are belong to us” through Google’s English-to-Arabic magic translation machine, you get ” جميع الانترنت هي ملك لنا “.

    When you translate the phrase ” جميع الانترنت هي ملك لنا ” back into English, however, you get “The Internet is all ours.”

    WHOM IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS HEINOUS ACT OF GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT TERRORISM?!

  • weejee

    [re=572840]Extemporanus[/re]: WHOM IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS HEINOUS ACT OF GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT TERRORISM?!

    Ted Stevens

  • comicbookguy

    If English was good enough for Jesus, it should be good enough for anyone!

  • facehead

    “Why not just call “.COM” “.MOHAMMED”?”

    Because http://www.analfistinggoats.mohammed just doesn’t sound right.

  • legalize everything

    Der took ur blogs!

  • user-of-owls

    Next season on Mad Men:

    The firm gets a huge commission from a shadowy group that wants to restore the Mohammed brand.

  • Cape Clod

    I say we send engineers to all the Arabic countries and tear out their many internet tubes.

  • One Flew Over the Wingnut

    [re=572773]bureaucrap[/re]: OH my god…did you take down their names? The CIA will want to have a little “conversation” about them if they aren’t mentioning our country while prostrating and saluting afterwards; we know it’s because they’re plotting a terrorist attack! Let’s pull Cheney out of his bunker and send him and an elite group of neocons over to Germany to straighten out that non-America mentioning Scottish-German terrorist nexus ASAP!

  • One Flew Over the Wingnut

    Shit they’re wary enough about our language being called English “Didn’t you know America invented language and OWNS the rights to it, Eurofascist turrorists?” and now this! My hope is that one of these days, the constant cycle of reaction-anger-gesticulation-rage combined with constant consumption of fried fat that characterizes your average wingnut results in some brain hemmorages. Hey, a guy can dream can’t he?

  • user-of-owls

    [re=572907]user-of-owls[/re]: How can we do that, since US Americans do not have maps of South Africa and the Iraq, such as.

  • x111e7thst

    [re=572840]Extemporanus[/re]: You must have a great deal of free time.

  • amowls

    I got to the fourth or fifth bullet before I realized that those were actual comments and not snarky Wonkette ha-has.

  • doxastic

    The US owns the net, owns ALL of the oil in the world… WHY? Because we got the bomb.. That’s right, nuclear frakken weapons…

    Read more at Wonkette: http://wonkette.com/415299/american-web-commenters-very-upset-about-arab-speaking-nations-getting-terrorist-version-of-internet#more-415299#ixzz0nI2VP0vk

    This is great news! For North Korea!

  • Shitty the Clown

    I say, “Come on America, let’s get those motherfuckers!”

  • Bruno

    These comments look too much like the kind I used to leave on Joe the Plumber’s website.

  • Bruno

    Hey everybody this is a secret plot by GoDaddy (of Arizona) to racially profile internet users and demand their long form birth certificates.

  • Mr Blifil

    We also own a fair proportion of the world’s ladyboyjuice supply.

  • llibra

    [re=572806]AutomaticPilot[/re]: In answer to your question: Clearly anyone whose grasp of their first (and native) language is pathetically poor will shrink from even attempting to understand another language.

  • Slamtundra

    Either color – Red or Neck.