• February 16, 2012

'Must find Sarah Connor, give her a job as WalMart greeter ....'So much for that “it’s just a glitch in the stock-market computer robot” theory, right? Stocks collapsed worldwide as the Fear circled the Earth just as the Sun used to circle the Earth before we had Science — and look what your precious science has done, what with the computers who think Proctor & Gamble is worth $39 a share, which is blasphemy! What is this, 2002? NO IT IS, UH, 2010!

(PG was last worth $37 in mid-July, 2002. And that was the pre-late-July-2002 world.)

Anyway, Greek President Barack Obama just wants you to know, even though unemployment went *up* to 9.9%, there are 290,000 new jobs! And 230,000 were “private sector” jobs, sorting poopy diapers at WalMart for fifteen cents an hour. So stocks are “recovering” a bit, in New York. [TPM/Marketwatch/Bloomberg]

{ 17 comments }

ManchuCandidate May 7, 2010 at 11:47 am

Somewhere a masturbating crying wingnut (Jonah Goldberg?) is screaming about how unfair the universe is and how things were supposed to get frighteningly worse under Barry not “better.”

JMP May 7, 2010 at 11:48 am

Putting computers in charge of Wall Street is actually not a bad idea, since they have more compassion and humanity than most stockbrokers; they do less coke, too.

Cape Clod May 7, 2010 at 11:52 am

I read an article in the Wall Street Journal that said the average unemployed male spends 40 minutes a day looking for work and 3 1/2 hours watching television. Imagine how productive they would be if they had a job, especially if the had internet access.

WhatTheHeck May 7, 2010 at 11:53 am

Now that we know computers can successfully influence the markets, I say lets put all military hardware under the control of a general with an iPad.

x111e7thst May 7, 2010 at 11:58 am

[re=572392]Cape Clod[/re]: My job provides me with internet access which allows me to participate in making the world a better place by commenting on Wonkette.

freakishlystrong May 7, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Apparently, the terr’ists have won.

weejee May 7, 2010 at 12:06 pm

It’s the economy stupid Uncle Duke Ragin’ Cajun Carville

Maybe the Repubtards shall have a sad, or not so much a happy, in November.

Doglessliberal May 7, 2010 at 12:07 pm

Well, the unemployment rate goes up when more people start looking for jobs, so the more hopeful people get about the job market, the more start looking again, and we get a bump in the rate.

So we need more people to fall into deep depression and lose all hope and just sit on their sofa forever and eat cheetohs.

charlesdegoal May 7, 2010 at 12:08 pm

Late July 2002? What happened then? I believe I was vacationing in Dordogne at the time and not keeping up with the markets.

V572625694 May 7, 2010 at 12:16 pm

[re=572417]Doglessliberal[/re]: Mmmm…Cheetos….wash ‘em down with Diet Coke, and they counteract each other. What’s on ESPN? Fencing trials from Belgrade? Great!

Cape Clod May 7, 2010 at 12:47 pm

[re=572403]x111e7thst[/re]: Which you do, by the way.

Geogre May 7, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Fear? Fear travels around the world, while truth is still putting on her bike helmet.

Yes, jobs “have been created.” Why are they always passive, and created? What is this, ex nihilo? Why are rational human beings allowed economic jargon, designed as it is to avoid having to talk to or about humanity, to pass un-parsed?

GOPCrusher May 7, 2010 at 1:28 pm

And somewhere a wingnut is posting on a blog about how that evil Kenyan Obamer told us that the Stimulus would keep unemployment at 8 percent and now it’s 9.9 percent.

Extemporanus May 7, 2010 at 1:29 pm

Alt-text: “Cahm wid me if you wonna shop!”

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 7, 2010 at 1:37 pm

Well, since it is a fact that these are all Socialist jobs, the Republicans are refusing to admit they exist.

wx insider May 7, 2010 at 1:40 pm

Unemployment hits 9.9 percent… yay… the economy is great!!!

hunter.blatherer May 7, 2010 at 9:39 pm

[re=572389]JMP[/re]: Computers don’t whine about needing a bathroom break every 18 hours, also. But can they hit grounders to the high school baseball team?

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