Silver Eagles and Gold Eagles are magical beautiful coins, made out of liberty metals, that protect Patriot-Americans from starvation and cancer caused by our current economic turmoil. And they’ve been selling like crazy lately! Just like real-life eagles — which rescue you and let you ride them to safety whenever Tequila Party bandits from Mexico invade your home — Eagle-coins help you to “soar” above the perils of the markets. But buy yours fast, warn the merchant-numismatists at GovMint, who are expecting a “total sell-out!”
Silver Eagles are the best silver coins God ever made, and some of them are “perfect,” somehow. Last year, the GovMint almost ran out of Silver Eagles because an inflation-proof coin named Ron Paul bought up most of them to use as floor tile for his master bathroom. Ron Paul is also perfect, somehow.
As for gold, China is secretly hoarding it like some eccentric pack-rat grandpa, and this is supposedly making gold more expensive. And America was too busy sleeping with the television still on to notice this buying spree by the Chinese, but now Americans are waking up. Gold’s value has increased by about 400% since last Tuesday, which is even higher than the job placement success rate at Michelle Bachmann job fairs. Go gold!
You will see crowds of sad old hobo men pushing wheelbarrows full of worthless paper money down your street — lots of them, very soon, because of ObamaCare. But you will never see hobos pushing wheelbarrows full of Eagles, because “savvy Americans” don’t become hobos.
[GovMint]
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“Though I am old with wandering
through hollow lands, and hilly lands,
I will find out where she has gone
and kiss her lips, and take her hands
and walk among long dappled grass
and pluck till time and times are done
the Silver Eagles of the moon
the Golden Eagles of the sun.”
Very nice, but needs moar 2007 Kookaburra.
Did anyone else notice that while basically every stock and commodity futures contract tanked yesterday, gold was up? For this and so many other reasons, I hate Glenn Beck.
Patriot metals indeed!
So I’m guessing Bachmann’s Minnesota “job fairs” will be featuring openings for lutefisk pressers, rifle scope fitters, cow udder sanitizers, and wingtard commentaters?
I could use the day off, Lauri, it’s true. But I’d prefer not to be sent home with a bad case of the fired for puking on my ancient-ass (Windows 2k is the SHIT!) laptop.
What did the patriot teabagger do with his first fifty-cent piece? Married her.
You shall not press down upon the brow of labor this crown of thorns, you shall not crucify mankind upon a cross of gold.
I’d hit that.
[re=572366]JMP[/re]: Heh. That was the the dude that didn’t like the idea of evolution so much, wasn’t it?
This is good news for Ron Paul.
I remember when the wingnuts just wanted me to buy gold bond medicated powder. Now it’s fuckin kugerands?
Silly Paultards.
US America Civil society is going to end as ordained by Star Trek.
Two out of shape sweaty people with Tribal and/or Asian character (that actually say “I have Small Penis” or “Douchesack”) tats and wearing dirty trackpants will fight it out to the death while hyper intelligent brainy people will place meaningless/worthless bets on who wins it.
“Two hundred Quatloos (Eagles) on the Fat one.”
“Which one?”
The last tater tot and Twinkie in US America will be worth more than those “precious” coins.
Great — all the teabaggers are going to run out and buy their gold-electroplated 1965 dollar coins at $35.00 a pop from the Franklin Mint, and when they try to sell them and find out they’re worth about two dollars are going to blame who? The federal government! And the cycle continues, as David Attenborough would say.
[re=572374]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Yeah; Bryan was generally really good on economic issues, being a big supporter of workers and foe of the robber-barons; but horrible on most social issues, besides opposing evolution he was big in getting prohibition passed.
Obligatory: I hate the fuckin’ Eagles, man.
1) When gold prices are high, it is:
A) A buyers’ market
B) A sellers’ market
If you answered A, I need to get in touch with you immediately. I’ve got a lot of recession-proof stuff in my attic that only savvy, patriotic Americans would want to buy. It’ll never get any cheaper than it is….right now!
The rescuing eagles always seemed like too much of a deus ex machina that Tolkien would trot out whenever he had put his heroes into an inescapable situation.
Does anyone have change for a $1 Juggalo Note ?
[re=572384]JMP[/re]: Does that mean Willie Jennings was politically bisexual?
I love the letter in personal liberty:
“Things are going to the shitter faster than you can imagine.
Best Wishes,
Bob
if you can’t eat it, drink it, wear it, live in it, or kill something with it, it has no value.
or “fuck it” — i forgot fuck it. also.
Buy now to avoid a lifetime of financial loss and future regret.
[re=572385]KristaJulieva[/re]: The band, the sports team, or the boy scouts?
Is Glenn Beck ….Chinese?!?! [insert some crazy scribbling on a chalkboard, involving the words 'Eristic' (word of the day, must be communist, yadda yadda yadda), a Mormon temple, and an offensive cartoon of an Asian, copyright Warner Bros circa WWII]
Nice rack, Liberty lady.
[re=572445]slappypaddy[/re]: Commodity fetishism?
Freedom isn’t free!
Liberty isn’t at liberty! (She’s wearing a bra, and she costs a lot.)
Isn’t a lady you purchase both a long standing metaphor for capitalism and a phenomenon of dependence, and therefore not liberty?
[re=572406]El Pinche[/re]: You want 2 cans of Orange Faygo, 4 pulls of meth, 10 herpes, 100 cigarette butts, or a mix?
I’m still heavily invested in the decorative Elvis Ten High Whiskey decanters that I purchased at Ben Franklin in the 70′s. Suck it, Jim Cramer!
I just invested my life savings in a diversified portfolio of beautiful, interest-earning silver and gold hobos.
Call the number at the end of this message, and learn how you can too!
HURRY! Operators are standing by!
[re=572516]Jim89048[/re]: “Let the eeeaaagggllle soooaaarrr!”
[re=572407]weejee[/re]: Back then, it was known as “populist.”
You can keep your silver and gold. I’m raising chickens for bartering.
Alex Jones will probably claim they contain hidden RFID chips and tell you to buy South African gold coins instead.
[re=572407]weejee[/re]: [re=572570]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I firmly believe that today he would be Huckabee.
Mama did ya bring me any si-lver
Mama did ya bring me any gold
Watcha bring me, dear mama
To keep me from the teabag hole?
And Saint-Gaudens weeps. Still.
There is not enough breast showing on lady justice (or liberty)
KEPE YER GUBMINT HANDS OFFAMAH COINAGE!
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