Ha ha, no one will be buying credit-taker extraordinaire Jim Cramer a steak tonight after all, and Fat Fingers McGee will… who knows, get a bonus? The entire economy is fraud and comical nonsense: “Nasdaq Operations said it will cancel all trades executed between 2:40 p.m. to 3 p.m. showing a rise or fall of more than 60 percent from the last trade in that security at 2:40 p.m or immediately prior… Separately, the New York Stock Exchange also said that it will cancel all trades executed between 2:40 p.m. and 3 p.m. that were more than 60 percent away from their last print at 2:40 p.m.” Socialists.
How coincidental. How coincidental, with the Senate voting on financial reform amendments today and tomorrow, that Wall Street would have its most retarded hour in history, and Greece/Europe would not even exist anymore, and oil would be in the water somewhere, and… it’s just weird and appropriate to blame the Democrats and their leader, “Nick Clegg.”
Is Earth allowed to suck itself into a black hole under certain new structured financial products? It might be our last best option.
[CNBC]
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Those pussies!
Wait… you can just undo stuff like that? Do they get their returns in cash or NASDAQ store credit, which expires after 60 days?
Socialists, fucking with the free market again.
Let’s take a hard look at the numbers people, if only to divine what the fuck our problem is …
30% – supported Iraq war & Bush
30% – support teabaggers
30% – believe in UFO’s, angels, ghosts, etc.
30% – think Sarah Palin is a public intellectual
30% – have the “Neanderthal gene”
30% – oppose bonus caps for Wall St.
30% – think North Korean frogmen blew up Deepwater Horizon
What is this 30%? Whoever they are, they are keeping the rest of us too stupid to run all this batshit crazy system. What is needed is a new political theory that keeps the 30% locked down and shut the fuck up. Whatever it is, it isn’t ours.
Could we maybe cancel everything from 2000 to 2008?
My WaPo stock, it’s still good as gold….right?
@Tim:
The Crazification factor. As coined by John Rogers.
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2005/10/lunch-discussions-145-crazification.html
“No Givebacks, all trades final” only applies to when you lose money, not Wall St.
[re=572117]Tim[/re]: The exact same 30% who drive like morons. They are the walking brainless zombies and they’ve been here forever. I say we just bomb them when they gather for their NASCAR races and end the problem once and for all (or at least put something in their beer).
Teh Rapture, it’s here.
IF YOU KIDS DON’T STOP I’M TURNING THIS STOCK MARKET AROUND AND GOING HOME!
THAT’S IT!
[re=572119]jagorev[/re]: Maybe we could reinstitute Glass-Stiegel too. And cut Goldman-Sachs, et.al. margins back to pre-Rubin levels. Nah, that would be too easy.
*sigh* Back to burying my 401K in the backyard.
“How coincidental. How coincidental, with the Senate voting on financial reform amendments today and tomorrow, that Wall Street would have its most retarded hour in history”
Jim you sexytime freak! You outdid yourself with this one, my boy…..forcing me to finally wade into the cesspool that is Wonkette commenters.
So uh….you come here often?
And oh yeah…..Wall Street? Pfft. Bunch of excitable prep school nancys looking to be macho to their whiny Manhattan girlfriends while not really doing all that work at all. Gimme a break, this will of course happen again.
Thank you, fat-fingered/dyslexic Wall Street guy, for putting my late reports at work in perspective. At least the world doesn’t have to spin backwards on its axis to undo my mistakes.
Do-over!
Cramer fucks up again? haha
We do live in interesting times.
I just wish we had other things that would interest us.
Crazification indeed.
[re=572130]Blogette[/re]: this is actually a CIA spy who knows Jim made the connection between the voting on financial reform and the market getting hacked on the same day.
Oh I know correlation does not mean causation. wink
The invisible hand-job of the market.
They can just cancel all trades? Huh, then we never need to have a crash again; just imagine if they had that idea in 1929.
I already know that I’m fixing bikes and sewing underwears for the time being in this economic holocaust scenario. Need your bikes fixed or underwears out of old t-shirts sewn? You know where to find me.
uh…nevermind.
So when are they going to cancel all the trades in October 2008?
[re=572140]Radiotherapy[/re]: +1 (non-adjusted for a rise or fall of more than 60 percent of previous score)
I find your insights insightful and would like to subscirbe to your newsletter.
A lone nameless drone drops the hammer on a couple zeros and the byzantine global finance machine that controls us all stalls and has to declare a do-over? Dudes with propane-and-firecracker-loaded SUVs are aiming way, way too low.
Oh, and you really should post a warning when you’re going to post one scary motherfuck of a picture.
dear nasdaq, can i haz do over pleeze? September 10, 1980, Venice, she was a adorable French coed with raven black hair and LOTS of enthusiasm.
Guess we’re gonna hafta cancel those suspicious Lexus and Sub-Zero Refrigerator purchases, while we’re at it. But you can’t take back the rentboy/hooker threesome appointments. Unlike on the trading floor, certain bells can’t be unrung.
wHO gives a rats ass about wall street? and why should we?the, organized crime is right there.you’d think there would be moar dead bodies.apparently not.just glad trig will never no about this.
You might think this insane joke-book scenario (someone wrote ‘billion’ instead of ‘million’, OOPS), the cherry on the shit sundae that is our current economic situation, might shake some people out of their “the market will take care of everything” stupor. But then, you’d be an idiot.
Matthew Lesko: Worst Bond villain ever.
So they just reboot the market back to where it was right before everything went kablooey? This is literally the EXACT plot of a Tom Clancy novel, “Debt of Honor.” And I am so unbelievably depressed that I know that.
This is why the iPad was a bad idea.
G**dammit. If it weren’t for the fucking Democrats, I could have my social security money in the stock market where it would be “mine,” rather than settling for those guaranteed lumps of money that started magically showing up in my checking account last month. Fuckers.
BTW–I’m having a sick old cat euthanized tomorrow, so I want everyone to be especially vile and ugly tonight because that’s the kind of shit that cheers me up.
OUTRAGEOUS! They should call EVERYONE back from home – RIGHT NOW and start all over from 2:40.
[re=572115]evan7257[/re]: In lieu of store credit, I think they get chickens.
[re=572169]DustBowlBlues[/re]: My other suggestion is to take the trader who caused the problem and shoot him at the opening bell and then hoist his corpse on a lamppost on Wall Street allow it to decompose.
(Seriously, been there with the cat thing, so we know how you feel)
AT exactly 2:55 I looked up from my e-trade account, walked over to my boss’ office, called him a fat fuck and quit. Now that it turns out I’m not a millionaire, do I get my job back?
I would become a fan of the wonket on my facebook page but I don’t see a friend or fan thingee. Since I have the onion.com, I might as well alienate the couple of friends I have left.
[re=572117]Tim[/re]: And yet, this 30% appears to be running the country, even when Democrats have the White House AND Congress. No wonder I flunked math.
Crazifier defenestration?
Sweet. I’m calling Aunt Sallie in the morning and just cold canceling all those student loans.
With a market crash like that, there’s only one possibility: Wall street just realized that we have a black president. And a socialist nazi one, too.
see what happens when the invisible hand makes a very visible mistake? the free market isn’t free at all when major players get the shit scared out of themselves and face the loss of a trillion dollars.
what’s sarah palin’s take on this? what’s joe the plumber have to say? glenn beck and rush limbo, how are they weighing in (other than overweight and overwrought)? how do they and their ignorant followers maintain their ideological disconnect from reality in the face of the hard financial facts? how would they really feel about social safety nets and institutional interference with the so-called “free market” (which does not now and never has existed) if their dollars turned into pretty pieces of paper and meaningless columns of figures almost overnight? how many teabags could they buy then? how much incense are they burning tonight in the temple of their goddess ayn rand?
Man, the last time I was in DC, I saw Lesko drive past me: http://www.flickr.com/photos/poweroffacing/4138626171/
Cred.
[re=572178]Serolf Divad[/re]: Actually no, that’s the funny thing. But the tranny hooker you splurged for on the way home, as you stopped beneath the highway overpass, those memories no one can ever take away.
So if something accidently falls in value they roll back the trades but if GoldmanSachs designs a product to deliberately fall in value its good to go?
I thought Mulligans were frowned upon in golf, didn’t realize it was standard practice on Wall Street.
[re=572175]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Too oozy. Always fall back on the classics: head on a pike. Less Mussolini, more Vlad the Impaler.
[re=572117]Tim[/re]: They’re the end of the fucking bell curve, Tim. The poor and the wrong fucking end…always with us. Grrr.
[re=572117]Tim[/re]: [re=572140]Radiotherapy[/re]: Grabby. Very grabby.
[re=572169]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Four words: Wall. Street. Predator. Drones. Hope that helps.
I understand supply and demand. No, really, I do. And price-points, where the supply and demand curves intersect. Like I understand Dickens and Chandler and Austen and all other fiction. “I am a master of the universe, but save my ass from my stupidity.” I understand that. Also.
Obviously this is an Obama conspiracy. He must have gotten that sneaky bastard Rahm to ‘make the call’.
[re=572204]mustardman[/re]: while naked and screaming obscenities.
[re=572169]DustBowlBlues[/re]: oh. oh.
may your cat speed to celestial catnip and may you have beverages and friends to help.
also, may your cat take many wingnuts in tow…
[re=572115]evan7257[/re]: Yup. Jack Ryan did just that after the Market Melt down in one of Tom Clancy’s books, back when Tom Clancy actually wrote his books.
[re=572140]Radiotherapy[/re]: Actually the market prefers a rather complicated technique that it calls the long stroke.
But I called no backsies! Is Socialism more powerful than that?
And when will Joe Lieberman pass a law that will strip the citizenship from any trader that can’t tell the difference between a “b” and a “m.”
[re=572117]Tim[/re]: It’s probably only 3% but the same fat fingered morons who run Wall Street also run the polling companies.
[re=572141]JMP[/re]: Yes. They can just cancel trades because they followed these easy peasy directions for making a time machine.
Also, the Flintstones and the Jetsons will be reunited to ring the opening bell today. Get excited!
[re=572190]frailamerica[/re]: How isn’t that man some type of economic czar? He seems very in the know about government bailout money and whatnot. Doesn’t our president stay up late pondering what’s wrong with this country while watching late-night infomercials? Or is he too good for that?
Shit, I didn’t mean to slice that drive 40 yards out of bounds to the right, let me take a mulligan.
Wow, I was a 20/1 favorite with one card left to go on that hold-em hand and you sucked out and won? I demand that we deal it again.
Holy f**k, I never saw that undersized STOP sign there, that’s why I ran it and hit the car my ex- was driving and killed him. Also my ex’s car was unsafe. That pinko commie Ralph Nader said so.
Jesus Christ, I never meant to fire that rocket that set those other fighter jets on fire on the deck of the Forrestal that killed 134 sailors and wounded 161 more. Why don’t we just bury that incident and my bottom-of-class graduation from the Naval Academy and move on with our lives so I can have a political career?
Nobody could have forseen that a Category 5 hurricane would ever hit New Orleans. Never mind that my own subordinates ran a simulation on exactly that scenario months before it actually happened. We never thought it’d actually HAPPEN!!
A massive blowout on a deep-water oil drilling site that would blow up the rig? Totally INCONCEIVABLE! That could NEVER happen, and the equipment that would possibly prevent such a disaster costs $500,000! What the fuck, do you think we’re made out of money here????
[re=572169]DustBowlBlues[/re]: “Dead cat bounce” FTW!
[re=572169]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Like you, we recently found ourselves in the unfortunate position of having to liquidate 50% of our long-term felinancial holdings. Looking to shore-up our remaining asset, we choose to invest our meager savings in a relatively new product of partially non-domestic origin.
Since then, our interest has compounded daily, our lives have been enriched beyond measure, and we’ve come to understand that re-establishing equity is not only impossible, but ultimately irrelevant.
A final thought: If you decide to go the taxidermy route — which I highly recommend — drop a few extra bucks and have them install a heating pad, a vibrator, and an iPod dock. Trust me — it’s totally worth it.
[re=572195]user-of-owls[/re]: The classics never go out of style
I saw that free money dude at National Airport. He was boarding a plane wearing that same dollar sign jacket. Way to stay in character.
Remember when the big fear was that Brown money would own our Dubai Ports, and then all our white ships would be turned away in the name of Allah? Those hystericists never stopped to think their own argument through: “If you’re saying that foreigners owning stuff allows them to corrupt our government, then you’re admitting that Americans owning stuff allows them to corrupt our government, but just in a way that you accept.”
As Billy Bragg sang, “Money speaks for money/ The Devil for his own.”
Of course, we’re about to hear how Digitus Maximus was a Democrat, and that proves that he was sabotaging the markets to help his master’s dark plan.
GREEN BALLOONS! GREEN BALLOONS!
If the NYSE can simply cancel out whatever occurred during any period of time could they please erase the past 10 years?
That is some fucked up shit. Srsly.
[re=572212]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Many of those prep school nancys (thanks [re=572130]Blogette[/re]:!) live in Connecticut, so Joe can’t afford to eliminate their voting rights. Besides, as[re=572168]Mr Blifil[/re]: established, it’s Steve Jobs’ fault.
In other news, those fraudulent loans sold by Wall Street for the last half decade will not be canceled.
[re=572173]DustBowlBlues[/re]: and chickens can be used to buy health insurance. WIN!
Hmm; the only possible explanation for this “do-over,” is that people who aren’t supposed to make money, made money. You know, people, the ones we call “the public.” There must have been members of the public who made money off the mistake. This cannot be allowed; only brokerages and investment banks and such are allowed to make money, not the fucking public. Goldman Sacks must have lost money, and the public must have made money, this is not allowed, so of course, they are going to cancel all the trades, and give Goldman Sacks its money back.
Yes, as through this world I’ve wandered
I’ve seen lot’s of funny men;
Some will rob you with a six gun,
And some with a fountain pen.
[re=572192]Mr Blifil[/re]: If you sort of know she’s a tranny, but you never actually see or feel the dick, you know, if you take a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach to gender, is that gay, or not?
[re=572179]DustBowlBlues[/re]: A word of advice: Post-hole digger. A good post-hole digger quickly and easily digs a deep cylindrical hole of the perfect diameter for the vertical insertion of a cat for burial. If you ever have to bury a bunch of them at a time, its indispensable.
[re=572179]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Ahhh, Dustbowl.It’s always sad.Get yourself a couple of cute “rentkats” and you will feel a little better after awhile.
[re=572167]smitallica[/re]: First thing I thought of when I read this. WWJRD? (What Would Jack Ryan Do?) should not be the basis for running our economy/foreign policy.
[re=572290]Prommie[/re]: Funny you should mention that. I was digging a post hole (for actual posts; as I am building a deck out back of my cave) and one of my cats decided to curl up and take a nap in there. I came back after lunch, to make the hole a bit bigger and damn near killed my cat with my PHD.
So this is the dead-cat tread to celebrate the dead-cat bounce on Wall St today?
[re=572259]gertrudis[/re]: Fine, strip Steve Jobs of his citizenship. Hell, all of Apple. If we don’t start stripping everyone of their citizenship, the terrorist have won!
[re=572175]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Yeah, baby, bring back the gibbet!!! And do the same to every mutherfooker on Wall St responsible for the crash, the CEOs of Halliburton, Blackwater, yada yada yada …The Chinese would have given them all a shot to the base of the skull, or “lost” them from a helicopter flying over the Himalayas.
(The Brits had a point with creating a public spectacle with hangings, drawings and quarterings, &c.)
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