Here’s Trillions Of Dollars Of Wealth Bouncing Around In One Minute, Depending On What The Teevee Says

  goddamnit

There should be a Network-esque black comedy about this very moment on CNBC, immediately. The three-keys-wide fat finger of one monster at Citigroup sells off billions of shares of Procter & Gamble — part of the Dow index — just as Erin Burnett is deciding to talk about it, and then Jim Cramer says basically “oh shit someone should buy that,” and within 30 seconds we probably have a dozen or so newly-minted billionaires, but still no more “Europe” or jobs in general. [Business Insider]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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36 comments

  1. LittlePig

    They may be Masters Of The Universe, but they’re also Clowns On The Keyboard.

  2. magic titty

    Aren’t there triggers in these banking systems, so that *mistakes* like that can’t happen? Or wouldn’t they, you know, happen all the time?

  3. WhatTheHeck

    I still insist this was no error or accident.
    The banks got to buy up their own stock on the cheap.

  4. El Pinche

    Cramer’s still alive and working for CNBC?? I thought Jon Stewart had Cramer’s head taxidermed and mounted over his fireplace mantle?


  5. Post author
    Jim Newell

    [re=572019]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Yeah, I bet that trader was offered a blowjob from some hedge fund manager if he pretended to have fat fingers.

  6. charlesdegoal

    Accenture apparently traded at one penny for a few minutes, down from 41 dollars [insert lame Tiger Woods joke]. But seriously, what is all this shit worth? Teeny bits of crowded space. Clicks. Future something. Get a home somewhere. Read a book. Go fishing. Have sex.

  7. Dave J.

    I have a profound lack of understanding when it comes to the stock market. If you buy a stock, someone is selling it, yeah? So aren’t the people who “sold” it at 42 or whatever going to throw a shitstorm because they were screwed out of their money by some idiot who typed a B instead of an M?


  8. Post author
    Jim Newell

    [re=572029]Dave J.[/re]: Yeah you would assume that once they figure out what happened, there’d be some sort of process to fix it. But we don’t obey rules anymore in this country, so probably not.

  9. slappypaddy

    very clever, those trading peeps. wonder what i could get for a tulip, or a bubble of ocean air from the south seas…

  10. GOPCrusher

    [re=572020]El Pinche[/re]: I can’t believe that he has the balls to continue living. At least in the olden days, he would have had the decency to go home and commit seppeku.

  11. I Heart Accuracy

    [re=572034]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And don’t forget the safe food, and cars.

  12. El Pinche

    [re=572019]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Supreme geniuses like Cramer call it “bargain hunting”, but its called looting in real life…where people read books, go fishing, and have sex.

  13. El Pinche

    [re=572037]GOPCrusher[/re]: I seriously cannot see Cramer the same way after Stewart was done with him. Yeah, but apparently people still watch him.

  14. zenferret

    Good thing Wall Street isn’t as crazy as say someone betting All In on a seven two off suit at the Bellagio or someone putting everything on green 0 at the roulette table at Caesar’s Palace.

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  16. user-of-owls

    The three-keys-wide fat finger of one monster at Citigroup sells off billions of shares of Procter & Gamble

    This would never have happened if Rahm Emanuel was a trader.

  17. lochnessmonster

    Mebbe we should go back to the ticker-tape thingys — then we could have awesome parades again! Hooray!

  18. weejee

    [re=572029]Dave J.[/re]: Unless some jackhole with nasty shorts did the BM transposition on purpose. Kinda like what Goldman Buttsachs did by losing some money on the derivatives they were peddling, and making a pot on a short position (essential a bet that pays the derivatives tank).

  19. Mr Blifil

    What’s with the two excessively annoying bimbettes? The one is aggressively stupid, clamoring to be heard, the other takes a more passive “wait and see, then fuck” approach. I guess hanging out with a sniveling, balding, sputtering homunculus, as long as it gets you on TV, is a romance substitute on a par with having a gay boyfriend.

  20. mustardman

    Really the most amazing thing about this is that Cramer actually gets it right for once.

  21. MarieDevine

    “The market recovered blah, blah, blah” That makes it sound like millions of people recovered also. They did not. They lost money they thought would increase. That is one reason God warned against debt, interest, insurance (surety), covetousness and seeking riches and honors. The world cannot embrace what God hates and expect to get good results. Another reason is it transforms our heart from a caring individual to one whose decisions are made on finances and riches. We are a cold, ignorant people, making jokes because we cannot see how to escape from our rat race.

    The goal is retirement, not employment. God’s way, living off the land, creating a garden paradise lifestyle, can solve Energy Crisis, Financial Crises, Health Care Reform, Immigration, Abortion (children are a help, not an expense), War, free us from enslavement to employment and more with the one strategy. It is the only sustainable way to prevent extinction. All God’s blessings are tied to the land. Leviticus 26. Divine-Way

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