GODDAMNIT  5:26 pm May 6, 2010

Here’s Trillions Of Dollars Of Wealth Bouncing Around In One Minute, Depending On What The Teevee Says

by Jim Newell

There should be a Network-esque black comedy about this very moment on CNBC, immediately. The three-keys-wide fat finger of one monster at Citigroup sells off billions of shares of Procter & Gamble — part of the Dow index — just as Erin Burnett is deciding to talk about it, and then Jim Cramer says basically “oh shit someone should buy that,” and within 30 seconds we probably have a dozen or so newly-minted billionaires, but still no more “Europe” or jobs in general. [Business Insider]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 36 comments }

magic titty May 6, 2010 at 5:30 pm

I thought CNBC was black comedy.

ph7 May 6, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Like watching a game you’ll never get to play.

LittlePig May 6, 2010 at 5:32 pm

They may be Masters Of The Universe, but they’re also Clowns On The Keyboard.

magic titty May 6, 2010 at 5:35 pm

Aren’t there triggers in these banking systems, so that *mistakes* like that can’t happen? Or wouldn’t they, you know, happen all the time?

WhatTheHeck May 6, 2010 at 5:35 pm

I still insist this was no error or accident.
The banks got to buy up their own stock on the cheap.

El Pinche May 6, 2010 at 5:36 pm

Cramer’s still alive and working for CNBC?? I thought Jon Stewart had Cramer’s head taxidermed and mounted over his fireplace mantle?

Jim Newell May 6, 2010 at 5:37 pm

[re=572019]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Yeah, I bet that trader was offered a blowjob from some hedge fund manager if he pretended to have fat fingers.

charlesdegoal May 6, 2010 at 5:39 pm

Accenture apparently traded at one penny for a few minutes, down from 41 dollars [insert lame Tiger Woods joke]. But seriously, what is all this shit worth? Teeny bits of crowded space. Clicks. Future something. Get a home somewhere. Read a book. Go fishing. Have sex.

ArkansasFred May 6, 2010 at 5:39 pm

Holy shit! Jim Cramer was right! Long live, Cramer!

Dave J. May 6, 2010 at 5:41 pm

I have a profound lack of understanding when it comes to the stock market. If you buy a stock, someone is selling it, yeah? So aren’t the people who “sold” it at 42 or whatever going to throw a shitstorm because they were screwed out of their money by some idiot who typed a B instead of an M?

Smoke Filled Roommate May 6, 2010 at 5:42 pm

The CNBC Global 100 Schmuck Index is always sailin’ high.

I Heart Accuracy May 6, 2010 at 5:42 pm

Modern arbitrage is as skittles in the veloute.

Jim Newell May 6, 2010 at 5:43 pm

[re=572029]Dave J.[/re]: Yeah you would assume that once they figure out what happened, there’d be some sort of process to fix it. But we don’t obey rules anymore in this country, so probably not.

SayItWithWookies May 6, 2010 at 5:45 pm

Well at least our oil drilling safety and airport security work.

slappypaddy May 6, 2010 at 5:46 pm

very clever, those trading peeps. wonder what i could get for a tulip, or a bubble of ocean air from the south seas…

Buzz Feedback May 6, 2010 at 5:47 pm

Oddly enough no douches amongst the P&G brands.

GOPCrusher May 6, 2010 at 5:47 pm

[re=572020]El Pinche[/re]: I can’t believe that he has the balls to continue living. At least in the olden days, he would have had the decency to go home and commit seppeku.

I Heart Accuracy May 6, 2010 at 5:47 pm

[re=572034]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And don’t forget the safe food, and cars.

El Pinche May 6, 2010 at 5:48 pm

[re=572019]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Supreme geniuses like Cramer call it “bargain hunting”, but its called looting in real life…where people read books, go fishing, and have sex.

El Pinche May 6, 2010 at 5:52 pm

[re=572037]GOPCrusher[/re]: I seriously cannot see Cramer the same way after Stewart was done with him. Yeah, but apparently people still watch him.

zenferret May 6, 2010 at 5:53 pm

Good thing Wall Street isn’t as crazy as say someone betting All In on a seven two off suit at the Bellagio or someone putting everything on green 0 at the roulette table at Caesar’s Palace.

peggynoonansrickshaw May 6, 2010 at 5:55 pm
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user-of-owls May 6, 2010 at 5:59 pm

The three-keys-wide fat finger of one monster at Citigroup sells off billions of shares of Procter & Gamble

This would never have happened if Rahm Emanuel was a trader.

Lascauxcaveman May 6, 2010 at 6:02 pm

[re=572028]ArkansasFred[/re]: Stoppedclock/twiceaday

lochnessmonster May 6, 2010 at 6:12 pm

Mebbe we should go back to the ticker-tape thingys — then we could have awesome parades again! Hooray!

weejee May 6, 2010 at 6:16 pm

[re=572029]Dave J.[/re]: Unless some jackhole with nasty shorts did the BM transposition on purpose. Kinda like what Goldman Buttsachs did by losing some money on the derivatives they were peddling, and making a pot on a short position (essential a bet that pays the derivatives tank).

chascates May 6, 2010 at 7:03 pm

And would should still put our Social Security money into the markets?

Cookie Guggelman May 6, 2010 at 7:14 pm

“Turn those machines back on. TURN THOSE MACHINES BACK ON!!!!!!”

El Pinche May 6, 2010 at 8:55 pm

[re=572108]Cookie Guggelman[/re]: mortimer!!!!!!

Katydid May 6, 2010 at 9:10 pm

[re=572050]Extemporanus[/re]: You’re scaring me.

Mr Blifil May 6, 2010 at 9:31 pm

What’s with the two excessively annoying bimbettes? The one is aggressively stupid, clamoring to be heard, the other takes a more passive “wait and see, then fuck” approach. I guess hanging out with a sniveling, balding, sputtering homunculus, as long as it gets you on TV, is a romance substitute on a par with having a gay boyfriend.

President Beeblebrox May 6, 2010 at 10:53 pm

[re=572108]Cookie Guggelman[/re]: +100 for Trading Places reference. Now if someone would just lock Cramer up in a cage headed to Africa in an ape suit, with another ape in the cage, because why not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EjdC0pjo1A&feature=related

mustardman May 7, 2010 at 12:28 am

Really the most amazing thing about this is that Cramer actually gets it right for once.

rmontcal May 7, 2010 at 9:25 am

Is that his REAL nose?

MarieDevine May 7, 2010 at 4:21 pm

“The market recovered blah, blah, blah” That makes it sound like millions of people recovered also. They did not. They lost money they thought would increase. That is one reason God warned against debt, interest, insurance (surety), covetousness and seeking riches and honors. The world cannot embrace what God hates and expect to get good results. Another reason is it transforms our heart from a caring individual to one whose decisions are made on finances and riches. We are a cold, ignorant people, making jokes because we cannot see how to escape from our rat race.

The goal is retirement, not employment. God’s way, living off the land, creating a garden paradise lifestyle, can solve Energy Crisis, Financial Crises, Health Care Reform, Immigration, Abortion (children are a help, not an expense), War, free us from enslavement to employment and more with the one strategy. It is the only sustainable way to prevent extinction. All God’s blessings are tied to the land. Leviticus 26. Divine-Way

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