Here’s one of our great guiding angels from the Texas congressional delegation, John Culberson, the oppressed Iranian twitterer. He would like to show you his Science Project.
He is pouring a bunch of water between three different water bottles to demonstrate — rather, prove — that the federal government is now the only remaining entity in the entire world, and neither states nor humans even exist anymore.
Playing with water is John Culberson’s favorite thing to do, all the time. He did it for some children at the Heritage Foundation in 2009. Everyone had a great time! But no one escaped alive, because of the federal government.
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I can’t see the vid. I think he disappeared himself by accident.
NGNGNGNG Thats now how federalism works. Also, shouldn’t the Texas bottle be bigger? And made of a dead cow and oil?
This guy is so awesome that all the Wonketteers are gobsmacked. We’ll be in big trouble when Texas secedes.
I like the part when he makes you hold your nose and he gives you what he says is a slice of Texas, but after you eat it, he tells you HA HA IT’S THE USA AND YOU COULDN’T TELL CUZ THE TAXES ARE RUINING YOUR SENSE OF SMELL!
so this is a texas congressman’s understanding of how our our national government works? is he all wet or all washed up?
There are so much wishful thinking and misrepresentation of the constitution in that little bit of water sports that I cannot, in the space allotted to me by my attention span, comment upon them to the extent to which such gross fabrications deserve. I will, therefore, limit my observation to the fact that that is one of the worst comb-overs I have seen in a long, long time.
Funny, I missed that part of the Constitution where the powers of the government comes from god.
And he complains about the “radical reconstruction Congress” (along with the New Deal; guess he wished the Depression lasted forever), so you don’t even have to read between the lines to see which “State’s rights” he longs for.
Not only do I reject Rep. Culberson’s analogy, I also resent that thanks to his demonstration, I now have to take a piss.
[re=571775]Katydid[/re]: Your optimism is astonishing.
Well, shit, that sure clears that up. What the fuck was that all about?
I believe it was oolong stroke proponent and patriotic bagger Sun Tea who once said, “If you know the enemy, and know yourself, you need not fear the results of a hundred bottles.”
Being from Texas, he should understand what happened to the last group of people that repeatedly screamed “States Rights”.
A transparent attempt by Culberson to displace the current top google results for “culberson watersports”
There you have it folks; our abstract rights and protections (derived from Jesus and Thor, of course!) work on exactly the same principles as that entirely material phase of matter: the liquid. Not only are they finite (because of G-d)), they are also exactly conserved whenever they are reapportioned between wholly artificial social institutions/bottles taken from the C-Span green room!
Dammit, I can’t believe I am wasting thought on this.
And where was the asshole from who took so much of that power so recently? Oh yeah — ex-governor of Texas. Of course by now even a lot of Texans are saying Dubya was from New England.
[re=571788]Tommmcatt[/re]:
And by “are” you mean “is”, idiot.
My version uses scotch instead of water, and I get to be the feds.
“Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rain water, and only pure-grain alcohol?”
Billy Graham had some work done.
[re=571795]GOPCrusher[/re]: Yeah, it was ugly. I was at the Sizzler last night when they all got food poisoning at the same time. Messicans in the kitchen, natch.
[re=571797]rambone[/re]: (spit take)
Change the labels on some of the bottles, and you’d have a pretty good explanation of trickle-down economics.
Linda: For an alternate viewpoint, we turn to our guest panelist, Morbo the Annihilator. Morbo?
Morbo: Thanks, human female. The puny human sub-leader’s analogy is pathetic. Political rights are nothing like water, except insofar as the people of my world have no need for either. Nonetheless, we will soon be vaporizing all rights and liquids on your insignificant planet. Goodnight!
I don’t know about the rest of you the people, but I’m starting to get really annoyed by the use of “we the people” as a direct object, as though written as the proper noun “Wethepeople” (not to mention my even greater annoyance of its use as a term intended to exclude a great number of us the people who aren’t inclined to march lockstep with wingnut vaudeville patriots).
I suspect, though, that the fervent brandishing of the phrase – often accompanied by the waving around of a Glenn Beck-brand pocket copy of the Constitution – is largely because that’s about as far as most of them the people get in their reading of it.
In any event, the proper response to Rep. Culberson’s dramatic skit would have been for that interviewer to reach across the table, drink down the entire USA bottle in one go, and let out a loud belch.
“War between the States…” hahahahaha idiot.
[re=571800]Tommmcatt[/re]: I like “are” in that sentence–sounds all Brit and stuff, in honor of their National Good Excuse To Hit the Pub Day.
oh just secede already
He’s messing-up with his fizzuks. All and everything is the proper mix of fire, earth, air, and water. He shudda looked closer at the fine print on water rights. Clearly, he’s got plenty of fire & air, hot air that is. Why’s he complaining?
Sheesh, also.
His hands shake when he pours the water because he’s imagining he’s back in his room at C Street, pouring gin into tumblers.
Wha-?
okay, i watched it again, and this time i went all the way through to the end (do i get a medal? a drink? a scratch behind my ears?).
this clown has no grasp of history, no understanding of how power is deployed along the networks of discourse that constitute a society and its complex interactions. he displays no knowledge that we inherited our forms of government largely from the british–they weren’t given to us by god. the constitution does not “end with ‘we the people’”, it ends with either “In witness whereof We have hereunto subscribed our Names,” followed by a bunch of signatures, or with “automatic cost-of-living increases in pay for Members of Congress”, depending on whether or not you want to include the amendments (and i can imagine the god-fearing congressman john being a little discomforted by pointing out that the most recent amendment regards his paycheck). and his idea that texas or any other state only gave a droplet of watery power to the federal government when joining the union is bogus almost beyond comment.
as for the rest of his blathering dog-and-pony show, it is scarcely comprehensible nonsense. time for me to go listen to something more intelligent, such as the gibberish being muttered by the bag lady passing by outside my office window.
[re=571833]weejee[/re]: Playing three card monte with the Cons·tee·two·shun,
Sheesh²
I have no words for this brand of crazy.
[re=571850]slappypaddy[/re]: Well said, darling cat in a box. *ear scritch*
Watching me lose all my rights makes me want to go pee.
Real Jesus would’ve turned that We The People water into USA wine.
ugh. alls i got is “fuck that guy”
i’ll not waste my snark on Evango-Christards.
There is something repulsive about this water-bottle stage-business. I haven’t figured out what it is. I want to say, “He’s talking to us like children.” But that’s not all of it.
[re=571813]One Yield Regular[/re]: [re=571875]Woodwards Friend[/re]:
Real Jesus would’ve turned that We The People water into USA wine.
One Yield: note the use of Wethepeople as an adjective.
“The War Between the States.” Pshaw. He really means “The Waw of Nawthun Agreshun.”
Culberson apparently pissed away all the Freedoms in those other two bottles.
USA! USA! USA!
Another day I am thankful my 401(k) is 100% in First National Bank of Serta.
I think he did a fantastic job of explaining the Articles of Confederation!
Wait, what?
Can anyone explain what he was trying to demonstrate with his water using actual English words? Like for example, what does the bottle labelled “USA” represent?
I can hardly wait to see what the funny peoples (Not Leno) do with his magic trick!
[re=572061]sezme[/re]:
Poor communication skills.
Bright enough for playing with water bottles, so dumb he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel. Gotta love Texas, it’s written right in their state constitution, isn’t it?
C-Span is either helping to expose this sort of idiocy, or they are facilitating the spreading of this idiocy. Either way, watching C-Span rots the brain.
Shouldn’t those bottles be half full of chewed tobacco plugs and tar? For realisms?
[re=572092]Rotundo[/re]: Oh that’s fucking funny. I just peed a little. Right into my boot.
I was truly hoping that that the almighty “Hand Of God” was going to shove the demo-bottles into his eyes thus rendering him blinder than he already is.
I had never seen anything as stupid as this on C-Span until yesterday. Plus, he looks like he likes to tickle people.
Oh, the USA was a much freer place when slavery was legal and women didn’t have the right to vote and anyone could employ child laborers. Damn Yankees up and ruined all of that! So, when did Culberson stop worrying about the terrorists disguised as Meskins comin’ in to the US of A across the Texas border and become a water bottle Constitutionalist fretting about the New Deal? Last election cycle, he was all for the Federal gubmint gettin’ Medieval on the Meskins’ asses.
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