NEW STUDY PROVES IT  11:11 am May 5, 2010

Teabaggers Are Just 2% of American Population

by Ken Layne

Who wouldn't want to join her, for sexytime?America’s most exciting political movement (according to newspapers that are all going out of business) is the Tea Party! Never before has this nation seen such “energy” (fat white people in lawn chairs) or “passion” (racist, misspelled signs). From snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin to chocolate-sucking giant-baby serial-divorcer has-been Newt Gingrich, it seems all the Republican fringe figures who can’t actually stay in office want a piece of the Teabagger Phenomenon. Well, there are not that many pieces to go around. Do not mistake the obesity of a particular teabagger for lots of individual teabaggers.

A shocking new obvious Washington Post/ABC News poll shows that Teabaggers make up “about 2 percent of the total population.” But they are “supported” by 27% of voters! So that’s enough to at least, uh, split the Republican vote.

Some 14 percent of Americans say the tea party is most in sync with their values, nearly matching the 15 percentage-point drop-off for the GOP over the past five months.

Meanwhile, just as many voters identify with Democrats today as in November 2008. [Washington Post]


Hola wonkerados.

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mustardman May 5, 2010 at 11:16 am

And it other news, the sun rose in the east.

ManchuCandidate May 5, 2010 at 11:17 am

The Teabaggers have teabagged the GOP, but as true to form the GOPers love it because it goes against their best interests.

Red Zeppelin May 5, 2010 at 11:17 am

Given their obvious level of ill-health, advanced age, and lack of education (yeah, right, all the idiots with the mispelled signs were agents provacateurs), their actuarial prospects are not all that good. I would guess by 2012 they will make up about 1%.

pirate king of the Jews May 5, 2010 at 11:19 am

Hell, 30% or more believe in UFOs and Sasquatch. Now if we could get an ET/Bigfoot ticket…

Mr Blifil May 5, 2010 at 11:20 am

Those numbers spike dramatically when poll respondents are offered free lunch, hotel rooms, autographed books, and transportation.

Mista Eko May 5, 2010 at 11:20 am

But they always draw tens at their protests!

charlesdegoal May 5, 2010 at 11:21 am

Don’t forget to factor in the fact that a good 50 percent of the people are of less-than-average intelligence.

ArkansasFred May 5, 2010 at 11:24 am

Their numbers are waning. Pretty soon they will have gone the way of the dodo, the Whigs and How I Met Your Mother viewers.

JMP May 5, 2010 at 11:26 am

But the teabaggers will tell you that they represent 200% of Real American Patriots; all the non-whites, non-Christians and homersexuals don’t count, and all remaining who don’t agree with them are commies who hate America.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2010 at 11:26 am

I didn’t know cognitive dissonance was a value. Well bully for them.

ttommyunger May 5, 2010 at 11:26 am

I love the Tea Party Movement! It puts faces on the bigotry, fear and hysteria of the Far Right (read lunatic fringe) of America. In any country, the percentage of clinically neurotic citizens is about 30%. The Tea Baggers are the same neurotic assholes that hated Clinton for getting a blowjob and wanted to punish him for it. They will always be with us. Its nice to know what they look like, though, isn’t it?

jus_wonderin May 5, 2010 at 11:27 am

Why does 2 percent get soo much freakin’ coverage? The Sensible Center should get out there and debunk this bunch of irrationals. Or take a club to them.

bago May 5, 2010 at 11:28 am

Given the ratio of testicles to foreheads, teabaggers could easily be 4%!

Aguacatero May 5, 2010 at 11:28 am

“Do not mistake the obesity of a particular teabagger for lots of individual teabaggers.”

This line alone was worth every penny of my five-year “Platinum Level” subscription to Wonkette. There are still 33 minutes left, but it’s safe to say, when the dust clears, Ken Layne will have won the morning.

JamesMichaelCurley May 5, 2010 at 11:29 am

Andy Warhol and any drinker of tea from real tea pots and not ‘bags’ knows that after fifteen minutes the whole thing goes sour.

Jim Demintia May 5, 2010 at 11:29 am

The liberals say they don’t exist but I know that they do.

Manos: Hands of Fate May 5, 2010 at 11:30 am

One could imagine where the UK election would be right now if David Cameron let skinheads and football brawlers decide their polices.

phineas_bounderby May 5, 2010 at 11:34 am

Teabaggers may only account for 2% of the population, but they account for 50% of the aggregate weight of the nation, and that has to count for something.

predilectrix May 5, 2010 at 11:35 am

Jesse the Body (bald forerunner of Joe the Plumber-manque’) got elected governor of Minnesota in 1998 because he siphoned off disgruntled Dem and Repub voters. If it’s just the Repubs throwing their votes away this time, there’s a special magic in that.

S.Luggo May 5, 2010 at 11:35 am

1% per bag.

WadISay May 5, 2010 at 11:37 am

[re=570725]ttommyunger[/re]: White, overweight, old, angry. Plus a very few self-loathing minorities, on their way to some rat lab to be studied for Stockholm Syndrome.

Nappied Hypotenuse May 5, 2010 at 11:37 am

27%? That’s the Crazification Factor! (Kungfu Monkey)

freakishlystrong May 5, 2010 at 11:39 am

Funny. That’s about the same percentage that think Glenn Beck is Walter Cronkite.

Buzz Feedback May 5, 2010 at 11:39 am

Tea Baggers and Log Cabin Republicans should merge.

bflrtsplk May 5, 2010 at 11:40 am

I wonder: Do they take honey or cream? I would say lemon, but I dunno nuttin’

Manos: Hands of Fate May 5, 2010 at 11:44 am

In other news, 34 percent of evangelical leaders prefer their rentboys smooth, playfully shy and cut.

kdaddy May 5, 2010 at 11:45 am

Glenn Becks’ quivering chin is every dedicated Tea-Baggers dream cum true!

Norbert May 5, 2010 at 11:46 am

Uh, thanks for trying to cheer us up, Layne, but there is no such thing as the Tea Party so those blobs on the lawn chairs and their supporters will be voting Republican. But it gets worse since the Republican party is now nearly purged of the likes of Voinovich, Lugar, hell, that Bennett in Utah guy, Alan Simpson is no longer welcome for chrissakes, etc. In short, the teabaggers are not splintering off, they are taking over. Indeed, if I were to run on a platform of surgical strike thermo-nuclear war against Iran/Korea(either one)/France, no-bid federal contracts to cull all seabirds and otters, putting an end to the Jewish infiltration of the Air Force, microchipping illegals at their own expense, the construction of a national network of menstruation huts for the womenfolk during their unclean time, waterboarding all trade union members as domestic enemies, and TruckNutz and Freedom Trays for all, I would immediately get a serious hearing from about 2/3 of the Republican base.

Hopey dont play that game May 5, 2010 at 11:51 am

And approximately 2% of the male body is used during tea bagging– coincidence? All God’s plan, people.

nappyduggs May 5, 2010 at 11:52 am

Teabaggers lack momentum, but definitely posess girth. In other words, they may not hit the middle, but they’ll bang the hell out of the sides!

slappypaddy May 5, 2010 at 11:53 am

when you factor in the plus or minus three percent margin of error, you can see that teabaggers could well be a negative one percent of the nation. that’s three million pissed-off overweight white ignoramuses, which seems both accurate and comforting. this is both mathematical and logical.

Dashboard_Buddha May 5, 2010 at 11:58 am

[re=570726]jus_wonderin[/re]: 2% of population, 90% of noise.

tootsieroll May 5, 2010 at 11:59 am

[re=570726]jus_wonderin[/re]: +1.

I pray most days that the sensible people in this country realize they need to wake the hell up and vote and tell the people to have this steaming cup of tea.

El Pinche May 5, 2010 at 12:04 pm

[re=570726]jus_wonderin[/re]: I vote for the latter, and should be shown in 1080p HD.

sezme May 5, 2010 at 12:10 pm

Remember back in mid summer 2008, when we called them “the bitters”? Ah, good times. They were so important to the comedy here that a dash of bitters was added to the recipe for the Wonkettini (which no one has ever drunk).

Anyway, the point of all this is: do we need to update the Wonkettini recipe now by adding a teabag?

WhatTheHeck May 5, 2010 at 12:10 pm

What got the TeaBaggery movement going was Sarah Palin ‘speaking in tongues.’ That group of trailer people were the only people who understood ‘Tongues.’ The rest of us didn’t understand one fucking word she uttered.

Jim89048 May 5, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Jeebus. I just got home from a two week stint in the hospital, and it comes to my attention that I haven’t heard mention of Snowgash and her tribe in all that time. Almost fucking worth it.

GoinGreen May 5, 2010 at 12:21 pm

If I could have only one “punch a random American in the face” card, it would be used on that fucking woman holding the sign. Not because she is a racist, hate-filled slut – but because she really thinks she is cute with that little “lyin’ African” thing. Can you just imagine her surprise when I – a burly white guy with a big, red Irish nose, walked up to her and said, “excuse me, ma’am – can I read your sign”? She would smile and say, “SHORRRE CAYAN!” Then, BAM! Right in the fucking face!!! I just made my own day with that visual!

Darkness May 5, 2010 at 12:21 pm

[re=570731]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: nicely stated.

Lazy Media May 5, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Remember the summer of 2001, and the cover-of-Time media fearfest? Sharks.

Teabaggers are the 2001 sharks of politics. By 2016, they’ll be remembered only on those MTV instant-nostalgia retrospectives.

tootsieroll May 5, 2010 at 12:28 pm

[re=570777]sezme[/re]: no need. Absolute did it for us:

Boston Tea Party

Dolmance May 5, 2010 at 12:30 pm

When I think of all the ink that’s gone into covering this confederacy of turds I want to break something.

harry palmer May 5, 2010 at 12:31 pm

It’s no fair when you lift those descriptions of Bible Spice and the Newter right out of the Who’s Who.

tootsieroll May 5, 2010 at 12:32 pm

[re=570791]tootsieroll[/re]: ::facepalm:: no “e” in Absolut. I blame my spell check.

ArugulaTeleprompterz May 5, 2010 at 12:34 pm

[re=570786]GoinGreen[/re]: I’d go for the muumuu wearing lady from Florida that is pissed off at the homeless, but this bitch comes in a close second.

Mahousu May 5, 2010 at 12:47 pm

[re=570748]bflrtsplk[/re]: You’re not talking Cream Lemon, are you? While I suppose a number of them might relate (ha) to the incest subthemes, on the whole I don’t think they’d appreciate the series.

Pat Pending May 5, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Maybe they can start an outlaw motorcycle club. The 2%-ers. Hook up with the Mongols or something.

norbizness May 5, 2010 at 12:55 pm

Keep inflatin’ that balloon!

GOPCrusher May 5, 2010 at 1:10 pm

And yet they attract 98% of cable news coverage. No wonder they think they are important. Teabaggers are the petulant two year olds of the political system.

anonymousryan May 5, 2010 at 1:13 pm

This would make me happy if not for the fact that only 3% of Americans will vote in midterm elections.

One Yield Regular May 5, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Meanwhile, the Washington Times has an article quoting Grover Norquist equating use of the term “tea-bagger” with use of the “n-word.”


The stunning inappropriateness aside, how quickly he forgets that a lot of tea-baggers used the term themselves until their incurious minds got wind of its comedic use, as introduced to us by John Waters in “Pecker.” My favorite observation about this term was from a comment on a tea-bagger blog desperately urging people not to use it, as – horrors! – it referred to “a standard practice in the repetoir [sic] of the deviant homosexual life-style.”

Saying that tea-bagging is standard practice among homosexuals is like saying that the warm apple pie scene from “American Pie” is standard practice among heterosexuals.

LiveFromSinusCity May 5, 2010 at 1:45 pm

[re=570748]bflrtsplk[/re]: The appropriate question would be “One lump or two?”

RoscoePColtraine May 5, 2010 at 1:49 pm

[re=570749]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Sun-kissed and hairless, too, if you don’t mind.

FMA May 5, 2010 at 2:07 pm

[re=570799]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]: Have we all forgotten about the dickhead who was tossing dollar bills at the guy with Parkinson’s?

libwakman May 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm

American teabaggers & their French counterparts the Teabaguettes may merge as soon as the Frogs can say USA…USA..witout ze france accent.

Extemporanus May 5, 2010 at 2:48 pm

They’re the spoiled milk of American politics: 2%, white, old, lumpy, and sour.

arclight May 5, 2010 at 3:01 pm

Why is it so much fun to troll comments imitating a teabagger?

Maybe, for realz yo, since only 2% of Murkins are teabaggin’ it, then 99% of the teabaggers we see online are just people like us bored at work.

Maybe I’ll become a freeper now, just for shits and giggles….

arclight May 5, 2010 at 3:02 pm

[re=570885]FMA[/re]: Hey that guy is from my (normally very liberal) neighborhood! I was so proud!!!!

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 5, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Republican activist supported by Republican Party.

Good, now can we stop pretending there is any news here?

zenferret May 5, 2010 at 3:15 pm

[re=570843]One Yield Regular[/re]: So lesbians like teabagging? How come this seems so unlikely to me?

One Yield Regular May 5, 2010 at 3:31 pm

[re=570937]Extemporanus[/re]: A new favorite Zen koan. Thank you.

TheRealJimbo May 5, 2010 at 3:39 pm

[re=570755]nappyduggs[/re]: I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it sounds damn funny.

Surfeit O'Hubris May 5, 2010 at 3:39 pm

[re=570818]Pat Pending[/re]: They could call themselves the Mongoloids.

HipHopOpotamus May 5, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Teabaggers: 2% of the American population, but 50% of American’s total weight.

ladymacbeth May 5, 2010 at 7:03 pm

[re=570783]Jim89048[/re]: welcome back! i remember when you went in. glad you’re here again.

in the interim i got stuck in europe and then fired for getting stuck in europe…

Slattenpat May 5, 2010 at 9:42 pm

Does that 2% include all the men who physically teabag people, with their scrotums?

marioninnyc May 5, 2010 at 9:44 pm

What the hell happened to the NSFW teabagger image scene earlier? My better half is home for work and I was about to show it to him hoping to stir things up ….

Captain Swing May 6, 2010 at 3:35 am

[re=570835]GOPCrusher[/re]: Yep. See the obnoxious little brat standing at the supermarket check-out, bawling and stomping his obnoxious little feet because his mom refuses to buy him that strategically placed chocolate bar? Future ‘bagger, fer sure…

Tundra Grifter May 6, 2010 at 8:45 am

[re=571320]marioninnyc[/re]: I am wondering the same thing. I remember the first time I read about TeaBaggers – thinking to myself “Geez – guess they don’t read Wonkette!”

‘Cause thanks to Wonkette I already knew what TeaBagging was all about. You betcha!

billcostley May 14, 2010 at 7:57 am

The most recent survey (CBS/Newsweek) pegged the majority of Teabaggers as 45+ & earning $50K+. Rather like Goldwaterites in ’64 (which some of them were). They’ll prove much more destructive than the usual rightwing Libertarians (which they really are.)

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