Joe Lieberman To Take Away Americans’ Citizenship Without Amending Constitution, Hooray!

  reasonable centrist compromises

Once the State Department has determined their Jedi status, we can light-saber them to deathFiercely independent Connecticut Senator and five-time Worst Human Of The Year Award winner Joe Lieberman finds it pretty frustrating when swarthy, sinister terrorists are picked up by FBI “courtesy patrols” and whisked off to a day spa for mud wraps and reiki work just because they managed to bamboozle some activist judge into making them a U.S. citizen. But Joe Lieberman is just one man! What can he do to protect Americans from all the “freebies” we give to Americans? C’mon Joe, think … Bill of Rights … think … terrorist enemies everywhere … Oh, wait! Just announce that they aren’t citizens anymore, by executive fiat! Problem solved!

Take it away, liberal French news service!

Lieberman said he was trying to amend an old US law “that says that if an American citizen is found to be fighting in the military of a nation with whom we are at war, they lose their citizenship.”

He said his proposal would apply to “any individual apprehended, American citizen, who is found to be involved with a foreign terrorist organization as designated by the Department of State.”

To be fair to Joe Lieberman (wait, did we just say that? ugh), he’s not one of those Tea Party weirdos who, as a side effect of their sick fetish for late 18th century cosplay, are always ranting about the Constitution and whose paranoia about the gummint occasionally causes them to give some thought to the “rights of the accused” that the Founding Fathers seemed to care so much about. Joe has always been all about giving the president as much power as he wants, or even power he doesn’t want, to crush terrorism or Muslim terrorism or people who might be Muslim terrorists. His big boner for the executive branch is pretty poignant, considering his multiple failed attempts to become part of said executive branch, but whatever.

Anyway, yesterday Joe thought that we’d need to write terrorist-citizenship-removal into the Constitution in order to get this thing done. But now he thinks it’d be OK if some bureaucrat at the State Department could just announce that you’re “affiliated” with some bad guys and then bam, it’s off to Gitmo for you, forever, hope you enjoyed your stay in the freedom-loving USA, sucker.

But until Joe manages to convince Congress that his way is our only road to total safety, we’ll have to endure nightmarish outcomes like this:

But FBI deputy director John Pistole, standing alongside Holder at the same press conference, said Shahzad was actually interrogated early Tuesday under a “public safety exception to the Miranda rule,” and that he “provided valuable intelligence and evidence” to investigators.

“He was Mirandized later and continued to cooperate and provide valuable information,” Pistole said.

In other Joe-Lieberman-is-a-dick news, he’s still all about offshore drilling because, eh, “accidents happen.”

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

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50 comments

  1. Tundra Grifter

    So, all these years later poor Joe is back where we started. We don’t give the poor folks down in Gitmo trials because we already know they are terrorists – what’s the point when they were guilty when we purchased them from Afghan warlords? Although, to be fair, it has turned out that many of them aren’t terrorists.

    Now we’re going to take away citizenship – and rest assured the fact that this man is a “naturalized” citizen and not native-born makes a HUGE difference! – without a trial or hearing or other due process.

    Why do the Americans who love our Constitution so much want to be the first to tear it up?

  2. Manos: Hands of Fate

    Lieberman is such a wimp. If he really wanted to smash Islamo-Fascism he’s give the president the power to declare that someone never even existed in the first place and make it illegal to even mention their name.

  3. Oldskool

    Yeah sure, but terrists aren’t IN any military, remember Joe? Besides, we have our own mercenaries to keep in mind.

  4. norbizness

    Something tells me we already covered this, and even if we didn’t, let’s say we did, or at least put up that picture of him in the mesh hat like the world’s oldest, droopiest hipster.

  5. Darkness

    Okay, so the twin Demons Gog And Magog that were inhabiting Bush and Cheney have apparently joined forces and are partying inside the Leiberthing. Lovely.

  6. JMP

    What Lieberman doesn’t seem to get is that the Constitutional protections of the accused apply to anyone apprehended by the government, whether they are a US citizen or not doesn’t matter; that’s why the Guantanamo gulag he supports is and has always been illegal.

    Oh, and that’s a nice vague standard of “involved with a foreign terrorist organization”. Nope, that’s not open to easy abuse at all.

    So when do we deport all the Irish?

  7. An Outhouse

    This is the douche bag that we are supposed to be upset didn’t become VP? Does anyone think that Ralph Nader was not correct in 2000 that both parties sucked? and sucked big corporate cock and agents of foreign governments?

  8. Mr Blifil

    I think the ban should extend to all states who harbor terrorists in their midst. Any State harboring a terrorist or terrorist sympathizer should be forcefully seceded from the Union, after fulfilling a mandatory Cleveland Steamer program for it’s policy makers and inhabitants. Now…which state was that there terrist from again?

  9. x111e7thst

    Those facebook posts and the ‘stache should be enough to guarantee Shahzad a one way ticket to Gitmo.

    And maybe we could get little Joey L to go along and personally make sure everything was being done in the most unconstitutional and repugnant manner possible.

  10. Crank Tango

    so a foreign agent wants to take away people’s citizenship–that’s cool, right? Let’s start with him.

  11. JMP

    [re=570636]V572625694[/re]: Hell, it could apply to anyone who flies a Confederate flag. Come to think of, yes let’s deport their asses.

  12. Zadig

    Joe Lieberman will never sleep soundly until we’ve killed/imprisoned every brownish person with facial hair.

    Colbert made a good point last night, looking at the stock press photo of the bomber: when do police start profiling douchebags?

  13. Dashboard_Buddha

    What happens when some teapartbirther revolts, can we send their natural born ass to Somalia?

  14. The Church of Realism

    And to think, this fuck’in guy was almost in the Whitehouse. Fuck him with a barbed-wire baseball bat…

  15. yargisbargis

    “Of course I’m a terrorist. Why do you think I have deees outrageeous French accent?”

  16. JMP

    [re=570657]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: The teabaggers have mostly been revolting for many decades.

    They want no laws, and Somalia still has some even though they aren’t enforced; better to send them to a land that has no laws whatsoever, Antarctica.

  17. Prommie

    Now when you are actually fighting in a real shooting war, and you capture an enemy soldier, that enemy soldier might well have information about planned attacks, using airplanes, bombs, guns, chemicals, nukes, tens of thousands of troops, and those attacks could cost us tens of thousands of lives.

    But it is completely beyond debate that it is illegal to torture that soldier, and in fact, legally, all the soldier is obligated to provide as far as information is name, rank, and serial number. Those are the rules, even when we know this uniformed enemy has information that could well result in our losing a war, the law says, no coercive interrogation.

    But when we are threatened by an incompetent handful of occasional terrorists capable of nowhere near as much damage, we need to throw all principles aside?

    Fuckers have no sense of proportion.

  18. x111e7thst

    [re=570664]Formerly Preferred[/re]: According to the generally accepted interpretation of Trop v. Dulles Lieberman should be sodomized with a bathroom plunger, or nightstick, by members of the NYPD.

  19. proudgrampa

    It’s almost like Joe the Liebermann morphed into Joe the Plumber. Or something.

  20. Katydid

    /snark off a bit

    What’s really strange is that my mom, who’s very liberal, is so very sure that the feds have picked up the right guy. I was telling her that at this point he’s just a suspect, and I wouldn’t put it past the feds to have picked up somebody just to say they’ve got somebody to calm people down, and anyway, innocent until proven guilty, etc.

    I asked her if she thought everyone who is arrested is guilty, and she said yes. At first I got frustrated and started reeling off a list of things like the number of people on death row who were released through DNA evidence, but then remembered she is becoming senile; she doesn’t always get enough blood to her brain.

    Lieberdouche is 10 years younger than my mom, but it makes me wonder how much blood is flowing to what passes for his brain.

    /snark on full

  21. mustardman

    This would be awesome. Roll in the busses to the next DC teabagger rally, load em up and ship em out!

  22. libwakman

    Well fazuck it all..may as well start packing my gym bag now with under 8 oz. liquid toiletries that may not be available in the re-education camp.

  23. JoeMac

    the deprivation of citizenship [p93] is not a weapon that the Government may use to express its displeasure at a citizen’s conduct, however reprehensible that conduct may be. Trop vs Dulles

    I think the above sums up the law, now turning to Lieberman my question is when will this country finally make being a huge asshole a crime. There is no bigger asshole than Joe Lieberman (Tom Cruise, Tom Delay,Tom Tancredo,John McCain, Ben Rothlisberger, Michelle Bachman, Sarah Palin, any member of the Bush family, the Cheney family(except the gay one she may have some sense,) any republican in the house or senate, local or state legislature not withstanding).

  24. GoinGreen

    [re=570664]Formerly Preferred[/re]: The hypocrisy of Trop v. Dulles is just as was written in the dissent – many soldiers were sentenced and put to death for dessertion. Is it really the intention of the 8th Amendment that losing one’s citizenship is a punishment far more cruel and unusual than losing one’s life? While I agree with the decision in favor of Trop (and most certainly disagree with the death penalty in any case) – it only goes to show how lucky, or unlucky, one can be when a court becomes an activist bench.

  25. JMP

    [re=570734]JoeMac[/re]: But see, as the pants-wetting Republicans will tell you, that law came at a time when the country had only had to deal with such threats as the Nazis and imperial Japan, the Confederate traitors and their descendants, and the the Soviet Union. They were nothing compared to the dangers of a handful of angry crazies in the caves of Afghanistan, and their supporters who can attack make nonworking bombs!

  26. phildeaux

    Of course Joe Lieberman proposes a law that goes farther then the Alien and Sedition Acts.

  27. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    So Joe really wants to give Hillary Clinton the power to remove his citizenship by designating Connecticut for Lieberman a terrorist organization?

  28. NJB

    Lieberman has been trying to stoke fear in the electorate for so long he now falls prey to believing his own hype and has finally morphed into a fearful, whiny, sissy. At the first sign of danger, conservatives cower. Every single time.

  29. Tundra Grifter

    [re=570805]Tundra Grifter[/re]: “is” – not “in.” “In” was a Freudian slip. Or pair of panties.

  30. RoscoePColtraine

    Is this the same Joe Lieberman who campaigned for McCain/Palin and went to the fucking Republican Convention to give a McCain a blowjob on stage and swallowed his load in front of the adoring crowd, and then Obama won, and was all like “it’s all good, you can keep your committee chairmanship, Joe”?

    Yeah right, like McCain even produces loads anymore. I know.

  31. Way Cool Larry

    [re=570639]Mr Blifil[/re]: ha ha, very good

    [re=570659]The Church of Realism[/re]: [re=570635]An Outhouse[/re]: granted I didn’t know so much about politics in 2000 as I do now, but I really had no idea Lieberman was such a fucking cunt until he sold out Gore on the military votes on live TV. But wow– he’s 100 times the cunt now that he was then– I have to wonder if losing that election pushed him over the edge somehow.

  32. populucious

    No one said there wouldn’t be consequences for joining the French Foreign Legion.

  33. Geogre

    One thing about the executive fiat: Joe needed to get in the Executive Branch. I understand that he has declared his own micro-party, and he might want to make a micronation, like Sealand, only called Joeburg, but, at least so far, the state of Joeburg has not joined in with the United States, and so he is not in the executive. (Nor should he be in the legislative, but our insurance company overlards disagree.)

    In the micronation of Joeburg, there will be offshore drilling, instant revocation of citizenship for displeasing the monarch (also known as being sent to one’s room), and laws that are subject to retroactive application and extraterritorial force. Just don’t try to move to Joeburg, and don’t have any hopes of Joeburg moving toward you.

  34. anonymousryan

    Honestly, if it weren’t for Lieberman and the Republicans’ insistence on pouring water on prisoner’s faces to fuel their bizarre sexual fetish this wouldn’t be that far out there. The constitution already provides a way to revoke citizenship if a person aides or fights with a nation that the US is at war with (as declared by Congress, not just willy-nilly bombing). Someone who fights alongside a foreign terrorist organization isn’t much different. Then again, a person who allies themselves with a nation-state that’s at war with the US is protected by the Geneva Convention and a person who belongs to a foreign terrorist organization doesn’t- and that’s the only reason Lieberman wants to do it. So he can personally torture a muslim.

  35. Zulu

    I can see it now…THis incompetent numbnut has gotta be carrying around the entire May 2 Brigade (or whatever)operational plan for the next global jihad. Names, dates safe houses, aliases, fake Mickey Mouse cards…this dude must be a treasure trove of “actionable intelligence (Hey, whatever the fuck does that mean?).

    Good luck sorting out whatever drivel you toy soldiers extract from Boris Badenov!

  36. veskebjorn

    Should this pass, Joe Lieberman, whose material support of the nuclear-armed, often-swarthy, Israeli terrorists knows neither bounds nor reason, could become its first victim. Nah, just kidding. The U.S. government meticulously discriminates between the religious fanatics of the Jewish branch of the Abrahamic faith and the religious fanatics of the Muslim branch. Star of David always good; star and crescent always bad. Bush, Jr., called the U.S. jihad a Crusade, and he was right. Lieberman is an armchair Crusader, cast in the mold of the Middle Age bishops who urged Europeans to kill Muslims for the glory of God. What a tool. I genuinely wonder if Joe’s competition in the Democratic Senate primary a few years ago pushed Joe over the edge, into frank psychosis. Just look at any recent picture of the man. If you saw that wandering down the street, mumbling, you might call 911.

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