STORIES THAT HOLD UP  5:09 pm May 4, 2010

Family Research Council Co-Founder Takes Vacation With Male Prostitute, Who ‘Carried His Luggage,’ Only

by Jim Newell

“The pictures on the Rentboy.com profile show a shirtless young man with delicate features, guileless eyes, and sun-kissed, hairless skin. The profile touts his ‘smooth, sweet, tight ass’ and ‘perfectly built 8 inch cock (uncut)’ and explains he is ‘sensual,’ ‘wild,’ and ‘up for anything’ — as long you ask first.” Anyway, we’ll stop planning our Tuesday evening now. Here’s a post about a major evangelical anti-gay leader going on a fuckcation with a male prostitute.

George Rekers was a co-founder of James Dobson’s Family Research Council, the Super Christian Lobbying Group of assholes who we still kind of like, because they put on the hilarious Values Voters Summit every year. This is when America’s crazy people come to D.C. to yell about fags a lot. And then they all go to their hotels and have gay homosexual anal sex with each other, which, experts believe, could be considered hypocritical.

Rekers was a driving force behind the whole gay-to-straight conversion rehab idea. And you’d think that since he basically founded this thing, he could’ve landed a stint in one of them himself.

On April 13, the “rent boy” (whom we’ll call Lucien) arrived at Miami International Airport on Iberian Airlines Flight 6123, after a ten-day, fully subsidized trip to Europe. He was soon followed out of customs by an old man with an atavistic mustache and a desperate blond comb-over, pushing an overburdened baggage cart.

That man was George Alan Rekers, of North Miami — the callboy’s client and, as it happens, one of America’s most prominent anti-gay activists. Rekers, a Baptist minister who is a leading scholar for the Christian right, left the terminal with his gay escort, looking a bit discomfited when a picture of the two was snapped with a hot-pink digital camera.

Reached by New Times before a trip to Bermuda, Rekers said he learned Lucien was a prostitute only midway through their vacation. “I had surgery,” Rekers said, “and I can’t lift luggage. That’s why I hired him.” (Though medical problems didn’t stop him from pushing the tottering baggage cart through MIA.)

Yet Rekers wouldn’t deny he met his slender, blond escort at Rentboy.com — which features homepage images of men in bondage and grainy videos of crotch-rubbing twinks — and Lucien confirmed it.

At the small western Miami townhome he shares with a roommate, a nervous Lucien expressed surprise when we told him that Rekers denied knowing about his line of work from the beginning. “He should’ve been able to tell you that,” he said, fidgeting and fixing his eyes on his knees. “But that’s up to him.”

And now we’ll return to posting news.

[Miami New Times]

 

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{ 198 comments }

RoscoePColtraine May 4, 2010 at 5:13 pm

The real tragedy here is that some poor, smoking hot kid, would have to be in the vicinity of a naked troll by the name of George Rekers, for money. What dedication to his craft.

rocktonsammy May 4, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Luggage carrying is fine as long as no salads were tossed.

qwerty42 May 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm

So, this is the Merry Month of Gay? And it has just started.

mumblyjoe May 4, 2010 at 5:16 pm

Huh, my copy of the Bible must be defective, because in mine, Jesus hates hypocrites a whole hell of a lot more than he hates teh gheys.

Was there a manufacturer’s recall that I didn’t hear about?

comicbookguy May 4, 2010 at 5:17 pm

Poor guy. Now he’s in a “townhome he shares with a roommate” where he will have a good cry, eat Hagen Das, and watch the Lifetime channel.

Now who is going to carry his luggage down the Appalacian Trail?

An Outhouse May 4, 2010 at 5:18 pm

Clearly he was just conducting Research for his Family Council.

user-of-owls May 4, 2010 at 5:19 pm

The gay prostitute kid was just a cover for the real shenanigans: Rekers was frolicking with gay Uighurs.

JMP May 4, 2010 at 5:20 pm

C’mon now, his excuse is perfectly reasonable. Who doesn’t hire professional prostitutes to help them lift packages? The last time I moved, to help I went to an online escort site and hired a big-breasted Asian hooker to help me with my bags.

chascates May 4, 2010 at 5:20 pm

Luggage carrying is fine as long as no ashes were hauled.

RoscoePColtraine May 4, 2010 at 5:20 pm

“Rekers denied knowing about his line of work from the beginning.”

Let me see. Who’d make the best porter/travel assistant? Hmmmm, this could be tough.

http://www.rentboy.com/default.aspx

user-of-owls May 4, 2010 at 5:21 pm

And somewhere Chris Hansen quietly weeps about the big one that got away.

Pithaughn May 4, 2010 at 5:21 pm

Some one needs to be keeping an eye on old Pastor “I’ll show you my purpose” Warren with a pink camera. He’s another gay bashing, bible thumping closet case, those Hawaiin shirts don’t fool me brother.

Snarkalicious May 4, 2010 at 5:22 pm

At at the end of each day, he collapes, a cock sliding languidly back out of every orifice, and says: “See! Those fucking faggots have no idea what they’re doing. I hardly enjoyed a second of that septidrectional rogering, PRAISE JEBUS!”

SayItWithWookies May 4, 2010 at 5:22 pm

To arrive at Lucien’s site, Rekers must have accepted Rentboy.com’s terms of use, thereby acknowledging he was not offended by graphic sexual material. He then would have been transported to a front page covered with images of naked, tumescent men busily sodomizing each other.

No wonder Rekers is anti-gay — all that homosexuality makes it so difficult to find a good traveling companion.

rafflesinc May 4, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Hey what does “Only” in the title mean? Is this like an “Also.” sort of thing?

jetjaguar May 4, 2010 at 5:23 pm

A couple months of rehab and he’ll be just fine.

chascates May 4, 2010 at 5:23 pm

[re=570277]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Looks like any site for hiring domestics. Or exotics. Or something.

Chickensmack May 4, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Has anyone considered that he was just trying to save this kid from his gayness? Come on, ppl. Compassion.

lochnessmonster May 4, 2010 at 5:24 pm

He does look like a leathery old brown bag.

joezoo May 4, 2010 at 5:26 pm

Because of course.

Extemporanus May 4, 2010 at 5:26 pm

I should tell you, I’ve got baggage, too.

I should tell you…baggage, wine, and beer.

F*T*S* May 4, 2010 at 5:26 pm

But how many whore diamonds?

comicbookguy May 4, 2010 at 5:26 pm

I’m no expert, but… Townhome. Roomate. Gay?

And I am so hiring a hooker with double-D hooters and platform shoes to carry boxes for my next move.

Katydid May 4, 2010 at 5:27 pm

[re=570275]JMP[/re]: The last time I moved, to help I went to an online escort site and hired a big-breasted Asian hooker to help me with my bags.

If by bags you mean…oh, never mind.

comicbookguy May 4, 2010 at 5:28 pm

[re=570284]SayItWithWookies[/re]: In his defense, he didn’t know they were sodomizing each other, he thought they were following OSHA safety rules. Lift with the legs!

jus_wonderin May 4, 2010 at 5:28 pm

“…fidgeting and fixing his eyes on his knees.

Ewww. The Preacher liked alien ghey bois?????? That is unnatural.

Snarkalicious May 4, 2010 at 5:29 pm

He was going to EUROPE people. Clearly, he needed someone with him fluent in fag.

What?

nappyduggs May 4, 2010 at 5:29 pm

Gah, I bet the room copy of that Gideon bible’s version of Song of Solomon are all stuck together now.

RoscoePColtraine May 4, 2010 at 5:29 pm

[re=570288]chascates[/re]: SORRY! I KNOW IT SHOULD HAVE SAID NSFW!!! Really, apologies to anyone who I offended.

I Heart Accuracy May 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

Oh Icarus, etc…

slappypaddy May 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

trufact: every adult male human has a perfectly built 8-inch cock (uncut). you can ask any of them and they will all tell you the same. it’s one of god’s several miracles.

chascates May 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

His web site has a host of help for those with gender identity disorders:
http://www.professorgeorge.com/Welcome_to_ProfessorGeorge.com.html

Barrelhse May 4, 2010 at 5:31 pm

[re=570275]JMP[/re]: I’m into Matures. Bummer. They don’t handle luggage.

Oldskool May 4, 2010 at 5:33 pm

These guys are no longer news. Wake us whenever one is hetro.

would you kindly? May 4, 2010 at 5:33 pm

“…looking a bit discomfited when a picture of the two was snapped with a hot-pink digital camera.”

I feel like there’s some hidden meaning in this sentence, though I’m not quite sure what it is.

chascates May 4, 2010 at 5:33 pm

[re=570302]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Anyone offended by something posted here (someone from a southern state for example) shouldn’t spend there time here. And nothing beats the vile garbage Shorts used to post on his somewhat-defunct blog.

Extemporanus May 4, 2010 at 5:34 pm

[re=570284]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The writer of this article really is quite special. Something tells me that if more newspapers featured reporters who were as adept at sodomizing tumescent text as Anus Nin here, I wouldn’t be about to wipe my ass with a stack of ‘em I stole for just such an emergency.

taylormattd May 4, 2010 at 5:34 pm

I just don’t even know what to say about that photo, other than “gross”.

sowbelly May 4, 2010 at 5:36 pm

Vacationing with a rentboy is MUCH safer than going on your own, getting plastered in some dive and having local jokers shove an eel up your ass – I can tell you that for a fact.

geminisunmars May 4, 2010 at 5:36 pm

[re=570277]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I thought “Muscular Latino” from Manhattan looked suitable for some heavy lifting.

jus_wonderin May 4, 2010 at 5:37 pm

[re=570308]would you kindly?[/re]: I picked up on “discomfited” and “digital”. Not sure why.

RoscoePColtraine May 4, 2010 at 5:37 pm

One of the more amusing aspects to the story is that the article specifically mocks Reker’s comb-over. At least to me.

ManchuCandidate May 4, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Welcome the month of Gay.

PsycGirl May 4, 2010 at 5:38 pm

[re=570302]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: The Miami New Times posted it without an NSFW twice, FWIW.

JMP May 4, 2010 at 5:42 pm

[re=570294]comicbookguy[/re]: Sadly, it looks like “townhome he shares with a roommate” line was referring to the rentboy, not the preacher himself; so no obviousness right there.

And papers, they’re still rowhouses, even if they’re in the suburbs or an expensive neighborhood. Just because white people like to use euphemisms like “townhome” or “pre-owned car” doesn’t mean you have to go along with them.

taylormattd May 4, 2010 at 5:42 pm

[re=570314]geminisunmars[/re]: I can’t wait to look at this site when I get home.

Limeylizzie May 4, 2010 at 5:43 pm

I dreamily thought that was a description of Ken Layne, until I saw the quotation about “having to ask first” .

RoscoePColtraine May 4, 2010 at 5:43 pm

[re=570321]PsycGirl[/re]: Thanks, PsycGirl. Yes, but I linked you guys straight through to the “products” page. I’ll try to remember and give a warning in the future. Some of you might have bosses, and such.

JMP May 4, 2010 at 5:46 pm

[re=570297]Katydid[/re]: There was nothing dirty about it; but after stuffing things in the box, I just needed help dealing with my large package!

Extemporanus May 4, 2010 at 5:46 pm

[re=570317]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: If you thought that was funny, wait until you get to the part where they describe his “two-bit taint toupée”.

queeraselvis v 2.0 May 4, 2010 at 5:49 pm

[re=570284]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=570310]Extemporanus[/re]: I smell a Pulitzer!

[re=570317]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Yep. That and the priceless “atavistic moustache.” You get the feeling the article authors were alternately giggling and looking up various descriptors to keep from directly calling Rekers a washed-up old queen.

Pithaughn May 4, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Lucien has regional escort of the year locked up. Rentboy’s owners should buy him a “hat”.

Jukesgrrl May 4, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Roundtrip airfare between Miami and Ibiza: $1,030
One week at Hotel Gran Sol, breakfast included: $650
Dining, drinking, and discoing nightly at Ibiza’s finest clubs: $4,000
Sex with founder of Family Research Council: Not worth it

JMP May 4, 2010 at 5:53 pm

[re=570326]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Luckily, the NSFW nature of a website called retboy.com should be self-evident to most people.

Joe the Plumber May 4, 2010 at 5:53 pm

This is just too funny.

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

Tommmcatt May 4, 2010 at 5:54 pm

[re=570265]RoscoePColtraine[/re]:

Right? Delicate features, guileless eyes, and sun-kissed, hairless skin… ’smooth, sweet, tight ass’ and ‘perfectly built 8 inch cock (uncut). In other words, every Saturday night into Sunday morning for me in my late twenties. But I have the decency nowadays not to try and rub my aging parts up against some poor kid working his way through college, and for this guy, who professes to “love the sinner but hate the sin” to be doing that well into his nineties just grosses me out. So I’d have to say, morally speaking, that as an out Gay man I might just have the moral high ground on this issue.

Boys are for boys…well, some boys anyway. Old fundie perverts should leave them alone.

Neilist May 4, 2010 at 5:54 pm

Isn’t this kind of thing nowadays the equivalent of the proverbial “Dog Bites Man” story, i.e., too commonplace to be newsworthy?

Let’s see something out-of-the-ordinary next time, e.g., stories about Catholic priests or conservative legislators who AREN’T cocksuckers or butt pirates or pedophiles or whatever.

“Happiness is a warm ‘gun,’ Mama!”

Canuck13652 May 4, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Hi says he was doing it just to teach the guy about how having the gay makes Jesus angry and is bad. Totally efficient way to spread your message: one rent boy at a time, for a week, in Europe. Only.

Smoke Filled Roommate May 4, 2010 at 5:56 pm

[re=570331]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Yeah, he got to go on a really cool vacay, but he had to fuck Martin Mull every night.

sati demise May 4, 2010 at 5:56 pm

[re=570277]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: he was, however, very surprised when the rent ‘boy’ was white. But, then he figured times are hard all over…..so

Snarkalicious May 4, 2010 at 5:57 pm

[re=570331]Jukesgrrl[/re]: That was downright actuarial, miss.

gurukalehuru May 4, 2010 at 5:58 pm

O.K., then, why wasn’t he carrying the luggage, eh?

jus_wonderin May 4, 2010 at 5:59 pm

How much money does it take to decide to sleep with the Crypt Keeper?

I gotta say the last time something that hideous was crawling all over me I…well, that a story for another day.

RoscoePColtraine May 4, 2010 at 6:00 pm

[re=570336]Tommmcatt[/re]: Yes, and if you take the money and the free trip to Europe out of the equation, you just KNOW they’d be dating. So we can add exploitation to the wretched creepiness that is Dr. George Reker.

Autochthon May 4, 2010 at 6:01 pm

[re=570336]Tommmcatt[/re]: Hear, hear! Well said, sir!

Autochthon May 4, 2010 at 6:02 pm

[re=570347]gurukalehuru[/re]: I was wondering that myself, actually…

ella May 4, 2010 at 6:04 pm

The real question is what does Rekers think of today’s Tony nominations?

Tundra Grifter May 4, 2010 at 6:06 pm

[re=570270]qwerty42[/re]: WIN!

Texan Bulldoggette May 4, 2010 at 6:12 pm

What a pussy….George Rekers can only handle 8″? I’m just saying…

Berkeley Bear May 4, 2010 at 6:16 pm

[re=570292]Extemporanus[/re]: Per Stan Smith and the CIA you just outed yourself.

On the other hand – I read that and immediately think 3 things:

1. Rosario Dawson is smoking hot

2. Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes

3. Rosario Dawson is smoking hot

All of which means the CIA knows nothing about how to spot homos.

waitforsugar May 4, 2010 at 6:17 pm

When the fuck did Liz upgrade her Barbie Polaroid to a hot pink digital?

CharlesRevere May 4, 2010 at 6:17 pm

Rekers has a MySpace page where he states his mood is “blessed”.

http://www.myspace.com/512963744

That has a link to his web site called “Teen Sex Today”.

http://teensextoday.com/

I think he needs to update the title to “Teen Sex for 10 Days”.

stew May 4, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Glad I’m not the only one who insists my baggage handlers have 8 inch cocks–see, nothing gay here!

jus_wonderin May 4, 2010 at 6:19 pm

[re=570363]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: We must cut him a bit of slack. This might have been his fist time.

Dashboard_Buddha May 4, 2010 at 6:20 pm

I hates them all.

Al Keiderman May 4, 2010 at 6:22 pm

Q: What is the smallest hotel in the world (if you happen to be a queer male)?

A: An anus. You have to leave your bags outside.

coolcatdaddy May 4, 2010 at 6:28 pm

“I had surgery,” Rekers said, “and I can’t lift luggage. That’s why I hired him.”

Must’ve been a heavy load…

Darkness May 4, 2010 at 6:30 pm

Somewhere, the last married and apparently straight Baptist minister is wondering why his wife is so uninspiring while admiring the pool boy’s short shorts.

PsycGirl May 4, 2010 at 6:35 pm

[re=570331]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Maybe he talked Martin Mull into wearing one of those white people masks popular in Arizona. God knows it couldn’t make things worse.

OzoneTom May 4, 2010 at 6:40 pm

Luggage? Is that what they call what he was carrying inside of his ’smooth, sweet, tight ass’?

Snarkalicious May 4, 2010 at 6:41 pm

[re=570379]coolcatdaddy[/re]: ‘Napsack’, also.

OzoneTom May 4, 2010 at 6:42 pm

[re=570384]PsycGirl[/re]: That would be for research on another sequel to “The History of White People in America”?

Rusty Shackleford May 4, 2010 at 6:42 pm

Sure, he paid for the trip to Europe, but I bet he gives away the mustache rides for free!

happyrock May 4, 2010 at 6:53 pm

Makes me wonder about how many t-girls are “”carrying baggage” for the right. Maybe it explains the wives. When will Charlie Christ’s submit to a dna test?

Bearbloke May 4, 2010 at 6:56 pm

[re=570275]JMP[/re]: I don’t know hiring someone to haul luggage, but I’d certainly hire this one to help lift my barn-pole, wink wink nudge nudge…

Rotundo May 4, 2010 at 6:56 pm

[re=570329]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I have to admit a bit of ignorance regarding the term “atavistic”. In context it appeared to mean “encrusted with dried Santorum”, but a quick check of an online dictionary lead me to the more bland reality. I was amused in either case.

DustBowlBlues May 4, 2010 at 6:59 pm

[re=570321]PsycGirl[/re]: “NSFW twice, FWIW.”

I’m an oldster. What the fuck are you kids talking about now? Here in the Dust Bowl, the gay-haters are everywhere. If I bought one of those pink cameras, would it help me spot their gay liaisons?

Radiotherapy May 4, 2010 at 7:01 pm

I guess he tried teabagger.com., T-gurlz.com (you know to help him with his lugging).
Now it’s “cured”oftheghey.com.

Bearbloke May 4, 2010 at 7:03 pm

Has anyone added “lift my luggage” to the Urban Dictionary yet?

Bearbloke May 4, 2010 at 7:05 pm

[re=570396]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I’ve been told that the gheyest place in ‘Merika is the Habanna Inn in OK-homo City – have you ever been there?

drpangloss May 4, 2010 at 7:06 pm

Guys like Reker are definately bottoms. Probably likes guys to spit and piss in his mouth too.

Naked Bunny with a Whip May 4, 2010 at 7:06 pm

every adult male human has a perfectly built 8-inch cock (uncut)

The advantage of being a rabbit is that a one-inch cock is considered impressive.

That’s just a random thought, nothing to do with me, of course.

arewethereyet May 4, 2010 at 7:07 pm

[re=570275]JMP[/re]: Hey i’m moving very soon and need some help, two men and and a truck sound so boring when i can use a big breasted hooker….number please.

Extemporanus May 4, 2010 at 7:13 pm

[re=570366]Berkeley Bear[/re]: I’ll have you know that I’ve “rent boy’d” to Miss Dawson at least five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred times, and I’ve got the Rosario palms to prove it!

Also…Stan Smith is gay?! I knew there was a reason why I preferred Chuck Taylors.

Yellow Cake May 4, 2010 at 7:13 pm

Something about his picture makes me think he knows every Sondheim musical by heart.

Joshua Norton May 4, 2010 at 7:15 pm

How come EVERY skeevy closet case loser looks like that? Geez. Bad toup, bags under their eyes and 70′s porn star mustache. Just kind of screams “date bait”. Don’t it?

Snarkalicious May 4, 2010 at 7:16 pm

[re=570395]Rotundo[/re]: Well, it could be that he wears it to harken back to his (frothy) Salad Days.

What Fresh Hell is This? May 4, 2010 at 7:16 pm

Does it take brilliant journalistic research to take one look at Professor Rekers and not know his, uh, preferences? His prissy qualities would declare themselves even in one of Liz’s faded Polaroids.

proudgrampa May 4, 2010 at 7:25 pm

“every adult male human has a perfectly built 8-inch cock (uncut)”

Unless he’s Jewish?

Shitty the Clown May 4, 2010 at 7:28 pm

Okay, I checked out his website, “professorgeorge.com”, which contains this nugget of information, pasted right from the site. Among his many degrees, Dr. Rekers received his “Doctor of Theology (Th.D.) degree from the Faculty of Theology and Religious Studies of the University of South Africa.”

Is that a typo? Pre- or post-Apartheid?

By the way, there seems to be some scrambling about on his website right now. The “about” link is dead. Other links may die soon, until the site is nothing more than a collection of ads to sell worthless books.

Shitty the Clown May 4, 2010 at 7:34 pm

Of course, I should have said “during or after Apartheid?”
The clown isn’t perfect.

Radiotherapy May 4, 2010 at 7:39 pm

[re=570399]Bearbloke[/re]: When you look on the Urban Dicks’n'hairy, see if Gaytriot, Guileless Teabagging, Hairless Samsonite, and the “Cure” is on there yet.

Bowdoin May 4, 2010 at 7:41 pm

[re=570271]mumblyjoe[/re]: Yes, the Crucifixion and Resurrection can be considered a Manufacturer’s Recall.

Abou Diaby May 4, 2010 at 7:51 pm

I feel bad for Lucien. I bet he’s covered in preparation H, grecian formula and god knows what other powder or ointment this old perv uses.

brown_recluse May 4, 2010 at 7:56 pm

It’s like a Gus van Sant movie come to life.

Tommmcatt May 4, 2010 at 8:06 pm

[re=570402]Bearbloke[/re]:

Oh my god, how precious! They have an early-ninties style Gay gift Shop called “Jungle Red”. JUNGLE RED!

stinky mcstinkface May 4, 2010 at 8:06 pm

Man, I’m having trouble keeping up with the gay sex terms – although “carried his luggage’ seems pretty straightforward.

Mad Brahms May 4, 2010 at 8:12 pm

[re=570423]Abou Diaby[/re]: But also covered in money, and with any luck, soon fame as well. Though I’d have to agree that may not quit even the scales.

I’m ambivalent about Lucien’s decision not to out him further and provide details. On the one hand, it’s a fine moral standing to take, and I respect that he refuses to say any more than he has to to confirm basic facts the papers already know; but on the other, this guy is suck a cockgasket he really dose deserve to be outed and ruined as payback for all the shame and guilt he’s probably instilled into other men’s lives with his worthless “rehab” camps.

RoscoePColtraine May 4, 2010 at 8:14 pm

[re=570427]Tommmcatt[/re]:
“He said he’d be a cockeyed coyote, before he’d herd an old beast like me….[sobs] back to the coast!”

Thank you for giving me the slightest, slimmest, weakest chance to use that quote.

Tommmcatt May 4, 2010 at 8:21 pm

[re=570431]RoscoePColtraine[/re]:

They have no idea what we are talking about.

It’s hilarious, trust us.

Clankie May 4, 2010 at 8:26 pm

Yeah, so, after some logical deduction and browsing through the profiles in the miami section on rentboy.com I can now say with an almost 100% that this was the rent boy in question:

http://www.rentboy.com/listing.aspx?lid=202924&scid=38493835&sp=1&pos=13&locid=1442

Yeah, that’s probably NSFW. I’d have to say, I’d hit it.

BobTheBuilder May 4, 2010 at 8:32 pm

OK, I know we’re supposed to post funny stuff, but…

This Reker guy has testified repeatedly as an EXPERT against gays having the right to adopt?

And now it turns out that in addition to “lifting luggage” with this young male prostitute, Reker has himself ADOPTED A 16-YEAR-OLD BOY?

Wow, what a cocksucking douchebag.

the problem child May 4, 2010 at 8:33 pm

[re=570430]Mad Brahms[/re]: I’d say it’s a business decision. Can’t get the reputation for outing clients.

BobTheBuilder May 4, 2010 at 8:33 pm

I’ll just bet Reker SOUNDS like James Mason, too.

Veritas78 May 4, 2010 at 8:36 pm

My hunch is that he won’t get fired, won’t even be scorned by his wingnut supporters, and will become even more vitriolic in hating teh gays. It’s a smear campaign by the left, and “Professor George” will raise even more $$ this cuming year.

Darkness May 4, 2010 at 8:40 pm

Self hatred is a many splendored and destructive thing. And it always seems to be wearing a ‘stache, too.

Veritas78 May 4, 2010 at 8:48 pm

…although, if the lad is Puerto Rican, the whole “illegal” thing is now in play. It’s not murky, like if he was from New Mexico.

RoscoePColtraine May 4, 2010 at 8:53 pm

[re=570461]Veritas78[/re]: I think Ricans are eligible for U.S. passports. But it would explain the whole 8 inches part of the story. In my limited experience to speak on the matter.

Marlowe May 4, 2010 at 8:57 pm

From Camelot:

It’s May! It’s May!
The lusty month of May!
That lovely month when ev’ryone goes
Blissfully astray.
It’s here! It’s here!
That shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts
Merrily appear!
It’s May! It’s May!
That gorgeous holiday
When ev’ry maiden prays that her lad
Will be a cad!
It’s mad! It’s gay!
A libelous display!
Those dreary vows that ev’ryone takes,
Ev’ryone breaks.
Ev’ryone makes divine mistakes
The lusty month of May!

It’s May, It’s May,
the lusty month of May
That darling month when everyone throws
self-control away
It’s time to do
a wretched thing or two
And try to make each precious day
one you’ll always rue

It’s May, it’s May,
the month of “Yes, you may”
The time for every frivolous whim, proper or im-
It’s wild, it’s gay,
depraved in every way
The birds and bees with all
of their vast amorous past
Gaze at the human race aghast
The Lusty Month of May

It’s May, it’s May, the lusty Month of May
That lovely month when everyone goes
blissfully astray
it’s here, it’s here,
that shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts
merrily appear

It’s May, it’s May,
the month of great dismay
when all the world is brimming with fun,
wholesome or un-
It’s mad, it’s gay,
alive a lust display
Those dreary vows that everyone takes,
everyone breaks
Everyone makes divine mistakes
The Lusty Month of May

Potater May 4, 2010 at 9:00 pm

[re=570336]Tommmcatt[/re]: Twinks of the world thank you.

euforia May 4, 2010 at 9:01 pm

Puertoricans are U.S. citizens, obviously they are eligible for U.S. passports.

President Beeblebrox May 4, 2010 at 9:09 pm

[re=570440]Clankie[/re]: I’d definitely hit it, and I’m not teh Ghey. At least Doktor George has good taste in twinks.

Potater May 4, 2010 at 9:13 pm

Why are these closet cases never caught with rough ‘n tumble daddy types? They always go for the sun-kissed twinks whose Sashay Shante gives them away from the moon. I’m not one to criticize for tastes in man-company, but C’MON MARY.

doloras May 4, 2010 at 9:18 pm

[re=570366]Berkeley Bear[/re]: I swear that cur is now in doggie hell.

Autochthon May 4, 2010 at 9:20 pm

[re=570437]Tommmcatt[/re]: Oh, some of us do. Oh, l’amour, l’amour, how it can let you down. Hmm. How it can pick you up again…

PsycGirl May 4, 2010 at 9:24 pm

[re=570396]DustBowlBlues[/re]: NSFW=Not Safe For Work (although you should probably assume any link on Wonkette is NSFW unless specified otherwise). FWIW=for what it’s worth. I have no idea what the gay guys are talking about.

rsynnott May 4, 2010 at 9:28 pm

[re=570418]Shitty the Clown[/re]: Well, he might just be REALLY old. Apartheid as we know it only got going shortly after WW2.

rsynnott May 4, 2010 at 9:29 pm

I must say, I really did enjoy the writing style of the Miami article. Something tells me that the author is at home, wearing a silk dressing-gown, with his cat on his lap, drinking a ridiculous cocktail.

Clankie May 4, 2010 at 9:30 pm

Also, it is not just that Reker needed him to carry his luggage. With a surgery like that, he needed help with the slightest things. When they were done with drinks at the bar, the boy even had to push his stool in for him.

BeWoot May 4, 2010 at 9:37 pm

Rekers: Must. Pray. Harder.

Clankie May 4, 2010 at 9:40 pm

rsynott: It’s like the editor went to their gay staff reporter and said, “Happy Birthday! We caught a conservative christian anti-gay zealot with a male whore. Just have some fun with that.” Not exactly Pulitzer winning journalism, but it was sure fun for me to read.

Country Club Jihadi May 4, 2010 at 9:40 pm

Maybe he just needed another dude to see what a dick crucifix would look like.

CivicHoliday May 4, 2010 at 9:44 pm

His bags are very heavy. They have sagged with age.

Pat Pending May 4, 2010 at 9:46 pm

Atavistic mustache rides, 5 bucks…

BerkeleyFarm May 4, 2010 at 9:52 pm

[re=570474]Potater[/re]: I dunno, I thought that Haggard’s boy-toy had the daddy nature. But you’re mostly right, IMO. Probably some form of “it’s not really gay if you pitch”.

Prof George, there, does start my ‘dar a-whoopin’. Classic seventies Tales-of-the-City.

Canuck13652 May 4, 2010 at 9:55 pm

[re=570440]Clankie[/re]: That’s not him–no talking about his built 8 inch cock . . .

Ew, skinny long haired twinks. Ew.

Clankie May 4, 2010 at 10:02 pm

Canuck: that is him, it’s been confirmed. And if he took the part about his 8 inch cock being uncut down, it was there when I was looking around. Yeah, it’s still there.

Potater May 4, 2010 at 10:09 pm

[re=570504]BerkeleyFarm[/re]: I’m working from a socialistic library ‘puter while my own is in the shop. I did not look at RentBoy.com. I’ve been kicked out of many places, and proudly so from the nicer ones, but being kicked out of a library would be a shame not even I could withstand.

Potater May 4, 2010 at 10:14 pm

[re=570509]Potater[/re]: Don’t quote people when you’re not talking to them, cocktease.

Mahousu May 4, 2010 at 10:25 pm

It seems this story is now officially beyond parody. Here is the latest update: Rekers is just following Jesus: Like John the Baptist and Jesus, I have a loving Christian ministry to homosexuals and prostitutes … If you talk with my travel assistant that the story called “Lucien,” you will find I spent a great deal of time sharing scientific information on the desirability of abandoning homosexual intercourse …

I am sure he is correct, that there was much sharing, a lot of back-and-forth, the occasional in-and-out …

AlexisHidell May 4, 2010 at 10:56 pm

“Luggage Lifting” is the new “Wide Stance”!

Blender May 4, 2010 at 11:03 pm

Today, we are all shirtless young men. With tight asses. And perfect 8″ cocks. Uncut.

Hallelujah.

kudzu May 4, 2010 at 11:08 pm

I love it every time yet another one of these fuckers gets exposed for their hypocrisy. Christian conservatives are scum; some for being like this dude; others for being so evil that they will follow anyone who tells them they should hate other people. Fuck’em.

superconducting supercollider May 4, 2010 at 11:09 pm

Lucien, Lucien, Lucien, Lucien, you. should. know.

(Steve Biko instrumental)

Dolmance May 4, 2010 at 11:16 pm

I went to the Focus on the Family site so I could write them a hate filled diatribe super obscene about their hypocrisy. But they’ve scoured the guy’s name off the entire site. He’s gone. Pfft. Never existed.

Thank you, Wonkette, for helping to nurture my hate.

Mr Blifil May 4, 2010 at 11:44 pm

Guess he’s not gonna be able to put off that stint at Shit Wrigglers Anonymous any longer…

Words May 4, 2010 at 11:44 pm

[re=570396]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I’m sure someone has filled you in, in which case please pay no mind.. NSFW — not safe for work FWIW — for what it’s worth… Ref.: Urban Dictionary.

Um oh damn, I bet you were just speaking sarcasticly?

Great, now I’m a twit.

Ken, Can You Do Something @ Getting a Sarcastic font implemented here???? We need that tool!!!

Words May 4, 2010 at 11:53 pm

[re=570423]Abou Diaby[/re]: Actually, PAM is the aerosol of choice (or at least it was when Arnold S. was in the body-building thingy). His very first film was made in my home town — “Stay Hungry” and altho I was a little too young to be in on the festitivites, I have it on Very Good Advice and in The First Person that PAM is Primo…. also requires repainting your bedroom if you “accidently” bounce off the wall from the bed (note: NOT MY Words– my informant’s words– and she is Very Reliable) She did have to repaint the bedroom (it was an eggplant color), but her report, after several jousts, was “Damn, Maria oughta wake up EVERY morning with a smile on her face!”

obfuscator May 5, 2010 at 12:02 am

has anyone else here gotten past the humorous novelty quality of these stories and just moved straight ahead to pure unadulterated disgust at the hypocrisy? fuck these fucking self-hating assholes.

Dolmance May 5, 2010 at 12:14 am

[re=570546]obfuscator[/re]: We laugh because it’s so much less painful than throwing up.

Hemp Dogbane May 5, 2010 at 12:18 am

Some of my favorite American Association of Closeted Homosexuals Radio Shows from past years include:

When the Gay Converter Ministry guy, who was already gay converted himself, had walked by a gay bar and accidentally fell inside, therefore making him no longer fit to convert gays in Dobson’s organization. The guy wasn’t on the show in person, but his “wife” was. She appeared slightly gullible, and quite hopeful her man would be straightened out.

When Dobson’s radio co-host had been caught fucking somebody else’s wife (and fired) they devoted a show to saying, for nearly half an hour, “bad co-host!, bad co-host!.” This probably worked because I’ve not heard of any more co-hosts having this problem.

This recent episode should be worth a double show, two days in a row. Whoever writes the scripts is a genius. Also, the guy who plays Dobson is amazing. Sometimes I think Dr. James could be a real person.

PineyWoodster May 5, 2010 at 12:34 am

Professor Closet Queen has a blog where you can leave comments:

http://professorgeorge.wordpress.com/

obfuscator May 5, 2010 at 12:42 am

[re=570549]Dolmance[/re]: i could almost look past the closet case self-loathing if these vile fuckbuckets weren’t so bent on subjecting other people to their own hateful insanity.

NYNYNY May 5, 2010 at 12:57 am

I find the implications and insinuations in this story very offensive. Everyone has a rentboy.com profile, it’s social networking.

AddHomonym May 5, 2010 at 1:12 am

…an old man with an atavistic mustache and a desperate blond comb-over…”

There is enough snark there to keep Denby in a state of rage for about 72 hours, at least.

AddHomonym May 5, 2010 at 1:33 am

[re=570465]Marlowe[/re]: Or, perhaps more simply, “C’est moi!”

a_pink_poodle May 5, 2010 at 1:46 am

Oh nononono you guys at Wonkette got it all wrong as usual! The young man didn’t check for poisonous snakes in his underwear and got a nasty snake bite on his penis! If it wasn’t for Mr Rekers quick thinking on sucking the poison out, that man would be dead by now! I’ve never seen white venom before but it turns out that the young man needs this poison regularly sucked out.

Smoke Filled Roommate May 5, 2010 at 1:47 am

Somebody Rekers of assplay!!

Starrigavan May 5, 2010 at 1:58 am

Family Research Council’s theme song must be “We are family… All my sisters and me…”

Zorg May 5, 2010 at 2:16 am

George “Rectum” Rekers? Now I understand his sacral tattoo, the one in an old fashioned, Currier & Ives script that goes “Gash may be fine, but one eye for mine.” But, seriously, he’s not old! Anybody who can afford to pay for a rent boy for TEN FULL DAYS, plus airfare, hotel fees, restaurant meals and shopping trips to Abercrombie & Fitch or Prada is not old! Ask any rent boy or girl. Plus, the nutty-but-lovable professor was probably doing research, maybe for PBS’s Frontline, for a companion piece to last week’s story about “bacha bazi,” seeing if the practice was spreading from Mazar-e Sharif and Lashkar Gah to Madrid and London. Yeah, that’s it!

zhubajie May 5, 2010 at 6:45 am

[re=570337]Neilist[/re]: No, I say we can’t have too many stories about fundamentalist hyprocrites and the politicians who love them!

Tim May 5, 2010 at 7:37 am

“… followed out of customs by an old man with an atavistic mustache and a desperate blond comb-over, pushing an overburdened baggage cart.”

So his helper wasn’t even handling the luggage, then?

Dolmance May 5, 2010 at 7:40 am

When bashing gays, these so called religious people should recall the words of our Savior, “For thou art PETER, and upon this ROCK I shall place my THRONE… Ugh, ugh, ugh…”

Baldar T Flagass May 5, 2010 at 8:21 am

As Crazy Larry (Jason Flemyng) said in that fine piece of cinema “Layer Cake:”

“Fucking females is for poofs.”

PlanetWingnuta May 5, 2010 at 8:55 am

[re=570275]JMP[/re]: you mean your yambag dont you? LOL

austintxx May 5, 2010 at 9:34 am

[re=570399]Bearbloke[/re]: Goes the same place as “I have a wide stance”
and “hike the Appalachian trail.”…….under “sanctimonious Rethugs”.

KilgoreTrout_XL May 5, 2010 at 9:37 am

“Neither Google nor any other search engine picks up individual Rentboy.com profiles, any more than they pick up individual profiles on eHarmony or Match.com. You cannot just happen upon one.”

And that why this is so awesome.

Tim May 5, 2010 at 9:46 am

[re=570553]PineyWoodster[/re]: He deleted my comment already!

Tundra Grifter May 5, 2010 at 9:58 am

[re=570523]AlexisHidell[/re]: And “Luggage Lifter” the new Wonkette handle-of-the-day.

Tundra Grifter May 5, 2010 at 10:00 am

[re=570370]CharlesRevere[/re]: I think he needs to update it to “Rough Sex for 5 to 10 years.”

lizzieborden May 5, 2010 at 10:00 am

[re=570474]Potater[/re]: Simple, he’s on vacation. Normally he’s hitting the old ones that are in rehab, silly. You drink wine/beer at home and daquari’s and martini’s on vacation.

What Fresh Hell is This? May 5, 2010 at 10:10 am

Just wondering: was this all paid for by his non-profit? There ought to be a law!

AKAM80TheWolf May 5, 2010 at 10:15 am

I guess the month of Gay will have to hold me over until my girthmonth Cocktober arrives.

Hoplight May 5, 2010 at 10:19 am

[re=570628]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: And better yet, all those monies the noobs gave him counted as Charity, as in “Conservatives give more to Charity than Liberals.” Just like the Charity to the Christian Coalition paid for setting up indian gambling, and Charity to Haggard paid for trailer park blow. Boy, why don’t Liberals give more to Charity? Hmmmmmm . . .

Mr Blifil May 5, 2010 at 10:26 am

[re=570546]obfuscator[/re]: Sorry I’m still finding it a mother lode/load of comedic Santorum.

AuntieLola May 5, 2010 at 10:41 am

It doesn’t pass the Republican purity test if there are no furries.

libwakman May 5, 2010 at 10:45 am

Carried his luggage.
Tossed his salad.

Hammered his nail.
Washed his laundry.
Fried his sausage.
Peeled his banana.

It is sooo much fun to own a little gayboy slave whom you did not realize was gay even when you woke up & found yourself washing his organ.

K.C. May 5, 2010 at 10:56 am

Focus on the Fellatio; or, The George Rekers Story

Here’s to that faggoty prof!
Those rent boys is how he gets off.
With his so gross mustache
His critics, he’ll lash!
“I’ll hold these, now would you please cough?”

NopantsMcGee May 5, 2010 at 10:58 am

Shut down Wonkette. Shut down the whole internets. There simply is no better story than this one.
The end. Time for the earth to implode.

thefrontpage May 5, 2010 at 11:02 am

George Rekers is the new Larry Craig.

thefrontpage May 5, 2010 at 11:03 am

This is the funniest story in weeks!

Rekers is an idiot.

foulmouthed mrscreant May 5, 2010 at 11:07 am

[re=570482]PsycGirl[/re]: I thought NSFW’s meaning officially changed to “not safe for walrus”.
http://wonkette.com/413077/wow-indeed

nantucketnectars May 5, 2010 at 12:07 pm

This rentboy probably has no idea who Rekers is so he’s taking the hush money for now. Once he realizes he’s a hypocrital asshole, he’s is going to out the guy…assuming he has better morals than Rekers himself. Then Rekers will suddenly claim he knew it was a gay site all along-OMG!, but was doing some “missionary” work trying to persuade poor rentboy to go back living the straight life so he can feel the blinding love of Jesus.

Mac W Cheese May 5, 2010 at 12:37 pm

Could this be The Jesus Secret?

Tommmcatt May 5, 2010 at 12:44 pm

[re=570539]Words[/re]:

Good lord. Like there isn’t a way to indicate sarcasm already!

PsycGirl May 5, 2010 at 12:53 pm

[re=570567]a_pink_poodle[/re]: I’ve never seen white venom before but it turns out that the young man needs this poison regularly sucked out.

No doubt for the same reason that Mr. Rekers needs his prostate regularly examined.

guerilla-nation May 5, 2010 at 1:37 pm

Apparently, Rekers was just WWJDing.

According to a report on a Spanish-language site, Reders said: “Mi héroe es Jesucristo, que ama hasta el pueblo culturalmente despreciado, incluyendo los pecadores sexuales y prostitutas. Al igual que Jesucristo, yo deliberadamente paso tiempo con los pecadores con el objetivo amoroso de tratar de ayudarles “.

Which roughly translates as: “My hero is Jesus Christ, who loves all the culturally despised, even prostitutes and perverts. Just like Jesus, I deliberately spend time with sinners to lovingly try and help them.”

I would make a funny comment, but it kinda makes itself.

Words May 5, 2010 at 4:13 pm

[re=570812]Tommmcatt[/re]: No I want Blingee and bells and fireworks to accompany my sarcasm!! I like visuals.

President Beeblebrox May 5, 2010 at 6:03 pm

[re=570553]PineyWoodster[/re]: Har.

A recent article in an alternative newspaper cleverly gave false impressions of inappropriate behavior because of its misleading innuendo, incorrectly implying that Professor George Rekers used the Rentboy website to hire a prostitute to accompany him on a recent trip. Contrary to Internet stories based on this slanderous article, following medical advice Professor George Rekers requires an assistant to lift his luggage in his travels because of an ongoing condition following surgery. His family, local friends, and even another university professor colleague have offered to accompany him on trips to lift luggage. Professor Rekers was not involved in any illegal or sexual behavior with his travel assistant.

Ford Escort Geo Metrosexual May 5, 2010 at 7:25 pm

It seems someone has taken the hooker ad off of the Rentboys site.

But from this review of his work at a different site we at least know there was no spit swapping going on:

http://www.maleescortreview.com/index.php?file=view_escort_review&review_id=1747&escort_id=210050001

queeraselvis v 2.0 May 5, 2010 at 9:09 pm

[re=571191]President Beeblebrox[/re]: HAHAHA. This absolutely deserves a YOU LIE! With a cherry-filled cock-ring on top. Also.

Beachdreamer May 5, 2010 at 9:14 pm

[re=570331]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Hotel is more like $650.00 per nite !!!!

llibra May 5, 2010 at 10:18 pm

How is Rekers pronounced? Wreckers or Reekers?

zhubajie May 6, 2010 at 8:05 pm

[re=570337]Neilist[/re]: Every time and place, people like to be shocked about certain things and not others. Pedophilia and hypocritical religious are ours. Probably we are blind to things that would have shocked our grandparents or will shock our grandchildren. (In turn, they may not care about pedophilia any more than Augustus did.)

Can O Whoopass May 6, 2010 at 9:49 pm

He could’ve hired one of those Schwarzenegger looking ‘lady-men’ who hang out at Reagan-National Airport.

eekahil May 7, 2010 at 8:42 am

NARTH?! Huzzah for the new coinage.

Lucien(on phone) :…Hey Honey! What? Oh I’m fine – I just got back from a Fcukation in Spain with that dirty old NARTH..”

Rekers is a board member of the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH), an organization that systematically attempts to turn gay people straight.

Pooperazzi May 8, 2010 at 10:19 pm

This is what happens when the rubber of gay hits the road of religious fundamentalism in the same human body. To save his soul from hell, the poor fucker has to wage war against himself; the only way he can do it is to attack other gay men because his poor little mind can’t come to terms with itself. Probably the story with every single religious fundamentalist in the same boat. If they ever admit they are gay, they will spend eternity in hell.

Fuck ‘em.

Jazzman May 9, 2010 at 2:14 pm

This would be so much awesomely better if I had ever heard of this guy, and I live just up the road from their strange and scary neighborhood. Hopefully as his life now spins out of control he tells us all about Dobson’s basement torture chambers and legions of virginal acolytes that whip his feet with fettucine every night while whispering “George Bush really does love you” in his ear. Or was that just that crazy dream I had last night after the bad mushrooms?

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