'So let's go way back to the ancient times, When there were no fifty states, and on a hill there stands Sherman, Sherman and his mates.'
Illustrating today’s Post-America America info-graphic are the two most famous living humans from Mississippi and Oregon: Vile slob and unrepentant racist Haley Barbour, the actual governor of Mississippi, and musician Stephen Malkmus of Portland.

Mississippi is, of course, America’s worst state. And it also has the fattest children on Earth.

A tragic new study proves that 44% of Mississippi’s 10-to-17 year olds are overweight, and 22% of them are Medically Obese. These are kids we’re talking about, not 62-year-old lifelong swine like Haley Barbour.

Oregon, meanwhile, has the lowest ratio of fatso children in America, with “only” 10% of its children officially obese. There was even a small decline in the percentage of overweight and obese kids in Oregon between 2003 and 2007 — Mississippi’s juvenile fat-bags were up 8% during that same period, as the awful state’s child-obesity rate went up 4%.

Nationwide, we continue to have some fat fucking kids, with the most recent national data (from 2004) showing 32% of U.S. kids are overweight and 16% are obese. And that was six years ago. Just look around. It is already much, much higher. We could very easily replace the lost oil from that BP well in the Gulf of Mexico by simply tapping the fat from Mississippi’s children. [Reuters]

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  1. That’s a bit surprising about Oregon; you’d think the constant pot smoking would give everyone the munchies.

    For the country, I blame “Weird” Al Yankovic for glamorizing the Fat lifestyle among the kids.

  2. Home schooling comes in handy when kids are too fat to get on the bus. It also perpetuates obesity in addition to retardness. Go America!

  3. Mississippi should change it’s state motto from “By valor and arms” to “Scarfing down Popeye’s and Lucky Charms”

  4. This will only be remedied when the government stops subsidizing unhealthy foods, or when Haley Barbour eats Mississippi.

  5. It’s all those deep fried goodies they love so much. If it ain’t moving, fry the sucker in a few gallons of lard. I once stumbled across a “southern” recipe for deep fried avocados. That shit would be so greasy you’d have to tie it to your teeth to chew it.

  6. [re=569971]sardonica[/re]: But a fight to end corn subsidies would doom a politician’s chances with the critical Iowa caucuses, and we can’t let that happen. Learn to love your new fat, and I guess make yourselves into chubby chasers, America!

  7. Why is it that subsidizing health care for poors is socialism, but subsidizing corn production at factory farms — with the concomitant consequence of overuse of corn as livestock feed and high fructose corn syrup as fat child feed — is a God given right embedded in the Constitution/New Testament?

    Sometimes I really think the Republicans ARE trying to destroy the country, if not the world. Other times, I think they are aliens fattening us up for BEM Thanksgiving.

  8. Not to be too factual or anything, but a greater portion of Alabama and Mississippi’s African-American kids are obese. There is also a link between poverty and obesity, and many rural kids (ironically) have limited access to fresh fruits and vegetables. There are counties in Alabama and Mississippi where more than 90% of students qualify for free and reduced lunches.

  9. In the spirit of national unity, can we at least agree to taze a Phillies fan at every game from now on?

    [re=569978]Joshua Norton[/re]: Try this – not deep fried, but worthy of honorable mention nonetheless.

  10. [re=569982]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: That is true, as Mississippi is a dirt-poor state, and blacks make up a huge (ha?) percentage of the poor and the obese. BUT, as the illustration PROVES WITH SCIENCE, even rich cocksucking white pig-devils like Haley Barbour are obese, because it’s Mississippi, and everyone is obese.

    As a native of the most obese *city* in America, New Orleans, I’m just glad Mississippi at least takes the crown for fattest *state.*

  11. That water bottle of the governor’s looks suspiciously, I dunno, European. But if it’s full of moonshine and has “XXX” drawn on it with a sharpie, then it’s A-OK.

  12. And another thing, god damn it: it was 40 years ago today that they shot the kids at Kent State. I was a college freshman in Georgia, and we all went out on strike, sincerely pissed.

  13. [re=569982]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: It’s the same way in Tennessee. Apparently the prevailing mindset of our elected officials is “keep ’em poor, keep ’em stupid, and keep ’em fat so they’ll die before they reach voting age.”

    Also, Haley Barbour should be forced to undergo a Drano enema.

  14. Your disrespect for the noble swine disturbs me. Nothing, be it ne’er so vile, deserves to be compared to Hailey Barbour.

  15. No one will be complaining about all the fat kids when we have something to eat when the Rapture comes.

    [re=569992]Ken Layne[/re]: If you live in New Orleans, you are doing something wrong if you are not morbidly obese.

  16. [re=569982]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: [re=569992]Ken Layne[/re]: There’s sort of a hodgepodge list of reasons why Southerners are fatter than others – rural upbringings do cause a lack of access to food (and diverse food places) as well as a lack of gyms, but the intense summer heat makes them less likely to jog. Not to mention the South’s traditional affection for frying everything. There are other reasons, but I forget.

    This is one area, however, where I will embrace anti-intellectualism and say they are fat slobs because they are right-wing dummies who are too stupid to appreciate life and make the right decisions to take care of themselves. And because Mike Huckabee just can’t resist pig guts.

  17. [re=569990]trondant[/re]: I have never seen such a fucked up combination of ingredients in my life. Mmmm. Pork and peanut butter. Just reading that recipe gave me heart palpitations.

    I think their nod towards “healthy” was the instruction to “drain the grease”. Like that’s gonna happen. If Paula Dean heard about wasting good grease like that she’d their head on a plate. And then probably deep fry it.

  18. [re=569981]Boojum[/re]: if you add in big pharma and the MIC to the mix, it creates a perfect cycle of American capitalism– the govt rips off the people to pay for wars and subsidize big agro, big agro makes cheap unhealthy food that the people desperately consume and become mentally and physically unhealthy, the healthier young people join the army to fight for the MIC while the rest develop chronic diseases requiring drugs produced by big pharma… the poor stay poor and the elites prosper…

  19. The gulf states like the grease so much that they are now soaking in it. Gives new meaning to “blackened” seafood. And poultry. And possums.

  20. Lots of Portlanders bike commute; and the foodie culture here, which includes lots of local, fresh food, helps on the eating side of it. On the downside, Oregon has one of the highest child poverty rates (although often, high poverty rates means lots of mac and cheese and top ramen, which packs on the carbs)

  21. [re=570027]Beck Licks Seer Stones[/re]: Sorry, but a lot of them are Black dummies. Whites are obese at about the national average. It’s teh colored who are dangerously obese and diabetic.

  22. [re=569987]freakishlystrong[/re]: “Stephen Malkmus and the Hicks” will be going on tour this summer — check state fair line-ups and frat party fliers for a show near you.

  23. As a frequent visitor to Portland, I’m impressed to see the ethos so perfectly summarized in a single photo of one dude. Not shown: his fixie, his chicken coop, and his Subaru.

  24. [re=569964]JMP[/re]: Everybody here likes to do stuff outside — ridin’ bikes and skateboards and things with wheels, taking their dogs everywhere, etc. — EVEN THOUGH IT RAINS ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

    I moved here from Wisconsin, where deep-fried cheese curds and beer comprise 80% of the typical citizen’s diet, so it was quite a switch.

  25. Look, it’s taken government subsidies to agri-giants, fancy food engineering, and all kinds of marketing to get where we are today. You can’t be The Corn People and be skinny. And we are The Corn People.

  26. We Oregonians get some help in the shape department by mostly being insecure narcissists, owing to our position as the meat in a Seattle-San Fran sandwich. For instance, after I read this article yesterday, I went home and interrogated my kindergartner about her activity level just to make sure she didn’t need a supplemental exercise regimen. I want her to be able to laugh at fat fucks someday, too.

  27. [re=569982]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Mickey D’s is cheap. Those kids weren’t anywhere near as fat 30 years ago, because they didn’t have 24/7 access to corn syrup ‘n’ processed flour fatburgers. Food (processed crap) has just gotten cheaper, when you adjust for inflation. These kids think a 32-ounce soda is a normal serving, and a 24-ounce is a “small.” When I was a kid, a standard soft drink was 8-12 ounces.

  28. I was home in Ohio last week had to enter the dark pit of cheap Chinese plastic goods known as Wal-Mart while running an errand for mom. I was immediately struck by the number of very obese not-senior citizens cruising the aisles in those motorized carts. Reminded me of those fat space ship people in Wall-e riding around on their anti-gave sleds while downing Mega-huge Super-duper Big Gulps(TM).

  29. [re=570072]SmutBoffin[/re]: JMP[/re]: If you smoke dope all day, you will get the munchies. But I don’t care who you are, if you’re also playing ultimate 2 hours per day*, there’s no way you’re gonna get fat.

    *codified in Oregon state law

  30. Yesterday I heard someone from Wisconsin singing the praises of a deep fried Twinkie… Wonder where Wisconsin falls on the list of fatties…

  31. [re=570125]McDuff[/re]: But surely, even the fats have a right to go, go, go in their Hoveround; indoors, outdoors, all over town.

    Of course getting off and actually walking could help them butn a few pounds…

    [re=570137]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Damn hippies; ultimate makes it sound like a hellish place

  32. [re=570055]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: You are partly right: Black Dummies is not just the name of your mother’s dildo manufacturer. It does largely describe these people lucky enough to be born in the Delta and who languish in multi-generational poverty. But I think you are missing the fact that white and Messican and American Indian and Asian dummies are just as susceptible to the fat fingers of poverty as the Black dummies are.

    “The first county-by-county survey of obesity reflects past studies that show the rate of obesity is highest in the Southeast and Appalachia.

  33. [re=570039]Way Cool Larry[/re]: oh yea, my favorite saying:

    Big Ag makes us sick so Big Pharma can sell us drugs.

    (just say no to HFCS & CAFOs)
    they will wreck your sex life.

  34. Look, just watch one or two episodes of Paula Dean showing off Southern cooking. Six cups of sugar, four sticks of butter, cup of vegetable oil, etc. has to go into everything.

  35. Does it make all of you feel good to pile on the poorest most downtrodden state in the country?

    There are historic reasons why this is the case and if you’d rise above your self-righteous (and very hypocritical) stances then maybe you might care enough to do something to help your fellow countrymen.

    Meanwhile, many of us in Mississippi are working very hard and against all odds (and a LOT of prejudice, as you people are exhibiting) to make things better here.

    If the majority of you had a clue, you would be thanking Mississippi for its enormous contributions to contemporary western culture instead of getting your boot in.

    You should all be ashamed of yourselves. By the way, is Washington D.C. still the murder capitol of the country?

  36. My best friend and her family live in the heart of Mississippi and NONE of her family are obese. I also have relative living in Tupelo and NONE of them are obese. So don’t throw everyone into one pile just because there are “stats” doing so. And fyi obese people can contribute as much or more to society than the super model skinny folks that are, I’m sure, walking around hungry and cranky. And while I’m on the soapbox, let me say that calling children “fat” will not help the situation you folks seem to think you have. I thought adults outgrew the cruel name calling…

  37. [re=570063]OlyOop[/re]: Malkmus is just another out-of-town yupster. I guess he at least technically has a job, at least, as opposed to all the fixie-riding bohemians who move over here to gripe about there not being any jobs.

    Real Oregonians are all fat and angry.

  38. There, there, y’all. Boy have you picked the wrong place to get all huffy. Have a few bags of pork rinds. Sounds like your blood sugar is low.

  39. [re=570181]mississippi[/re]: Please refresh our memories with a few of the enormous contributions to contemporary western culture Mississippi has graced us with.

  40. [re=569980]JMP[/re]: Hey I have a particularly affinity for chubby blonds. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, however Mississippi size may be a little to much for me.

  41. [re=570222]mississippi[/re]: Not to mention Charley Pride, B.B. King, Tammy Wynnette, Conway Twitty, Jim Henson, James Earl Jones, and Bo Diddley!

    I withdraw my snark, obvs

  42. whatever. I’m from Mississippi. I’ll grant you that it does have a lock on a hugely important strain of cultural wealth (cf literary trad., folk art, massively influential musical tradition), but there are just way too many fat, stupid, christ-bitten theocrats there for me not to have a sense of humor about the avg Mississpian’s fat, stupid, jesus-y bullshit. A bunch of angry red-staters who are too pig-ignorant to realize that they would basically be third-world if were not for federal funds they piss & moan about about so much.

  43. [re=570181]mississippi[/re]: Aside from Elvis, Brett Favre, Faulkner and Grisham what are the contributions of Mississippi; Haley Babour, Trent Lott and Jefferson Davis are their star politicians.

    I know it was the great views of the chain gangs often used in movies to depict the horrible conditions which someone, even in constitutional republic, can be subjected to.

  44. wvf2: yeah, those jesus-y types are almost as annoying as the whiny sniveling ex-residents who never did a damn thing to help but tuck tail and run.

  45. [re=570123]Lazy Media[/re]: I would love to blame fast food, but, the poorest counties in Alabama and Mississippi don’t have a McDonalds — or any franchise restaurants. These places are so poor and isolated that a trip to a town with a Wal-Mart is a big adventure. You might find a corn dog on a stick at the gas station, but that’s about it. There are sections of the Mississippi Delta and Alabama Black Belt that are not far removed from Third World countries.
    [re=570159]problemwithcaring[/re]: Actually, there ARE higher obesity and diabetes rates among Blacks, just as there are lower rates among Asians. Of course, the poorer one is, the more likely one is to be obese. The higher poverty rates among Southern (and American) Blacks create a double whammy.

  46. [re=570184]Okieshaman[/re]: Wait, there are a few non-obese residents of the fattest state, statistically, in America? I missed the whole point of the study! Thank you.

    Oh, and Mississippi is fat and has a fat governor. So there is that to snark about.

  47. [re=570246]mississippi[/re]: Amen. And what pisses me off more are the Yankee and Oregon/Washington absentee landlords (Weyerhaeuser, Plum Creek, International Paper) who own millions of acres of land and pay nothing in taxes, clear cut the forests, and provide no postive economic impact on rural communities.

    Our dear Northern friends at places like International Paper and the Texans at Kimberly-Clark have even put so much pollution in our waterways that the fish are dangerously inedible.

  48. [re=570263]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: I never disparage other areas of our country but I do agree about the near-colonialist practices of absentee overlords.

    It’s also somewhat amusing when New Yorkers go on about Mississippi’s past, considering how very much up to their gills they were in the whole thing. Hypocrisy is certainly not held in monopoly by fat Southern Baptists.

  49. [re=570029]Joshua Norton[/re]: I once saw Paula Dean drink a cup of clarified butter left over from a recipe for pound cake. I shit you not.

  50. [re=570279]mississippi[/re]: And people from the greater New York area think it’s just high-larious when southerners and westerners get all teary-eyed about painted red, white and blue crying eagles while spouting ignorant, racist, religious nonsense about 9/11 and real Murikans.

    You’re at the wrong blog.

  51. [re=570003]freakishlystrong[/re]:”Hey, we’re 48th in the prevention of rickets and 49th in executions with very large rocks. Look out Arkansas, we’re gainin’ on ya’!”

  52. [re=570324]Katydid[/re]: Are you some trying to imply that coconuts migrate or that nobody in New York gets all teary-eyed about painted red, white and blue crying eagles while spouting ignorant, racist, religious nonsense about 9/11 and real Murikans?

  53. Sounds like the southern fats are getting their dander up! Sorry, but it’s not the yankees’ fault that you deep fry your baby formula. Nor does having a great blues tradition excuse other elements of your lard-based culture.

    The South shall rise again? Hell, the South can’t even pry itself off it’s Rascal.

  54. Naw, Katydid, we’re in the right place. We look to Wonkette as a shining beacon of sophisticated, snarky humor in an otherwise drab red state existance.

    Some folks just can’t take a joke. Shit, how can you defend places like Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana? I still love the Gulf Coast and I’ve lived my entire life here. Many of fellow citizens are, alas, fat and stupid.

  55. [re=570263]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: we could replace all those forests with industrial hemp fields. now that would keep the water clean and make paper making cleaner,too. I know I am a dreamer. but making paper out of trees is just fucking stupid.

  56. Please don’t piss and moan about what everyone here ISN’T doing to help Mississippi and the other poor, fat Southern states (from which I hale). For every dollar I pay in federal taxes approximately $0.88 comes back to me here in California. For every dollar you pay in Mississippi you get your dollar back plus about 20%. And all we get as thanks for paying more than our fair share is a bunch of ingrates yelling that the Federal gov does too much and blue state commie libruls are trying to ram socialisms down their fat throats. So if I would like to make fun of Haley Barbour eating pig guts for a while, I’ll take that as my right.

  57. [re=570360]mississippi[/re]: Touche. I never said Southrons were inferior punctuators, though, just collectively obese.

  58. [re=570364]bamaboy[/re]: I blame the self-loathing Southern boy, Ken Layne. Any time he feels lazy and wants to stir up something, he goes off on fat Southerners. Takes one to know one, Ken Layne! And who named “Lane” puts a Y in the middle of a perfectly good name? Next thing, he’s going to start posting soccer scores and calling it “football.”

  59. [re=570365]sati demise[/re]: well stated! Covering the Mississippi/Yazoo Delta in hemp would be a wonderful thing for the whole nation.

  60. [re=570039]Way Cool Larry[/re]: You forget an important part of the cycle–the diet gurus, Jenny Craig (do you know how rich the Craigs are???), diet pills, Lipitor for the cholesterol, then back to the Dominos and Paula Deen stuff to fatten them up again. People have to wake up and realize they’re being totally played here.

  61. [re=569974]Extemporanus[/re]: Having grown up in Mississippi, I thought that Pavement was singing, “Tube steaks, we want tuuube steaks.”

    Forty! Million! Calories!

  62. i do not feel comfortable throwing stones at mississippi. i was from illinois and we are fat and have NO cultural references.

    well, rahm and rod but i’m not sure retard insults and ‘most amusingly corrupt’ really count.

    you rock on MISS.

  63. In total seriousness. When did people forget how to grow food? Especially in fucking hot Mississippi (where, unlike my house where I struggle to grow anything during our two months of reliable non-winter) you could grow fucking anything you wanted most all year round, and cold-resistant crops like greens, all year round. Save seeds, plant next year, eat cheap and healthy. I fucking do that and I’m a comparatively wealthy and live within half a mile of three grocery stores. Seriously, what happened to these people?

  64. Darkness, you just do NOT know what you are talking about…I live in Mississippi and I’ll be the first to tell you that the soil here is not only sandy but with the heat it’s almost impossible to grow enough to feed your family. Add that to an economy that dictates that in order to eat at all everyone who is able to work, must work. Yes, we do have a culture of rich food, and yes, some of the best food you will ever taste and that dosn’t help, but it’s more than that….Fast food is the big culprit here.People work all day and they work hard…its easier and CHEAPER to grab a bag of burgers and feed the kiddies those…We in the south, are all about CHEAP because there is no money here and no jobs that pay real money. You do the best you can do. If you do decide to diet…Have you priced healthy food lately?? Anything that says “diet”,”low fat”,or “healthy” can almost DOUBLE your grocery bill.I lived in California for years, I know about healthy eating, but you have to take into consideration the economy of a state before you just clump everybody together and ask “what happened to these people” that just shows ignorance.We do the best we can here with what we have..we have compassion and we take care of our own. We are not proud of the fact that our kids are the most obese but we are working on it…we are AWARE of it..So sit there on your “comparatively wealthy” ass and judge not….

  65. Oh COME ON – you can’t really count Stephen Malkmus – he’s a transplant from Cali! Also, he’s been rail-thin all this life.

  66. Oregon has the healthier kiddos b/c there parents ArE smoking pot!!and paranoid of the gov’t and their lies and their ties with corp.s that pay them and the fda,epa off and then tell us things are organic and safe yet still lie to us about that too to keep up with “their” population control quotas. Don’t be one of the ones weeded out!!! Smoke pot get right with your MOTHER (earth) and your senses and survive this bloody bullshit they have you convinced will be your demise!!The economy and the soil, and even “they”, still don’t have as much to do with it as Mississippians do,however..and that is what i mean by survival of the fittest -if you cant educate and care more about ‘you’, well then should you be around longer to keep consunig more??? I do beleive any cause is a lost cause without population control..but i also beleive that’s Mother’s job!and a good one she’s done so far!THE POT THING WAS REALLY JUST A JOKE —IT’S THAT OREGONIANS ARE JUST A LITTLE WISER TO THE LIES THE B.S AND WHAT’S REALLY BETTER FOR US AND OUR ENVIRONMENT…even stoned

  67. A study came out yesterday saying that fat kids get bullied more, which means fat kids in Mississippi get bullied the most, which means they’re going to grow up angry and vote Republican. It’s the circle of life. Hakuna Matata, bitches.

  68. [re=570472]dixiedarlin[/re]: I was totally mystified more than anything, thank you very much. It must be a midwestern thing to be poor with any kind of real estate==can like hell everything possible for the winter.

    I was not suggesting it was possible to grow 100% of what one eats. That’s really hard, even on a full time working farm, let alone a backyard garden, but hell, collards, cabbage, they are dirt easy to grow, healthy as hell, easy to fix and filling as hell. AND, I thought, traditionally part of southern cuisine for all of the previous reasons. In this case moving forward (becoming a consumer) is moving backward, in actuality.

  69. I’m a racist, you’re a racist, wouldn’t you like to be a racist too! just to make sure no one take me too sarcastically, I really say I hope all you m***** f****** DIE! a slow and painful death in a foreign country–which is where you should all go, because everything that made America great you racist sickos hate

    so, a great big wet sloppy FUCK YOU to one and all, you freakazoid commie asswipes.

    oh and one more time, I’m a racist, actually no, YOU are the racist fucks.ohhhhhhhhh, racist this, racist that, just make it illegal for any black person to be guilty of any crime-period. UTOPIA!

    fuck you one more time–this is much cheaper than taking meds, just shovel some shit your guys way—and the best part is –YOU like it!!

  70. In America, cheap food that poor people buy is fattening; in China, cheap food that poor people buy is not fattening. Have you noticed how hard it is to buy fresh vegetables? (Not wrapped in plastic a week ago in California)? In China, farmers’ markets selling veggies straight from the ground, dirt and all, are the norm. In America, Safeway and Kroger have them zoned out of existance.

  71. [re=570579]zhubajie[/re]: We tried to get the “Piggly Wiggly” (yes, that is the name of the grocery store) in Union Town, Alabama to carry more fresh fruits and vegetables. The manager wouldn’t do it because they were too hard to get and people wouldn’t buy them.

    With more disposable income, poor Southerners have moved away from the healthier, traditional beans and greens to more prepared foods. Many rural Blacks and Whites I know will not consider a meal unless there is some form of meat included, usually pork or fried chicken.

    And the question of gardening: if you live in public housing, you do not have a place to garden where your food won’t get stolen and you do not have the skills to succeed. I am working with the Master Gardeners programs in West Alabama to try to remedy those challenges a bit.

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