Hooray, Global Markets Collapse Again Because of … Greece! (Again)

  our flourishing economy

Bank error in your favor! Oh wait, bank error *NOT* in your favor, sorry fucky.Let’s check in with the Wonkette Business Desk for our morning economic roundup. U.S. pending home sales are at their highest point this year! U.S. manufacturing orders are at a two-year high! A terrorist plot against New York — the financial capital of the world — totally failed and the suspected/attempted car-bomber was caught by the cops! His alleged co-conspirators were caught in Pakistan! All kinds of bellwether companies are reporting solid profits, from MasterCard’s 24% first-quarter profit to Sirius XM Radio’s $41.6 million profit in Q1 — people must be buying new cars again! So, of course, the markets are collapsing, worldwide, total panic, ARGH SELL JESUS CHRIST IT’S ALL HAPPENING AGAIN.

Why is the NASDAQ down 3%? What’s knocking two-and-a-half percent of the S&P? Even Ron Paul’s magick golden doubloons are falling. It’s Greece and the EU, again. Shitty little Greece …. and, maybe, soon, Portugal and Spain and, uh, the UK. They are all broke. Can Germany afford to repair *all* these failed Euro States? And how quickly can what’s his name, “Clegg,” learn to Sprechen sie Deutsch? Oh right, he probably already speaks it, what with his Spaniard wife and all. [MarketWatch/Bloomberg]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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