OUR FLOURISHING ECONOMY  12:58 pm May 4, 2010

Hooray, Global Markets Collapse Again Because of … Greece! (Again)

by Ken Layne

Bank error in your favor! Oh wait, bank error *NOT* in your favor, sorry fucky.Let’s check in with the Wonkette Business Desk for our morning economic roundup. U.S. pending home sales are at their highest point this year! U.S. manufacturing orders are at a two-year high! A terrorist plot against New York — the financial capital of the world — totally failed and the suspected/attempted car-bomber was caught by the cops! His alleged co-conspirators were caught in Pakistan! All kinds of bellwether companies are reporting solid profits, from MasterCard’s 24% first-quarter profit to Sirius XM Radio’s $41.6 million profit in Q1 — people must be buying new cars again! So, of course, the markets are collapsing, worldwide, total panic, ARGH SELL JESUS CHRIST IT’S ALL HAPPENING AGAIN.

Why is the NASDAQ down 3%? What’s knocking two-and-a-half percent of the S&P? Even Ron Paul’s magick golden doubloons are falling. It’s Greece and the EU, again. Shitty little Greece …. and, maybe, soon, Portugal and Spain and, uh, the UK. They are all broke. Can Germany afford to repair *all* these failed Euro States? And how quickly can what’s his name, “Clegg,” learn to Sprechen sie Deutsch? Oh right, he probably already speaks it, what with his Spaniard wife and all. [MarketWatch/Bloomberg]

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Neilist May 4, 2010 at 1:03 pm

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Or Euros. Whatever.

Manos: Hands of Fate May 4, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Can’t the Germans just build a big wall around Greece and the world community can pretend like it never existed. It seems like everything else in the world is hunky-dory except for them.

Jim Demintia May 4, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Don’t worry, Ken, even if the EU gets its shit together and the markets rebound, Wall Street will find another way to destroy the world soon enough.

slappypaddy May 4, 2010 at 1:09 pm

markets all greased up for the downslope slide. whee! whar’s mah gold’n’bullets? thar them little boogers is.

m_supercomputer May 4, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Oh, this is probably my fault. I’m going to Spain on vacation next month and anywhere I go for that seems to be hit with some horrible disaster or another right before or right after. (Two years ago: Iceland.)

ManchuCandidate May 4, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Or Goldman Sacks giving your national bank financial advice.

Oblios Cap May 4, 2010 at 1:12 pm

The Germans don’t like the Turks and now they don’t like the Greeks. It’s almost like they think they’re better than everybody else.

x111e7thst May 4, 2010 at 1:13 pm

In Greece trumpet players get to retire early because the “heightened risk of acid reflux” makes theirs a dangerous profession. My Italian cousin said so, so it must be true.

jus_wonderin May 4, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Could this be a buying opportunity?

Aurelio May 4, 2010 at 1:15 pm

This is their punishment for calling the money “efros.” Yes, that’s what they used to call them. Now they call them “fucking efros.”

FMA May 4, 2010 at 1:15 pm

[re=569873]m_supercomputer[/re]: Well, in 2005, I went to New Orleans. And then, last year, I went to New Orleans again. Hmmmmmm.

Aurelio May 4, 2010 at 1:17 pm

[re=569876]Oblios Cap[/re]:
The Germans don’t like the Turks and now they don’t like the Greeks.

Well, the Greeks don’t like the Turks, either. Is this a basis for a vengeance three-way?

charlesdegoal May 4, 2010 at 1:17 pm

The reason the market goes down is that it went up. Current events have been anticipated long ago (sometimes wrongly) so today’s prices reflect the degree to which things have come true. The economy may look good to the public, but, to the markets, it’s only either better or worse than anticipated.
Also, when speaking of countries that are over-indebted, its perhaps best not to overlook the United States.

queeraselvis v 2.0 May 4, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Greece: giving everyone the shaft since 460 BC.

Aurelio May 4, 2010 at 1:19 pm

[re=569880]jus_wonderin[/re]: Could this be a buying opportunity?
Wait for a little more blood in the streets.

x111e7thst May 4, 2010 at 1:19 pm

[re=569866]Neilist[/re]: Awaiting your review of the Kel-Tec w/folding stock and rifle barrel.

Extemporanus May 4, 2010 at 1:20 pm

There’s a reason why Charlie Crist’s “staff” insists on being paid up front.

SayItWithWookies May 4, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Greece has been bad news ever since Lord Byron died fighting the Ottoman Empire. Then all those soldiers got malaria and dysentery at Salonika before they even had a chance to fight back in the Great War. And then that whole Elgin marbles fuss — why it’s no wonder the bottom fell out of the drachma.

Oldskool May 4, 2010 at 1:21 pm

Yeah, easy to see how Mastercard is up 24%. Everyone has to buy on credit and then pay Mafia-like interest. No disrespect to the mob, who has more overall integrity than cc companies.

Aurelio May 4, 2010 at 1:21 pm

[re=569873]m_supercomputer[/re]: You should wear a sign that says, “Stop me before I travel again.”

chaste everywhere May 4, 2010 at 1:26 pm

[re=569885]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Yup, beware of Greeks bearing Trojans.

GoinGreen May 4, 2010 at 1:28 pm

[re=569873]m_supercomputer[/re]: Would you consider coming to Texas, and, say, tour the Governor’s Mansion? It already burned to the ground once – but the slimy little fucker was at his mansion mansion at the time!

bureaucrap May 4, 2010 at 1:29 pm

Don’t worry, this will all be over soon. You might want to learn how to work a horse-drawn plow, though. It’s important to have a marketable skill.

Snarkalicious May 4, 2010 at 1:33 pm

[re=569880]jus_wonderin[/re]: I always did want me a Parthenon.

Cape Clod May 4, 2010 at 1:37 pm

So when the Greek economy sneezes, the rest of the world gets cancer?

donner_froh May 4, 2010 at 1:39 pm

[re=569906]bureaucrap[/re]: And if you can’t learn to guide the plow you can always be used to pull it.

Anonymous Office Zombie May 4, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Hey, no problem. I’m sure Greece has plenty of opportunities to bounce back. Like… uh, revitalizing their philosophy sector… and, uh, reviving their world class tragedy industry, and… um, olives, or something.

Way Cool Larry May 4, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Well, this was all so predictable once shares in Grecian Formula started tanking. The question is, where was Goldman Sachs in all of this?

jus_wonderin May 4, 2010 at 1:48 pm

[re=569911]Snarkalicious[/re]: I always did want me a Parthenon.

LOL. I can’t top that.

If only we had gotten in under the real estate tax credit deadline. Dang it. However, it is still available. Just get an inspection before you close.

bureaucrap May 4, 2010 at 1:50 pm

[re=569925]donner_froh[/re]: I’m trying to teach my parents to do that right now.

Capitol Hillbilly May 4, 2010 at 1:51 pm

is this because of the assfucking?

Aurelio May 4, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Are the Greeks shorting the euro?. They just borrowed a bunch of ‘em. Now their job is to sell ‘em to someone whose name does not end in “opolous,” whine and complain until the price goes down, and pay them back in cheaper euros, or “efros” as they like to say. That would buy a hell of a lot of Ρετσίνα for their big mean three-way with the Germans and Turks.

gurukalehuru May 4, 2010 at 1:56 pm

They could just sell off an island or two.

Oblios Cap May 4, 2010 at 2:01 pm


That or a reason to re-unite Cyprus.

JMP May 4, 2010 at 2:02 pm

According to Pat Robertson, it’s god punishing the Greeks for inventing that sinful rational thought idea, back in the day.

SuedeDwayne May 4, 2010 at 2:10 pm

dude, it’s “Sprechen Sie Deutsch” – gotta capitalize that “Sie”, since it’s the formal “you”. jesus.

JadedDIssonance May 4, 2010 at 2:13 pm

[re=569866]Neilist[/re]: Beware of Greeks bearing tax-returns.

Mr Blifil May 4, 2010 at 2:24 pm

[re=569965]SuedeDwayne[/re]: No, no, when it’s lowercase it means “she.” Now I know the verb does not agree, as it should be “Spricht” not “Sprechen,” but I believe what is being attempted is a colloquial slang along the lines of “get her!” with a full-on Vogue-ing tranny hooker three finger snap “Mm…mm…MMM”special.

snideinplainsight May 4, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Q: Hey, what’s a Grecian urn, anyway?
A: Oh, about two hundred drachmas a week – but that’s about a buck-and-a-quarter in Euros!

the problem child May 4, 2010 at 2:40 pm

[re=569928]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: How about flaming saganaki? http://orthoticcontessa.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/saganakiL.jpg

snideinplainsight May 4, 2010 at 2:41 pm

I like that wine that they make – the one they put fishy-shaped bottles. They should sell more of those, that could be a growth industry for them.

betterDeadThanRed May 4, 2010 at 2:46 pm

It’s all my fault. When ever I buy a stock, it goes down. If I buy a few different ones, the market collapses. I’ve learned my lesson and promise to stay out of the market from now on. Forever. Sorry.

GOPCrusher May 4, 2010 at 2:55 pm

[re=569873]m_supercomputer[/re]: Wyoming is beautiful this time of year. Spend your ameros here in the States.

WestEdEd May 4, 2010 at 2:58 pm

First off;


Second; I say it’s high time we send back the Greeks, because what have they ever give civilizstion but the butt=secs and MY Big FAT Greek WEDDING. Which was

Ruhe May 4, 2010 at 4:04 pm

[re=569885]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: You should keep in mind that there is a long tradition, since the renaissance at least, in the rest of Europe, especially Germany, of holding that these Greeks (C.E.) aren’t those Greeks (B.C.E.).

sati demise May 4, 2010 at 4:15 pm

[re=569868]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Except they still want Germany to return the solid gold bars that were stolen during the last world war. They figure, with interest, Germany owes them a quadrillion dollars.

Market crashing? Guess everyone figured out all the banks are now using Arthur Anderson accounting principals.
Even the Fed.

steverino247 May 4, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Let me see if I’ve got this straight. The EU thought they were Greek gods, but actually they were goddamned Greeks?

MrPlow May 4, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Greece is the word.

Decker May 4, 2010 at 5:55 pm

[re=569876]Oblios Cap[/re]: Deutschsein ist schwer.

boatapple May 4, 2010 at 7:50 pm

[re=569945]Aurelio[/re]: First, it’s not an EFRO, it’s called an EVRO. When the letter Υ follows a vowel it becomes a consonant. Why are you denouncing them for a labial-dental fricative they don’t even use? Knock it off.

Darkness May 4, 2010 at 8:35 pm

[re=569886]Aurelio[/re]: If you like leveraged shorts, sure.

Aurelio May 4, 2010 at 11:57 pm

[re=570422]boatapple[/re]: Knock it off. Well, excuuse me. It sounded like “efro” when I travelled in Greece. Besides, a high class culture would say “euro,” so these subtleties don’t really matter. I mean, who cares? They are just a bunch of people whose sole dream in life is to open a restaurant.

greywindz May 6, 2010 at 1:05 am

Get Vannah Sterling…everything will rise up…

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