South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford will not face charges for using state airplanes to romance his Argentinean soul mate, because state attorney general Henry McMaster, a Republican, doesn’t want to assign criminal intent to Sanford’s tragicomic penis. So we’re all just gonna “put this controversy behind us and move on,” heal, etc.
Here’s what kinds of problems Sanford was facing:
The State Ethics Commission charged Mr. Sanford with 37 violations, including 18 instances when he flew first or business class instead of third class; nine improper uses of state aircraft; and 10 counts of using less than $3,000 in campaign money for personal or nonbusiness expenses.
In March, Mr. Sanford agreed to pay $74,000 — $2,000 per charge — to avoid a hearing.
Throwing money at problems is a very liberal/socialist thing to do! And it’s really out of character for Sanford, who famously and cheaply built his dad’s coffin out of old condom boxes and expired coupons. But Sanford was eager to “move beyond this distraction” and join every other man, woman, child, state’s attorney, and white-tailed deer in forgiving him. He had no choice.
Interestingly, McMaster — who brags about being the first guy President Ronald McDonald Reagan chose to be his U.S. Attorney — is hoping to replace term-limited Sanford, because McMaster is “ready to lead.” By letting Sanford off the hook, is potential Love-ernor McMaster hoping to set a precedent for when he’s looking for taxpayer-funded rides to his own lovers’ international love nests? If he really cared about the taxpayers, he’d make a campaign promise right now to keep his sparkin’ things intrastate.
[New York Times]
{ 42 comments }
Man its good to be a republican hypocrite…
So SC gets to choose between the Republican who let Sanford off and the Republican who says poors are animals scroungin’ in the garbage for food (like the Dems have a shot, pshaw)?
Damn it feels good to be from NORTH Carolina.
And the punishment for abandoning his state while lying about where he was going and leaving no method of contact is…?
$2,000 per Argentinian Creampie? Not hateful.
[re=569764]JMP[/re]: Punishment? I’ll bet efficiency went up in his absence.
accountability fail.
again.
Amazing. Sanford, Vitter, Ensign. All of them still in office and diaper boy is going to get reelected. If I didn’t despise them so much, I’d become a Republican; then you can live your life as an asshole completely devoid of any consequence or shame.
Our long national nightmare is over, and Sanford can join Ensign, Vitter and Craig in the Republican pantheon of shameless sex criminals whose misdeeds go unpunished, whose pride is undiminished, whose wives are humiliated, and who still draw a government paycheck. What a country!
[re=569774]freakishlystrong[/re]: Yours is better, but I remembered Craig.
Would he protect her from the cops when he passes Arizona type immigration laws and they ask for her identity papers?
I take it “joining the white-tailed deer” is code for laying pipe with the ladies at the country club in Columbia.
[re=569764]JMP[/re]: Those are things I’m not particularly outraged about because, really, Mark Sanford *not* trying to do his job was better for all concerned down here.
I’d like to thank the SC Attorney General for realizing, as we all do, that a Christian can never really commit a crime.
“10 counts of using less than $3,000 in campaign money for personal or nonbusiness expenses.”
Does that mean it’s okay to use MORE than $3,000 in campaign money for personal or nonbusiness expenses? Or that his 10 violations totaled less than $3,000?
I think he’d have got more bang for his buck with a Brazilian tranny.
Having just come backto Wonkette- was it mentioned that Jenny Sanford was in Dc with new boyfriend for the Correspondents dinner?
He encouraged tourism in South Carolina by publicizing the pleasures of the Appalachian Trail.
[re=569763]PabaBritannica[/re]: The LG who says who called the poors animals is rumored to be a Lindsay Graham kind of Republican; it would be fun to see what happens if he ends up hiking the Appalachian trail.
[re=569774]freakishlystrong[/re]: [re=569776]V572625694[/re]: But see, it’s much worse when a Democrat is caught cheating on their spouse because they are always trying to use government to pry into other people’s sex lives. No, wait…
[re=569777]V572625694[/re]: Fine minds indeed! And, I believe it’s spelled “cuntry” now.
He forgot to credit Jesus Christ, the Savior of Us All, for the inevitable forgiveness that all good Christians have for other Christian philanderers, pedophiles, and public-treasury pilferers.
At least Democrats had the good sense to steer WELL CLEAR of the subject of sexual impropriety on the part of their political opponents as such prurience would be in bad taste, poor form, and wrong. We can’t be having witch hunts when Republicans are in danger of embarrassment. We save that for participating in impeachment procedures against our own. That is known as “taking the high ground” which is why we sleep so much the fuck better than “they” do.
So here’s to Obama’s upcoming resignation for poking his head into his daughter’s sleep-over to wish everyone “good night.” We will show the world how it’s done.
Today we are all Gerald Ford.
[re=569788]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Once you’ve apologized to God in front of everybody, that’s all you really need to do.
somehow appropriate– how chimpanzees use tools for sex:
“The tool for sex, he explained, is a leaf. Ideally a dead leaf, because that makes the most noise when the chimp clips it with his hand or his mouth.
“Males basically have to attract and maintain the attention of females,” Dr. McGrew said. “One way to do this is leaf clipping. It makes a rasping sound. Imagine tearing a piece of paper that’s brittle or dry. The sound is nothing spectacular, but it’s distinctive.”
O.K., a distinctive sound. Where does the sex come in?
“The male will pluck a leaf, or a set of leaves, and sit so the female can see him. He spreads his legs so the female sees the erection, and he tears the leaf bit by bit down the midvein of the leaf, dropping the pieces as he detaches them. Sometimes he’ll do half a dozen leaves until she notices.” “
[re=569767]MMS[/re]: You know the next time he sees her he’ll be all “where’s my $140,000 hummer? I want that $140,00 hummer right now.”
[re=569802]Way Cool Larry[/re]: So when Mark went hiking in the mountains it was for the purpose of collecting dry leaves? I’ll buy that.
[re=569802]Way Cool Larry[/re]: hmmm.my boyfriend does that with bubble wrap. pop*pop*pop
No charges, but we’ll always have “the sparkin’ thing”.
Blatant ethics violations::”distraction” as potato::potahtoe
Life is good as a Christian Republican.
To Mrs. Sanford: Time heals all wounds.
To Mark Sanford Time wounds all heels.
[re=569781]WadISay[/re]:
You really know you sexual euphemisms. My first thought was of Bambi bestiality. I stand corrected. Maybe.
Thank you Lauri, “tragicomic penis” is pure poetry. Two words that I never, ever, would have thought to juxtapose, but, upon reflection, sum my sex life very nicely.
[re=569837]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]:
Who stole my “r”? Today I’m making the English language sad… again.
Given how tight fisted he was with his own filthy lucre, I have to imagine having to pay 74 large must have galled him more than spending time in an ass pounding federal prison.
Must be great being a republican. Fuck all you want . . . we’ll make more.
So, they gave him a discount on his indiscretions? What scumduggery.
I keep thinking that I owned that album during the 1960s. Luckily, I think I lost it in a breakup.
Or maybe that was an Andy Williams album?
The sweater looks familiar.
Y’know, if someone had thought to point out to the SC AG that makin’ it with a Messkin’ from Argentina like Sanford did probably counts as “miscegenation”, then I’m sure he would have decided to prosecute, after all. 20/20 hindsight, there.
If only Mark Sanford’s penis had needed health care. Then the AG would sue it’s ass into the ground.
Only libtards play The Blame Game.
Maybe Mark Sanford and his Soul Mate can meet in Arizona next time? Deportation ensues!
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