This is real, you guys! The Florida Republican Party, as part of its ongoing efforts to scrub any hint of association with pariah Charlie Crist — most of which just involves wiping all of those orange smears from the walls of their headquarters — is selling Crist’s official state portrait on eBay. It cost the party $7,500 when commissioned (which seems like a pretty big ripoff, considering that the artist thought Crist was Mexican), and they want to recoup some cash. Your Wonkette has been needing to grow its office collection of fine oil portraits, which is a little too dominated by original 19th century Romantics and plump Renaissance nudes at the moment, so we’ll be keeping an eye on the bidding.
Uh oh, we have a wacky description, folks:
Privately Commissioned, High Quality, One of a Kind, Genuine Oil Painting on Fine Linen Canvas
★Canvas is naturally sensitive to changes of temperature and humidity, just as the Charlie Crist’s political convictions are subject to fluctuations in poll numbers.
★Depending upon variety of conditions, the stretch canvas may periodically lose and regain tautness, much like Charlie Crist periodically loosens or regains positions on a variety of issues.
★Ornate gold frame made of manufactured wood, similar to the fabricated conservative values of the politician depicted within.
Ha ha okay, we get it, don’t force it.
Since Crist is a Mexican in the painting, why aren’t they keeping it for Marco Rubio? Just change the hair color to blue or whatever it is. (We don’t really know what Marco Rubio looks like.)
[eBay via Washington Post]
{ 68 comments }
Nothing like a Stalinist Purge, to prove you’re a real American!
$7,500 for that piece of shit? That artist looks like they would have trouble doing a profile portrait of Zippy the Turtle.
Looks like a snow-maned Norm MacDonald.
Can I bid a million, in oh I don’t know – pesos or sheckels or Greek euros?
The seller has a feedback rating of zero: Often a red flag that he or she is a a rip-off artist with something to hide, similar to the way the Republican Party is made up of con-men and closet cases.
This is too easy.
You mean “white smears.”
Go back a few more linx and the story gets more lulzy.
Nothing illustrates questionable spending at the Republican Party of Florida like the $7,500 for oil paintings of Gov. Charlie Crist and ousted Chairman Jim Greer.
The cost to the party would have been even higher if former executive director Delmar Johnson had his way. Johnson appears to have been the point man for the portraits and commissioned one for himself. But Johnson, who inked a hush-hush party fundraising contract for himself and Greer, was ultimately fired this January before the party could pick up the tab for his oil portrait and a few giclée prints.
The expense might have slipped by had not Havana artist D. Arthur McBride called the party early this year, looking for her money. By then, Johnson was gone. And there was no desire to use party funds for this.
“I thought I wasn’t going to get paid,” she said. Ultimately, Johnson paid her out of his own pocket.
doesn’t look much like ole Charlie
A study in gray and orange.
[re=569401]SmutBoffin[/re]: wow, totally!
Really, can’t they use it to cover one of the many statehouse Republican carved glory-holes? Class things up a bit? Maybe then they could pass off the portrait as something like a Vermeer, after some randy GOPper gives it a pearl necklace.
The Wonkette Penthouse Suite is plastered with framed life-size blowups of Suicide Girls and you know it.
If they have this on black velvet, I might think about it.
Somebody bid 1469.69 for that thing? Why the extra 69 cents? Is there a hidden message there somewhere?
Come on Wonketteers, how many of us are there..50 or 60? We could raise enough money for that as a gift for Ken.
Charlie Crist is the secret half-Messican love child of H Ross Perot? But I thought Marco Rubio was…ZOMG!!1!@! I smell a Lifetime special presentation in our future.
[re=569414]Tommmcatt[/re]: No, silly. You can’t inflate them if they’re framed. It’s more of a free-floating display scheme.
[re=569419]bflrtsplk[/re]: Sounds like Kathleen Harris trying to drive up the bids.
[re=569414]Tommmcatt[/re]: Actually the only art we have hanging is a printed .jpg of scott brown’s bush. Ken keeps taking it home with him at the end of the day and returning it the next morning, though, don’t know what that’s about.
No we don’t have an office.
It’s kinda like investing in gold.
Slow news day.
[re=569419]bflrtsplk[/re]: Oh my god, why is the Republican Party of Florida soliciting back-to-back gay Greek sex acts with a white nationalist on eBay?!
Also, are the “88 precepts” shipped separately?
How much is the postage?
And Katherine Harris too. Fuck. Nevermind.
Is this why you can’t find Orange in the acrylic paint section of the art supply store any longer?
[re=569427]Radiotherapy[/re]: And orange.
“Since Crist is a Mexican in the painting, why aren’t they keeping it for Marco Rubio?”
Because Rubio’d only do what all Florida Mexicans do when given something orange and fruity — he’d try to sell it to passing motorists next to an I-4 on-ramp.
Oh, that isn’t the only Crist picture on ebay right now. Gawker has a link to an alleged cocaine photo.
I bid ten whore diamonds and a lightly used dildo.
Oils? I thought it was a multimedia work in cheetos and santorum…
[re=569426]Jim Newell[/re]: I thought you guys operated out of the Wonkette Towers, with lavish perqs and all.
[re=569426]Jim Newell[/re]:
Awww. Leave me with my sick fantasies, Newell, it’s all I have…
a painting in oil of a gulf-coast republican. seems timely.
55 of the 56 bids belong to Mark Foley.
Gizmodo would buy it. Don’t you want page views, Wonkette?
[re=569449]TJBeck[/re]: lesbian::horse::feet::teens::cougar::jobs::employment. Page view issue solved.
I’m waiting for the Boris Vellejo version depicting a sword-wielding Sir Charles with a Fabio bod and Confederate flag loin cloth and his almost-nude damsel with fancy steel titty shields.
[re=569453]Snarkalicious[/re]: You’ve just described the plot of…
Oops. Boris Vallejo. No spell check for legendary artists for rednecks.
Here’s the black velvet version: http://comicbooth.com/images/crist_christ.jpg
(I’ll try the HTML linky thing: Here it is.)
[re=569401]SmutBoffin[/re]: Germans love Charlie Crist!
60 quatloos for the orange man!
[re=569435]Autochthon[/re]: For Crist’s sake, hue’d think people would get the tone right.
Shipping is very reasonable.
By the way, does anybody know the status of the official Joe Lieberman portrait?
[re=569437]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: Methinks it’s one o’ them eBay hoaxes. After all, the bidding starts at only $600K!
Charlie Crist, meet Dorian Gray!
Florida’s Creamsicle[TM].
I always thought eBay and PayPal were fine, upstanding companies. Oh well.
Vi>Havana artist D. Arthur McBride…
So Crist doesn’t look like a Mexican in the picture. He looks like a Cuban. And wtf kinda name for a chick is “D. Arthur McBride”? And wtf is someone with a name like that doing living in Havana? Inquiring minds want to know.
[re=569420]Limeylizzie[/re]: Although it would be nice, the best gift for our Wonkette staff would be the for-sale Washington Times.
Jim:
Either all non-White people are Mexicans to you, or you haven’t seen a White retiree from Florida.
I’m a bit leery about buying anything from an organization called R(i)POF(f).
This would look great next to the official Michael Steele portrait on black velvet…
Two words I don’t wish to see underneath a picture of Charlie Crist — “zoom” and “enlarge”.
Nice portrait — Crist looks like the unholy offspring of James Earl Ray and Joel Osteen.
Something to make your imagination wander: you just stepped into the Haunted Mansion, and this is one of those portraits overhead…
Current price of $3550 is a bit high. I think I might downgrade to searching eBay for a potato chip or some other food item with an image of Crist on it.
When he looks at me that way, I feel shame.
Hey, Wonkette, maybe we can trade some of those surplus Renaissance nudes for a few items from my favorite eBay store, at: http://stores.ebay.com/Black-Velvet-Paintings_Velvet-Paintings-Republicans_W0QQ_fsubZ3QQ_sidZ2123747QQ_trksidZp4634Q2ec0Q2em322
“original 19th century Romantics and plump Renaissance nudes”
I always figured Wonkette’s offices were decorated with antique Hustler and Playboy centerfolds.
Don’t they have photographs that look exactly like that?
[re=569456]Extemporanus[/re]: Mere coincidence? MUA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Alright Chuck, hands where I can see ‘em
He looks WAY too much like Brack in “This Island Earth.”
Charlie Crist? The subject of this painting looks like he should be standing next to a giant wheel talking about having your pets spayed and neutered and what not.
Hey folks, it’s a 7-day, money-back guarantee. Buy it, have some fun with it, take pictures of your friends with it, if you’re George Reker or Mark Foley maybe jack off to it while thinking of a guy “periodically losing and regaining tautness” – and then send the paint-by-numbers piece of shit back.
If you really trust the zero-rated Republican Party of Florida to give you your money back.
Hm.
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