Hurry Up And Buy This Fancy Crank-Gear Radio From Newsmax, Before The Terrorists Kill You

Conservative granny-porn outlet Newsmax has discovered the greatest technological device ever conceived and would like to give it to you for free, because the terrorists are coming, and how else are you going to listen to Rush Limbaugh for crucial security updates from your family's burrowed hole in the backyard? Just crank this gizmo a few times, one two three, just like that. You're welcome. Newsmax will return in the near future with even more products from its Comically Indiscreet Attempts To Exploit Stupid Peoples' Fears line of broken children's toys.