Poison Baby Medicine, Terror In Times Square, and the World’s Worst Oil Spill

  it's morning in america
  • 'Three, three, three for my heartaches and four, four, four for my headaches ....''Got babies, somehow? Then you’ve probably got a half-dozen plastic bottles of Kiddie Motrin and Wee-One’s Tylenol and Lil’ Benadryl and maybe even “Children’s Sugar-Free Zyrtec” in the medicine cabinet. DO NOT USE IT, there is something very vaguely wrong with all of it, go to the website and follow the confusing instructions to get gift certificates for even more sketchy kids’ medicine. But what to do if your youngling has the Fever? The generics are safe. Ha ha, and they cost about half as much. [McNeil Product Recall/Washington Post]
  • The heroes of Saturday’s smoldering-car-of-failure Times Square bomb scare were the street vendors of New York City. Vietnam vet Lance Orton was the first — or was he??? — to alert cops of the smoking SUV left in the tourist zone, but he learned to hate the sleazy media years ago so he wasn’t in the mood for questions. Oh and the fertilizer in the fail-bomb was “non-explosive” so wouldn’t have actually blown up. [New York Times/Reuters]
  • Have you heard of the Gulf Stream? Yeah, that’s what’s going to bring the World’s Worst Oil Spill to, uh, New England. And then Old England, we guess. BP needs to give this hellmouth an Icelandic name. [Associated Press]
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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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74 comments

  1. Limeylizzie

    Oh the sweet, sweet, delicious, creamy irony, Lance Orton a brownish/blackish person saves us poor New Yorkers from a car bomb and a Caucasian man is seen changing shirts in a suspicious way right next to the car in question.

  2. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    I knew it. Little He Pingping’s* ghost caused the Gulf awl spill. Oh, what will that little rascal do next!

    **
    the wee man pictured under the giant frau

  3. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=568743]Limeylizzie[/re]: I don’t know, the guy looks more like either a census worker, an Acorn community organizer or Gay Islamic Mexican to me.

  4. x111e7thst

    [re=568743]Limeylizzie[/re]: If Aliou Niasse actually alerted Lance Orton it’s even better.

  5. the cold war makes me hot

    Generic Wee-One’s Tylenol? Sounds like some Obamacare plan to indcotrinate my youngin into joining the gay Kenyan Army.

  6. Monsieur Grumpe

    Nonexplosive fertilizer can only mean one thing; a cow pie bomb. Who is this fiendish person?

  7. the problem child

    Ken, if you have questions about the baby-making, I’m sure SKS will answer them for you, if she hasn’t labeled all incoming from you as “spam”.

  8. donner_froh

    [re=568756]the problem child[/re]: A comment on the Kiddie Motrin ban from SKS and Baby K Smith would be order.

  9. Beck Licks Seer Stones

    Will you post an over/under on how long before Republicans say this was ANOTHER TERRORIST ATTACK on Obama’s watch? Would it be any different from the nonsensical hysterics after the failed attack by the underwear bomber?

  10. Limeylizzie

    [re=568751]x111e7thst[/re]: Especially if he was wearing some really African garb…all baggy pants and Muslimy -looking.

  11. Hello Sunshine

    Any tourist who goes to New York, has the whole city at their disposal and thinks, “Hey, it’s a Saturday night, let’s go to Times Square” deserves to get exploded, IMHO.

  12. Beck Licks Seer Stones

    [re=568758]Beck Licks Seer Stones[/re]: Well, besides the repeated failures to act on counter-terror intelligence by DHS, I mean. Still, they said A TERRORIST ATTACK!

  13. yargisbargis

    [re=568761]Hello Sunshine[/re]: What! And miss the chance to see Momma Mia? Or visit the M&M store?

  14. Limeylizzie

    [re=568761]Hello Sunshine[/re]: No, keep them there so we locals know where to avoid on Saturday night.

  15. the problem child

    [re=568758]Beck Licks Seer Stones[/re]: They’re waiting to find out for sure if the suspect is white. If so, they will not, ever, utter the word terrorist.

  16. Gunner

    I have always wondered about the randomness of learning about product recalls, particularly for people, like me, who don’t watch the teevee news. Learning about a recall that actually affects me from Wonkette confirms that I have been right to be suspicious.

  17. ManchuCandidate

    Nothing but silence from the wingnuts when the top suspect is a middle aged white guy who can’t follow a wiring diagram or got his bomb making materials from ACME.

  18. Katydid

    How did that poor lady in the photo give birth on the street to a fully dressed 2-year-old child? Musta hurt something awful.

  19. yargisbargis

    [re=568772]Limeylizzie[/re]: But at least he ditched that black sweater for a more hip puce-hued get up. Probably a disgruntled Barney’s employee.

  20. norbizness

    I heard the CEO of BP on NPR (OK, enough acronyms) this morning, and he sounded like a reasonable enough fellow. And then I thought: wait a minute, am I being suckered in by an English accent? What if this guy is talking nonsense? And what the fuck am I doing listening to NPR? I hate those insomnia-curing automatons!

  21. Prairie Flower

    [re=568758]Beck Licks Seer Stones[/re]: It goes like this: white guy = hero protesting the socialist fascist anti-christian muslin immoral gubmint (e.g. Joe Stack); brown person = terrorist.

  22. Geogre

    The vendors of NYC are not known as the most huggable individuals to start with. They are our Parisian waiters. I am overjoyed at the prospect of Brian Williams trying to talk to them. I am even more pleased at the idea of the glass wall between “Today” and New York coming down for a moment.

    However, the terrorist in question will not be mentioned by the right wing, except that it’s a “terrorist attack.” The terrorist will be forgotten. Note how quickly the weird claims of Taliban in Pakistan got traction.

  23. JamesMichaelCurley

    Isn’t the first time someone bombed on Broadway then fled down Schubert Alley in disguise.

  24. Way Cool Larry

    [re=568770]ManchuCandidate[/re]: just like the Joe Stack attack… Media will be torn tho. Happened in their beloved NYC so it hits close to home, but still it was likely a lone white guy…

  25. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=568789]Geogre[/re]: I fell for the Pakistani thing myself…since they did claim responsibility. It wasn’t until later that I found out that that group claims responsibility for pretty much everything. That hemorrhoid that’s driving me nuts? Yep…fuckin’ Pakistani Taliban is up my ass again.

  26. Lazy Media

    Here are the squares on my “Jump To Conclusions” mat, with the odds:

    White supremacist wingnut avenging the Huttaree: 2-1
    Anti-abortion wingnut avenging teh babbies: 4-1
    American-Taliban, wingnut Muslim convert avenging moozies: 20-1
    PETA/Earth First avenging lobsters: 100-1
    False flag attack by liberal MSNBC talk show producer, avenging Keith Olbermann’s hurt feelings over Limbaugh saying oil is a natural part of the Gulf of Mexico: 100 PERCENT, HE TOTALLY DID IT.

  27. Katydid

    [re=568789]Geogre[/re]: What if the guy is a Democrat?

    And O/T, but did you ever notice how some reporters still insist on pointing out when someone is Black or Jewish when it’s irrelevant? Reporters always, always, include when someone is Jewish in a profile, whether their heritage/religion ever comes up again. Although it’s getting better, some reporters/editors still include skin color when it’s irrelevant as well. A major pet peeve of mine.

  28. Lazy Media

    Oh, forgot, Mexican La Raza activists avenging Arizona being mean: 200-1
    Anti-immigrant wingnut hoping to disrupt May Day demonstration: 10-1
    Ken Layne: 3-1

  29. Mr Blifil

    [re=568799]Lazy Media[/re]: Meh, pulling off the Fail Bombing involved a tad more initiative than Ken Layne has ever shown. This confusion is understandable, however, when one considers the large volume of photographic evidence depicting Ken Layne just cold takin’ off his shirt in a variety of filthy urban alleyways.

  30. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Happened in their beloved NYC so it hits close to home

    And wasn’t directly targeting the IRS, so harder to spin it as a libertarian freedom fighter.

  31. DoktorZoom

    [re=568758]Beck Licks Seer Stones[/re]: The Fox News commentariat was all over that as soon as the news hit–several tut-tutted over the shameful response of the Kenyan Usurper, who continued his comedy routine instead of personally running to Times Square to defuse the bomb. Several others have already determined that this was a false-flag operation set up by Obama and the NWO as a pretext to start seizing our guns and putting Patriots in FEMA concentration camps.

    In other words, standard wingnut replies–I think they have a form they just fill in for this stuff.

  32. DoktorZoom

    Better alt-text: “There, there. It’s okay. You’re not gonna have to cry much longer.”

  33. Prommie

    [re=568804]Mr Blifil[/re]: You speak a slang vernacular I know only from the dialogue in Achewood, which fortunately allows me to understand you. Is this patois a California thing?

    Its the fail in this bombing that makes me think white guy; that and the “kitchen sink” bomb recipe, with fertilizer, AND gasoline, AND propane, its like he tried to make a bomb using every single recipe he’d ever read about in the papers. There was probably a shoe in there, too. Screams “copycat,” not Original. Like Coldplay is to Radiohead, and Guns and Roses was to Every 70s Heavy Metal Band.

  34. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=568817]Prommie[/re]: Really, this whole episode just screams “hillbilly”

    In the end, however, this is just another example of Walmart substituting the “good stuff” for that cheap, Chinese made, non-explosive crap in their garden department.

    You have to give some credit for the clever touch of two Hello Kitty alarm clocks as a fail safe mechanism.


  35. Post author
    Ken Layne

    [re=568756]the problem child[/re]: There are six plastic bottles of various Recalled OTC medicine on my desk right now; you figure it out.

  36. Minnie Mean

    Oh, that photo will haunt me. Why is that giant blonde tranny (skinny man legs and hips, yo!) straddling the wee little elf? Which one is the terrist? Who took the bad child-drugs? When will they both be covered in ocean oil?
    This is way too much for me to figure out on a Monday morning.

  37. betterDeadThanRed

    I can’t even snark about this, not that my snark skills are that good anyway.

    This oil spill may be turning into our first global environmental disaster. At least the first one that’s happening fast enough for teevee news. Meanwhile, people fight coastal wind farms more than offshore oil rigs in the good ole USA.

  38. Mahousu

    [re=568817]Prommie[/re]: he tried to make a bomb using every single recipe he’d ever read about…

    I know a guy who makes chili the same way (and also fails). Wonder if he’s the bomber?

  39. Mahousu

    By the way, for anyone thinking he’d like to hit Svetlana Pankrtova (the lady in the photo), dream on. Her legs are 52 inches long. You’d never reach it.

  40. Geogre

    [re=568798]Katydid[/re]: What if he’s a Democrat?

    Wow. Well, that hadn’t occurred to me. I must say, with the constant shelling of, “Extremists left and right,” I used to assume that there were left wing extremists exactly in proportion of violence and prevalence as the right. Then I hit puberty. Now, thirty years later, I am so accustomed to hearing that tattoo of “extremists left and right” and automatically thinking, “Find me one, please,” that I don’t know what would happen if someone actually found one.

    It would be one, of course, and still nothing to the point, but at this juncture one would make the cliche seem like truth.

  41. joementum

    [re=568936]edgydrifter[/re]: And let it be said: that album was a moment of pure musical brilliance.
    The soundtrack to my new wave 80′s haircut angst.

  42. edgydrifter

    [re=568968]joementum[/re]: Watching hundreds of my fellow teenagers enter an ecstatic trance shouting along to a song about child murder taught me a lot about nihilism.

  43. GoinGreen

    Pingping’s last words before his little babyheart stopped – “I, I shouldn’t have looked up!”

  44. GOPCrusher

    The attempted bombing reeks of a wannabee Tim McVeigh/Teabagger looking for vengeance against the Socialists for health care reform.
    But don’t say that out loud, that would be fanning the flames.

  45. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=568983]edgydrifter[/re]: And the vibraphone solo was the best thing since Lionel Hampton.

  46. Darkness

    [re=568799]Lazy Media[/re]: You also forgo: Frustrated and jealous third rate actor avenging his getting passed over for a non speaking part in Batboy The Sequel. The technical ineptitude of the bomb makes the odds of an artist type MUCH higher.

  47. DoktorZoom

    [re=569003]GOPCrusher[/re]: Congratulations, comrade–that’s just what the NWO wants you to believe. We’ll see who has the last laugh: the Patriots who see this as Obama’s 9/11 Reichstag fire, or the sheeple who spend their last Ameros on Snuggies and high-def TVs to cocoon themselves away from the ugly realities that are coming to light.

    Black helicopters, also.

  48. Pat Pending

    “…and ten, ten, ten, ten FOR EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  49. edgydrifter

    [re=569032]Prommie[/re]: That’s the one. There aren’t enough clove cigarettes in Seattle to mask the creepiness oozing from that song.

  50. Prommie

    [re=569066]edgydrifter[/re]: Ah, but its an important bit of knowledge that is conveyed in that song, and one which counters the prevailing conventional-wisdom myth to the effect that, as a general rule, cities = evil, country/rural = good, pastoral, and idyllic 100% amuurrican.

    The fact is, that your good old fashioned rural folk, living their lives of relative isolation out in the hinterlands, far from neighbors, are more free to, and do, harbor some deeply evil twisted levels of depravity and evil, stuff that would make your head spin. Yes, yes, your rural country folk can be, often are, more twisted, perverted, sick, and downright evil, than the worst caricature of the supposedly vice-ridden denizens of the cities.

    Who was that one what drowned her kids, and screamed “it was the niggazh what done it, so she could marry her married boss, with whom she was having an affair, oh, and all this after the years during which her stepfather was molesting her? See, that whole story, thats a nice little example of the idyllic, pastoral, traditional morality of the country folk.

  51. covered

    Okay, the wonkeratti prolly know who this Michael Wiener Savage guy is, but I had nevar actually heard him speak until last Friday on a winger radio channel. He sez the oil got torpedoed by a N. Korean submarine (like the one from Pearl Harbor but with computers, oxygen and better splodes) and then got away from the crime scene and hurried away to Cuba to live with their fellow commies, the Castro Bros. The end.

  52. joementum

    [re=568983]edgydrifter[/re]: We do need to quit meeting like this on the internets.

  53. Words

    [re=569133]Prommie[/re]: Altho I not a fan of that particular song, they do have a point. Yes, the rural folk have their own nuts; witness Ed Gein of Plainfield Wisc. — he was the model for Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. Nice guy: murcher, grave robber, and slicer/dicer of cadavers.

    Sure you won’t see this, as you’re probably at a new post or site, but for shits and giggles…..

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