SNOWBILLY'S REVENGE  3:18 pm April 30, 2010

Kid Who Guessed ‘Wasilla’ Was Famous Wasilla Person Sarah Palin’s Hometown ‘Guilty’ On Two Counts

by Ken Layne

Would you like to play 'Don't fuck with an insane celebrity lady?'Hooray for Justice: The college kid in Tennessee who correctly guessed the hometown of Wasilla’s ex-mayor Sarah Palin has his verdict. David Kernell, the 22-year-old who “hacked” into Palin’s Yahoo email — which she was illegally using to conduct government business — is officially guilty on two counts.

Obstruction of Justice and Unauthorized Access of a snow-witch’s computer, Kernell has been found guilty of those two charges. Don’t know which combination of Not guilty of wire fraud, mistrial on identity theft — the jury had deadlocked on the fourth charge, identity theft. Kernell faced up to HALF A CENTURY IN PRISON for guessing an idiot celebrity’s email password hint.

The “unauthorized access” is a misdemeanor, duh, but the Obstruction of Justice carries up to 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. FOR GUESSING AN IDIOT’S PASSWORD HINT. [WBIR/CNN]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 68 comments }

Aurelio April 30, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Meanwhile the biggest crooks in American history, at Goldman Sachs and Citigroup, will skate. Only in America!

Ken Layne April 30, 2010 at 3:25 pm

[re=568038]Aurelio[/re]: Exactly.

I Heart Accuracy April 30, 2010 at 3:25 pm

Walnuts must be delighted… one less kid on his lawn.

Suds McKenzie April 30, 2010 at 3:26 pm

I would assume he will only have to serve half his sentence.

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 30, 2010 at 3:26 pm

Great. Now the jury can go back and find Sarah guilty of criminal stupidity.

whiskey tango foxtrot April 30, 2010 at 3:26 pm

Today we are all a 19-year-old Matthew Broderick.

assistant/atlas April 30, 2010 at 3:28 pm

I think I know the answer to this question, but I’ll ask anyway: did she ever actually get in trouble, at all, for continuing to illegally do state business from that Yahoo account despite repeated warnings by the AK Attorney General that it was illegal to do so?

Gorillionaire April 30, 2010 at 3:30 pm

Palin is probably skipping about with extra cuntiness today.

TakingAmes April 30, 2010 at 3:31 pm

[re=568050]assistant/atlas[/re]: No. Why do you ask?

RoscoePColtraine April 30, 2010 at 3:32 pm

Dear College Kid Who Is About To Be Sent To Prison,

You have made us all laugh with this proof of Sarah Palin’s mind-boggling stupidity. Although you will soon lose your freedom, please take comfort in the knowledge that millions of us communist marxist fascist stalinist elitists have enjoyed the front row seat to this spectacle, worthy of “Bozo’s Big Top.”

Wasilla! ROFLMAO!

Roscoe

P.S. If it’s any consolation at all, there will be lots of free buttsecks where you’re heading.

Crank Tango April 30, 2010 at 3:32 pm

I’m gonna say this right now: Free David Kernell!
WTF– this kid did what no fucking court order, or FOIA request, or god forbid investigative journalist would ever do. not that I know what any of the aforementioned words mean.

Extemporanus April 30, 2010 at 3:34 pm

Back doors are not secrets!

JMP April 30, 2010 at 3:34 pm

[re=568050]assistant/atlas[/re]: No more than she got in trouble for using her governorship to pursue family vendettas, or for stealing from the RNC (although it looks like everyone was doing that now), or lying under oath at this very trial.

heuristicdevice April 30, 2010 at 3:35 pm

all ur haxxorz is bitchez nao.

JamesMichaelCurley April 30, 2010 at 3:35 pm

[re=568050]assistant/atlas[/re]: There are ‘ethics’ charges still pending in AK against Sister Sarah. The long arm of the law gets mighty short when all those screaming grandmas waive their hankies in the air and throw their Social Security checks at SarahPAC.

Words April 30, 2010 at 3:36 pm

[re=568043]Suds McKenzie[/re]: I don’t think so. With the Feds, you don’t get time off for good behavior or early parole.

JMP April 30, 2010 at 3:36 pm

FREE THE WASILLA ONE!

Darkness April 30, 2010 at 3:36 pm

Well, Lady Justice was blind today. And retarded, and probably also hard of hearing.

chascates April 30, 2010 at 3:37 pm

“Officially he was the first gentleman of Alaska. More people called him the “first dude.” But newly released e-mails show that Todd Palin was busy doing more than snow machine driving and salmon fishing during Sarah Palin’s two and a half years as governor and vice presidential candidate.”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35238034/ns/politics/

freakishlystrong April 30, 2010 at 3:38 pm

Snowbilly’s new password? Wasilla1.

Extemporanus April 30, 2010 at 3:38 pm

[re=568056]Crank Tango[/re]: OPEN SOURCE KERNELL!

magic titty April 30, 2010 at 3:39 pm

One day soon, it will be a crime to be considered smarter than Sarah Palin.

RoscoePColtraine April 30, 2010 at 3:41 pm

[re=568069]freakishlystrong[/re]:

:: golf clap ::

chascates April 30, 2010 at 3:41 pm

From the Snow Skank’s Facebook page:
My family and I are thankful that the jury thoroughly and carefully weighed the evidence and issued a just verdict. Besides the obvious invasion of privacy and security concerns surrounding this issue, many of us are concerned about the integrity of our country’s political elections. America’s elections depend upon fair competition. Violating the law, or simply invading someone’s privacy for political gain, has long been repugnant to Americans’ sense of fair play. As Watergate taught us, we rightfully reject illegally breaking into candidates’ private communications for political intrigue in an attempt to derail an election.
I want to thank the public servants who worked so hard on this case, particularly the jurors who gave up precious time from their jobs and families to listen to the evidence and reach a decision.
My family and I appreciate the good people of Knoxville, Tennessee, who showed us true Southern hospitality. We can’t wait to visit again – but without having a subpoena in hand.
- Sarah Palin

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 30, 2010 at 3:43 pm

[re=568066]Darkness[/re]: Congratulations. You just described the entire population of east Tennessee. Oh, except that you left out “single-toothed.”

TheCoolestGuyInTown April 30, 2010 at 3:44 pm

If you haven’t heard her screeching about this on Facebook she’s linking this to Watergate and fair elections…

“The Hacker Case Verdict

Today at 2:27pm
My family and I are thankful that the jury thoroughly and carefully weighed the evidence and issued a just verdict. Besides the obvious invasion of privacy and security concerns surrounding this issue, many of us are concerned about the integrity of our country’s political elections. America’s elections depend upon fair competition. Violating the law, or simply invading someone’s privacy for political gain, has long been repugnant to Americans’ sense of fair play. As Watergate taught us, we rightfully reject illegally breaking into candidates’ private communications for political intrigue in an attempt to derail an election.

I want to thank the public servants who worked so hard on this case, particularly the jurors who gave up precious time from their jobs and families to listen to the evidence and reach a decision.

My family and I appreciate the good people of Knoxville, Tennessee, who showed us true Southern hospitality. We can’t wait to visit again – but without having a subpoena in hand.

- Sarah Palin”

slappypaddy April 30, 2010 at 3:45 pm

i don’t want to piss on the campfire, much, especially if we’re all going to continue toasting marshmallows over it, but even if someone leaves their front door open, it doesn’t mean you’re allowed to walk into their house. if you correctly guess the combination on the lock to someone else’s safe, that doesn’t mean you’re entitled to open that safe. etc. marshmallows, anyone?

Words April 30, 2010 at 3:47 pm

[re=568076]chascates[/re]: Obviously her lawyer wrote that. Or her speechwriter. She doesn’t know what half the words over 6 letters long mean, much less be able to spell them correctly.

Beauty Queen, indeed!

Dramatist April 30, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Like other snow witches before her, she will now turn David Kernall into stone to keep in the garden of her Alaska castle, next to Mr. Tumnus.

I Heart Accuracy April 30, 2010 at 3:49 pm

That level of psychopathy smells like meth-head to me. Didn’t she drop out of some college in Idaho?

V572625694 April 30, 2010 at 3:50 pm

[re=568069]freakishlystrong[/re]: The new password would’ve been “Allisaw” but she had too hard a time remembering it.

[re=568038]Aurelio[/re]: The wealthy and powerful using their wealth and power to protect themselves from justice is maybe not an American monopoly. Consider that cross-dressing dude in the Vatican — he’s only facing God’s wrath.

TakingAmes April 30, 2010 at 3:50 pm

[re=568076]chascates[/re]: Bible Spice has a ghostwriter on her Facebook page? That’s just going too far.

RoscoePColtraine April 30, 2010 at 3:52 pm

[re=568081]slappypaddy[/re]: I thought we were talking about the vigorous prosecution of a young college kid by a former governor, who was stupid enough to create a password such as “Wasilla” on an illegal e-mail account. Oh the sweet derision here. The young man’s actual crimes are incidental, imo.

ArkansasFred April 30, 2010 at 3:52 pm

[re=568081]slappypaddy[/re]: No, you’re right. But her idiocy should mitigate some of the sentence.

Jumping Jim April 30, 2010 at 3:52 pm

[re=568081]slappypaddy[/re]: You are going to get savaged for this one, but I agree with you. Kids are taught not to play with matches. Given the extreme shrewability of Sarah Palin did this kid not think that she wasn’t going to come after him in a big way?

Aunt Fancy April 30, 2010 at 3:58 pm

[re=568062]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: Yeah no shit, why do you think comrade Obama just passed the Death Panel Care Bill??????

Chickensmack April 30, 2010 at 3:58 pm

[re=568098]Jumping Jim[/re]: He was smart enough to reset her password, but wasn’t smart enough to do this from someone else’s laptop computer on a non-school wifi network. Two steps that could have saved him an assload of prison sex.

Maus April 30, 2010 at 3:59 pm

[re=568081]slappypaddy[/re]: I don’t disagree with you, but I’d only feel actual justice was being done if Palin was also prosecuted for using a personal email address for official business.

Sussemilch April 30, 2010 at 4:04 pm

Justice my ass. If there were justice in the world she’d die in a freak chainsaw juggling accident.

ph7 April 30, 2010 at 4:05 pm

This will be Obama’s most controversial pardon on his last day in office in 2017.

RoscoePColtraine April 30, 2010 at 4:06 pm

You know the scene from Sweeney Todd where the evil, despicable Judge Turpin sentences the little boy to “hang by his neck until he is dead” for stealing? And you’re all like “that’s fucking ridiculous!”? Yeah, this is kinda like that.

F*T*S* April 30, 2010 at 4:06 pm

[re=568080]TheCoolestGuyInTown[/re]: Dear Sarah Palin: fuck you, cunt.

Naked Bunny with a Whip April 30, 2010 at 4:09 pm

@slappypaddy: Yes, if you enter a house with an open door, you should certainly be facing a potential quarter century of prison for it while the person who is running a cockfighting ring in the basement goes free. Similarly, if you simply open a safe with the combination “1-2-3″ and look around, you should be expect to be shot.

The problem here isn’t that the kid is being prosecuted, it’s the ludicrously disproportionate punishment he’s facing while Palin is completely escaping her many crimes.

WaldoJeffersHead April 30, 2010 at 4:15 pm

[re=568106]Chickensmack[/re]: It’s all about covering your tracks. The kid was obviously an amateur

Berkeley Bear April 30, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Seeing as how Scooter didn’t serve a day in jail for obstruction in covering for Cheney on the Plame issue, someone should have some clemency coming.

Actually, I’m guessing under the Sentencing guidelines this kid won’t get too much time, but it still sucks that he’s going to have a felony sheet not for what he did in guessing the password that Miss Prissypants is going on about, but an incompetent cover up.

Comparing this to Watergate, btw, is like comparing natural childbirth of a 12 pound kid with a paper cut that doesn’t even bleed.

GOPCrusher April 30, 2010 at 4:19 pm

[re=568081]slappypaddy[/re]: True, but on the other hand it gets rather disgusting to watch the Palins and their mindless minions treating this kid like he raped and killed all the womenfolk, stole the livestock, and then set the log cabin on fire.

Prommie April 30, 2010 at 4:22 pm

[re=568119]F*T*S*[/re]: No, its “fuck you, you fucking cunt you.”

[re=568113]Sussemilch[/re]: This, I like. Chainsaws, I like that, thats a good idea, chainsaws, I never thought of that.

I always think of Siegfreid and Roy’s man-eating tiger, whatsisname. After that Tiger ate Roy, I knew that had to be the best show they ever put on, imagine being lucky enough to be in that audience? Right then and there I came up with the idea for the greatest reality show ever in the history of the universe; “The Asshole Celebrities Get Eaten by Tiger Show.” Each week there’s a pool of asshole celebrities, each week, the audience would vote for the one who gets fed to the tiger, live, on the air.

Can you imagine the ratings? Celine Dion, I figured you have to do her first, just for the sound effects. Heidi whatsername? Octomom? Jesse James? Think of the list, its endless. Think of the soul-fulfilling satisfaction that seeing these people eaten would give us all. Tiger Woods, thats ironic, Tiger eats Tiger! And yes, Sarah Palin, of course.

Wonderman April 30, 2010 at 4:29 pm

“Oh lordy, you betcha by golly, if someone corrupts my assword and then shilly shallies to the ding dong over the details and I’m all, like, what? then I want that doolallie to know he’s been kissed with the nippy point of my whip.”

She didn’t say it, but she thought it.

Maus April 30, 2010 at 4:40 pm

[re=568130]WaldoJeffersHead[/re]: “It’s all about covering your tracks. The kid was obviously an amateur”

Welcome to 4chan.

Monsieur Grumpe April 30, 2010 at 4:51 pm

I’m making some FREE DAVID KERNELL signs for the sentencing day.

MsNicky April 30, 2010 at 4:52 pm

[re=568078]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Oh, you wound me so. I’ll have you know my hearing is perfectly fine, and I have many teeth.

MsNicky April 30, 2010 at 4:59 pm

[re=568094]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: It was actually the fedrul gubbmint what prosecuted the young lad, not the Snowbilly. She got lots of face time down here, though, with her subpeenee and all. The local teabaggers are still calling for the death penalty. Yeah, they’re that stoopit.

Ducksworthy April 30, 2010 at 5:25 pm

[re=568076]chascates[/re]: Burn The Witch Burn The Witch Lets get Gingrich to testify against her. Of course he that might be a problem since he haddent gotten better.

jagray April 30, 2010 at 5:54 pm

“As Watergate taught us, we rightfully reject illegally breaking into candidates’ private communications for political intrigue in an attempt to derail an election.”

Watergate? Bitch, please. The only derailing of the election occured when John McCain picked Granny Snowbilly as his runningmate.

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2010 at 6:03 pm

How much trouble would this young man have gotten into if he’d hacked the emails at the Climatic Research Unit at the University of East Anglia?

Fran Rogers April 30, 2010 at 6:04 pm

Last year, charged with “unauthorized access” to a server to harass a teenage girl into committing suicide, Lori Drew was acquitted of all charges.

Now, David Kernell is found guilty, and may face up to 20 years for the same kind of “unauthorized access.” But there’s no psychological harassment or dead teenagers involved this time, just a little egg on Sarah Palin’s face.

Hmm, what’s wrong with this picture?

Pandy April 30, 2010 at 6:21 pm

[re=568289]Fran Rogers[/re]: the teenage girl wasn’t a real american?

What? No! April 30, 2010 at 9:19 pm

[re=568143]Prommie[/re]: YOU LEAVE ROY ALONE!!!111!!!! The Tiger *SAVED* him (from a particularly lame performance that night apparently).

FlownOver April 30, 2010 at 10:00 pm

[re=568073]magic titty[/re]: At that time the only defense will be proof of having given her money.

Geogre April 30, 2010 at 10:18 pm

It’s a priori that she is stupid. We really didn’t need “proof” of that, did we? Looking around for further validation, when one is faced with her speeches, her ad libs, her answers to “gotcha” questions like ‘Whatcha readin’?', and her behavior is a sign of our desperation to see the world get righted by seeing her followers leave their idol because it is made of wood.

The “hack”… meh. None of us like kiddies trying to get into accounts, but the idea that it takes some super genius with sophisticated tools to analyze a criminal’s computer to prove that she’s misallocating funds and confusing meum and tuum needed to be popped.

Oh, and that proof that she’s an idiot? Her reaction to the “breach” of security and her attempt to climb up on a cross are pretty good indicators.

ladymacbeth April 30, 2010 at 10:23 pm

god this really changes my opinion of sarah palin.

Words April 30, 2010 at 11:06 pm

[re=568410]ladymacbeth[/re]: in what way?

Zorg May 1, 2010 at 3:32 am

We know what has to be done now, don’t we?

Geogre May 1, 2010 at 7:30 am

[re=568286]Tundra Grifter[/re]:
Fantastic point. (You win.)
What would have happened if he had tapped Mary Landrieu’s phones? What would have happened if he had ‘hacked’ ACORN e-mails?

the wiz May 1, 2010 at 10:05 am

I tried to go to Saraha’s face book page to check it out. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I need to wash my brain out with bleach now.

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2010 at 11:34 am

[re=568473]Geogre[/re]: What would have happened if he’d secretly taped ACORN staff members, severely edited the footage, shown it on ClusterFox and lied about it?

Philo May 2, 2010 at 3:58 pm

>FOR GUESSING AN IDIOT’S PASSWORD HINT.

We don’t really set the punishments for crimes based on how easy they are. There are a lot of crimes far easier than this that I suspect you might find more objectionable. For example, care to guess how easy it is for the NSA to eavesdrop on US citizens?

If you disagree with federal cybercrime laws, then I suggest you lobby your Congress people to have them changed. Petition to have them changed so that it is not a crime at all to crack someone’s email account, read their email, and publish it online. Then what he did would be legal.

guangho May 2, 2010 at 10:50 pm

You would have to be ten kinds of fuckup not to guess that lady justice will peek beneath her blindfold for the right price and that the only other way to make her see is by showing hot iron rods up her anus, a tactic that only works if you’re outside the courthouse pissing in.

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