Even Rick Perry Freaked Out By Arizona Immigration Law

  signs you may have gone too far

He doesn't feel Mexican to meYou know that your latest exercise in legislation is a little wacky when arch-nut Rick Perry refuses to endorse it. You might think that Perry would be totally down with the new Arizona effort to find and deport the swarthy folk, but it turns out that he refuses to take follow the lead of his fellow desert-dwellers! He has “concerns with portion of the law” and feels that it is “not the right direction for Texas”! What could be behind this liberal traitor talk?

Here is Wonkette’s SECRET THEORY: all these anti-immigrant laws are dealing with foreigners trying to sneak into America, right? Well, known secessionist Rick Perry is pretty keen on getting his sovereign nation-state the hell out of America, which would make his Texan subjects no more American than the common Mexican. If these laws go on the books across the loyal parts of the U.S., once Texas breaks away the migrant Texans will be persecuted wherever they travel looking for work. Even people who just enjoy the “Texan lifestyle” — big dumb hats, enormous belt buckles, shooting coyotes — will be “profiled” by state police and put into ICE jails for months before being dumped over the border in Texarkana. Future President-for-Life Perry cannot sit idly by while such crimes against Texans are in the offing!

It’s also possible that Perry is the governor of a state with a long history of immigration and that he isn’t a monster, but that seems unlikely.

Anyway, Arizona is also planning to ban ethnic studies departments in their schools, so soon Arizonan children won’t even be able to learn about how rad the Battle of the Alamo was.

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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50 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    Haha. Silly ‘Zona. From what the MSM tells me, your skules aren’t for larnin (you go to Ivy League skules for that, apparently) as they’re just NFL training camps, Girls Gone Wild/Porno Star Academies and partying like it’s 1999.

  2. Long Form Def Certificate

    [re=567577]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Sadly, Courtney Simpson (nee Cox) has retired from adult work & returned to school. (Presumably, NOT Arizona State.)

  3. Texan Bulldoggette

    Nah…Rick’s just worried who will mow his yard & make his breakfast burritos if all the illegals get sent back to Messico.

  4. freakishlystrong

    Look. Perry’s a lot of things, (assholish), but even he knows SOMEONE
    has to pick the tacos.

  5. prestochango

    [re=567581]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: [re=567582]pub_option[/re]: [You both sort of took words out of my mouth]. He’s worried some of the sure-fire, never to be discovered, quickies he had with immigrants may come to light. {So why did I even bother posting? Because we had very similar ideas about this… this is officially an issue now.}

  6. x111e7thst

    “Anyway, Arizona is also planning to ban ethnic studies departments in their schools”

    Did someone just pour a whole bunch of stupid into the water because they were angry that the bank took their house? What the hell is going on in Arizona? Can someone explain this to me please?

  7. JMP

    Splitter! Now Perry is nothing but a RINO and a traitor.

    Just look at the comments here: http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/95123-mack-r-compares-ariz-law-to-nazi-germany?page=1#comments
    Mack a hardcore right-winger and true believer, but he comes out against the police state law and the comments are filled with idiots screaming about how he’s really a Democrat & they need to kick him out. Stray just one step from the wignut orthodoxy and you’re an apostate.

  8. charlesdegoal

    If they never learn about ethnics, how are they going to be able to tell Mexicans apart from the other ethnic group?

  9. Serolf Divad

    When this happens can we deport Cowboy hat and boot wearing ex-Virginia governor George Allen as a suspected Texan?

  10. Manos: Hands of Fate

    Hey even Perry knows that subjecting 40 percent of your state to random highway stops and police raids is bad politics.

    Considering that 30 percent of Arizona is now scrambling to get their papers in order so they don’t get dumped across the border in Nogales, all thanks to WASP warrior Ms. Brewer, I fully expect to telling my disbelieving child in a few year that: “you know Arizona used to elect Republicans to statewide office back in the day.”

  11. JMP

    [re=567594]x111e7thst[/re]: They’ve just gone all crazy with hating the browns lately. From some of the articles, it looks like it all started because one rancher who lives near the border was killed by an unknown assailant who people have decided to assume must have been an illegal alien, just because.

    It’s like how the Civil War was started when Nitro blew up a school while the New Warriors were chasing him, causing the public to get behind Iron Man’s plan to force all superheroes to register with and work for the government.

  12. Ruhe

    [re=567597]JMP[/re]: Yea, Perry is definitely a pussy in bagger land. While he’s all “concerned” about certain portions of the law the real men in the GOP, like Duncan Hunter, are doubling down with calls to send any natural born American citizen Mexican kids back across the boarder with their illegal parents. Duncan has discovered that apparently despite the circumstances of one’s birth being an American is really something that is “in your soul” and Mexicans don’t have those so, QED, get out already. He’s even proposing legislation to basically countermand the 14th amendment. Anybody can shoot a coyote but it takes real balls to champion the anti-flag-burning legislative canard of the new decade.

  13. southern mark smith

    [re=567594]x111e7thst[/re]: I dunno, but the AZ legislature is getting on the “human-animal hybrid” bandwagon, too.

    The Arizona state Senate on Thursday passed a bill making it illegal for a person to “intentionally or knowingly creating a human-animal hybrid. (I would provide a link, but it’s from Politico.)

    The bill would make it a class 6 felony in the state to knowingly create such a hybrid during research and class 1 misdemeanor to create or a purchase a human-animal embryo otherwise.

    But if one were to accidentally create an animal-human hybrid, or receive one as a gift, that would be okay. Good times.

  14. Limeylizzie

    [re=567581]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Possibly the only thing I miss from my days in Texas is a good breakfast burrito, and no, that is not a euphemism.

  15. JMP

    [re=567608]Ruhe[/re]: Hunter’s always been a racist nut, and this has gotten him spouting off more blatantly unconstitutional bullshit again. He really does seem to think there’s some magical property of “Americanness” some people are born with, and others (non-white folks) are not.

    [re=567609]southern mark smith[/re]: What about being an animal-human hybrid; is Spider-Man safe?

    The thing is, this is really closing off a very important avenue of genetic research just because it sounds weird. Geneticists splice one or two human genes into a mouse to study the effects, as they can run experiments on the mice that would be extremely illegal and unethical to do with humans.

  16. southern mark smith

    [re=567632]JMP[/re]: Agreed. Just a further example of this “piling on the stupid” in which they are engaged in this current marathon legislative session.

    Being Spiderman is fine, so long as you don’t charge people money. It’s covered under the accident clause.

  17. Elephants Gerald

    [re=567609]southern mark smith[/re]: So half-assed (human/animal)Sheriff Joe must’ve been a gift…

  18. V572625694

    [re=567632]JMP[/re]: What’s really disgusting is the idea of hereditary congressional seats: Hunter’s predecessor in his seat was his daddy, a defense contractor tool akin to Duke Cunningham. Sonny Bono’s wife is sitting in “his” congressional seat with no more qualifications than she was hot enough to be Cher’s successor. Chris Dodd’s dad was Sen Thomas Dodd. When Cokie Roberts’ father Hale Boggs died, his wife took his seat. And we just suffered through eight years of the most egregious nepotism imaginable. Didn’t we fight a rebbolution (and invite over a bunch of immigrants to make cars) to get away from this shit, as well as theocratic state religions?

    I’ll take a deep breath now….

  19. Berkeley Bear

    Apparently there’s a move afoot to pass a dupe bill in Texas – I hope it happens, because making Good Hair pick between courting the Tea Baggers who helped him beat KBH in the primary and enraging the Messicans who would then get behind the Dem mayor of Houston and beat him in the general. Popcorn, please.

  20. m_supercomputer

    I guess Rick’s one of those ‘pro-business’ Republicans, and this legislation is so manifestly bad for any business in the state (not to mention, you know, people – these are Republicans we’re talking about after all). Getting the rubes all fired up like Arizona is fun, but there’s profits to be had.

  21. JMP

    [re=567625]I Heart Accuracy[/re]: Wignut-on-wignut violence is always a beautiful sight, but a little less so in this case, where the racists are piling on anyone who doesn’t support legislation that is actually fascist, that no decent human could support.

    [re=567653]V572625694[/re]: Jeb 2012!

  22. Cape Clod

    I’ll bet that he would take a lot grief from high schools across the state because all their football teams would have to find substitute place kickers.

  23. lada_sue

    The construction industry in Texas spends an awful lot of money and is less inclined to give it to a party that’s wanting to deport a third of its workforce. In trying to please the wingers, the republican party of Texas has seen its major contributions dry up.
    I don’t think Perry can beat Bill White.

  24. Jamie Sommers

    [re=567653]V572625694[/re]: This.
    And the thing that you’d think people would have learned by now is that Junior/Mrs. is never as good as Senior/Mr. was. The political family members just get dumber the further down the line you go.

  25. Jamie Sommers

    [re=567689]lada_sue[/re]: You may be on to something here. The construction industry is (actually, was before the recession) strong in AZ but most politicians run under “Clean Elections” which provides taxpayer money for campaigns. This system has undercut corporate donations because most people just go to the wingnut functions to get their filing signatures and preliminary $5 contributions to qualify for the state funding.

  26. mgardener

    perry does not want to upset the Latino vote. Before the election.The end. After the election if perry wins, who knows?

  27. libwakman

    Perry appears to be video-captured above performing the obligatory “smoothing the dudes hair back in place after a really swell Teabagging”.
    All good & understood..but his own gray haired Daddie??
    Oh these silly funsexytime Texamericans pinch my gonnies.

  28. norbizness

    Rick Perry is persona non grata in Arizona; on his last junket there, he shot 4 members of the Phoenix Coyotes while jogging.

  29. JMP

    [re=567709]Jamie Sommers[/re]: The only exception is Al Gore; but there is not one other single one I can think of.

  30. chascates

    But Arizona will never pass a bill banning a school district from teaching a class on a specific religion, such as teh Jesus Party.

    And Perry relies on the votes of the conservative Hispanics.

  31. slappypaddy

    texas is economically dependent upon illegal immigrant labor and has been for generations. unlike arizona, texas has farms, lots of farms, growing food that is harvested by brown-skinned people, lots of them. rick perry may be a lot of things, but he is not a complete idiot.

  32. Whatever Blows Your Skirt

    [re=567621]Limeylizzie[/re]: you know? I completely agree… uuuuuuuummmmmm breakfast burritos.

    Seems our nations capital has yet to TRULY discover this most beneficial of dishes and/or make them properly IF/WHEN you can find them.

    Aside from that Texicans are just CWAZY!!!!
    [I can say that, I grew up there and speak from personal knowledge, left as soon as I could]

  33. assistant/atlas

    Whatever….If Rick Perry were still trying to win a Republican primary instead of a general election, you better fucking believe he would’ve loved the SHIT out of the Arizona bill.

  34. iolanthe

    [re=567603]JMP[/re]: Ah, yes. The rancher killed by the unknown assailant, whom everyone on the RW assumes was an illegal Mexican immigrant. I was on one site the day it happened, and some old cowboy actually said, “What do you mean we have no evidence? Who needs evidence when you have common sense!”

    And right now, everybody bow their head and thank God or whatever you thank in moments like this, that we have the ACLU.

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