MEET YOUR CANDIDATES  2:13 pm April 29, 2010

by Jim Newell

SHE'S COOL!BEST REAGAN USAGE OF THE DAY: Linda McMahon, who owns the beloved pro wrestling organization WWE with her strange husband Vince, is running for the Republican Senate nomination in Connecticut. When asked how she balances her Political Values with the fact that she runs the most overtly trashy company in America, she just started babbling about Ronald Reagan, as Republicans tend to do: “If he had played a comedic standup person who did slapstick, do you think that’s how he’d operate in the presidency?” Does she really want an answer to that? [Glenn Thrush]

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Sharkey April 29, 2010 at 2:15 pm

Clearly, she is ready to rumble.

Lascauxcaveman April 29, 2010 at 2:16 pm

In other words: “Bedtime for Bonzo” not that much better than WWE.

Sussemilch April 29, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Is she going to walk up and down the aisle with a big placard showing the bill # up for discussion?

RoscoePColtraine April 29, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Caught with a face full of crotch? It’s called acting.

Is there any political dilemma the party representing family values can’t solve?

SayItWithWookies April 29, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Hey, just because she owns the world’s most successful distributor of homoerotic fake sporting events doesn’t mean she’s against Republican values. I mean, she believes trees cause pollution — isn’t that enough?

ManchuCandidate April 29, 2010 at 2:21 pm

I’m not surprised that a WWE execubot is running for the GOP.

Their base is made up of under educated dipshits.
Lots of issues with the ghey (WWE is just a touch more homoerotic though)
Both had sex scandals involving under aged boys
Neither like safety regulation
Both advertised as pro “family”
Everything stage managed

bitchincamaro April 29, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Fuggin nutmeggers.

norbizness April 29, 2010 at 2:24 pm

I heard that Macho Man Randy Savage used to call Miss Elizabeth “Mommy.”

mustardman April 29, 2010 at 2:24 pm

When they figure out a way to Clone Reagan these wingnuts will be lining up to have his testtube baby!

Native of SL UT April 29, 2010 at 2:27 pm

Oh why the hell not? This is what our Democracy is really missing. A few well placed folding chairs across some shlups head will do wonders for improving the performance of the Senate.

Mr Blifil April 29, 2010 at 2:27 pm

“Comedic stand-up persons” don’t generally “do slapstick” as slapstick occasionally involves falling down, which is anathema to the stand-ups raison d’etre, which is to procure laughter from a standing position.

Now all her opponent in the election has to do is point out that wrestling is fake, whereupon she will pull out a folding chair and perform an elaborate slapstick involving hitting her opponent over the head while he surreptitiously breaks a blood bag on his/her forehead. This will secure her “victory.”

GOPCrusher April 29, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Is being a “Reagan” Republiklan back in? I thought being a “foaming at the mouth lunatic Michelle Bachmann” Republiklan was the sure path to victory in this election season.

Extemporanus April 29, 2010 at 2:30 pm

About twenty years ago, I went to a small Minneapolis Zoo staff party held in the basement of one of their herpetologists. The lanky, bald, super friendly zoo tram operator who was there looked really familiar to me, but it wasn’t until I shook his hand — and felt his clad-like grip — that I realized exactly who he was:

“Hi, my name’s Jim. But most people call me ‘Baron’.”

There’s no real point to that story, other than to say that I wonder what ol’ von Rashke’s been up to lately, and whether he’d ever consider pulling a Ventura and taking out Bachmann or Pawlenty.


JMP April 29, 2010 at 2:32 pm

Hey, she runs an organizing that horribly exploits its workers and sends most of them to early grave; of course she’s a perfect Republican.

Of course, it’s not like someone from pro wrestling has ever became a Governor and proven to be a slapstick clown before…

Extemporanus April 29, 2010 at 2:35 pm

[re=567143]Extemporanus[/re]: Jeez! “Claw-like”, not “clad-like”, you lousy heel!

Mista Eko April 29, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Would Ronald Reagan let Randy Macho Man Savage deflower his underage teenage daughter?

/Not sure how wrestling smart marks have not completely dismantled this campaign yet.

PlanetWingnuta April 29, 2010 at 2:42 pm

[re=567146]JMP[/re]: yeah but he wanted to water board sean hannity so he’s not that that bad in that respect…and im still waiting on that waterboarding for the TROOPS!!!!

freakishlystrong April 29, 2010 at 2:45 pm

I’d have preferred “The Gipper” to have been a professional wrestler, t’would have saved this country a lot misery.

snideinplainsight April 29, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan
Reagan Reagan all day long,
Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan
Reagan Reagan Reagan Song! (everybody now…)

Extemporanus April 29, 2010 at 2:57 pm


Ducksworthy April 29, 2010 at 3:13 pm

[re=567159]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: Waterboarding Hannity would still be the highlight of his career. On the one hand he had some great slogans and on the other hand he began the long slide of the state’s economy into the shitter.

PlanetWingnuta April 29, 2010 at 3:31 pm

[re=567207]Ducksworthy[/re]: true…but i’m willing to forgive all that if he made hannity 1) cry like a 5 year old girl, 2)babble and studder, 3) have him totally renounce fox and say he’s an ass and should never be listened too ever. 4)call out fox for being a shit station. and 5)quit his job and become a franscian monk.

i know i know…5) is too much to hope for.

springfield_meltdown April 29, 2010 at 3:33 pm

I actually watched some of this crap recently. One of the wrestlers was a blonde fellow in a suit who taunted his opponents with big words. Naturally he was the villain. Great influence on the young’uns this WWE is.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 29, 2010 at 4:29 pm

Scantily clad, sweaty men clasping their legs around the each others head.

Reagan would love it!


You forgot “Left first wife for one that gave better blow jobs.”

Rush April 29, 2010 at 4:35 pm
Godot April 29, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Oh come on! WWE isn’t even the most overtly trashy professional wrestling company in America! I won’t stand idly by while this LAMESTREAM MEDIA BLOG ignores all the hard work and dedication that the men and women of TNA Wrestling have put in to take that spot! It’s leagues worse than WWE!

Godot April 29, 2010 at 5:59 pm

[re=567139]Mr Blifil[/re]: Didn’t you see Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler? They aren’t surreptitiously breaking blood bags on their foreheads, they’re surreptitiously slicing their foreheads with razor blades!

jus_wonderin April 29, 2010 at 6:23 pm

Always, always…holier than thou. Even though the trash she peddles makes me sick. Just the snippets I get crossing that channel makes my skin crawl.

On the snarky side: Lord, please don’t let her do that move where she scissors her opponent full up to her crotch. That is just wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

One Yield Regular April 29, 2010 at 6:43 pm

I think somehow I might have watched if Ronald Reagan had been tossed in the ring for a Lucha Libre match.

Shem the Penman April 29, 2010 at 6:49 pm

Good choice of photo, Jim. We would also have accepted the video of her getting the Tombstone Piledriver from Kane.

zhubajie April 29, 2010 at 11:18 pm

Both are show business for ugly people.

CanadianBacon April 29, 2010 at 11:27 pm

“If he had played a comedic standup person who did slapstick, do you think that’s how he’d operate in the presidency?”
Actually thats how I think he operated but I suspect the onset of Alzheimers was also a factor.
As far as the “most overtly trashy company in America” I think Goldman Sachs is more deserving of that crown.

zhubajie April 29, 2010 at 11:50 pm

Turn all of our politics over to pro-wrestling! Reptiles = WWE, Demons = TNA Wrestling! It’s not as if things aren
t rigged anyway.

ttommyunger April 30, 2010 at 10:28 am

HEY, vote for me! I’ve got a shitload of money acquired by sucking and fucking one of the weirdest dudes on the planet….makes sense to me.

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