JEFF KOTTKAMP IS YOUR GODHEAD  12:09 pm April 29, 2010

Florida Republicans Rapidly Scrubbing Charlie Crist From All Websites, Pamphlets

by Jim Newell

This fellow is currently gracing the front page of the Republican Party of Florida’s website. Who is this dingus, Jeff Kottkamp? Jeff Kottkamp himself probably doesn’t know! And while we don’t know whether Jeff Kottkamp was on the front page yesterday, or the day before, or six months ago, or during the launch of the Internet in 1563, we do know that we’ll probably be seeing much more of this awkward man on official state party literature in the future, during the Scrubbing of Charlie Crist.

An interesting tidbit from one of TPM’s ten million articles from just this morning:

We asked the GOP source what steps were being taken to run against Crist, and got an amusing answer: The Florida GOP is making preparations to rewrite their political literature, to remove Crist. “The governor is the elected head of our party, so just from a logistical standpoint, in terms of a lot of our printed materials, our website, some of the branding that we’ve done, and things like that, we really have to go back and reevaluate,” said the source. “We don’t want to presume what the governor’s announcement is going to be. All signs point to him leaving the party, so all the preparation we’ve done from a logistical standpoint is going back and seeing what changes need to be made, seeing as the sitting governor will no longer be a member of our party after today.”

All Hail Jeff Kottkamp! Jeff Kottkamp! Jeff… forgot it already! FOUR MORE YEARS FOR THAT GUY ‘Jeff’!

[Republican Party of Florida]

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smashtheduck April 29, 2010 at 12:13 pm

I’m putting two cans of hobo beans on O’Reilly rushing to Florida to participate in this “scrubbing”.

JMP April 29, 2010 at 12:17 pm

As with CREEP back in the day, RPOF shows that the Reps should be a little more careful with their acronyms; although I do appreciate the honestly, because yes the Republicans are a RPOF (unless you’re rich).

Naked Bunny with a Whip April 29, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Is that a mustache or some kind of skin disorder?

Red Zeppelin April 29, 2010 at 12:19 pm

I can just hear Mr. Kottkamp saying “Tell me what I need to do to put you in this Camry today.” My answer: lose the stache.

OzoneTom April 29, 2010 at 12:20 pm

It was either that or GOPOF…

Sussemilch April 29, 2010 at 12:21 pm

So his platform is:
- less government control
- control spending
- reduce taxes
- Jesus is totally hot

The same platform Bush ran on. Anyone remember how that turned out?

Terry April 29, 2010 at 12:21 pm


Yeah, that acronym is just asking to be pronounced R-poof. It sort of fits with the lt. gov’s mustache, too.

biscuits April 29, 2010 at 12:22 pm

Rpof is a great acronym – and an even better verb. Kottkamp makes me want to rpof.

norbizness April 29, 2010 at 12:23 pm

He’s going to need to go clean-shaven and turn a brighter shade of orange before being deemed ‘beard’-worthy.

Ruhe April 29, 2010 at 12:25 pm

[re=566901]JMP[/re]: Really, how do you miss something like that?

DemmeFatale April 29, 2010 at 12:27 pm

Who is this dingus?
Looks like a pervy child molester to me.
(But I’ll leave the superficial, snap-judgments to Arizona.)

Lazy Media April 29, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Republican Party of Florida (NAMBLA).

ph7 April 29, 2010 at 12:30 pm

Members of the Fla. GOP have been privately scrubbing Charlie Crist for years.

proudgrampa April 29, 2010 at 12:31 pm


whiterabid April 29, 2010 at 12:33 pm

It looks like Jeff gets off on squeezing the Charmin. Boy, I guess that dates me.

bitchincamaro April 29, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Scrubbing the Crist brand from all those thongs. Sheeesh.

mustardman April 29, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Yesterday: Crist=Patriot
Today: Crist=Communist

Oblios Cap April 29, 2010 at 12:35 pm

This is all a power play between the Jeb Bush loyalists – we have people in this state that think Jeb was a good governor, despite his wrecking the state economy and other assorted criminal enterprises – and the Orange fella’s supporters. Crist has been a fairly reasonable Repub, which pisses the Bushies off to no end. Looks like Jeb will end up as King of the Teabaggers.

Kotterkamp is a horse’s ass.

Baldar T Flagass April 29, 2010 at 12:36 pm

“It doesn’t make sense. It isn’t even good grammar. What the hell does it mean to disappear somebody?”
-John Yossarian

Smoke Filled Roommate April 29, 2010 at 12:37 pm

Mein Kott in Himmel!

S.Luggo April 29, 2010 at 12:38 pm

Kottkamp has the experience: On June 18, 2008 Kottkamp became Acting Governor of the State of Florida while Crist had knee surgery.

whiterabid April 29, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Governor Snowball.

Limeylizzie April 29, 2010 at 12:40 pm

The RPOOFS are acting like I did when I was about 16 and some idiot boy dumped me, I bet they are also destroying all the appalling poems they wrote lauding him and refusing to wear certain panties ever again.

S.Luggo April 29, 2010 at 12:41 pm

The Repubs are takin’ the ghey out of F-L-A.

Chain Tattoo April 29, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Interesting fact: in the Mikasuki dialect of the Seminole language, “Jeff Kottkamp” means “I scrubbed the fabulous governor with my felafel.”

Not_So_Much April 29, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Whoa — crazy muppet eyes. Actually, the stache too.

Crank Tango April 29, 2010 at 12:42 pm

[re=566938]S.Luggo[/re]: I guess that’s like being a community organizer, youbetcha.

RoscoePColtraine April 29, 2010 at 12:45 pm

After all the trouble Charlie put himself through for the good of the party. He went on dates! He gave up sweet “bachelorhood” and married himself to a person with a vageen, because the awful truth of his natural, god-given proclivities would be too scandalous to the many olds, fundies and other assorted retards who proudly wear the ‘republican’ label. It must have been hell. And this is the thanks he gets. What a shame. What a fucking shame.

By the way, I just rented Outrage (the movie) and I must say I never realized what a queen Charlie is. Pity the women he married. So much fighting over who gets to use the bathroom mirror, and the money they spent on makeup.

Hamster April 29, 2010 at 12:49 pm

Is that David Spade?

schvitzatura April 29, 2010 at 12:50 pm

Let the name of Crist be stricken from every book and tablet, stricken from all pylons and obelisks, stricken from every monument of The Sunshine State. Let the name of Crist be unheard and unspoken, erased from the memory of Teabaggers for all time.

So let it be rittun, so let it be dun…

GOPCrusher April 29, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Kind of reminiscent of the Stalinist Purges of the 30′s. Will they also be removing Crist from photographs?

gurukalehuru April 29, 2010 at 12:53 pm

I’m quite surprised that nobody has yet commented on the fact that his last name is Cot Camp. As in: “What do you do at Cot Camp?”

coolcatdaddy April 29, 2010 at 12:53 pm

The Republicans are good at pressing the History Eraser Button.

Abou Diaby April 29, 2010 at 12:53 pm

Guess who is running for Florida Gov.? Rick Scott. That’s right. The guy who got indicted for the largest Medicare scam ever and spent all summer scaring the shit out of old people as the founder of conservatives for patient rights. That fucking Rick Scott. And his commercials are adorable. Picture a bald, creepy looking bastard shooting off talking points in a most jovial manner.

Lascauxcaveman April 29, 2010 at 12:54 pm

[re=566907]Red Zeppelin[/re]: I love it when they drag out that old cliche. My answer is, “You can’t. I’m comparison shopping and I’m more interested in the (name of competitors vehicle) at this time.” Just to see if they flinch, or quickly find a way to ease me out the door.

GOPCrusher April 29, 2010 at 12:55 pm

I read the acronym as RiPOFf. Is that wrong?

Dave J. April 29, 2010 at 12:58 pm

This whole episode was anticipated by Wilco in their classic song, “Monday”

“Choo choo Charlie had a pretty good band
But he couldn’t understand why no one would go
A world record player’s on a tour of Japan
Charlie’s fixing his van with the left arm tan

He said
Monday, I’m all high, get me out of FLA
In school yeah, I fooled ya
Now I know I made a mistake”

smitallica April 29, 2010 at 12:58 pm

So when you want to become a Republican politician, is it a requirement that you look like a child molester, or merely a plus?

Buzz Feedback April 29, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Not all at once, ladies.

Escape Goat Nation April 29, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Jeff Todkamp: Fuck the Constitution. God tells me what to do.

Hoplight April 29, 2010 at 1:02 pm


Rolling Partially naked while Ostrich Fucking?

ennui go April 29, 2010 at 1:04 pm

[re=566959]gurukalehuru[/re]: Crist on a cracker! Who left this damn stain on my Camp Cot? What a freakin’ rpof.

Jumping Jim April 29, 2010 at 1:04 pm

[re=566945]Not_So_Much[/re]: Deer in Headlights eyes.

Airborne Toxic Event April 29, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Palin/Kottkamp ’12

Extemporanus April 29, 2010 at 1:21 pm

This is glowing news for Billy Mays.

Tim April 29, 2010 at 1:23 pm

[re=566963]GOPCrusher[/re]: No, I see “ripoff” as well, although many seem to see some kind of sexual innuendo. I don’t see it …

MOG April 29, 2010 at 1:30 pm

[re=566956]schvitzatura[/re]: prostrating self before the altar, then starting up the sandblaster to get’er done.

ThePuckStopsHere April 29, 2010 at 1:31 pm

“The rights set forth in our Constitution…are granted us by God”??? I didn’t know God was even at the Constitutional Convention. Which of the Federalist Papers did He author. Or did Moses bring the US Constitution down from the mountain with the Ten Commandments? Now I’m just confused…

chaste everywhere April 29, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Oh, Jesus H-less Crist!

mumblyjoe April 29, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Man, that screen grab gives me a full-body cringe. Not because of the pedo-stached Lt. Guv, but because of the text. Every time I encounter the right-wing meme that the Constitution, or the rights and privileges in the Constitution, come from God, the level of reading comprehension fail causes me physical pain. The first words in the damn thing are “We the people, in order to form a more perfect union…”, for chrissakes. And, yeah, I’m sure God had strong feelings about black people only counting as 3/5 of a person, and felt strongly against the quartering of troops in people’s homes without permission. It’s in Deuteronomy, I’m pretty sure.

The Inherent Rights stuff was the Declaration, morans. And even the Declaration made it clear that that’s only half the equation. We have the rights, and we voluntarily dial them back a bit as part of the Social Contract that makes a society. But, that stuff is all us -people interacting with people to build a functional society- not God declaring “thou shalt be afforded a trial by jury of your peers”.

Georgia Burning April 29, 2010 at 1:44 pm

[re=566967]smitallica[/re]: In California, it’s only a requirement in Kern County. But that registry is a prime source of campaign volunteers under the age of 60.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 29, 2010 at 1:47 pm

It’s fun to see a good, old-fashion Stalinist Purge.

Jeff Kottkamp has always been the leader of the Florida Republican Party.

Charlie Crist has never been the leader of the Florida Republican Party.

Mahousu April 29, 2010 at 1:50 pm

Verily I say to you, before the cock crows, the Florida GOP will deny Crist three times.

What’s that you say? The cock has already … ? No, I said “crows,” not “bangs a succession of choir boys and domestic farm animals.”

Mr Blifil April 29, 2010 at 1:51 pm


schlock and flaws April 29, 2010 at 1:56 pm

[re=566956]schvitzatura[/re]: So let it be rittun, so let’s it be dun git ‘er dun.

Pop Socket April 29, 2010 at 2:06 pm

“We are at war with Eastasia. We have always been at war with Eastasia.”

The RPOF is now a subdivision of the Ministry of Truth.

Pop Socket April 29, 2010 at 2:08 pm

[re=566950]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I’m waiting for some teabagger to say “Good riddance you flaming pansy.” It always come down to the bigotry.

disgustedcitizen April 29, 2010 at 2:15 pm

If the GOP as a whole, (hole?) would rewrite their literature to remove all references to “Christ” they would be a lot more relevant. IMHO.

Diana Davies April 29, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Charlie Crist should just find a nice orange woman, settle down and have nice orange kids. Um.

PlanetWingnuta April 29, 2010 at 2:45 pm

[re=566956]schvitzatura[/re]: win!

and did anyone thinks this guy would be perfectly cast for a porno in the 80s..he has that pornstache thing going on. So you know he has a scandal or 2 coming…which he wanted to keep quiet about but when they promote you…these things come out…hard.

PlanetWingnuta April 29, 2010 at 2:47 pm

[re=567123]Diana Davies[/re]: you mean with Boener??????

maximumneanderthal April 29, 2010 at 4:02 pm

“Kottkamp”- deriv. from Kott, or Cot, – a small enclosed shelter, often used for sheltering sheep or other furry livestock, and kamp or camp, – walking lightly on the feet, whilst exclaiming. (See also, “camp as a row of pink tents”, and “widestance, tapping in small enclosures”).

slappypaddy April 29, 2010 at 4:16 pm

“As Republicans we believe that the reach of government should be limited, and should never reach into the realm of preventing financial misconduct, civil or criminal. We believe that government should control the spending of the lower economic classes through policies of regressive taxation, and reduce that tax burden of the wealthy in order to facilitate the purchase of politicians at all levels of government. We believe that the rights set forth in our Constitution were not the considered opinions of men who were well-versed in history and political philosophy, but were instead handed down to us by a mythical being. These are the core principles that guide us every day as we serve the citizens, whom we prefer roasted on a spit and lightly salted. Amen.”

JGabriel April 30, 2010 at 1:32 am

Wow, it’s just like when Stalin scrubbed Lenin from all the Communist Party websites.

Kottkamp even has the same mustache!


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