BY THE TIME I DON'T GET TO PHOENIX  2:03 pm April 28, 2010

Boycott Arizona? Sure, Because It’s So Easy!

by Ken Layne

Yep.Have you people just HAD IT with Arizona being so evil and terrible and unleashing its dumb racist idiot garbage upon America again and again, forever? Boycott those jackholes. Gawker put together a list of some Arizona “big name” businesses you can boycott just in case you already avoid the state — like everyone except for 90-year-old retired white people from Chicago suburbs, who move there to die and complain about Mexicans and “dry heat.” Seriously, every known business from Arizona is terrible. Will you miss P.F. Chang’s or GoDaddy or SkyMall, three of the worst things in America that represent everything sleazy and shitty about this foul nation of slobs? Of course not. But what about the Grand Canyon?

You should not boycott a Famous National Park just because it’s stuck within the Arizona Territory. You can go to Grand Canyon without patronizing any local Arizona businesses! We will tell you how:

If you’re flying, fly to Las Vegas. It’s 270 miles from Vegas to Grand Canyon Village, or just an hour’s drive longer than the route from Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix (200 miles from the canyon). Fill up just before you cross the border. Add 30 miles to your already long drive by taking the 95 south from McCarran International to Bullhead City, fill up on the Laughlin, Nevada side of the river.

Stay in a cheap casino motel, if you like that kind of thing — then get up early, eat your casino breakfast, load up on coffee and sandwiches and smokes, buy groceries and booze for your camping, and drive straight to Grand Canyon without spending a nickel. (You can tape a paper sign in your back window: “I’m visiting the National Park but not spending any money in Arizona.” Oh that will just burn their asses, won’t it?)

Once you’re there, you’ve already paid your camping reservation fees on the Internet, and those fees don’t supply any money (that we know of) to Dingbat Arizona. The park employees are federal workers, and they get paid whether you’re there or not. Don’t buy any souvenirs. Might have to put in a few gallons of gas on the way back, but save the re-fill for the Nevada side. Easy!

Better yet, go to one of the lovely desert national parks in Liberal California, where Mexicans are free to do anything except, uh, gay-marry each other. Even the mayor of L.A. is a common Mexican! Joshua Tree National Park, Death Valley National Park and the immense, insane and almost totally overlooked Mojave National Preserve are all better than Grand Canyon. Was Gram Parsons half-cremated in Grand Canyon? NO HE WAS NOT, that happened in Joshua Tree. Did Keith Richards go on UFO camping trips in Grand Canyon Village. NO NEVER, he went to the Mojave. Is that one good U2 record (other than Achtung Baby!, we guess) called Grand Canyon? NO IT IS CALLED THE JOSHUA TREE.

Grand Canyon is kind of played out, unless you go to the North Rim, which is an easy/short drive from the Utah side, and not so clogged with goddamned RVs and tour groups. The North Rim only gets about 1/10th the visitors as the other side! Plus, no need to spend a nickel in Arizona!

You can also visit the impressive Saguaro National Parks by driving over from New Mexico, EASY, and plus maybe Bill Richardson will buy you some tacos when you spend your money in ABQ. [Gawker/LA Times/Washington Post]

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MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend April 28, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Easier: Go to Vegas. Take one of those Helicopter tours which goes right over the grand canyon. Try not to throw up. Go back to Vegas. Drink/Gamble.

Papas got a brand new teabag April 28, 2010 at 2:15 pm

fuck the grand canyon. it’s just a big gash in the earth caused by a borg space station crash landing a few hundred million years ago. not that interesting.

go to joshua tree instead and enjoy the enormous boulders and weird shrubberies while you trip your balls off on peyote and mescalin. then sneak into one of those gated communities in Indio and skinny dip in some rich snow-bird’s infinity pool. much better than dodgin la policia in AZ, IYAM. plus, they have in and out burger.

RatFink April 28, 2010 at 2:17 pm

And be sure not to speed, to avoid paying any fines to that moron state

Sussemilch April 28, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Boycott??!? Embargo! Immigration fence! Razor wire and attack dogs! Guard towers! Shoot first and bill them for the ammunition cost later!

JMP April 28, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Within Arizona physically but not politically there are also many large Indian reservations, some close to the Grand Canyon. To my knowledge, money spent there goes to the tribes, not the state, and hey they could use more money anyway.

I Heart Accuracy April 28, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Can you bring hookers from Nevada? Or does AZ have a law against that TOO.

anonymousryan April 28, 2010 at 2:21 pm

[re=566239]RatFink[/re]: What if you’re dark skinned? I guess you could just dress like a mime to avoid being pulled over.

Oblios Cap April 28, 2010 at 2:21 pm

It would figure that the biggest draw in that god-forsaken state is a colorful giant gash.

I mean the Canyon, not the Meghan or Cindy.

snoidoid April 28, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Yeah, Fuck the Ari&#21328ona side of the Grand Canyon! Go to King’s Canyon National Park in California. Go see the General Sherman redwood, the biggest living thing in the world (except for that fungus in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, but you can’t actually see that). And there’s like 6 times fewer people there than at Yosemite.

magic titty April 28, 2010 at 2:24 pm

I will dispute the *merits* of The Joshua Tree album to any closeted U2 fan in here. Bring it.

pdiddycornchips April 28, 2010 at 2:25 pm

this totally sucks for golfing enthusiasts George Lopez and Cheech Marin.

Doglessliberal April 28, 2010 at 2:25 pm

Here’s a list of National Parks, many of which are canyons, and far less trafficked than Grand. Big Bend, which has a long river you can go down and has a huge canyon is fabulous and no one ever goes there. Downside: it is in shitty Texas.

jus_wonderin April 28, 2010 at 2:25 pm

I have had a longtime suspicion of Arizona due to the fact that it has it’s nose lodged full-on into Nevada’s lowering appendage and is rubbing crotch to booty with California. Granted, Arizona is not a square as Colorado. And while AZ looks like a snob with it’s back to New Mexico it is certainly nowhere near as “frilly ’round the edgas” as Texas.

They don’t deserve The Grand Canyon anyway. We should have it moved.

F*T*S* April 28, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Isn’t Ted Williams frozen at Alcor?!!1?

SayItWithWookies April 28, 2010 at 2:26 pm

All those creation scientists who are researching the Grand Canyon — formed as it was during the Noachic Flood and not by that so-called spooky “erosion” nonsense — are going to be really disappointed. This could stop our race towards complete ignorance dead in its tracks.

illnoise April 28, 2010 at 2:27 pm

The Blackhawks made sure Hockey Tourism in Phoenix ended a month early.

mumblyjoe April 28, 2010 at 2:28 pm

[re=566234]MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend[/re]: Or, do throw up. What do we care? Vomit, like refried bean swastikas, is a valid form of protest and add zero value to AZ. This is not the only trait that vomit and refried bean swastikas share.

The Jackson Five April 28, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Good talk Russ, good talk.

GOPCrusher April 28, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Zion or Bryce Canyon in Utah are nice if you want to look at holes in the Earth.

GOPCrusher April 28, 2010 at 2:31 pm

[re=566267]illnoise[/re]: Actually that was Detroit. Chicago ended Nashville’s hopes of the Stanley Cup.

weejee April 28, 2010 at 2:33 pm

Lobby Google to make “Avoid Arizona” an option on their mappy page.

choinski April 28, 2010 at 2:33 pm


mardam422 April 28, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Time to redraw the state boundaries, if you know what I mean.

gurukalehuru April 28, 2010 at 2:37 pm

It’s a slippery slope. If you start boycotting Arizona, what’s next? South Carolina? Minnesota? Alaska? Nebraska? The competition for most politically fucked up state in the country is fierce. Fierce, I tells ya.

whiterabid April 28, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Also, Sky City in New Mexico should be considered. Oldest continuously inhabited city in USA. We camped outside of Sky City in the desert once. Smoked some great ganga. It was incredible. There are all kind of faces carved in the cliffs and you can see where Anasazi hobos and hippies used to live in the rocks. Some of the carvings even looked like dinosaurs. Who knows? Maybe Noah’s ark landed near there.

Nohbdy April 28, 2010 at 2:40 pm

[re=566277]GOPCrusher[/re]: [re=566267]illnoise[/re]: The Coyotes only lost because a few “illegal” Canadians on the team didn’t have their papers with them.

give us a bob April 28, 2010 at 2:42 pm

Outrage! I demand the University of Phoenix be dis-accredited at once.

freakishlystrong April 28, 2010 at 2:43 pm

And another thing. Fuck you to Walnuts, or 10 gallon ass, Rockin’ Rick Perry for carping about how the “Federal Government” hasn’t done anything about immigration, (read: blaming the current President, who has been President for 1.5 years), when between them, one has been a Senator for 100 years and one a Governor for what feels like half that, WHAT exactly? Now, however, because of Napolitano’s inaction, Arizona is suddenly a mess? I call bullshit.

sezme April 28, 2010 at 2:43 pm

white Americans, what?
nothing better to do?
why don’t you kick yourself out
you’re an immigrant too. — Jack White, “Icky Thump”[

re=566254]magic titty[/re]: U2 has ‘merits’?

JMP April 28, 2010 at 2:44 pm

[re=566267]illnoise[/re]: Why did they ever even move hockey to Southern cities that are so hot they never even get a flake of snow? The Canadian towns the teams were stolen from weep.

[re=566272]GOPCrusher[/re]: Oh yeah, my family went to both those along with the Grand in our old trip out West, and both were actually more enjoyable as you could see the whole things, and there wasn’t the huge crowds of other tourists.

comicbookguy April 28, 2010 at 2:45 pm

[re=566247]anonymousryan[/re]: And when they ask for your papers you can pull out your invisible birf certificate which of course needs to be unfolded several hundred times until it’s the size of a tent. That would be awesome.

Aurelio April 28, 2010 at 2:45 pm

If I have to boycott Arizona, where will I go to watch illegals get detained? Will it be on the teevee? Will there be a series, like Cops? What will the theme song be? ¿malos muchachos, qué van a hacer blah blah?

Prommie April 28, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Comments here so much funnier than those dimbbulbs who comment at gawker.

JMP April 28, 2010 at 2:46 pm

[re=566285]gurukalehuru[/re]: Hey, it was a similar boycott that finally got Arizona to recognize King Day; I believe it was losing the Superbowl that finally forced their hand.

Arizona: more racist than you’d think for at least three decades.

Words April 28, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Don’t forget your “I Could Be An Illegal Immigrant!” button!!

Words April 28, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Also, Utah & New Mexico are more beautiful overall. And Nevada has its moments.

Capitol Hillbilly April 28, 2010 at 2:52 pm

I went camping on the North Rim and on the way back (to Vegas) we stopped at that fundamentalist Mormon town for lunch, which is in Colorado I believe. The menfolk were sitting at one table and the ladies at another. They looked at us funny but they were nice and the food was cheap and we were hungry so we ate it.

I don’t believe we even set foot in Arizona.

Jamie Sommers April 28, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Instead of the Grand Canyon, go to Canyon de Chelly. It’s in the middle of the Navajo Nation, easily accessible through the New Mexico side of the rez, which means you never have to see an Arizona cop. And you can spend your tourist money without guilt, because revenue goes to the Navajo Nation, which pays no Arizona taxes.

There is also Monument Valley, also on the rez and accessible through Utah, with a beautiful new Navajo-owned resort nearby.

Stick it to the racist Arizonans by giving all your money to the Indians!

pdiddycornchips April 28, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Cinco De Mayo is gonna suck this year.

Libbygirl April 28, 2010 at 2:54 pm

“Seriously, every known business from Arizona is terrible.”

True that. I worked for a shitty software company that has been dismantling its global business and moving it all to their Phoenix office over the last few years (hence the past tense of ‘work). Everyone who works out of that office is a self-centered, white trash Republican asshole (redundant?) of the first order (the kind of people who brag about having abused homeless folks for ‘fun’). I never met a more hideous bunch of half-assed no talent programmers in my life. If I were a publishing business I would certainly boycott their crap. Oh wait–that’s already happening. Because they build crap. ;-D Go Arizona boycott Go!

CommitteeOfTheHole April 28, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I’m against the Arizona law. It’s a clear violation of the Constitution. It’s petty and and patently Un-American. But I LOVES my P.F. Chang’s Szechuan from the Sea Shrimp. So, I’ll catch up with you cats, later, okay? Just let me know how it all works out.

wilbro April 28, 2010 at 2:55 pm

No No No. We need to pool our Ameros and open businesses In Arizona that attract Messicans. A professional soccer franchise, a line of taquerias and lawn maintenance services. Sombrero shops. Donkey shows. Whatever. Viva!

jus_wonderin April 28, 2010 at 2:55 pm


President Beeblebrox April 28, 2010 at 2:55 pm

[re=566295]JMP[/re]: Fuck the Coyotes. They will always be the Winnipeg Jets to me.

Extemporanus April 28, 2010 at 2:56 pm

Here is another VERY important travel tip:

DO NOT tie your dog to the rear bumper of your motor vehicle and forget about it before driving to the Grand Canyon!

It’s one thing to do that with illegals, but dogs? No fucking way, dude. This is Arizona we’re talking about, not ghost riding Whippet diarrhea death state Massachusetts.

donner_froh April 28, 2010 at 2:59 pm

Just skip all the states that have square corners and straight sides with boundaries created by nothing but some line a surveyor drew.

GOPCrusher April 28, 2010 at 3:02 pm

[re=566288]Nohbdy[/re]: Wonder how long it will take before some Arizona Sheriff rolls up on a group of people and demands to see their papers, just in case they are Canadians trying to steal health care.

Extemporanus April 28, 2010 at 3:02 pm

By the way, I’m pretty sure that Boner’s Joshua tree done did went roots up, like, two years ago because of AIDS or rickets or unforgiven debt, or something.

It was not in a lot of pain. It pretty much went down at that particular juncture.

Airborne Toxic Event April 28, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Definitely on PF Changs. Paul Fleming is a fascist’s fascist.

JMP April 28, 2010 at 3:05 pm

[re=566324]Extemporanus[/re]: Important advice especially for Mitt Romney.

weezie.jefferson April 28, 2010 at 3:06 pm

PF Chang?! They eat the food of the Red Chinee down there?

facehead April 28, 2010 at 3:09 pm

I’m getting all my iced tea from New Jersey.

TGY April 28, 2010 at 3:13 pm

And ignore Texas?

PlanetWingnuta April 28, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Speaking of the Grand Canyon i saw this video on xtube and….

Extemporanus April 28, 2010 at 3:15 pm

[re=566333]JMP[/re]: Poor little guy, probably kept up with him for a mile or so.

Tough little mutt


bored with gravity April 28, 2010 at 3:20 pm

[re=566260]Doglessliberal[/re]: Meh, Texas is going to have this lovely law next year, if our dumb-as-sh*t legislation has its way. A State Rep from Tomball (where Mel Gibson’s insane father lives, btw) has already announced her intention to introduce a driving-while-brown bill in January. So just beat the rush and boycott Texas now; I suggest everyone go to Yellowstone, which has an amazing canyon and geysers to boot.

OzoneTom April 28, 2010 at 3:21 pm

Nothing. Vishnu with you?

Dolmance April 28, 2010 at 3:21 pm

If you have a hankering to see the Grand Canyon, when it reaches Mexico it gets deeper and wider and more amazing by a factor of ten. They call it “Copper Canyon,” down there and they’ve got this neat train that runs through the whole thing. There’s Indians all over the place that look like they stepped out of an old John Ford western and it’s cheaper. And you won’t have to look at so many fucking Right Wing cocksucker gringos either. The food’s better. The cops won’t hassle you through racial profiling and you’ll just have more fun.

Fuck Arizona. Fuck Arizona and every fucking person and every fucking business in it.

Ken Layne April 28, 2010 at 3:24 pm

[re=566315]CommitteeOfTheHole[/re]: While it’s true that some local old-school chinese restaurants don’t have a lot of fresh ‘n tasty seafood, it is a Good Bet your local strip-mall Thai restaurant can make that exact dish you like from the PF Chang’s and make it a fuck of a lot better. (And when you go to Joshua Tree NP, there’s a tasty Chinese restaurant called Din Ho that’s got a *very* good Szechuan shrimp, it is the House Specialty.)

[re=566311]Jamie Sommers[/re]: Oh that is a purty place. And yes, the Navajo & Hopi deserve our money — all of it, really — and the 4% sales tax goes to the Navajo, not Phoenix. Rainbow Bridge NM is in there too, and is awesome.

notreallyhelping April 28, 2010 at 3:25 pm

I’m waiting for the all-new “Ain’t Gonna Play Sun City” video.

slappypaddy April 28, 2010 at 3:27 pm

bill richardson’s not going to be buying you any tacos. disabuse yourself of that notion this instant.

stew April 28, 2010 at 3:27 pm

If interested, I know the directions from the Bunny Ranch to the Grand Canyon, which is sort of nearby. Yes, I know obvious puns here.

Libbygirl April 28, 2010 at 3:28 pm

[re=566310]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]:
Cool–I had that copy of Creem.

joementum April 28, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Whoo-hoo, I just told the wife that I have to boycott the in-laws!!!!

Praise Jeebus!

ph7 April 28, 2010 at 3:41 pm

[re=566373]notreallyhelping[/re]: Ha!

SpenceRedux April 28, 2010 at 3:44 pm

Everything you ever wanted to know about the Grand Canyon and crazy white people in Arizona is summed up in this dude’s career:

He was a squatter who ran a Coney Island-like concession to the Grand Canyon to rip off the tourists. Teddy Roosevelt threw his ass out, so he ran and was elected to the Senate from Arizona (naturally as a Republican) on a platform of revoking the Grand Canyon’s National Park status (damn Washington interferin’!) and mining and damming the whole thing up.

Remember when Republicans were like Teddy Roosevelt and not teabagging leeches?

Yeah, me neither.

Come to New Mexico, the real Southwest. White people are a minority here, and it works to tamp down the crazy.

Golfing OJ April 28, 2010 at 3:45 pm

[re=566267]illnoise[/re]: That was the Red Wings. But the ‘Yotes provided plenty of webbernet humor, if you do a search on “Doan face.”

4tehlulz April 28, 2010 at 3:50 pm

This post sponsored by The California Travel & Tourism Commission. For more ways to fuck over our decrepit neighbor to the east, go to

geminisunmars April 28, 2010 at 3:59 pm

[re=566366]OzoneTom[/re]: That was Zen. This is Tao.

buppie April 28, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Ay yi yi! Janet Napolitano please come back!
Her job had been to routinely veto ALL of this East Valley Repubtard legislation.
This would NEVER have happened with her.
Freaking repubs have always tarnished this state. Ev Mecham to Fife Symington to Jan Brewer.
If history is any judge, Brewer will be out on her ass just like Mecham and Symington.
Just in case it comes up in this discussion: Back in the 80′s the MLK holiday was put in place quietly and with NO problem by Dem Bruce Babbit. Repub Ev Mecham (victor by plurality in a 3 way race) threw it out, claiming it needed to be voted on by citizens. Arizonans threw Mecham out and voted overwhelmingly to reinstate it.
God Help My State!

RoscoePColtraine April 28, 2010 at 4:05 pm

I plan to visit “four-corners” this summer. I will only step through THREE of those corners.

Big Liver April 28, 2010 at 4:07 pm

Everything Ken just wrote is true, especially the part about the Mojave, it is exquisite. And it has great lizards.

ArugulaTeleprompterz April 28, 2010 at 4:17 pm

Does this mean that even more Zonies will be driving like shit all over Southern California this summer?

Way Cool Larry April 28, 2010 at 4:24 pm

but what about Sedona????

TakingAmes April 28, 2010 at 4:32 pm

[re=566248]Oblios Cap[/re]: WIN!

Berkeley Bear April 28, 2010 at 4:38 pm

Joshua Tree NP is freaking awesome. Or at least it was. My scout troop used to drive out from the LA burbs, past the dry weirdness that is Palm Springs and 29 Palms, and proceed to run ourselves ragged all over rocks and desert that were the coolest things ever. Then in the middle of the desert you find a pond protected by the rocks and the contrast just freaks you out (that and the idea that leaches live in the pond and might crawl up your leg while you aren’t paying attention). Then you sleep out under a sky that first is the darkest you’ve ever seen but as the night progresses reveals a carpet of stars like your dumb LA basin living ass has never even considered possible. Truly a consciousness raising experience – and no drugs or booze necessary (although I can see where some people would need them to ever talk themselves into going camping).

SpenceRedux April 28, 2010 at 4:43 pm

[re=566516]Berkeley Bear[/re]: I had exactly the same experience as a kid. I remember going to sleep under a blanket of stars at Joshua Tree and waking in the morning under an inch of snow. It was pure magic.
Northern New Mexico is way, way nicer then AZ in every way, as well.
And fuck Sedona. Santa Fe has plenty of New Age weirdos if that’s your thing.

Berkeley Bear April 28, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Oh, and if you like beautiful shit involving holes in the ground, try Yosemite valley or really any part of the Sierras. The huge redwoods, the falls, Half Dome, El Capitan, Devil’s Postpile. Much more interesting than the Grand Canyon, and God know’s California can use the money.

glamourdammerung April 28, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Thank you for the helpful advice. Seriously, this post makes me want to go out west just to do this.

JimmysDad April 28, 2010 at 5:30 pm

In Arizona’s defense (I know how stupid this is, but I can’t help it), it is the worst case scenario of a vocal minority dominating the discussion. McCain’s big titted offspring (not the retarded snaggletooth one) is correct, hate AZ, hate the 13th century Mormon nutbags that run it, but don’t hate the people. Most of them are great… Oh fuck it. Hate them too, I’m glad I left.

sati demise April 28, 2010 at 5:31 pm

[re=566243]JMP[/re]: Oh hell yea. Just stay on the Native lands for a great vacation.
Monument Valley is way cool, incredible…. and so is Canyon de Chelly.
Camping at Spider Rock. The Grand Falls.
The Navajo Monument.
Best lamb on earth. You can see petrified dinosaur tracks, too.

sati demise April 28, 2010 at 5:37 pm

[re=566370]Ken Layne[/re]: Havasupi is the most beautiful spot in the Grand Canyon. You have to have a reservation at least 6 months in advance to go, or you cant stay overnight. Havasupi Indians still livin’ the life, man.

sati demise April 28, 2010 at 5:41 pm

[re=566483]Way Cool Larry[/re]: no to Sedona, yes to Sycamore Canyon. Teddy loved that place so he saved it from Sedonas fate. The Verde River runs through it…..

Jukesgrrl April 28, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Black Canyon in Blue Colorado (Gunnison, CO, near Montose), is pretty spectacular, too.
I live in Arizona, and totally support the boycott. It’s the only thing that will drive some sense into the legislature. They clearly don’t care what you THINK of them, but they might care if you hate them enough to take your cash elsewhere. The NFL and Major League Baseball could really do a service pulling their activities out of the state because that’s SO high-profile. It had a major impact in the Martin Luther King Day dispute. So if any of your readers have clout with them, clout away.

natteringnabomb April 28, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Fuck the Grand Canyon,fogged in 364 days a year anyways.Visit Hawaii,where you can see red diamond head square,the ancestral home of the king of the nazis and best of all hook up with one of the many white hippie chicks that inhabit this paradise.They accept visa and american money.

sati demise April 28, 2010 at 5:56 pm

[re=566603]Jukesgrrl[/re]: the company I work for does a incredible amount of business with Mexicans in Tucson each winter. It will be interesting to see if our rich Mexican clients make the trip next winter.

And most rich Mexicans I know shop for hard goods, clothes, electronics, appliances, etc. in Az. I have a feeling Arizona just cut the balls off their own economy. these are exports, meaning real money added to the state……

DC Hates Me April 28, 2010 at 6:33 pm

Arizona is famous for it’s faux-mexican food, which is crap. And don’t forget to visit the Grand Canyon Porta-potties.

betterDeadThanRed April 28, 2010 at 6:40 pm

They don’t seem to care too much if you visit or not. I just tried to get some travel information from their website, i.e. what kind of ID I need. The “Live Chat” on the AZ tourism site wasn’t much help.

*[Jessica]* Hi, I’m Jessica. How may I help you?
*[Visitor]* I’m thinking of visiting Arizona this summer. I have a dark
complexion and have been mistaken for Latino in the past. What kind of
identification do I need to bring in order to prove I am a US citizen?
*[Jessica]* For more information on this subject you can contact Kiva
Couchon (pronounced “coo shawn”) her contact information is or 602-364-3724.

*[Jessica]* Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Well I emailed Kiva Couchon two or three days ago and never heard back.

blader April 28, 2010 at 6:47 pm

[re=566603]Jukesgrrl[/re]: nfl doesn’t really give a fuck about the mexicans the way they do about their negroes, and mlb players are mostly dominican, so they don’t really give a fuck about the mexicans either…especially bud selig…who do you think washes all the used cars on his lots?

Beowoof April 28, 2010 at 6:48 pm

[re=566290]give us a bob[/re]: That student loan scam should be closed on general priniciples.

Red Zeppelin April 28, 2010 at 6:49 pm

[re=566328]donner_froh[/re]: Yeah, the funny thing is that all those states (plus Montana and California) have the most spectacular scenery and the most public land. But full of retards, nonetheless.

billie1976 April 28, 2010 at 7:09 pm

I dont understand what all you people are bitching about! i carry an id and drivers license in my wallet! is it so hard to carry documentation to prove your a citizen of the united states! oh wait most mexicans arnt citizens and are here illegally! guess i see what your doing let everyone come here and live open borders! i say fuck that! send them back and let them get back the legal way! Arizona is the only state willing to step up and all you left wing nuts cant handle the fact that people are tired of them crossing the borders illegally! if your going to legalize these criminals that cross illegally then maybe we should forget all laws and see what happens! dumb fucks!

RPolanski April 28, 2010 at 7:22 pm

From Drudge’s Website:

SOURCE: Residents in AZ organizing counter-boycott of Mexican food restaurants, travel to Mexican resorts… Developing…

Michael Weiner (Savage) was screaming and yelling about this on his radio show this afternoon praising it for being a perfect retaliation for the boycott of Arizona.

“We’ll show you. Let’s start a race war.”

Fun times in the Great American Southwest.

Beowoof April 28, 2010 at 7:26 pm

[re=566641]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Oh please this law is just another way to harass those with dark skin, particularly hoping to harass the legal folks enough so that are afraid to show up and vote and allow republitards to continue to be elected.

glamourdammerung April 28, 2010 at 7:27 pm

[re=566645]billie1976[/re]: So you would be totally cool with the cops searching your house because of your complexion or what type of shoes you wore, right?

KilgoreTrout_XL April 28, 2010 at 7:46 pm

For the Grand Canyon, you should hit the North Rim and avoid the South. It has great trails, is usually empty, and you can camp w/in 50 feet of the rim. Or consider skipping it for the needles at Canyonlands and do the Big Spring -> Elephant -> Squaw -> Lost canyon loop. Arches is nearby, so you can chuckle at morons hiking slickrock in sandals.

And each time you see a german backpacker with bike shorts and a fanny pack you can tell him that he sucks at hiking and he doesn’t appreciate all those cheap disgusting hostels in Europe.

zhubajie April 28, 2010 at 7:46 pm

[re=566310]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: Colorado City? The Vatican of Polygamous Mormonism?

Joey Ratz April 28, 2010 at 7:47 pm

[re=566272]GOPCrusher[/re]: Zion NP is awesome – and once you’re there, you can just zip down the 89 past Fredonia and see the Grand Canyon from the north side. Just stay the hell away from Colorado City, which is chock-full of old-school polygamist Mormon child-rape enthusiasts.

[re=566483]Way Cool Larry[/re]: Meh. Sedona has some stunning rock formations, but the town itself is trashy and depressing. Go to Santa Fe instead.

[re=566603]Jukesgrrl[/re]: You’re probably right. It is a waste of time talking ethics, morality or shame with that troglodyte Russell Pearce. He’s lower than cockroach shit.

KilgoreTrout_XL April 28, 2010 at 7:57 pm

[re=566660]Joey Ratz[/re]: [re=566272]GOPCrusher[/re]: Zion is absolutely amazing- Mountain of the Sun is the coolest day hike around.

KilgoreTrout_XL April 28, 2010 at 8:19 pm


Hi billie! “Your” and “you’re” are two different words with two distinctly different meanings! Putting a “!” at the end of the sentence kinda misses the point of the whole thing! All your toothless mouthbreathing friends use ALL CAPS anyways! Try it! This post makes you look like a fucking moron! You watch NASCAR! And do you see what I mean about the “!”s?!?!? Fuck yes you do you inbred douche!

Try posting once more, but this time, let’s turn the “hick-leadpoisoned-idiot-fucktard” dial down a bit, ok?

Ok great!

Speed Ball April 28, 2010 at 8:32 pm

Is Arizona Ice Tea even made in that shit hole? Probably not… but I’m going to boycott that shit anyway.

Zadig April 28, 2010 at 8:34 pm

[re=566653]glamourdammerung[/re]: No, of course not! But he would be cool with them searching some Messican’s house, for being brownish.

NYNYNY April 28, 2010 at 8:37 pm

I just checked the boycott list. Oh well, no more Peter Piper Pizza for me! Eww. Why does that sound so gross? Peter Piper Pizza. And as for Best Western, I wish this boycott had been on in February, cause I stayed in one, and it was shitty.

Extemporanus April 28, 2010 at 8:38 pm

[re=566645]billie1976[/re]: Ohhhhh Billie!

sati demise April 28, 2010 at 8:44 pm

[re=566645]billie1976[/re]: look fucker, the police can stop anyone at any time and demand their proof of citizenship. That is NOT ID, it means your passport or birth certificate. Do you carry those around with you?

think the cops will not abuse this law?
Cute girl? come down to the station with me so we can sort out your papers.
Hippie? Papers please.

Argue with a cop? papers please.

Someone who dislikes you calls in to say you have illegals in your house? Search without a warrant.

fuck you if you dont have to live here under this law, buddy.
And a beating with the dildoe mallet if you do live here and still think it is a good idea.
Its a wing nut wet dream, … a police state that favors white guys over everyone else.

sati demise April 28, 2010 at 8:59 pm

[re=566645]billie1976[/re]: Most Mexicans I know come here to AZ to spend money on exports you fucking douche.

And if we had negotiated NAFTA to include worker rights, a living wage and environmental protections the illegals would stay in the country they love.
Now they risk their lives to cross the border to escape slave labor wages and toxic working conditions in giant US based corporate factories right on our border.
No one can live on $6.00 a day in Mexico unless they live in a cardboard shack with no water or electric.

You would not last one day in a maquiladora, my friend. Not one hour.

Flanders April 28, 2010 at 9:00 pm

[re=566254]magic titty[/re]: It reminds of me good times before my marriage turned all shitty?

KilgoreTrout_XL April 28, 2010 at 9:02 pm

[re=566667]Extemporanus[/re]: I never knew how powerful this scene was. I must watch dumb and dumber overdubbed in a romance langauge now. Well done.

[re=566645]billie1976[/re]: Yeah, I know that there’s a typo up there [every sentence] in my post about what an aggressively stupid motherfucker you are. I still win.

Smoke Filled Roommate April 28, 2010 at 9:15 pm

[re=566663]Speed Ball[/re]: I think it’s made in NY. Funny, I’m unfortunate enough to have to live in this desert dump and the only thing I’d miss if I left is In-N-Out, which isn’t even an AZ company.

I hate this place.

Flanders April 28, 2010 at 9:18 pm

[re=566370]Ken Layne[/re]: I’ve been to the Din Ho! Filled with military. Good food.

Flanders April 28, 2010 at 9:24 pm

wonkett a travelogue! who knew?

NYNYNY April 28, 2010 at 9:26 pm

Here are some suggestions. Instead of visiting the Grand Canyon, why not watch Gran Tourino instead? Instead of visiting one of Arizona’s famed golf courses, play golf at your regular club, but just do it on a really hot day. Also, golf is for fags. Instead of retiring in Phoenix, why not retire in the Phoenix that’s in New Mexico; I think it’s called Albaquerque.

leaveskoalrebelalone April 28, 2010 at 9:26 pm

[re=566645]billie1976[/re]: ken… is that you?! very funny!!

schvitzatura April 28, 2010 at 9:31 pm

Pei Wei (A P.F. Chang’s concept, “…we’re a faster, more casual take of our parent company, P.F. Chang’s Asian Bistro”…) is likely fooked, too, right?

thehelveticascenario April 28, 2010 at 9:46 pm

[re=566679]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: Not like he would have noticed, anyway.

schvitzatura April 28, 2010 at 9:49 pm

[re=566373]notreallyhelping[/re]: Gestalt Jinx!

TomBanjo April 28, 2010 at 10:06 pm

Zion Canyon in super-unusual Utah is way better anyway.

PreDev April 28, 2010 at 10:06 pm

Ok, first off, P.F. Chang’s is amazing, not as good as Pei Wei but still good. GoDaddy is the only company I buy domains from and I’d like to see you try and find something as easy to get and read as a SkyMall magazine while your taxiing to the runway…

slappypaddy April 28, 2010 at 10:19 pm

[re=566645]billie1976[/re]: a dumb fuck i may be, but i’m not so dumb i would say, “we should forget all laws and see what happens!”

Hoplight April 28, 2010 at 10:46 pm

Arches is nearby, so you can chuckle at morons hiking slickrock in sandals.

I laughed and then later I was reluctantly impressed with their intrepid progress.

As to the topic at hand. This is yet another inescapable demonstration of how utterly incapable the right is of working out the implications/side effects/fall out/consequences (intended and unintended) of policy changes. Which should make them unfit for leadership, but I digress . . . Someone must have stuck an ice pick into the region of the brain that computes consequences on everyone who votes republican. Plan a war and ban everyone involved from making a Plan B? Yeah, nuttin ever goes wrong durin’ a war, right? Repeal Glass-Steagall? Hell, yeah, then this kuntry will git rich, right? Require the police to harrass anyone with funny skin/shoes or an accent in complete buttfuck ignorance of the equal protection clause and, hell yeah, um, I git to feel great ab’t bein’ whiter than god’s own bee-hind! Yee ha!

sati demise April 29, 2010 at 12:10 am

Arizona Ice Tea ™ is just tea flavored corn syrup from New York. teh suck.

zhubajie April 29, 2010 at 12:49 am

Someone visit in a year and see who is doing the real work in AZ. Is it the fat lazy white guys?

Exterminatus April 29, 2010 at 12:58 am

Ahh, Sky Mall. Tell me, does Sky Mall still offer items like these?

Smoke Filled Roommate April 29, 2010 at 3:34 am

[re=566687]schvitzatura[/re]: Yeah, Pei Wei is PF Changs’ leftovers, dumbed-down for AZ Cops. (And myself on a few occasions if I’m drunk and want really shitty DanDan Noodles).

zhubajie April 29, 2010 at 6:02 am

[re=566336]weezie.jefferson[/re]: “Chinese” food in America is really American food in disguise. Usually low quality sweet-sour sauce.

zhubajie April 29, 2010 at 6:10 am

“But I LOVES my P.F. Chang’s Szechuan from the Sea Shrimp.”

Why not just go to Szechuan? A 30 tourist visa, a round trip ticket, it’s bound to be more fun than hard time in AZ.

zhubajie April 29, 2010 at 6:31 am

[re=566370]Ken Layne[/re]: The best Chinese seafood is Fujian. Szechuan is far from the ocean.

zhubajie April 29, 2010 at 6:58 am

[re=566645]billie1976[/re]: Who’ll wipe your butt for you if you get rid of the Mexicans? Don’t tell me there’s some vast number of fat white guys eager to do Mexican work. I’m a fat white guy and I won’t do it, not for minimum wage, not for a lot more.

One reason I live in China is so I don’t have to be a minimum wage slave no more, don’t have to take sh*t from people like you.

Note that I don’t have to carry ID in China, but I can carry a beer bottle.

zhubajie April 29, 2010 at 9:46 pm

[re=566632]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: I sent an e-mail yesterday to Ms. Couchon (Cochon?), asking what kind of ID I needed for Arizona tourism. Would a passport be good enough? Of course, I used my nom d’internet, Zhu Bajie, so she could deduce that I was a g**k, if she wanted to. (Actually, Zhu Bajie is a cartoon character, the comic relief in _Journey to the West_). NO REPLY thus far.

Zhu Bajie

Florence Ann Normandie May 1, 2010 at 10:20 pm

[re=566234]MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend[/re]: Did just that- had the time of my life. Then I threw up.

Bruno May 3, 2010 at 2:08 am

[re=566645]billie1976[/re]: You forget that having a driver’s license has nothing to do with being a citizen or legal alien. See you in jail buddy.

JRGiant May 14, 2010 at 4:31 pm

As a Phoenician, I have to ask that rather than boycott Arizona, you move here instead. A lot of us need your help in voting the idiots out of office who created this legislation.

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