Have you people just HAD IT with Arizona being so evil and terrible and unleashing its dumb racist idiot garbage upon America again and again, forever? Boycott those jackholes. Gawker put together a list of some Arizona “big name” businesses you can boycott just in case you already avoid the state — like everyone except for 90-year-old retired white people from Chicago suburbs, who move there to die and complain about Mexicans and “dry heat.” Seriously, every known business from Arizona is terrible. Will you miss P.F. Chang’s or GoDaddy or SkyMall, three of the worst things in America that represent everything sleazy and shitty about this foul nation of slobs? Of course not. But what about the Grand Canyon?
You should not boycott a Famous National Park just because it’s stuck within the Arizona Territory. You can go to Grand Canyon without patronizing any local Arizona businesses! We will tell you how:
If you’re flying, fly to Las Vegas. It’s 270 miles from Vegas to Grand Canyon Village, or just an hour’s drive longer than the route from Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix (200 miles from the canyon). Fill up just before you cross the border. Add 30 miles to your already long drive by taking the 95 south from McCarran International to Bullhead City, fill up on the Laughlin, Nevada side of the river.
Stay in a cheap casino motel, if you like that kind of thing — then get up early, eat your casino breakfast, load up on coffee and sandwiches and smokes, buy groceries and booze for your camping, and drive straight to Grand Canyon without spending a nickel. (You can tape a paper sign in your back window: “I’m visiting the National Park but not spending any money in Arizona.” Oh that will just burn their asses, won’t it?)
Once you’re there, you’ve already paid your camping reservation fees on the Internet, and those fees don’t supply any money (that we know of) to Dingbat Arizona. The park employees are federal workers, and they get paid whether you’re there or not. Don’t buy any souvenirs. Might have to put in a few gallons of gas on the way back, but save the re-fill for the Nevada side. Easy!
Better yet, go to one of the lovely desert national parks in Liberal California, where Mexicans are free to do anything except, uh, gay-marry each other. Even the mayor of L.A. is a common Mexican! Joshua Tree National Park, Death Valley National Park and the immense, insane and almost totally overlooked Mojave National Preserve are all better than Grand Canyon. Was Gram Parsons half-cremated in Grand Canyon? NO HE WAS NOT, that happened in Joshua Tree. Did Keith Richards go on UFO camping trips in Grand Canyon Village. NO NEVER, he went to the Mojave. Is that one good U2 record (other than Achtung Baby!, we guess) called Grand Canyon? NO IT IS CALLED THE JOSHUA TREE.
Grand Canyon is kind of played out, unless you go to the North Rim, which is an easy/short drive from the Utah side, and not so clogged with goddamned RVs and tour groups. The North Rim only gets about 1/10th the visitors as the other side! Plus, no need to spend a nickel in Arizona!
You can also visit the impressive Saguaro National Parks by driving over from New Mexico, EASY, and plus maybe Bill Richardson will buy you some tacos when you spend your money in ABQ. [Gawker/LA Times/Washington Post]