Birther Rally To Bring Comedy ‘n Costumes To DC

  glenn beck's america

Don't forget your lawn chairs, birthers!
How do we know this special-people rally is going to be super special? The organizer wants you to “bring your birth certificates.” YEAH THAT’LL SHOW KENYAN JOE! See you there at the Ellipse! Don’t forget your misspelled signs with the “GO BAK 2 AFERKA,” etc. [Thanks to Wonkette operative "LimeyLizzie"]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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63 comments

  1. norbizness

    BIRTH CERTIFICATE/ELIGIBILITY/CIVIL RIGHTS ACT/THIRTEENTH AMENDMENT/OBAMACARE/LOVING V. VIRGINIA/SOME BLACK GUY HAD THE GALL TO LOOK ME IN THE EYE RALLY ’10!

  2. phineas_bounderby

    I think they’ll have maximum impact if they all dress in red shirts, wave their birth certificates around in baggies, and force passersby to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

  3. upstateNY

    Seeing as the snowbilly grifter is pretty open about her mom dragging her across the border to Canada, or Russia or wherever for medical care, where the fuck is her birf certificate? Does it have raised lettering? Can the delivery doctor be brought back from the dead to vouch for her?

  4. qwerty42

    Will folks come in their Confederate uniforms? Imperial stormtroopers? Klingons? Orcs? Oh, better yet: lesbian bondage themed attire. Well, wet suits will always work too.

  5. Katamaran

    But will the BCs be in ziploc bags? Because that’s important. It keeps the Amuricanness fresh and tasty.

  6. JMP

    [re=565967]phineas_bounderby[/re]: They may have their Certificates of Birth, but will they bring their super-special secret ultra-real monogrammed five-dimensional Birth Certificates, like the one they’re demanding from the President?

  7. jus_wonderin

    12:00 Noon – 4:00 P.M. — ‘Cuz we wouldn’t want to miss the earlybird specials at The Sizzler now would we??

  8. phineas_bounderby

    [re=565984]JMP[/re]: Also, are the baggies in which the birth certificates are carried the special magic Citizenship Verification Baggies approved by the Arizona legislature and Orly Taitz?

  9. bureaucrap

    [re=565971]qwerty42[/re]: I think we really should encourage them to come out in their Confederate KKK skinhead accouterments. Wear that racist crap like a badge of honor, folks, so people can see you for what you really are.

  10. JMP

    [re=565995]phineas_bounderby[/re]: They also need to carry DNA kits, to show that they carry the American gene.

  11. jus_wonderin

    [re=565968]upstateNY[/re]: where the fuck is her birf certificate? Does it have raised lettering?

    I am fairly sure that one does not get a birth certificate when they emerge from the pod as it is hard to grasp the paper until after the slime and fibers are slothed off.

    Sarah formally requested her cert, but…interstellar mail service, being what it is, she is still waiting.

  12. bureaucrap

    Actually a great idea — let’s make signs for them and hand them out at the perimeter:

    “ONLY LITTLE PEOPLE PAY TAXES”
    “WHAT ABOUT WHITE RIGHTS?”
    “DOWN WITH THE THIRTENTH AMENDMET”
    and the ever-popular
    “HOME-SCHOLERS FOR THE CONSITITION”

    We can hand out prizes to anyone who figures out that they’re being punk’d.

  13. Katydid

    [re=566013]bureaucrap[/re]: I think I love you. No, no, I’m sure of it.

    Do it, Wonkette, sponsor a “Punk teh Birfers Contest.” I will pay real Ameros to support such a sponsorship. I’m sure I’m not alone. You can send intern Riley out into the crowd to pass out signs – will anyone suspect him? – and have Liz surreptitiously take snaps on her Polaroid; that way she won’t look out of place with her fancy newfangled “iPhone.” Lauri can even make some Ameros sketching the peoples for our amusement. Do it, Wonkette!

  14. WhatTheHeck

    Great Zeus, what manner of Tea-baggery madness be this?
    Please send legions of the comely maidens of Lesbos to unleash havoc amongst their ranks.

  15. Nueronanonymous

    I bet they have a secret handshake or decoder ring. The paranoid baggers are worried that some librul,commie pinkos and/or union thugs are infiltrating tryng to make them look bad (as if that could be possible).

  16. swizzard

    ¡Attención, todos Latinos cerca D.C! Este fin de semana, tienen que golpear a cada persona blanca que encuentren, y robar sus billetas. Podrían usar los documentos en eso para engañar el gobierno ya que nunca tienen que trabajar nada mas, por que los americanos actuales paguen para usted. ¡Para la Raza!

  17. betterDeadThanRed

    Devo had it right: “The name “Devo” comes “from their concept of ‘de-evolution’ – the idea that instead of evolving, mankind has actually regressed, as evidenced by the dysfunction and herd mentality of American society.”

  18. Katydid

    [re=566060]Cornhusker Kickback[/re]: I’m not kidding, but sadly, I don’t see a groundswell of support, and you just know Ken’s gonna be all daddy-like and be “no kids, we’re not gonna do that, bladda bladda bladda….”

    He wants buzz for Our Wonkette, this’ll get him buzz awright. OK, maybe not the buzz he wants, but, shit, buzz on the Internet is buzz, goddammit.

  19. bureaucrap

    [re=566022]Katydid[/re]: I wish I could be there myself to lead the charge, but I’ll be in L.A. that weekend. You’ll have to go on without me. Perhaps we can farm it out to MoveOn.

  20. Virgin Birther

    [re=566032]Nueronanonymous[/re]: Then we punk them by having an obvious libtard (eyes pointing in the same direction, 30+ teeth, passing familiarity with how our government works) handing out ‘legitimate’ teabagger signs until they’re not sure who to trust or what to think and just shamble back to their Winnebagos to sodomize another squirrel.

  21. Red Zeppelin

    [re=566066]Katydid[/re]: Don’t forget the lawn chairs, camo shirts, stupid-looking hats, and party-size bags of Cheetos, if y’all want to blend in.

  22. mustardman

    Join the revolution. They will overthrow the gov’t if they can just get their medical scooters with the little flag on the handlebars up the steps of congress.

  23. Tundra Grifter

    [re=565967]phineas_bounderby[/re]: WIN! You beat me to it! There will just never be another Red Dress Lady…Thank God!

  24. Asa Hawks

    This calls for a full-throated Charlie Brown style “Good Grief!”, multiplied by a billionity five.

  25. trondant

    I for one look forward to President BFD and Veep Pelosi once they convince everyone they’re right.

  26. June Cleaver 2.0

    [re=566067]bureaucrap[/re]: It might be fun to do, but then Fox “News” will say that all of those authentically ignorant and racist signs were all liberal, Wonkette hippies. So, no, don’t do that.

  27. Katydid

    [re=566067]bureaucrap[/re]: Hmph. Now you’ve miffed me. MoveOn indeed. Them’s fighting words, no?

    The punked contest will be subtle. We will not give Riley Cheetos, for example. He will only sit in lawn chairs when the birfers get up to find the can. This contest is solely for our amusement, not to make a political statement.

  28. snideinplainsight

    We could just all go with different random documents and wave them around in baggies – cable bills, blank tax forms, diplomas from mail-order schools, pet vaccination records.

  29. bureaucrap

    [re=566091]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: [re=566093]Katydid[/re]: The “fox news” angle did occur to me. We can probably trust these people to misspell their own signs. As for MoveOn, sorry to offend, but I rather like them myself. I think “Billionaires for Bush” has disbanded and are no longer available. And our editors would probably be the first to say that they want to report the news, not make it. So whom does that leave to carry out this evil plan? Dr. Evil? We should see if he’s available.

  30. Big Daddy Tom

    Hey guess what! According to my calendar Saturday May 30th doesn’t actually exist. Maybe its a special birther day. Jeez, can’t even schedule anything right, let alone spell.

  31. libwakman

    Will Panama John McCwazy be there waving his BC of questionable authenticity & carrying a Glock just in case he has another Hanoi Hilton flashback & wants to settle the score with the Browns because they so closely resemble the Yellows that helped turn him into the batshitcrazy fucktard that he is today? Thats right not one fuckin’ comma! USA_USA

  32. LiveFromSinusCity

    Yeah, sure… bring that birth certificate, and then someone will steal it and the GOP will ask you to sign a petition and before you know it, you’ve lost your identity and are doomed to vote Rethuglican for the rest of your life.

  33. comicbookguy

    [re=566161]Big Daddy Tom[/re]: If Obama can’t prove his birfday is this Saturday May 30, then he is illegitimate and Sarah Palin automatically becomes President for however long it takes before she loses interest. It’s in the Constitution!!1!

  34. GOPCrusher

    Sometimes it gets thoroughly depressing to think that America is going to have to tolerate six more years of these peoples bullshit. Just get it over with an have a rally with signs that say “KILL THE NIGGER”. We all understand what you are all about, stop insulting our intelligence by telling us it’s about birth certificates or bailouts or anything else.

  35. rastignac

    A financial reform bill without real teeth … a “health care” plan without a public option … a national birther demonstration without our beloved Oily Taintz! Can’t organizers in this country do a fucking thing right?

  36. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    The organizer wants you to “bring your birth certificates.”

    And if you don’t have one on hand, and have to get one from your state registrar, and they send you one of those embossed laser-printed copies, it doesn’t count. Also, make sure to bring your newspaper birth announcement, from an actual printed copy of the newspaper.

  37. One Yield Regular

    Demand to see their Permit to Assemble. No, no, not that one. The LONG form Permit to Assemble.

  38. Rotundo

    Signs are a good idea, but think about the image enhancement free bags of cheesy poofs would lend to the cause: Murdered spelling, mangled grammar and red faces rimmed in fake cheese dandruff. Cheese doodles for all! FREEDUMMMMM!!!!!11!!!!11!!!!!!111!!!!111!!

  39. MsQuasimodo

    Plz send Wonkette operative LimeyLizzy, who tipped y’all off on this one to chronicle it for our amusement. But Liz Glover has to take pictures of her famously huge British Boobies!!1!

Comments are closed.