GLENN BECK'S AMERICA  11:13 am April 28, 2010

Birther Rally To Bring Comedy ‘n Costumes To DC

by Ken Layne

Don't forget your lawn chairs, birthers!
How do we know this special-people rally is going to be super special? The organizer wants you to “bring your birth certificates.” YEAH THAT’LL SHOW KENYAN JOE! See you there at the Ellipse! Don’t forget your misspelled signs with the “GO BAK 2 AFERKA,” etc. [Thanks to Wonkette operative "LimeyLizzie"]

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Hola wonkerados.

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weejee April 28, 2010 at 11:17 am

Along with Fried Dough, will they be servin’ placenta porridge?

norbizness April 28, 2010 at 11:18 am


ManchuCandidate April 28, 2010 at 11:20 am

Ride of the Retards

phineas_bounderby April 28, 2010 at 11:20 am

I think they’ll have maximum impact if they all dress in red shirts, wave their birth certificates around in baggies, and force passersby to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

upstateNY April 28, 2010 at 11:21 am

Seeing as the snowbilly grifter is pretty open about her mom dragging her across the border to Canada, or Russia or wherever for medical care, where the fuck is her birf certificate? Does it have raised lettering? Can the delivery doctor be brought back from the dead to vouch for her?

ella April 28, 2010 at 11:21 am

I hope it rains all day long. Buckets.

qwerty42 April 28, 2010 at 11:21 am

Will folks come in their Confederate uniforms? Imperial stormtroopers? Klingons? Orcs? Oh, better yet: lesbian bondage themed attire. Well, wet suits will always work too.

Katamaran April 28, 2010 at 11:23 am

But will the BCs be in ziploc bags? Because that’s important. It keeps the Amuricanness fresh and tasty.

freakishlystrong April 28, 2010 at 11:25 am

Welcome to Scooterville. The Revolution will be motorized.

JMP April 28, 2010 at 11:25 am

The Million Moron March

tootsieroll April 28, 2010 at 11:26 am

[re=565969]ella[/re]: Hail. Locusts also.

SayItWithWookies April 28, 2010 at 11:27 am

Ooh, a birther march — I’ll bring my globe.

JMP April 28, 2010 at 11:29 am

[re=565967]phineas_bounderby[/re]: They may have their Certificates of Birth, but will they bring their super-special secret ultra-real monogrammed five-dimensional Birth Certificates, like the one they’re demanding from the President?

jus_wonderin April 28, 2010 at 11:31 am

12:00 Noon – 4:00 P.M. — ‘Cuz we wouldn’t want to miss the earlybird specials at The Sizzler now would we??

phineas_bounderby April 28, 2010 at 11:33 am

[re=565984]JMP[/re]: Also, are the baggies in which the birth certificates are carried the special magic Citizenship Verification Baggies approved by the Arizona legislature and Orly Taitz?

bureaucrap April 28, 2010 at 11:40 am

[re=565971]qwerty42[/re]: I think we really should encourage them to come out in their Confederate KKK skinhead accouterments. Wear that racist crap like a badge of honor, folks, so people can see you for what you really are.

JMP April 28, 2010 at 11:41 am

[re=565995]phineas_bounderby[/re]: They also need to carry DNA kits, to show that they carry the American gene.

jus_wonderin April 28, 2010 at 11:42 am

[re=565968]upstateNY[/re]: where the fuck is her birf certificate? Does it have raised lettering?

I am fairly sure that one does not get a birth certificate when they emerge from the pod as it is hard to grasp the paper until after the slime and fibers are slothed off.

Sarah formally requested her cert, but…interstellar mail service, being what it is, she is still waiting.

bureaucrap April 28, 2010 at 11:45 am

Actually a great idea — let’s make signs for them and hand them out at the perimeter:

and the ever-popular

We can hand out prizes to anyone who figures out that they’re being punk’d.

Katydid April 28, 2010 at 11:47 am

[re=565976]freakishlystrong[/re]: lol…And paid for by Medicare, or you get it free.

Katydid April 28, 2010 at 11:51 am

[re=566013]bureaucrap[/re]: I think I love you. No, no, I’m sure of it.

Do it, Wonkette, sponsor a “Punk teh Birfers Contest.” I will pay real Ameros to support such a sponsorship. I’m sure I’m not alone. You can send intern Riley out into the crowd to pass out signs – will anyone suspect him? – and have Liz surreptitiously take snaps on her Polaroid; that way she won’t look out of place with her fancy newfangled “iPhone.” Lauri can even make some Ameros sketching the peoples for our amusement. Do it, Wonkette!

WhatTheHeck April 28, 2010 at 11:53 am

Great Zeus, what manner of Tea-baggery madness be this?
Please send legions of the comely maidens of Lesbos to unleash havoc amongst their ranks.

Nueronanonymous April 28, 2010 at 11:55 am

I bet they have a secret handshake or decoder ring. The paranoid baggers are worried that some librul,commie pinkos and/or union thugs are infiltrating tryng to make them look bad (as if that could be possible).

swizzard April 28, 2010 at 11:59 am

¡Attención, todos Latinos cerca D.C! Este fin de semana, tienen que golpear a cada persona blanca que encuentren, y robar sus billetas. Podrían usar los documentos en eso para engañar el gobierno ya que nunca tienen que trabajar nada mas, por que los americanos actuales paguen para usted. ¡Para la Raza!

Dashboard_Buddha April 28, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Where’s Triumph when we need him?

Terry April 28, 2010 at 12:09 pm


She’s white so it doesn’t matter.

Cornhusker Kickback April 28, 2010 at 12:13 pm

[re=566022]Katydid[/re]: I’ve got a fiver on this beautiful plan of action.

betterDeadThanRed April 28, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Devo had it right: “The name “Devo” comes “from their concept of ‘de-evolution’ – the idea that instead of evolving, mankind has actually regressed, as evidenced by the dysfunction and herd mentality of American society.”

Katydid April 28, 2010 at 12:19 pm

[re=566060]Cornhusker Kickback[/re]: I’m not kidding, but sadly, I don’t see a groundswell of support, and you just know Ken’s gonna be all daddy-like and be “no kids, we’re not gonna do that, bladda bladda bladda….”

He wants buzz for Our Wonkette, this’ll get him buzz awright. OK, maybe not the buzz he wants, but, shit, buzz on the Internet is buzz, goddammit.

bureaucrap April 28, 2010 at 12:21 pm

[re=566022]Katydid[/re]: I wish I could be there myself to lead the charge, but I’ll be in L.A. that weekend. You’ll have to go on without me. Perhaps we can farm it out to MoveOn.

Virgin Birther April 28, 2010 at 12:24 pm

[re=566032]Nueronanonymous[/re]: Then we punk them by having an obvious libtard (eyes pointing in the same direction, 30+ teeth, passing familiarity with how our government works) handing out ‘legitimate’ teabagger signs until they’re not sure who to trust or what to think and just shamble back to their Winnebagos to sodomize another squirrel.

Red Zeppelin April 28, 2010 at 12:25 pm

[re=566066]Katydid[/re]: Don’t forget the lawn chairs, camo shirts, stupid-looking hats, and party-size bags of Cheetos, if y’all want to blend in.

mustardman April 28, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Join the revolution. They will overthrow the gov’t if they can just get their medical scooters with the little flag on the handlebars up the steps of congress.

Tundra Grifter April 28, 2010 at 12:27 pm

[re=565967]phineas_bounderby[/re]: WIN! You beat me to it! There will just never be another Red Dress Lady…Thank God!

Asa Hawks April 28, 2010 at 12:28 pm

This calls for a full-throated Charlie Brown style “Good Grief!”, multiplied by a billionity five.

trondant April 28, 2010 at 12:34 pm

I for one look forward to President BFD and Veep Pelosi once they convince everyone they’re right.

June Cleaver 2.0 April 28, 2010 at 12:35 pm

[re=566067]bureaucrap[/re]: It might be fun to do, but then Fox “News” will say that all of those authentically ignorant and racist signs were all liberal, Wonkette hippies. So, no, don’t do that.

Katydid April 28, 2010 at 12:35 pm

[re=566067]bureaucrap[/re]: Hmph. Now you’ve miffed me. MoveOn indeed. Them’s fighting words, no?

The punked contest will be subtle. We will not give Riley Cheetos, for example. He will only sit in lawn chairs when the birfers get up to find the can. This contest is solely for our amusement, not to make a political statement.

snideinplainsight April 28, 2010 at 12:45 pm

We could just all go with different random documents and wave them around in baggies – cable bills, blank tax forms, diplomas from mail-order schools, pet vaccination records.

magic titty April 28, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Hey, that’s my birthday. Guess where I won’t be?????

mookworthjwilson April 28, 2010 at 12:50 pm

[re=566062]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: The birfers and baggers are not men…

comicbookguy April 28, 2010 at 1:07 pm

[re=566105]magic titty[/re]: Not without a certificate it’s not!

bureaucrap April 28, 2010 at 1:13 pm

[re=566091]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: [re=566093]Katydid[/re]: The “fox news” angle did occur to me. We can probably trust these people to misspell their own signs. As for MoveOn, sorry to offend, but I rather like them myself. I think “Billionaires for Bush” has disbanded and are no longer available. And our editors would probably be the first to say that they want to report the news, not make it. So whom does that leave to carry out this evil plan? Dr. Evil? We should see if he’s available.

Big Daddy Tom April 28, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Hey guess what! According to my calendar Saturday May 30th doesn’t actually exist. Maybe its a special birther day. Jeez, can’t even schedule anything right, let alone spell.

mookworthjwilson April 28, 2010 at 1:29 pm

[re=566161]Big Daddy Tom[/re]: umm…they have the day right…

libwakman April 28, 2010 at 1:30 pm

Will Panama John McCwazy be there waving his BC of questionable authenticity & carrying a Glock just in case he has another Hanoi Hilton flashback & wants to settle the score with the Browns because they so closely resemble the Yellows that helped turn him into the batshitcrazy fucktard that he is today? Thats right not one fuckin’ comma! USA_USA

LiveFromSinusCity April 28, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Yeah, sure… bring that birth certificate, and then someone will steal it and the GOP will ask you to sign a petition and before you know it, you’ve lost your identity and are doomed to vote Rethuglican for the rest of your life.

LiveFromSinusCity April 28, 2010 at 1:42 pm

[re=566093]Katydid[/re]: Maybe he could hand out baguettes to all the ladies?

comicbookguy April 28, 2010 at 1:51 pm

[re=566161]Big Daddy Tom[/re]: If Obama can’t prove his birfday is this Saturday May 30, then he is illegitimate and Sarah Palin automatically becomes President for however long it takes before she loses interest. It’s in the Constitution!!1!

comicbookguy April 28, 2010 at 1:52 pm

[re=566161]Big Daddy Tom[/re]: Lousy Smarch weather.

GOPCrusher April 28, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Sometimes it gets thoroughly depressing to think that America is going to have to tolerate six more years of these peoples bullshit. Just get it over with an have a rally with signs that say “KILL THE NIGGER”. We all understand what you are all about, stop insulting our intelligence by telling us it’s about birth certificates or bailouts or anything else.

mookworthjwilson April 28, 2010 at 1:59 pm

[re=566165]mookworthjwilson[/re]: No they don’t dummy.

rastignac April 28, 2010 at 2:01 pm

A financial reform bill without real teeth … a “health care” plan without a public option … a national birther demonstration without our beloved Oily Taintz! Can’t organizers in this country do a fucking thing right?

Naked Bunny with a Whip April 28, 2010 at 2:13 pm

The organizer wants you to “bring your birth certificates.”

And if you don’t have one on hand, and have to get one from your state registrar, and they send you one of those embossed laser-printed copies, it doesn’t count. Also, make sure to bring your newspaper birth announcement, from an actual printed copy of the newspaper.

AutomaticPilot April 28, 2010 at 2:19 pm

I call bullshit – there are no watermelons in that picture!

comicbookguy April 28, 2010 at 2:24 pm

And if you don’t bring your birf certificate, you’ll be shipped off to Arizona!

One Yield Regular April 28, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Demand to see their Permit to Assemble. No, no, not that one. The LONG form Permit to Assemble.

Enumerator April 28, 2010 at 6:43 pm

IMHO, this is a job for the Missile Dick Chicks….

Rotundo April 28, 2010 at 7:33 pm

Signs are a good idea, but think about the image enhancement free bags of cheesy poofs would lend to the cause: Murdered spelling, mangled grammar and red faces rimmed in fake cheese dandruff. Cheese doodles for all! FREEDUMMMMM!!!!!11!!!!11!!!!!!111!!!!111!!

Edsdesk April 29, 2010 at 12:34 am

I won’t go unless Whorley Taitz is there.

Snark Master Black April 29, 2010 at 12:45 am

[re=565966]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Never go full retard.

mookworthjwilson April 29, 2010 at 3:02 am

[re=566721]Edsdesk[/re]: I won’t go unless Joanne Worley is there…

MsQuasimodo April 30, 2010 at 2:34 am

Plz send Wonkette operative LimeyLizzy, who tipped y’all off on this one to chronicle it for our amusement. But Liz Glover has to take pictures of her famously huge British Boobies!!1!

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