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Fun European Countries Going Bankrupt; Are The Boring Ones Next?

  • IMF institutes gyros for euros programRemember when the Europeans all gave up their funny money for the sober euro, and they were One Continent, United, Forever, no more wars, hooray? Well, uh, it turns out that maybe that isn’t working out so well? Nobody wants to lend Greece any money, which in turn makes it hard for it to borrow money, and they can’t just print money anymore because they don’t have their own money, so: problems! Soon it will go bankrupt and be sold to the Italians. It is just like Bear Stearns, but with better seafood. But of course Greece is just the “tip of the iceberg,” money-wise, and soon other relaxed booze-happy euro-fringe countries will follow (Portugal, Spain, Ireland, what have you). In the old days, the countries that were owed money would stone cold invade a place that defaulted on its debt, but since the main creditor here is Germany and everyone’s uncomfortable with them invading things, that probably won’t happen. Stock markets are totally tanking, though! [NYT]
  • Americans trust Democrats more than Republicans to run things by double-digit margins, according to a new WaPo-ABC survey, so naturally they also want to toss out every single member of Congress, which has a Democratic majority. They also think Obama is “just about right” ideologically, because your average American is also a baby bear. [Washington Post]
  • After trying and failing at various techniques to contain that giant oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the Coast Guard is seriously considering just straight up setting the thing on fire, because what have they got to lose? In related news, Ken Salazar is probably going to approve that enormous scenery-blocking wind farm off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard, the fucking hippie. [USA Today/NYT]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger
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64 comments

  1. Katydid

    Also too, Salazar was going to make the wind farm approval announcement while pissing on Ted Kennedy’s grave, but Gibbs thought that would be the wrong visuals.

  2. WELCOME THRILLHO

    The Gulf of Mexico will be 100% crude oil and so-called libruls in Martha’s Vineyard will still be up in arms about a few windmills within view of their precious little haven.

  3. norbizness

    They should help retire the debt by selling the sauce in bulk. We all like-a the sauce.

  4. x111e7thst

    You must leave now – you have no choice
    Take the servants and ride west
    Keep the child close to your chest
    When the German troops withdraw
    Let hedge funds take the rest take the rest

  5. KnaveOfDiamonds

    So, when are a bunch of GS execs going to be called before the European Parliament? Or is the European Commission? Or is it the European Council? I dunno, Europe’s weird.

  6. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I’ll have to try that “set it on fire” idea next time my toilet is broken.

  7. One Yield Regular

    [re=565802]WELCOME THRILLHO[/re]: All Ken Salazar has to do is ask them to trade.

  8. Geogre

    Setting it on fire…and then we can put a windmill in front of the flames and push our dead Hummers to shore.

    Amazing how quickly “drill here, drill now” becomes “burn there, burn now.”

  9. Cape Clod

    Most people in this area would be for the wind farm if the Cape Wind people hadn’t presented it this way.

    “This wind farm is going to make us lots of money and if you even dare raise the slightest objection to our plans, we will smear you as a bunch of entitled, elitist douchenozzles who talk a big game about saving the enviornment as long as it isn’t in your back yard.”

    I’m OK with the wind farm, but the Cape Wind guys can suck on 135 bags of 410 foot dicks.

  10. JMP

    It would be a nice change of pace for Greece to be bought by the Italians, instead of being conquered militarily by them, as has happened many times before in the last 2200 years.

    Suck it, annoying rich New Englanders; the NE poors and middle class could use more energy!

    Is this the first non-cartoon post by our esteemed Mr. Fruhlinger? And does this mean our weekly cartoon roundup will be returning?

  11. Lazy Media

    I’m not sure who I have less sympathy for, the rich people or the fake Indians who claim their religion bans windmills in their view of the sunrise (but is apparently OK with gigantic container ships). I think I’m gonna say Indians, since the wind farm would be north-northeast of their reservation, and the sun rises in the east to southeast.

  12. Sussemilch

    Germany taking ownership of Greece would set a pretty bad precedent, and no one I know speaks a lick of Chinese.

  13. Nigerian Business Executive

    Hey Comics Curmudgeon guy, I didn’t recognize you without all those doodles. When did you learn to write about politics without graphics?

  14. Berkeley Bear

    I don’t buy that “baby bear” and “just right” crap for a second. My littlest cub is a complete pain in the ass when it comes to food.

    Maybe if the Greeks weren’t always so smug about being the “birthplace of democracy” the cool kids would lend them some pocket change.

  15. Herman the German

    Unfortunately our invasion skills have declined since the good old times. They have reached roundabout the same deplorable level as American car building skills.
    And we aren’t so stupid to invade a country that is completely bankrupt anyway.

  16. bureaucrap

    [re=565816]JMP[/re]: It would be more appropriate for Turkey to invade Greece — more recent historical precedent, and Turkey can finally enter the EU by invading it.

    I also second you re: Cartoons. Fridays just aren’t the same without cartoons. Welcome back, Josh.

  17. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    @Nigerian Business Executive: Perhaps Wonkette has stolen Josh away from ITWorld. Look for many funny posts about Apple products in the near future! (?)

  18. JMP

    [re=565814]Hello Sunshine[/re]: To be fair to Brown, based on the article the woman sounded like a Brit teabagger, complaining about taxes and the brown (no pun intended) immigrants, and even starting with “I used to be a Labour voter, but…”

    Having said that, the surge in Lib Dem support is a great thing to see, at least from this side of the pond.

  19. Nappied Hypotenuse

    There’s just one leeetle problem with the Gyros-for-Euros deal: superintelligent Gyrobots are coming, as they already have for the Döner kebab. (,A href=http://www.robotliving.com/2010/03/29/worlds-first-doner-kebab-robot/>video).

  20. PsycGirl

    [re=565799]snarkistani refugee[/re]: PsycGirl is attending European Bake Sale. click here if you’re attending

  21. Terry

    Ireland won’t go bankrupt as long as they can lure Americans, Canadians, and Australians to come back to gaze longingly at recreations of thatched roof cottages, imagining how their ancestors must have lived. Oh, and to shop for crystal now made in eastern Europe.

  22. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=565824]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Apple products are hilarious. I’m using one right now to type this and I can’t stop laughing.

  23. chaste everywhere

    “It is just like Bear Stearns, but with better seafood.” Plus Maria Callas. And hunky–albeit not always anatomically complete–statues.
    But Gyros for Euros looks suspiciously like the new Quintuple Down from Kythiros Fried Cretan.

  24. WarAndG

    We should probably invade them, you know to ah…liberate them from…um…the brutal dictatorship of bankruptcy.

  25. ManchuCandidate

    At this point, I think the Greeks are probably saying: Beware of Goldman Sacks bearing advice.

  26. magic titty

    So Wonkette didn’t get my resume and headshot, or is Wonkette pretending like they didn’t get my resume and headshot? Was my objective “my erection has been Winning the Morning since 1992″ not appropriate?

  27. mardam422

    [re=565807]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: If it can’t be fixed by hitting it with a hammer or setting it on fire, it isn’t worth fixin’.

  28. Numbat Dundee

    [re=565827]JMP[/re]: She was a “Little Old Lady” and a bigot. This is surely not surprising. What is surprising is that Brown didn’t roll over and apologise and promise to her to kill more of the Muslims for her.

  29. snideinplainsight

    I think it would be cool if Apple bought Greece. Imagine souvlaki with 4G and a forward-facing webcam!

  30. Numbat Dundee

    [re=565816]JMP[/re]: The Italians stopped being good at conquering things a very long time ago (about the time Russell Crowe and Marcus Aurelius were slaughtering gthe Marcomanni). They actually tried to conquer Greece in 1940 and failed.
    Pasta is better than conquest. This is a GOOD thing.

  31. Numbat Dundee

    [re=565854]snideinplainsight[/re]: As long as they don’t put soggy chips in the Souvlaki. Frigging British tourists have much to answer for.

  32. Hello Sunshine

    [re=565852]Numbat Dundee[/re]: According to the BBC, he’s busy doing that right now…

  33. JMP

    [re=565839]chaste everywhere[/re]: This thread has me wishing there was a decent place for gyros around here.

    [re=565852]Numbat Dundee[/re]: It’s just so impolite to call a bigot a bigot; a much bigger offense than the actual bigotry. The Brits seem to have been infected by some of the worst aspects of our politics.

    [re=565854]snideinplainsight[/re]: Then the country would have to change its name to iGreece, and be inundated by hipster douchebags who won’t shut up about how great iGreece is and telling everyone else they need to move there no matter how much they like the country they’re already living in.

  34. Ruhe

    [re=565796]Katydid[/re]: You mean “Your lucky they even lend any money to you bastards! Leave Germany alone!”

  35. CthuNHu

    She didn’t sound much like a bigot. Yeah, she made one comment about a million Eastern Europeans, but it seemed much more of a “we’re raight oot of munneh en yoor lettin in moor pipl to tek oor jerbs?” thing than a genuine bigot thing. Also, she’s infinitely more calm and eloquent than any of our Murrican bigots. And her unashamed demand for more tax exemptions is rather quaintly charming.

    On the other hand, I now see why the Brits can’t stand Brown. Plodding, rehearsed, incapable of listening to, let alone relating to, his lessers, repeatedly interrupting, utterly void of passion: throw this wretch onto the beige dustheap of history.

    Go Liberal Dems! Go Liberal Dems! Whatever you stand for.

  36. RoscoePColtraine

    Maybe the Grecians could just try making everyone a large baklava platter. I think folks would feel more generous then.

  37. Hello Sunshine

    [re=565938]CthuNHu[/re]: “I mean, all these Eastern Europeans. Where are they all coming from?”

  38. sati demise

    [re=565812]Geogre[/re]: we have gone from rivers catching on fire in the ’70′s to a whole oceanic gulf catching on fire.
    Progress!
    ?

  39. mustardman

    I can understand why the other Euro’s don’t want to lend Greece any money. That country is a basket case. Always has been. Most disorganized country I have ever been to. Only thing Greeks do well is cook with minimal ingredients.

  40. Zadig

    Americans trust Democrats more than Republicans to run things by double-digit margins…

    Why do Americans hate America?

  41. GOPCrusher

    I’m torn. The environmentalist in me hopes that they control the oil spill and save the flora and fauna that would be impacted by it. But the asshole in me knows that the people that would be the most affected are the same idiots that bought “Drill, Baby Drill” as a viable campaign slogan, and so I would like to see them suffer and come back with the tired argument that the treehuggers are causing high gas prices. And then force them out on the beaches with their personal toothbrush to clean up the resulting devastation, while reminding them “No Gubmint money for you!”

  42. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    @GOPCrusher: Those people would just blame the spill on government regulation and socialism.

  43. Lascauxcaveman

    These richies are bitching about windmills FIVE MILES offshore blocking their views?

    Sure they peak out a 440 feet high, but at that distance curvature of the earth is going to take off some of that, not to mention haze, fog and other things you might find off the New England coast.

    What exactly is it you’re trying to look at past the five mile mark, people?

  44. bamaboy

    [re=566153]GOPCrusher[/re]: Let the inner environmentalist out. That shit is washing up on my hometown day after tomorrow and the Great State of Alabama doesn’t give a shit.

    “That’s what you get for living on the coast” is all we’ll hear.

Comments are closed.