Stacks of green paper in his red, right hand.Serious professor Barack Obama stepped outside his White Castle just now to praise his new “Fiscal Commission,” which will use a bipartisan method to mathematically prove America is bankrupt and that Goldman Sachs is a front for an Alien Monster hedge fund, which is exactly what Stephen Hawking and Nouriel Roubini warned us about. That problem solved — anything reduced to a Senate hearing is now officially “solved” — he is off to Iowa to run in the 2008 Democratic Primary. [Sun-Times]

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  1. …he is off to Iowa to run in the 2008 Democratic Primary.

    You crack me up, Mr. Layne!

    And why is our preznit so damned interested in bipartisan, but not bisexuals? Henghh? If you’re gonna go bi, Mr. Preznit, do it for teh civil rights awready, and forget bipartisan, cause it ain’t never ever gonna happen, goddammit. Why do *I* know something he doesn’t seem to?

    Or does *he* know something the rest of us don’t? Hmmm….more 12th-dimensional chess from the master…Nah, he’s just a pain in the ass sometimes.

  2. Hey! Live-blogging the Goldman Sachs Senate hearings is good enough for the NYT but not for our Wonkette? C’mon guys! Hilarity will surely ensue, et cetera!

  3. You neglected the most important part: “In the early afternoon, he will tour the Siemens Wind Turbine Blade Manufacturing Plant in Fort Madison. ”

    So first they periodically hold Wonkette hostage; now they’re going after the President himself. Who will save us from the Siemens to rule the world?

  4. The Bipartisan commission is going to make everyone’s heads asplode, but more the RWer “low tax” pseudo libertardian types who are suddenly going to wonder why the riches and corps don’t have as much money to support their “tink” tanks.

  5. 2008 Iowa Primary

    That Asheville resort must have boasted… some sort of… Hot Tub Time Machine.

    I can’t wait ’til Palin stabs WALNUTS! in the eye, with a fork, also.

  6. Look out! Look out! It’s a Black Swan©!

    [re=564875]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Shouldn’t there be a Museum of the American Blingee on the Mall? It can’t be much longer before this exquisite art form gets the recognition it deserves.

  7. Hey, he’s going to Ottumwa Iowa as well — which is almost the first time I’ve heard that town mentioned outside of MASH. Incidentally, if Radar O’Reilly were a real person, he’d be about 80 today.

  8. [re=564898]JMP[/re]: Jesus, can you imagine some future historian or lit prof trawling through that digital mountain of trivia….

    “Hmmm, on 07/04/2010, Fernblat heard noise from fireworks but couldn’t see them. This indicates his fundamental dissociation American society, as evidenced in his blog entry of the same date…”

  9. Shoulda stuck with sell the senate. It’s depreciating rapidly.
    but Senate’s been bought and sold
    and bought again
    the Senate is never free.

  10. “…anything reduced to a Senate hearing is now officially “solved”…”

    The Senate reminds me of Tarbaby. The Tarbaby hears everything, but it don’t say nothing.

    Besides, if it tries to stop hearing and start moving, the result would be the same: lots of mess, lots of sticking, and a great big wobble before ending up just as we were before, only dirtier.

  11. [re=564923]x111e7thst[/re]: Oh, please!
    The Tarbaby is a great cultural symbol. Those who do not know Joel Chandler Harris are unworthy to comment on the work. Free your mind of Disney.

    The harder you hit, the deeper you’re stuck. It’s … it’s like false consciousness… like wilting lily conscience … like 1970’s cultural sensitivity.

  12. OT: Watching the GS monsters getting grilled by Levin. Their irritation at being asked pointed questions is quite visible. It’s scary when they show their teeth, $2K suits notwithstanding.

  13. From the Sun-Times article: “There will be a still photographer pool spray at the top of the greet.” Is this anything like those “Golden Showers” teh gheys are always talking about sotto-voce over their Ruby Slipper cocktails?

  14. [re=564942]V572625694[/re]: Aren’t they just the worst? Their smirky evilness just oozes out of the TV screen. Mah desk is gettin’ all messy here. They’re gonna have to replace these witness chairs when this is all done cuz they won’t come clean.

  15. [re=564875]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: This is my favorite Barry blingee. I think the bat really takes it to another level.

  16. [re=564988]Ken Layne[/re]: The ancient Egyptians left the great hieroglyphics carved into majestic tombs and temples; we’ll leave this crap. I pity the future archaeologists.

  17. [re=565036]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: I believe these “trucknutz” refer to some sort of delicious snacks the Americans always wanted more of also.

  18. I love that fact that in this post absolutely nothing in any given sentence has any literal truth whatsoever, yet still I understand exactly what is going on.

  19. The Senate is retarded. There’s no sane reason Wyoming has as much representation in the Senate as California does. If I were California I’d invade everything west of Minnesota and Texas and take their fucking votes.

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