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Barack Obama Tells ‘Fiscal Commission’ To Sell the Senate Make Some Reforms

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Stacks of green paper in his red, right hand.Serious professor Barack Obama stepped outside his White Castle just now to praise his new “Fiscal Commission,” which will use a bipartisan method to mathematically prove America is bankrupt and that Goldman Sachs is a front for an Alien Monster hedge fund, which is exactly what Stephen Hawking and Nouriel Roubini warned us about. That problem solved — anything reduced to a Senate hearing is now officially “solved” — he is off to Iowa to run in the 2008 Democratic Primary. [Sun-Times]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • user-of-owls

    Goldman Sachs, Warren Buffett and Ben Nelson: Coalition of The Billing

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Best blingee evah! I need one of those couch/ATM machines.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    What does Mike Allen say about this?

  • Katydid

    …he is off to Iowa to run in the 2008 Democratic Primary.

    You crack me up, Mr. Layne!

    And why is our preznit so damned interested in bipartisan, but not bisexuals? Henghh? If you’re gonna go bi, Mr. Preznit, do it for teh civil rights awready, and forget bipartisan, cause it ain’t never ever gonna happen, goddammit. Why do *I* know something he doesn’t seem to?

    Or does *he* know something the rest of us don’t? Hmmm….more 12th-dimensional chess from the master…Nah, he’s just a pain in the ass sometimes.

  • MsNicky

    Hey! Live-blogging the Goldman Sachs Senate hearings is good enough for the NYT but not for our Wonkette? C’mon guys! Hilarity will surely ensue, et cetera!

  • JMP

    You neglected the most important part: “In the early afternoon, he will tour the Siemens Wind Turbine Blade Manufacturing Plant in Fort Madison. ”

    So first they periodically hold Wonkette hostage; now they’re going after the President himself. Who will save us from the Siemens to rule the world?

  • Way Cool Larry

    And now Wonkette has officially won the morning!

  • ManchuCandidate

    The Bipartisan commission is going to make everyone’s heads asplode, but more the RWer “low tax” pseudo libertardian types who are suddenly going to wonder why the riches and corps don’t have as much money to support their “tink” tanks.

  • Long Form Def Certificate

    2008 Iowa Primary

    That Asheville resort must have boasted… some sort of… Hot Tub Time Machine.

    I can’t wait ’til Palin stabs WALNUTS! in the eye, with a fork, also.

  • V572625694

    Look out! Look out! It’s a Black Swan©!

    [re=564875]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Shouldn’t there be a Museum of the American Blingee on the Mall? It can’t be much longer before this exquisite art form gets the recognition it deserves.

  • Mr Blifil

    If we’re going back in time, can we get a camera in the hospital where Trig was “delivered?”

  • JMP

    [re=564896]V572625694[/re]: At the very least, they be archived forever by the Library of Congress. Like that Twitter shit.

  • Long Form Def Certificate

    The Bloody Hand of Ulster?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, he’s going to Ottumwa Iowa as well — which is almost the first time I’ve heard that town mentioned outside of MASH. Incidentally, if Radar O’Reilly were a real person, he’d be about 80 today.

  • V572625694

    [re=564898]JMP[/re]: Jesus, can you imagine some future historian or lit prof trawling through that digital mountain of trivia….

    “Hmmm, on 07/04/2010, Fernblat heard noise from fireworks but couldn’t see them. This indicates his fundamental dissociation American society, as evidenced in his blog entry of the same date…”

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Bold prediction: Barack Obama Hillary Clinton will win the 2008 Ohio Democratic Primary.

  • Zadig

    [re=564891]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Today, we are all groaning at a comment posted on the internet.

  • the problem child

    He’s a ghost, he’s a god,he’s a man, he’s a guru
    You’re one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan

  • user-of-owls

    [re=564899]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]:

    The Shankill Butchers wanna cut you
    The Shankill Butchers wanna catch you


  • Shaggypixel

    Mmmmmmmm…White Castle.

  • Ducksworthy

    Shoulda stuck with sell the senate. It’s depreciating rapidly.
    but Senate’s been bought and sold
    and bought again
    the Senate is never free.

  • rina

    My President poops money. Suck it, haterz.

  • Geogre

    “…anything reduced to a Senate hearing is now officially “solved”…”

    The Senate reminds me of Tarbaby. The Tarbaby hears everything, but it don’t say nothing.

    Besides, if it tries to stop hearing and start moving, the result would be the same: lots of mess, lots of sticking, and a great big wobble before ending up just as we were before, only dirtier.

  • x111e7thst

    [re=564918]Geogre[/re]: Is this racial transcendence?

  • notreallyhelping

    Hmm. That explains the dusty black coat.

  • Geogre

    [re=564923]x111e7thst[/re]: Oh, please!
    The Tarbaby is a great cultural symbol. Those who do not know Joel Chandler Harris are unworthy to comment on the work. Free your mind of Disney.

    The harder you hit, the deeper you’re stuck. It’s … it’s like false consciousness… like wilting lily conscience … like 1970’s cultural sensitivity.

  • GoinGreen

    [re=564899]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Nah, that’s the handprint of Cheeeney – when he fell out in the White House with #4.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Ottumwa and Des Moines, eh, Barry? This is definitely bad news for Chuck Grassley.

  • V572625694

    OT: Watching the GS monsters getting grilled by Levin. Their irritation at being asked pointed questions is quite visible. It’s scary when they show their teeth, $2K suits notwithstanding.

  • Zorg

    From the Sun-Times article: “There will be a still photographer pool spray at the top of the greet.” Is this anything like those “Golden Showers” teh gheys are always talking about sotto-voce over their Ruby Slipper cocktails?

  • tootsieroll

    [re=564885]JMP[/re]: omg I thought the exact same thing this morning when I heard this was on his agenda.

  • JMP

    [re=564903]V572625694[/re]: Just imagine if some future linguists try to reconstruct English based on Twitter.

  • MsNicky

    [re=564942]V572625694[/re]: Aren’t they just the worst? Their smirky evilness just oozes out of the TV screen. Mah desk is gettin’ all messy here. They’re gonna have to replace these witness chairs when this is all done cuz they won’t come clean.

  • Ken Layne

    [re=564963]JMP[/re]: White house press pool reports should prove equally incomprehensible.

  • Yes You Can Own A Piece of History

    [re=564875]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: This is my favorite Barry blingee. I think the bat really takes it to another level.

  • x111e7thst

    [re=564930]Geogre[/re]: It was a joke, calm down.

  • OzoneTom

    Three huzzahs for the vengeful hand of God! You usurers are on notice!

  • Long Form Def Certificate

    [re=564907]Zadig[/re]: I would have thought my use of “, also” might have redeemed it. At least a little.

  • JMP

    [re=564988]Ken Layne[/re]: The ancient Egyptians left the great hieroglyphics carved into majestic tombs and temples; we’ll leave this crap. I pity the future archaeologists.

  • betterDeadThanRed

    [re=564963]JMP[/re]: Just imagine if some future linguists try to reconstruct English based on Wonkette comments.

  • JMP

    [re=565036]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: I believe these “trucknutz” refer to some sort of delicious snacks the Americans always wanted more of also.

  • Tommmcatt

    I love that fact that in this post absolutely nothing in any given sentence has any literal truth whatsoever, yet still I understand exactly what is going on.

  • Sussemilch

    The Senate is retarded. There’s no sane reason Wyoming has as much representation in the Senate as California does. If I were California I’d invade everything west of Minnesota and Texas and take their fucking votes.

  • mustardman

    What’s with the bat? I sorta get the money falling out of the couch but not the bat.