OUR FLOURISHING ECONOMY  10:12 am April 27, 2010

Barack Obama Tells ‘Fiscal Commission’ To Sell the Senate Make Some Reforms

by Ken Layne

Stacks of green paper in his red, right hand.Serious professor Barack Obama stepped outside his White Castle just now to praise his new “Fiscal Commission,” which will use a bipartisan method to mathematically prove America is bankrupt and that Goldman Sachs is a front for an Alien Monster hedge fund, which is exactly what Stephen Hawking and Nouriel Roubini warned us about. That problem solved — anything reduced to a Senate hearing is now officially “solved” — he is off to Iowa to run in the 2008 Democratic Primary. [Sun-Times]

 
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{ 44 comments }

user-of-owls April 27, 2010 at 10:17 am

Goldman Sachs, Warren Buffett and Ben Nelson: Coalition of The Billing

Texan Bulldoggette April 27, 2010 at 10:17 am

Best blingee evah! I need one of those couch/ATM machines.

Capitol Hillbilly April 27, 2010 at 10:20 am

What does Mike Allen say about this?

Katydid April 27, 2010 at 10:21 am

…he is off to Iowa to run in the 2008 Democratic Primary.

You crack me up, Mr. Layne!

And why is our preznit so damned interested in bipartisan, but not bisexuals? Henghh? If you’re gonna go bi, Mr. Preznit, do it for teh civil rights awready, and forget bipartisan, cause it ain’t never ever gonna happen, goddammit. Why do *I* know something he doesn’t seem to?

Or does *he* know something the rest of us don’t? Hmmm….more 12th-dimensional chess from the master…Nah, he’s just a pain in the ass sometimes.

MsNicky April 27, 2010 at 10:24 am

Hey! Live-blogging the Goldman Sachs Senate hearings is good enough for the NYT but not for our Wonkette? C’mon guys! Hilarity will surely ensue, et cetera!

JMP April 27, 2010 at 10:24 am

You neglected the most important part: “In the early afternoon, he will tour the Siemens Wind Turbine Blade Manufacturing Plant in Fort Madison. ”

So first they periodically hold Wonkette hostage; now they’re going after the President himself. Who will save us from the Siemens to rule the world?

Way Cool Larry April 27, 2010 at 10:25 am

And now Wonkette has officially won the morning!

ManchuCandidate April 27, 2010 at 10:25 am

The Bipartisan commission is going to make everyone’s heads asplode, but more the RWer “low tax” pseudo libertardian types who are suddenly going to wonder why the riches and corps don’t have as much money to support their “tink” tanks.

Long Form Def Certificate April 27, 2010 at 10:26 am

2008 Iowa Primary

That Asheville resort must have boasted… some sort of… Hot Tub Time Machine.

I can’t wait ’til Palin stabs WALNUTS! in the eye, with a fork, also.

V572625694 April 27, 2010 at 10:29 am

Look out! Look out! It’s a Black Swan©!

[re=564875]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Shouldn’t there be a Museum of the American Blingee on the Mall? It can’t be much longer before this exquisite art form gets the recognition it deserves.

Mr Blifil April 27, 2010 at 10:32 am

If we’re going back in time, can we get a camera in the hospital where Trig was “delivered?”

JMP April 27, 2010 at 10:32 am

[re=564896]V572625694[/re]: At the very least, they be archived forever by the Library of Congress. Like that Twitter shit.

Long Form Def Certificate April 27, 2010 at 10:33 am

The Bloody Hand of Ulster?

SayItWithWookies April 27, 2010 at 10:34 am

Hey, he’s going to Ottumwa Iowa as well — which is almost the first time I’ve heard that town mentioned outside of MASH. Incidentally, if Radar O’Reilly were a real person, he’d be about 80 today.

V572625694 April 27, 2010 at 10:36 am

[re=564898]JMP[/re]: Jesus, can you imagine some future historian or lit prof trawling through that digital mountain of trivia….

“Hmmm, on 07/04/2010, Fernblat heard noise from fireworks but couldn’t see them. This indicates his fundamental dissociation American society, as evidenced in his blog entry of the same date…”

Lascauxcaveman April 27, 2010 at 10:37 am

Bold prediction: Barack Obama Hillary Clinton will win the 2008 Ohio Democratic Primary.

Zadig April 27, 2010 at 10:38 am

[re=564891]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Today, we are all groaning at a comment posted on the internet.

the problem child April 27, 2010 at 10:41 am

He’s a ghost, he’s a god,he’s a man, he’s a guru
You’re one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan

user-of-owls April 27, 2010 at 10:50 am

[re=564899]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]:

The Shankill Butchers wanna cut you
The Shankill Butchers wanna catch you
Awake

http://s0.ilike.com/play#The+Decemberists:Shankhill+Butchers:584049:m8380907

Shaggypixel April 27, 2010 at 10:52 am

Mmmmmmmm…White Castle.

Ducksworthy April 27, 2010 at 10:54 am

Shoulda stuck with sell the senate. It’s depreciating rapidly.
but Senate’s been bought and sold
and bought again
the Senate is never free.

rina April 27, 2010 at 10:55 am

My President poops money. Suck it, haterz.

Geogre April 27, 2010 at 10:55 am

“…anything reduced to a Senate hearing is now officially “solved”…”

The Senate reminds me of Tarbaby. The Tarbaby hears everything, but it don’t say nothing.

Besides, if it tries to stop hearing and start moving, the result would be the same: lots of mess, lots of sticking, and a great big wobble before ending up just as we were before, only dirtier.

x111e7thst April 27, 2010 at 11:03 am

[re=564918]Geogre[/re]: Is this racial transcendence?

notreallyhelping April 27, 2010 at 11:08 am

Hmm. That explains the dusty black coat.

Geogre April 27, 2010 at 11:15 am

[re=564923]x111e7thst[/re]: Oh, please!
The Tarbaby is a great cultural symbol. Those who do not know Joel Chandler Harris are unworthy to comment on the work. Free your mind of Disney.

The harder you hit, the deeper you’re stuck. It’s … it’s like false consciousness… like wilting lily conscience … like 1970′s cultural sensitivity.

GoinGreen April 27, 2010 at 11:18 am

[re=564899]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Nah, that’s the handprint of Cheeeney – when he fell out in the White House with #4.

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 27, 2010 at 11:25 am

Ottumwa and Des Moines, eh, Barry? This is definitely bad news for Chuck Grassley.

V572625694 April 27, 2010 at 11:25 am

OT: Watching the GS monsters getting grilled by Levin. Their irritation at being asked pointed questions is quite visible. It’s scary when they show their teeth, $2K suits notwithstanding.

Zorg April 27, 2010 at 11:27 am

From the Sun-Times article: “There will be a still photographer pool spray at the top of the greet.” Is this anything like those “Golden Showers” teh gheys are always talking about sotto-voce over their Ruby Slipper cocktails?

tootsieroll April 27, 2010 at 11:29 am

[re=564885]JMP[/re]: omg I thought the exact same thing this morning when I heard this was on his agenda.

JMP April 27, 2010 at 11:37 am

[re=564903]V572625694[/re]: Just imagine if some future linguists try to reconstruct English based on Twitter.

MsNicky April 27, 2010 at 11:50 am

[re=564942]V572625694[/re]: Aren’t they just the worst? Their smirky evilness just oozes out of the TV screen. Mah desk is gettin’ all messy here. They’re gonna have to replace these witness chairs when this is all done cuz they won’t come clean.

Ken Layne April 27, 2010 at 11:51 am

[re=564963]JMP[/re]: White house press pool reports should prove equally incomprehensible.

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History April 27, 2010 at 11:55 am

[re=564875]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: This is my favorite Barry blingee. I think the bat really takes it to another level.

x111e7thst April 27, 2010 at 11:56 am

[re=564930]Geogre[/re]: It was a joke, calm down.

OzoneTom April 27, 2010 at 11:57 am

Three huzzahs for the vengeful hand of God! You usurers are on notice!

Long Form Def Certificate April 27, 2010 at 12:17 pm

[re=564907]Zadig[/re]: I would have thought my use of “, also” might have redeemed it. At least a little.

JMP April 27, 2010 at 12:19 pm

[re=564988]Ken Layne[/re]: The ancient Egyptians left the great hieroglyphics carved into majestic tombs and temples; we’ll leave this crap. I pity the future archaeologists.

betterDeadThanRed April 27, 2010 at 12:20 pm

[re=564963]JMP[/re]: Just imagine if some future linguists try to reconstruct English based on Wonkette comments.

JMP April 27, 2010 at 12:22 pm

[re=565036]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: I believe these “trucknutz” refer to some sort of delicious snacks the Americans always wanted more of also.

Tommmcatt April 27, 2010 at 12:41 pm

I love that fact that in this post absolutely nothing in any given sentence has any literal truth whatsoever, yet still I understand exactly what is going on.

Sussemilch April 27, 2010 at 12:44 pm

The Senate is retarded. There’s no sane reason Wyoming has as much representation in the Senate as California does. If I were California I’d invade everything west of Minnesota and Texas and take their fucking votes.

mustardman April 27, 2010 at 1:22 pm

What’s with the bat? I sorta get the money falling out of the couch but not the bat.

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