HAS SHE EVER EVEN *HAD* SEX?  1:03 pm April 26, 2010

K-Lo Getting Hairy Palms Because of All the Nasty Sexytime On the ‘Puter

by Ken Layne

'Now move your big ass 'round this way, So I can work on that zipper, baby ....'
Ever since National Review Online’s old maid Kathryn Jean Lopez heard about sex a few weeks ago, she has been frantically typing with one hand about all the dirty, dirty, dirty pornography on the Internet which is so filthy, so hawt, so nasty. (Actually, K-Lo “discovers” the p0rN every year about this time. It’s like some gross mating dance done by a weird prairie turkey.)


See?

Today, on the Internet’s #1 comedy blog, “The Corner,” K-Lo’s volcanic gush of sexytime blog posts reached a fever pitch, as evidenced by this gross Twitter screenshot captured by the Kinsey of his time, Wonkette operative “Joseph V.” [NRO Twitter]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 46 comments }

Asa Hawks April 26, 2010 at 1:05 pm

I just vomited out all my insides over my desk. Great.

JadedDIssonance April 26, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Tis better to twitter than twatter, not wetter.

chascates April 26, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Get thee to a nunnery!

XOhioan April 26, 2010 at 1:09 pm

S.E.X. That is clever.

So she really doesn’t know about this happening at work all the time.

mustardman April 26, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Sorry, just cannot get into that hawt sexy video without sound.

XOhioan April 26, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Lazy bastards. When I was a young person, you had to go into a store and ask a dirty man behind the counter for your porn.

Way Cool Larry April 26, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Thanks– like I really needed think about KLo masturbating. That will keep me away from the porn for some time.

ManchuCandidate April 26, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Obi Wan Kenobi: “I felt a great disturbance in the intertubes, as if millions of males suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly stopped fapping. I fear something terrible has happened.”

weejee April 26, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Aren’t fapdragons a spring flower?

El Pinche April 26, 2010 at 1:14 pm

K-Lo’s discovery of porn is as frequent as her rediscovery of her “vagina” under her 25 lbs of flab.

Aurelio April 26, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Here is Kathryn J. Lopez’ photo, taken from the teevee. She needs to find a nice bull elephant to be her partner. Then she might stop obsessing about SECs.

edgydrifter April 26, 2010 at 1:17 pm

K-Lo never had trouble practicing abstinence as a young lady, for obvious reasons.

Mahousu April 26, 2010 at 1:18 pm

That sage grouse video should have come with a NSFW warning. Not all of us work in biology departments.

An Outhouse April 26, 2010 at 1:20 pm

pssssssstt… http://www.xtube.com (don’t tell abybody else)

chascates April 26, 2010 at 1:20 pm

[re=564203]Aurelio[/re]: http://webpages.charter.net/micah/klo.jpg

Also.

SmutBoffin April 26, 2010 at 1:22 pm

No one at NRO is even remotely qualified to talk about modern sexuality. Upcoming posts:

* “Petticoats ride too high these days”

* “Wriggling in excrement: Our national disgrace”

* “Stay away from our womenfolk, swarthy races”

Texan Bulldoggette April 26, 2010 at 1:24 pm

[re=564212]chascates[/re]: Wow, have her & Roger Ailes ever been seen together in a room at the same time? Looks like they were separated at birth.

BOOBIES! April 26, 2010 at 1:36 pm

Keep fucking that chicken Wonkette.

pub_option April 26, 2010 at 1:37 pm

She’s a few scandals behind the times, still discussing Larry Craig.

american mutt April 26, 2010 at 1:39 pm

[re=564212]chascates[/re]: oh. my. god.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 26, 2010 at 1:41 pm

If she thinks that the internet has been promoting sex, wait until she finds out what the Catholic Church has done for molestations.

Mr Blifil April 26, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Great now I have to set aside my plans for the day and make time for some turkey basting, if you know what I mean, and I know that you do…

Mr Blifil April 26, 2010 at 1:42 pm

I guess I meant to say: Today we are all Turkey Basters.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 26, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Maybe J-Go can only get it up when K-Lo writes about the porn? Or NAZIs. I assume those are the only two things that can get J-Go aroused.

Judas Peckerwood April 26, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Would you please refrain from posting such things on any day when I might possibly be considering eating?

Aurelio April 26, 2010 at 1:46 pm

[re=564240]american mutt[/re]: [re=564212]chascates[/re]: That pic has been photoshopped. Here is the real thing: http://img73.imageshack.us/img73/1340/klomontagedj4.jpg

Way Cool Larry April 26, 2010 at 1:47 pm

what’s the deal with that prairie turkey anyway? Why does it have giant testicles hanging from its neck???

nappyduggs April 26, 2010 at 1:53 pm

Poor K-Jlop; she is so clueless. She’s still looking for the mysterious “cut on her ass” that hasn’t stopped bleeding for, like, 20 years.

edgydrifter April 26, 2010 at 1:54 pm

[re=564261]Way Cool Larry[/re]: Turkee Nutz!

JMP April 26, 2010 at 1:54 pm

It’s now been over four decades since the sexual revolution, and I would’ve hoped all the old prudes would have shriveled up and died already; but no, unfortunately there’s a new generation of anti-sexers telling everyone else they can’t have fun.

Tommmcatt April 26, 2010 at 1:57 pm

[re=564260]Aurelio[/re]:

Oh no you don’t. Not me. I know better than that.

ArkansasFred April 26, 2010 at 1:57 pm
rmontcal April 26, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Grouses Gone Wild?

Troubledog April 26, 2010 at 2:00 pm

I always thought these letters were fictional, until it happened to me. There I was, in that little joint across from the Crystal City Hilton, the place that says it’s a steakhouse but is really a pasties-and-thongs club, and there she was with the back of her skirt tucked into her Spanx, throwing singles at a Asian hottie with a lousy boob job.

WhatTheHeck April 26, 2010 at 2:01 pm

There’s no way that turkey is republican. Because dancing around ‘bush’ is what bags him an a-DORA-able female to hop unto. Oh the humanity.

Extemporanus April 26, 2010 at 2:06 pm

Does K-Lo’s “backpack” say “¡Yum yum yum yum yum, delicioso!” when she stuffs things back into it, too?

Troubledog April 26, 2010 at 2:07 pm

[re=564284]Troubledog[/re]: Wow, that was almost Chandler-esque, wasn’t it? Okay, maybe not Chandler, but at least Elmore Leonard.

Dashboard_Buddha April 26, 2010 at 2:08 pm

Child molesters, rapists, teabaggers*, and all priests should be required to carry a picture of K-Lo. The ultimate boner killer.

*I don’t want to imply that teabaggers are in the same class as rapists. Completely different class.

Extemporanus April 26, 2010 at 2:10 pm

[re=564300]Troubledog[/re]: It actually sounded more like Joey than Chandler.

J April 26, 2010 at 3:12 pm

How can she not be obsessed with sex, what with working next to studs like Jonah Goldberg and John Derbyshire all day?

Tim April 26, 2010 at 3:12 pm

Does she even realize that the Library of Congress is archiving all the dick pictures from craigslist from 2000-2009?

PlanetWingnuta April 26, 2010 at 3:46 pm

hmmm are we gonna discover the bodies of several half eaten men in her crawl space when she dies?

Dashboard_Buddha April 26, 2010 at 4:05 pm

I see a Wonkette produced porn flick. Harry Palmer and the Turkey of Destiny. We might be able to get Sarah to play the role of the turkey murderer. Hell..we could make this a snuff film!

Potater April 26, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Interestingly this is the first hit on Google Images if you search for “klo”

http://lustich.de/bilder/menschen/ekel-klo/

I think that about sums it up.

crapshooter102 April 27, 2010 at 9:49 am

I could look past the Inverted sagging Boobs in the front of the Chicken but cannot get past that Barb Wire looking Ass. This bird has spent too much time in the back seat of an all night theater watching porn. His only hope is to move to Nevada and sacrifice a couple of Drumsticks for some poor kids appendectomy.

One Flew Over the Wingnut May 10, 2010 at 10:56 pm

Nah Ken Layne…you have it all wrong. K-lo and J-Go or as their combination is known “go away” have a very special mating ritual. It involves each of them rolling in flour while the other lustilly (imagine them stearing at a Bear Claw at krispy kreme, that will give you then proper mental image) searches for the wet spot. If they each find their respective wet spot…let’s just say “and they call it elephant looovvvveeee” happens. If they don’t…well there’s always eating people…that’s an aphrodisiac to obese bitters, after all.

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