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'Now move your big ass 'round this way, So I can work on that zipper, baby ....'
Ever since National Review Online’s old maid Kathryn Jean Lopez heard about sex a few weeks ago, she has been frantically typing with one hand about all the dirty, dirty, dirty pornography on the Internet which is so filthy, so hawt, so nasty. (Actually, K-Lo “discovers” the p0rN every year about this time. It’s like some gross mating dance done by a weird prairie turkey.)


See?

Today, on the Internet’s #1 comedy blog, “The Corner,” K-Lo’s volcanic gush of sexytime blog posts reached a fever pitch, as evidenced by this gross Twitter screenshot captured by the Kinsey of his time, Wonkette operative “Joseph V.” [NRO Twitter]

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46 COMMENTS

  1. Obi Wan Kenobi: “I felt a great disturbance in the intertubes, as if millions of males suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly stopped fapping. I fear something terrible has happened.”

  2. No one at NRO is even remotely qualified to talk about modern sexuality. Upcoming posts:

    * “Petticoats ride too high these days”

    * “Wriggling in excrement: Our national disgrace”

    * “Stay away from our womenfolk, swarthy races”

  3. [re=564212]chascates[/re]: Wow, have her & Roger Ailes ever been seen together in a room at the same time? Looks like they were separated at birth.

  4. If she thinks that the internet has been promoting sex, wait until she finds out what the Catholic Church has done for molestations.

  5. Great now I have to set aside my plans for the day and make time for some turkey basting, if you know what I mean, and I know that you do…

  6. Maybe J-Go can only get it up when K-Lo writes about the porn? Or NAZIs. I assume those are the only two things that can get J-Go aroused.

  7. Poor K-Jlop; she is so clueless. She’s still looking for the mysterious “cut on her ass” that hasn’t stopped bleeding for, like, 20 years.

  8. It’s now been over four decades since the sexual revolution, and I would’ve hoped all the old prudes would have shriveled up and died already; but no, unfortunately there’s a new generation of anti-sexers telling everyone else they can’t have fun.

  9. I always thought these letters were fictional, until it happened to me. There I was, in that little joint across from the Crystal City Hilton, the place that says it’s a steakhouse but is really a pasties-and-thongs club, and there she was with the back of her skirt tucked into her Spanx, throwing singles at a Asian hottie with a lousy boob job.

  10. There’s no way that turkey is republican. Because dancing around ‘bush’ is what bags him an a-DORA-able female to hop unto. Oh the humanity.

  11. [re=564284]Troubledog[/re]: Wow, that was almost Chandler-esque, wasn’t it? Okay, maybe not Chandler, but at least Elmore Leonard.

  12. Child molesters, rapists, teabaggers*, and all priests should be required to carry a picture of K-Lo. The ultimate boner killer.

    *I don’t want to imply that teabaggers are in the same class as rapists. Completely different class.

  13. I see a Wonkette produced porn flick. Harry Palmer and the Turkey of Destiny. We might be able to get Sarah to play the role of the turkey murderer. Hell..we could make this a snuff film!

  14. I could look past the Inverted sagging Boobs in the front of the Chicken but cannot get past that Barb Wire looking Ass. This bird has spent too much time in the back seat of an all night theater watching porn. His only hope is to move to Nevada and sacrifice a couple of Drumsticks for some poor kids appendectomy.

  15. Nah Ken Layne…you have it all wrong. K-lo and J-Go or as their combination is known “go away” have a very special mating ritual. It involves each of them rolling in flour while the other lustilly (imagine them stearing at a Bear Claw at krispy kreme, that will give you then proper mental image) searches for the wet spot. If they each find their respective wet spot…let’s just say “and they call it elephant looovvvveeee” happens. If they don’t…well there’s always eating people…that’s an aphrodisiac to obese bitters, after all.

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