K-Lo Getting Hairy Palms Because of All the Nasty Sexytime On the ‘Puter

  has she ever even *had* sex?

'Now move your big ass 'round this way, So I can work on that zipper, baby ....'
Ever since National Review Online’s old maid Kathryn Jean Lopez heard about sex a few weeks ago, she has been frantically typing with one hand about all the dirty, dirty, dirty pornography on the Internet which is so filthy, so hawt, so nasty. (Actually, K-Lo “discovers” the p0rN every year about this time. It’s like some gross mating dance done by a weird prairie turkey.)


See?

Today, on the Internet’s #1 comedy blog, “The Corner,” K-Lo’s volcanic gush of sexytime blog posts reached a fever pitch, as evidenced by this gross Twitter screenshot captured by the Kinsey of his time, Wonkette operative “Joseph V.” [NRO Twitter]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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46 comments

  1. XOhioan

    S.E.X. That is clever.

    So she really doesn’t know about this happening at work all the time.

  2. XOhioan

    Lazy bastards. When I was a young person, you had to go into a store and ask a dirty man behind the counter for your porn.

  3. Way Cool Larry

    Thanks– like I really needed think about KLo masturbating. That will keep me away from the porn for some time.

  4. ManchuCandidate

    Obi Wan Kenobi: “I felt a great disturbance in the intertubes, as if millions of males suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly stopped fapping. I fear something terrible has happened.”

  5. El Pinche

    K-Lo’s discovery of porn is as frequent as her rediscovery of her “vagina” under her 25 lbs of flab.

  6. Aurelio

    Here is Kathryn J. Lopez’ photo, taken from the teevee. She needs to find a nice bull elephant to be her partner. Then she might stop obsessing about SECs.

  7. Mahousu

    That sage grouse video should have come with a NSFW warning. Not all of us work in biology departments.

  8. SmutBoffin

    No one at NRO is even remotely qualified to talk about modern sexuality. Upcoming posts:

    * “Petticoats ride too high these days”

    * “Wriggling in excrement: Our national disgrace”

    * “Stay away from our womenfolk, swarthy races”

  9. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=564212]chascates[/re]: Wow, have her & Roger Ailes ever been seen together in a room at the same time? Looks like they were separated at birth.

  10. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    If she thinks that the internet has been promoting sex, wait until she finds out what the Catholic Church has done for molestations.

  11. Mr Blifil

    Great now I have to set aside my plans for the day and make time for some turkey basting, if you know what I mean, and I know that you do…

  12. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Maybe J-Go can only get it up when K-Lo writes about the porn? Or NAZIs. I assume those are the only two things that can get J-Go aroused.

  13. Judas Peckerwood

    Would you please refrain from posting such things on any day when I might possibly be considering eating?

  14. Way Cool Larry

    what’s the deal with that prairie turkey anyway? Why does it have giant testicles hanging from its neck???

  15. nappyduggs

    Poor K-Jlop; she is so clueless. She’s still looking for the mysterious “cut on her ass” that hasn’t stopped bleeding for, like, 20 years.

  16. JMP

    It’s now been over four decades since the sexual revolution, and I would’ve hoped all the old prudes would have shriveled up and died already; but no, unfortunately there’s a new generation of anti-sexers telling everyone else they can’t have fun.

  17. Troubledog

    I always thought these letters were fictional, until it happened to me. There I was, in that little joint across from the Crystal City Hilton, the place that says it’s a steakhouse but is really a pasties-and-thongs club, and there she was with the back of her skirt tucked into her Spanx, throwing singles at a Asian hottie with a lousy boob job.

  18. WhatTheHeck

    There’s no way that turkey is republican. Because dancing around ‘bush’ is what bags him an a-DORA-able female to hop unto. Oh the humanity.

  19. Extemporanus

    Does K-Lo’s “backpack” say “¡Yum yum yum yum yum, delicioso!” when she stuffs things back into it, too?

  20. Troubledog

    [re=564284]Troubledog[/re]: Wow, that was almost Chandler-esque, wasn’t it? Okay, maybe not Chandler, but at least Elmore Leonard.

  21. Dashboard_Buddha

    Child molesters, rapists, teabaggers*, and all priests should be required to carry a picture of K-Lo. The ultimate boner killer.

    *I don’t want to imply that teabaggers are in the same class as rapists. Completely different class.

  22. J

    How can she not be obsessed with sex, what with working next to studs like Jonah Goldberg and John Derbyshire all day?

  23. Tim

    Does she even realize that the Library of Congress is archiving all the dick pictures from craigslist from 2000-2009?

  24. PlanetWingnuta

    hmmm are we gonna discover the bodies of several half eaten men in her crawl space when she dies?

  25. Dashboard_Buddha

    I see a Wonkette produced porn flick. Harry Palmer and the Turkey of Destiny. We might be able to get Sarah to play the role of the turkey murderer. Hell..we could make this a snuff film!

  26. crapshooter102

    I could look past the Inverted sagging Boobs in the front of the Chicken but cannot get past that Barb Wire looking Ass. This bird has spent too much time in the back seat of an all night theater watching porn. His only hope is to move to Nevada and sacrifice a couple of Drumsticks for some poor kids appendectomy.

  27. One Flew Over the Wingnut

    Nah Ken Layne…you have it all wrong. K-lo and J-Go or as their combination is known “go away” have a very special mating ritual. It involves each of them rolling in flour while the other lustilly (imagine them stearing at a Bear Claw at krispy kreme, that will give you then proper mental image) searches for the wet spot. If they each find their respective wet spot…let’s just say “and they call it elephant looovvvveeee” happens. If they don’t…well there’s always eating people…that’s an aphrodisiac to obese bitters, after all.

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