Why did Barack Obama stop by Billy Graham’s golden tent revival castle? Just tradition, we suppose. Graham somehow gets to hang out with presidents, and he has done so since the time of Harry S. Truman. Billy even got to play golf with the papist John F. Kennedy, who did not request the Southern Baptist evangelist’s “spiritual counsel.”
First: Franklin Graham, Billy’s son and ninth-rate stand-in these days, is a vile shitbag and a racist so treacherous to the Ideals of America that the Pentagon denied him an opportunity to spew his venom. That he was allowed in the same room as our half-muslin president, Barack Obama, is an affront to liberty and an actual shredding of the Constitution.
Old Man Billy himself is a more complicated character. A tent-revival charlatan selling lies to the doomed and the poor for some seven decades, the Reverend Graham built a fortune and a globe-trotting career upon the desperate sadness of America’s wretched. And yet …. the man occasionally practiced what he preached, because he preached the very few recorded words of this Jesus of Nazareth (or Jesus the Nazarene, whatever, argue over your Koine Greek somewhere else), and used that as a foundation to oppose segregation (after originally being a hardcore segregationist, of course). Graham even bailed out Martin Luther King Jr. and preached alongside King in New York City back in 1957.
Graham can also be heard as Richard Nixon’s jabbering ass-kissing yes-man during Watergate tapes of Drunken Dick railing against the Jews who run the media. But Graham didn’t just agree. He had many important points to add to this important discussion, about the Jews being porno-devils:
The evangelist also described Jewish friends in the media who “swarm around me and are friendly to me. Because they know that I am friendly to Israel and so forth.” But he added, “They don’t know how I really feel about what they’re doing to this country, and I have no power and no way to handle them.”
Nixon then advised him, “You must not let them know.”
Concurring with a Nixon claim that the president is faced by a “powerful bloc” of Jews in Hollywood and the media, Graham also said: “And they’re the ones putting out the pornographic stuff.”
As one of the pioneer evangelists to support literally anything the government of Modern Israel does, forever, no matter how horrendous, because Jesus had been a Jew before he totally shit all over Judaism, just so he could get his own Bible, Graham seemed sincerely hurt that he’d been caught on tape saying that Jews were satanic monsters. But, whatever, it’s not like Jews were the ones dumping sweat-stained clumps of dollar bills in the collection plates during Graham’s endless “crusades.”
Ha ha, he called them “crusades.” [White House Flickr/Washington Post]
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“Did you play the bloodthirsty grandfather in the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre?”
We’ve been found out, Jews! DAMMIT!
Just cold sittin’ there laffin’ while the dude expires right in front of him. Samuel Jackson will play it in the dramatic reënactment.
Nice rant, Ken! Moar atheism, pleez!
Yeah, the muslins love it when we call every little trip out of the Barcalounger or bombardment of the Browns in distant, sandy counties a “crusade.” Believe it or not, they view the actual, literal Crusades as imperialism.
Well, fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.
“God damn you, Richard Nixon!
Richard Nixon, you son of a bitch!
Get the hell out of here; you lied your ass off!
Fuck off!”
–Billy Graham, Nixon’s swearing-out ceremony
Thanks to NatLamp
holy hell – it’s way too early in the day to wash that image from my brain with vodka. What’s with that creepy arm-grab thing they’re doing? And whoa! Does Billy have a tattoo on his left claw-wrist?! Fuck the rules – time to break out the emergency vodka. This is going to be a rough week…
Now I wish I really was the pirate king of the Jews. Then I would be in charge of all the Porno-devils.
Just cold chillin with the evil guy from Poltergist 2. Obama has NO FEAR!
He’s not dead yet? Sometimes it seems like there’s a power in being evil that just keeps the assholes living far beyond the span of normal men and women.
“Where’s my coffee, son?”
Can’t Obama just leave these wing-nut preachers alone?
I thought his being gay for Rick Warren was bad enough, but this is just creepy.
Graham is the best of a despicable bunch of scam artists.
Looks like they met in a cheesy chain restaurant. The hijinks came after the complimentary pitcher of san gria.
Oh, and before I hadn’t realized that Jewish people were responsible for all the pornography
(I mean, Guccione certainly doesn’t sound Jewish). So, I just have to say: thanks, Jews!
Hey, Ken! It was great running into you at church yesterday. Ha ha, just kidding… I didn’t go to church yesterday either.
What throne doth this craven undead lord sit upon? Be he Masonite? Or just one a dem fancypants antisemites what has all the monies and such?
Nazareth=Love Hurts. Sorry for all the pop references this a.m.
[re=564034]JMP[/re]: Agreed. See Thurmond, Strom. Must be the pact they made with the devil or boinking all the slave girls.
How much is Billy worth these days? I hope his will includes all the suckers that made him so rich when he pretended to save their souls and heal them. Remember, there is difference between kneeling down and bending over.
Meh, seeing as this is a subtle way of telling the wingnuts, “Look motherfuckers, I’m not an Allah-damned muslin already,” I’m not worried about Barry cold praying with Methuselah’s grandpappy. Now when he and boyfucker charlatan queen Joel Osteen have a conflab, then the gloves are coming off.
Whey back in prehistory, the 1980s, I was doing work in Anchorage, AK, a southern suburb of Wasilla for those of you not familiar with those parts. The Revurind Mr. Graham had his tent show in town and the Captain Cook Hotel was the main convention hotel. As a side dish to the tent show they had classed for once and future masters spiritual Barnums so they could learn how to be masters of their own evangelical big top. Like most conventions, presentation schedules posted outside the doors to the rooms where the prePPT slide show stiff
mistosmaestros were talking in tongues to rapturing sheeples. One in topic in particular has stayed with all these years. “How to Close”How to fucking close????? Jeebus fucking crispie critters, these assholes who can really school Glen Beck to cry on cue have no shame when it comes to grifting for da lord.
Billy just got done telling Barrack his favorite “A preacher, a lawyer and a prostitute walk into a bar” joke.
Nobama just stopped by to ask Billy if he could get Franklin to “leave my people alone”.
Billy’s merely coming to terms with the man in the mirror. If you connect all of Elder Graham’s liver freckles, he’s prolly browner than Obamar; so, you know, he’s doing better with embracing it than Michael Steele. That’s saying something.
Great post, Ken Layne.
The pic reminds me of the scene when adult Vito returns to Sicily and visits Don Ciccio — “My father’s name was Antonio Andolini, and this is for you!”
Nice! Thanks for digging up the dirt on before-my-time mummies. Why I’ve become dependent upon Wonkette for all the news that’s worth reading about.
Obama promptly changed jackets afterward and sent off the one he was wearing to be incinerated, I hope.
Right after this picture was taken, Barry made Billy say “I am a false prophet!” and then everything was ok forever.
All those swarmy Jews and I still can’t find a decent bagel in Washington.
President Obama’d do well not to hang out with such species of Jesus welfare queen. Ol’ bastard’s been living off the fat of the land long enough — it’s about time he ended his ministry to the rich and privileged and did some real work like the rest of us.
Jesus. Grahm looks just like Ratzinger. Have the two ever been seen in the same room?
[re=564034]JMP[/re]: I believe the power you describe is sometimes known as “insane wealth.”
[re=564033]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: I was thinking exactly the same thing. “God is iiiiiiiiin His holy TEM-ple…” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVRzIy2Jm08
these fuckin’ guys…
@Autochthon Jinx you owe me a coke! that is the first thing that came to my mind
Huh. I honestly thought the old bastard had gone to meet His Maker who was gonna send him to Hell, and Christopher Hitchens said he was a mean little toad on CNN.
Must be some other old bastard who is roasting in Hell now. Only there ain’t no God, so I’m not even sure if this old bastard is really still alive.
Makes sense to me. Does it to you?
What’s worse than enriching oneself at the expense of the old, lonely and frightened? Pig-fucking isn’t even a close second.
This charlatan has his own zip code and the cash is still rolling in.
when I was 5 years or so, my parents took me to one of those crusade/tent/thingy and as any 5 year old would do, I immediately logged in to wonkette to get the real scoop. That was before your time, Ken. Before you we even born. But I waited for a sign that satire would come to save us and his name was to be Ken.
I can’t believe this dude hasn’t gotten any work since Poltergeist II-must be the jooz.
I was going to give you esoteric knowledge bonus points for the koine reference… and then I noticed that The Jesus Secret ad. I hereby retract the bonus points that I never awarded you.
Isn’t that the same scary Preacher from Poltergeist II?
Jihad, Crusade, Potato, Potahto
It appears that Dorian Gray’s painting has escaped.
Time for the roll-out of Rev. Billy’s Liverspot Remover.
[re=564106]chascates[/re]: Why can’t the guy pray them away if he’s so holy and close to god?
JFK did not seek spiritual counsel, but he knew Graham would be able to hook him up with sweet Southern ass.
Wait, isn’t that the scary preacher from Poltergeist II?
Also, dear editors;
I feel the need, the need to mock Ross Douthat!
He’s still alive? Or is there some other explanation for his appearance with he-of-the-devil-laugh?
The Rev. Billy Graham and I share an Alma Mater (which also includes luminaries like Former Speaker Newt Gingrich), a fact which makes me want to burn my diploma in protest. However, I digress. This Evangelical Flagship School built a HUGE FUCKING BUILDING and named it after this old coot. Unfortunately, the top spire of the facade looks like an enormous penis. So there. Nyah.
that picture grosses me out big time
The Rev. Graham (pere) is from Minnesota, sad to say. At least he got out, though… Even if it his departure were spurred by a belief that “hot dish” is just too gull-darn suggestive.
Larry Flynt is a Jew??? When was his Bar Mitzvah?
For an anti-papist, he looks surprisingly like the evil rapey pope.
Looks like the Halfrican is receiving a Zombie-Graham…
Did Barry make Lo-Pan angry and make his liver-spotted head light up?
Obama should have requested some private time, then put his hand over the old bastard’s mouth and nose.
Obama isn’t enough of a fighter. Oh, well. Maybe in another universe in another dimension it happened just like that.
Ken: It’s Harry “S” Truman – like the broken typewriter, no period.
[re=564051]Minnie Mean[/re]: “I drink your Manischewitz! I DRINK IT UP!”
Seems like that uncomfortable grin on the old superstitious coot is signaling to us all that his Depends are full.
I, for one, was not aware that the Ayatollah Graham was still alive.
The hand on the arm makes me think that Graham is flirty fishing.
Come to the Dark Side, Luke…
Didn’t Graham die a couple of years ago?
[re=564612]thefrontpage[/re]: Yes, and your point is?
A: I was sure he died last year. WHo was that preacher who died? It wasn’t Falwell or Robertson.
B: Did he get Tim Rice’s mask from ‘Legend’ stuck on his face. Jesus mary mercy mother of mandy.
Is that Hopey with Popey von Rapingschtein?
Must be because, as thefrontpage asks, “didn’t Graham die a couple of years ago?”
Oh, well ranted, Ken, well ranted. *golf clap*
In re Franklin The Ninth-Rate and his BFF Snowbilly: You just keep an eye on the money trail. SarahPAC and the “legal defense fund” have a lot of money they will need to launder through “charitable organizations” and Samaritan’s Purse is juuuuuust the ticket. Remember that Franklin went with Sarah to hand out cookies and tracts when remote Alaskan villages got stranded without supplies (except what could be flown in – $$$$) two winters back.
[re=564612]thefrontpage[/re]: [re=564650]NYNYNY[/re]: Falwell in ’07, Oral Roberts in 09. NEXT!
I love the caption for this photo: ” A jew, an Arab and a lawyer are in a plane at 30,000 feet…
DAMN YOU, GERMANSTEEL!!! I was so sure I had an original idea I scrolled right down and showed my ass by assuming something. FUCK! My vote for top comment, though, goes to DOLMANCE. Left out whispering in his ear, “Time to die.”.
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