What are you doing this weekend, average Wonkette reader? Replacing that blow-up sex doll you stabbed mercilessly last weekend? Come on, this is the sixth one, when will you be content with sexing it “normally”? ANYWAY, Barack Obama and family are spending their weekend at Asheville, North Carolina’s luxurious Grove Park Inn Resort & Golf Course & Resort & Golf Course! What things are they doing that you’ll never do? The extremely hilarious joke from deputy press secretary Bill Burton up top gives you a clue: they’re eating food! Are they aliens?
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — First stop for the first couple’s weekend vacation on Friday was a roadside restaurant that President Barack Obama visited during the final month of his White House campaign. First meal on the trip: barbecued ribs.
Obama and first lady Michelle Obama landed in the Blue Ridge Mountains and made a quick stop at Twelve Bones Smokehouse on the way to their resort. The White House said the first couple ate ribs, macaroni and cheese, greens, baked beans, corn bread and corn pudding and washed it down with sweet tea.
And then a short time later, they set about working off the meal; the Obamas went on a mountain hike.
Damn rich people and their hiking paths.
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Mountain hike? Wait a minute now, are they in the Carolinas or are they in Argentina?
I’ll get stabby if I feel like getting stabby — it’s the WEEKEND!
He put the lime in the cocoa nut, he drank them both up!
He put the lime in the cocoa nut, he drank them both up!
The White House said the first couple ate ribs, macaroni and cheese, greens, baked beans, corn bread and corn pudding and washed it down with sweet tea.
Lies, damn lies. It was camel ribs, oriechiette and Gruyere, arugula, falafel, puri and flan washed down with Oolong chai. Why do the one-world socialist elitists try to disguise their real culinary intentions?
Corn pudding? WTF? You US Americans and your wacky foods.
Hey birfers, what Muslin eats pork BBQ ribs?
Haw Haw–these ribs are just like our incredibly bloated, crisis-inducing financial sector.
Was the hike along the Appalachian trail?
Obamas, it might be a good idea to stay away from ribs or any other stereotyped foods; the racists already sent out the watermelons-at-the-White-House image, you don’t want to give them any more ammunition.
I’ll be spending the weekend at the 12 Bones Sex Shoppe.
Aw, my daddy’s hometown.
Yay!
I am going to spend all weekend pondering the new meaning of “too big to fail.”
Bar-b-que ribs always give me the shits. President Obama, does it to you?
NO HOBOBEANS???!!!!
What? No watermelon?
And should a couple of black people really be out walking around in the mountains of North Carolina?
Let’s hope FLOTUS doesn’t ask “Too big to fail?” to Preznit ‘bama later tonight.
Crass attempt to win over the hiking class. Disgusting.
[re=563308]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Don’t forget the kefir and the kombucha!
Were President and Mrs. Obama asked to arrive at the Resort via the servants’ entrance?
[re=563311]ManchuCandidate[/re]: what Muslin eats pork BBQ ribs?
Easy: one who’s about to be a suicide bomber. There’s a “martyr exception” to the halal rules in one of the Koran appendices, so I’ve heard.
[re=563314]JMP[/re]:
O, hell to the no! These mulletheads are in absolutely no way going to ruin the ability of black people to eat the most delicious, lovingly prepared DEATH foods. We shall continue to eat soul food and drink purple or red Kool-Aid; idjits may make fun if they must. But at least the artery-clogging foods that the coloreds eat is cuisine, and not made of boogers or bologna breaded with Cheetos.
They going to make him caddy?
[re=563354]nappyduggs[/re]:
and it’s “are” not is. No need to go sounding all dialectical to prove a g.d. point.
[re=563308]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The arugula/orechiette scenario just a black flag op to distract from what’s really going on. I can’t get specific, but an Air Force One insider told me that on the flight down, Michelle had a large bag filled with stilletto heels and Obama was carrying a cage of some sorts full of small animals.
[re=563348]Mahousu[/re]: Not true! All Korans have their appendices removed at birth, you know, like the Jews and, um, a different superfluous bit of anatomy.
[re=563318]loquaciousmusic[/re]: “Does it to you?” is the new “also”. FInally.
[re=563324]snideinplainsight[/re]: Do people really drink kombucha? I figured it was just something HuffPo made up for April Fool’s Day.
[re=563321]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Knowing POTUS’ confidence in himself, he’ll probably whisper in FLOTUS’ ear, “Hey, Sweetie, you know it’s too big to fail.”
And then fall asleep and start snoring.
I had a drink at the outdoor bar or porch or whatever at the Grove Park Inn in 1990 so I’m really close to Obama right now.
I call coverup. The really important issue has not been addressed here. What was Mrs. Obama wearing? The last time she went on vacation, she traitorously wore totally inappropriate shorts in the 80 degree heat, causing much outrage among the rib-eating, Caucasian-appreciating Amurican majority, who demand that their first lady dress exactly like Mamie Eisenhower.
Unless Michelle Obama was wearing a two piece cream-colored wool suit with a powder blue silk blouse, and pumps with 2 inch heels, on the rugged mountain climb, then the terrorists have won. Also.
Here’s the place. Drat, no pictures. Well, probably just as well or I’d go off to a bar, drink some beer with friends, then just have to get some BBQ. NC barbeque is pretty good, too.
[re=563320]GOPCrusher[/re]: Asheville is one of those wierd spots of moderation up in Appalacia. My aunt, for instance, is in a Goddess worshipping lesbian drum circle there. But now practice will start late because Barry is hogging the road. I always know that shifty fucker had something against rhythm.
[re=563375]PsycGirl[/re]: And me and Obama are tight ’cause i tried to go to the 12 bones about a month ago but it closes at 4 p.m. – wtf ribs in the daytime only?
I’ll be spending the weekend looking for my mother’s long-form birf certificate. Despite the fact that she is of Hungarian and Slovak heritage, her first name is, mysteriously, “Juanita.” So I anticipate that will be grounds for some of that Messican racial profiling they can’t wait to start here in Arizona.
I can see it now: she breaks her hip at the mall and has to go through a three-day deportation hearing before she can be treated at the emergency room. Who has time to eat ribs in restaurants when you have to figure out how to prove you’re an Amurricun?!?11? Does anyone have Jonathan Turley’s phone number?
[re=563384]Snarkalicious[/re]: How many months as a 3rd string Wonketeer specializing in dick jokes, and you can’t spell Appalachia? What a douche. Knew and weird, also, fucktard.
[re=563381]qwerty42[/re]: Not quite sure about the obsession with red slaw though. My sole experience with North Carolina was in the Charlotte area in 1997. We were checking out a machine that trimmed the excess from thermoformed plastics parts. We inquired about adding something to the machine to take the excess to the pelletizer to be reground up, instead of just letting it fall to floor, where someone would have to manually clean it up. He said to us in with a straight face, “Ya’ll don’t have a n*gger to do that?”
mountain hike, heh. Only god damned place in America where a man can have a fucking cigarette after a meal.
[re=563379]Katamaran[/re]:
BBQ sauce on a cream colored suits?
No can do.She knows her limitations.
Mickey’s a lady of the people.
Asheville is a beautiful city, people. For one thing, it still has a really nice record shoppe. A record shoppe, with vinyl, people! And like three places to see live music all week long. And sushi. And local brew. Goddammit, I saw Tom Waits perform there, from the fifth row, and he did Blue Valentines! Jimmie Rodgers lived and performed there. Doc Watson lives up the road. Asheville is like the Paris of hillbillyland.
[re=563315]Sharkey[/re]: …where “full rack” has an entirely different meaning.
[re=563311]ManchuCandidate[/re]:
corn pudding combines 2 basic food groups in the USA.
Corn AND Pudding.
It has kept the Cos alive all these years,
along with the bitterness of never getting in Lisa Bonet’s pants.
[re=563384]Snarkalicious[/re]: Oh, go ahead and say it. Asheville is a den of goddamn hippies. How many other Appalachian towns have vegan microbreweries?
[re=563537]Lazy Media[/re]: Like the redneck countrysides in blue states, libs love their hippie outposts in Jeebusland
Gorillionaire is right. Asheville rocks! Especially since the restaurants have w-w-a-a-y-y improved since Buck’s Drive-In was the best in town. Lucky Obamas!
We need to keep Asheville on the down low. So, nothing to see there but hillbillies, people. Move along.
The local paper’s article was hilarious – it kept saying they had no plans, left the kids at home, were staying at a resort offering couples’ massages, oh and the weather will be great for staying inside all day… they all but said the Obamas were going there to screw all weekend.
[re=563590]torera[/re]: oh my gosh, yes! I LOVE their restaurants. All kinds of arugula and tofu and hippie goodness.
[re=563368]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
I love Kombucha! It tastes like effervescent feet.
[re=563621]Redhead[/re]: You can’t tease us like that without a link! At least scan the article and put it up yourself. I guess. And whatnot.
The Grove Park Inn is all kinds of weird. In a good way. It’s got this weird grotto thing in the basement (more like a cavern) where the spa is…and there’s a giant, walk-in fireplace in the great room. There are also rooms that seem straight out of a rat pack movie. I think it might also be haunted. Loved it.
[re=563491]Gorillionaire[/re]: I always thought of Asheville as a chunk of Chapel Hill that put on overalls and moved to the mountains. My cousin says it’s a gay mecca in NC and he would know.
Asheville is crazy weird…in the best of ways. To hear the Obama’s are up in Asheville wouldn’t surprise conservative Carolinians. They’d expect it.
[re=563314]JMP[/re]: We’ll eat what we damn well please, thank you. lol I dare those pig-fuckers to say something about what the First Family eats. Dude should be out on the White House steps every morning with a giant-assed piece of watermelon spittin’ the seeds for effect just to show them how stupid they are.
[re=563491]Gorillionaire[/re]: Why did you have to get all damned pretentious and put the extra “p” and “e” on the end of shop? What are you; English or some shit?
[re=563426]GOPCrusher[/re]: Red slaw is in the east. The mountains have real cole slow.
I lived near Asheville for 20 years. The city is fine. It’s the surrounding counties where I was told repeatedly that I was going to hell simply for being registered Democrat. I had black friends who would never ever ever come to my house . . . for safety reasons. Not my house. The ride to and from. And I’m not sure they weren’t being reasonable.
Isn’t this forbidden by the Koran?
Somebody’s fucking guard has slipped. Wantz to see your Kenyan long form birth certificate now, Presisent B. Hussein Obama!
[re=563719]saggyboobedhag[/re]: The whole area feels like it’s going full Aspen. I was in Black Mtn for several weeks last year and it seemed like half the people there were out-of-staters who built Mcmansions on the side of the mountain. But at least the downtown area has an artsy small town vibe to it. For now.
[re=563650]Sharkey[/re]: Here ya go! Sorry it’s late. I was sent this yesterday morning, by the way, before they announced they were stopping for barbecue and a hike.
http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2010/04/23/1393192/obamas-trip-is-officially-none.html
[re=563692]PsycGirl[/re]: It is a gay mecca (I hear it described a lot as a mini San Fran in the 70s) but it is definitely NOT a mini pocket of Chapel Hill. Chapel Hill now is one big country club/sorority and fraternity social, quaking in its boots at any suggestion that the scary thugpeople from Durham might come into town! They canceled an annual street fair because it drew too many Durham people (by which they mean black people who are not in a frat at UNC).
Next time Michelle gives me that preachy “eat healthy” thing, I am going to throw this menu in her face.
I had the best BLT I have ever had in my life at 12 Bones. Fried green tomatoes were involved.
[re=563785]Redhead[/re]: Chapel Hill used to be a really nice little college town. Haven’t been there in years, but am in the Triangle every so often. Mostly Raleigh-Durham or Cary.
“What are you doing this weekend, average Wonkette reader? Replacing that blow-up sex doll you stabbed mercilessly last weekend? Come on, this is the sixth one, when will you be content with sexing it “normally”?”
Uh, Jim? Are you OK? Is this a cry for help?
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