MEET YOUR CANDIDATES  3:28 pm April 23, 2010

Alabama Candidate Will Save So Much Money By… Not Taking In As Much Money In Driver’s License Fees?

by Jim Newell

You may have seen this already, but it is the funniest 30-second spot of the year so far. Tim James, candidate for Alabama governor, is all hot and bothered about them taco-eaters and such like reading in that taco-talk when they get their driver’s licenses at the taco shop. :21 through :27 deserves a Best Dramatic Actor nomination at all of next year’s Awards Season ceremonies. Jesus. UPDATE: We just can’t stop watching this. Why the hell is he walking all over the place? [YouTube]

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CivicHoliday April 23, 2010 at 3:31 pm

hablas taco bell?

Elephants Gerald April 23, 2010 at 3:32 pm

Well, if the governor gig doesn’t pan out, he could always play a (lazy fucking) DA on Law & Order.

slappypaddy April 23, 2010 at 3:33 pm

if you don’t speak english, you can live in alabammy without having to listen to the cracker nonsense.

Moonbatting_Average April 23, 2010 at 3:34 pm

What a fool, everyone knows that you wait until December to put out the crappy, overdramatic Oscar-bait

Buzz Feedback April 23, 2010 at 3:34 pm

Where does Tim stand on the Bell Beefer? Bring it back? Yes/No?

Patty Dumpling April 23, 2010 at 3:35 pm

I don’t know what country you think this is, but if you want to live in MY AMERICA you’d better speak the native language of Great Britain.

loquaciousmusic April 23, 2010 at 3:35 pm

I’ve already watched it twice and posted it to my “Facebook” account.


Mr Blifil April 23, 2010 at 3:37 pm

He had to break contact with the camera in order to tacitly remind the fluffer that he specifically requested “no teeth.”

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 23, 2010 at 3:37 pm

Thiyus ays Aylahbamuh. Hayr, way spayk Anglush.

Mr Blifil April 23, 2010 at 3:38 pm

Why do “our politicians” make us do stuff? Why would anyone want to be one of those “our politicians?” Oh waitaminnit…

SFinDC April 23, 2010 at 3:38 pm

At :22, he’s clearly looking down at his hand to get the prompt for the exciting dénouement: “Does it to you?” (Also, this ad has weird grammar and an excessive number of cuts, too.)

SlouchingTowardsWasilla April 23, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Ha ha ha Tim. Joke’s gonna be on you when you’re the minority next year and some Mexican shoots a comercial that says “hablamos espanol en Alabama. Aprendalo, motherfucker.”

Patty Dumpling April 23, 2010 at 3:39 pm

And besides- , , – if we let people at the DMV take tests in a foreign language, next thing you know they’ll be teaching that devil talk to our children in OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS. So, for the children, please hate Mexican people. And vote for me, Johnny Squarejaw.

Cicada April 23, 2010 at 3:40 pm

That brought a lump to my throat. As a Teabagger would say: Whats hapning to our preshus Englesh languagage?

SayItWithWookies April 23, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Is hostility towards non-English speakers a part of Alabama’s plan to attract foreign investment like BMW and Toyota plants? Because I can see a flaw in their scheme right there — aw hell, who am I to keep them from learning a valuable lesson? Y’all have fun now.

Noonan April 23, 2010 at 3:41 pm

I don’t think it’s worthy of Best Dramatic Actor, I just think dude forget his line, “Does it to you?” So he had to look down to read the script before the grand finale.

And also, Jesus. Is this “Speak ‘Merkin!” argument really still a winner, politically? I thought that sorta died after 2006. And especially moreso after when, say, the whole world fell apart and everyone lost their jobs in ’08 and then healthcare and then the wars didn’t end and then we told Russia to nuke us and then we told Israel to eff off and states’ budgets turned upside and then everyone lost their house and then tuition went up 1000% and then we bailed out the UAW and then SEIU beat up that old guy and then birth certificate and then death.

Really, “Speak English” still has legs?

Smoke Filled Roommate April 23, 2010 at 3:43 pm squeal like a pig and vote for me this November!

Monsieur Grumpe April 23, 2010 at 3:43 pm

I couldn’t understand what he was saying. What language is that?

Wonderman April 23, 2010 at 3:44 pm

This is an insult to all Alabama Klingons who will no longer be able to take their driving tests in the language of the empire! Attack the puny humans now!

Sweet Baby Cheeses April 23, 2010 at 3:45 pm

If you don’t speak English and you see a sign that says “Welcome to Alabama”, it means “turn around and go the other way”.

Dashboard_Buddha April 23, 2010 at 3:45 pm

translation: Maybe it’s the racist nativist in me.

Johnny Zhivago April 23, 2010 at 3:46 pm

If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it’s certainly good enough for the drivers in Alabama.

shnazzer April 23, 2010 at 3:46 pm

[re=563219]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: it definitely was not english

GOPCrusher April 23, 2010 at 3:46 pm

I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he said “This is Alabama, we speak English.”
Because to me, it sounds like Boomhower from King of the Hill.

mookworthjwilson April 23, 2010 at 3:47 pm

We all know the Gov. race in Alabama, Mississippi etc. really just comes down to who can claim to hate brown people the most…

Another DC Lawyer (Again) April 23, 2010 at 3:47 pm

I’ve been to Alabama…whatever they speak it is not English.

SnarkyMark April 23, 2010 at 3:48 pm

[re=563209]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: YES.

mookworthjwilson April 23, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Tim James is a pussy. He disabled the comments on the Youtube page…

you cannot be serious April 23, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Former Republican Hero W speak the Spanglish?

Smoke Filled Roommate April 23, 2010 at 3:51 pm

What about Jive? Will they include Jive on the exams?

Jaco Gregorius April 23, 2010 at 3:51 pm

I feel a gif/blingee contest coming on.

doxastic April 23, 2010 at 3:53 pm

Oh no! Tim realizes only at the very end that his barn door is open. He soldiers on anyhow.

Extemporanus April 23, 2010 at 3:53 pm

¡Viva los CojonezDeCamionez!

germansteel April 23, 2010 at 3:55 pm

Alabama: The state created by god to disprove evolution. And, it’s working.

SayItWithWookies April 23, 2010 at 3:56 pm

[re=563231]you cannot be serious[/re]: Uh, yeah. And you could tell when he was speaking it because all the Mexicans would be looking at each other like, “what the hell did he just say?”

doxastic April 23, 2010 at 3:56 pm

No, Tim, it doesn’t.

AxmxZ April 23, 2010 at 3:56 pm

He’s making me sea-sick.

Jim Demintia April 23, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Dear Tim James,
Chinga tu madre, cabron!
Someone born and raised in Alabama

happyrock April 23, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Do the math! You need the Texas School Board approved math book. 6 is outlawed. It’s the devil’s number (666). So is 9 (upside down 6 plus 69 is like that porno your kids aren’t supposed to knopw about).
It’s cheaper. And another reason to avoid Alabama.

Am I the only one who thinks he loos like a young Fred Thompson when he does his thoughtful bit there at the end? Shit, I thought we were through with uncle Fred and the red pickup.

Dolmance April 23, 2010 at 3:58 pm

I hate it when those Confederate cocksuckers try to look sincere and heartfelt.

We should have gone Rwanda on them when we had the chance. If Lincoln hadn’t been shot we would ahve.

rikitikitavi April 23, 2010 at 3:58 pm

[re=563206]SFinDC[/re]: Yeah, you would think a thirty second commercial could be done without splicing together ten different cuts.

snideinplainsight April 23, 2010 at 4:00 pm

Did you know the name “Alabama” is a Muskogean Indian word? It meant “campsite” or “clearing,” and became used as a name for one of the major tribes in the area, the Alabama (or Alabamee) Indians. The Alabama Indians were not the only native people of this region, however.

The original inhabitants of the area that is now Alabama included:
*The Alabama tribe
*The Biloxi tribe
*The Cherokee tribe
*The Chickasaw tribe
*The Choctaw tribe
*The Koasati tribe
*The Muskogee (Creek) tribe (including the Abihka, Coochie, and Tallapoosa)

I’m just using the Google here, people-

iwillsavethispatient April 23, 2010 at 4:00 pm

It’s a simple misunderstanding, he thinks that the driver license exams are translated each time they are taken, instead of being translated once and re-used.

JMP April 23, 2010 at 4:00 pm

The would-be Governor should know that, when you have a simple question, there are fairly simple means to find the answer; these days it’s even available in your own home. Try it; but here for you:

Why do we offer driver’s license exams in twelve languages? Because the Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits discrimination on the basis of national origin, which includes only offering government services in English.

See how simple that was? And it took less than a minute to find.

obfuscator April 23, 2010 at 4:00 pm


sezme April 23, 2010 at 4:00 pm

What is this “Duzzit Tyue?” Sorry, no hablo Alabamo.

momus April 23, 2010 at 4:01 pm

H din’t need no tel0prompter, neither.

slappypaddy April 23, 2010 at 4:01 pm

[re=563197]Patty Dumpling[/re]: Hwæt! wē Gār-Dena in geār-dagum, þeod-cyninga, þrym gefrunon, hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon.

snideinplainsight April 23, 2010 at 4:02 pm

OK I made that part up about the “Coochie” tribe, but still.

x111e7thst April 23, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Those gaping nostrils frightened my dog. Now she won’t come out from under the table.

EdFlinstone April 23, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Well I assume Alabamans wont have to pay any taxes anymore once those other 11 language tests are eliminated.

sezme April 23, 2010 at 4:03 pm

[re=563252]obfuscator[/re]: Oh you!!!

ella April 23, 2010 at 4:04 pm

How are bubbas going to pass the test if they stop giving it in Redneck?

“Juicy that stop sahn? Wine hell dinjew stop?”

chascates April 23, 2010 at 4:05 pm

There is only one God and He’s Southern Baptist. So Alabama could make money by taxing all the other ‘churches.’

ManchuCandidate April 23, 2010 at 4:06 pm

Heehee. When I’ve traveled abroad and run into US America touristas (not hard to spot, fat/trackpant wearing/loud/fanny pack wearers) I’ve long suspected that those who bitch that no speaks “english” are the same ones who vote for or run on positions like this.

Nappied Hypotenuse April 23, 2010 at 4:07 pm

This house he is wandering through, it is the set from Silence of the Lambs, no?

Zadig April 23, 2010 at 4:08 pm

UPDATE: We just can’t stop watching this. Why the hell is he walking all over the place?

Don’t get him wrong, he wishes he could drive all over the place instead. He just doesn’t speak English well enough to pass the license test.

I Heart Accuracy April 23, 2010 at 4:09 pm

Duzzityew is going to have to learn how to mow again.

Come here a minute April 23, 2010 at 4:10 pm

Why do our politicians make us give drivers license exams in twelve languages?

Actually, it’s only the ones who get elected, not the losers.

smitallica April 23, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Why do we give driver’s tests in 12 different languages?

Because people from all over the world live here, even in your shitty backward-ass shitheel state, you bigoted rube motherfucker.

Crank Tango April 23, 2010 at 4:16 pm

[re=563249]snideinplainsight[/re]: you say “clearing” or “campsite,” I say “trailer park.”

SlouchingTowardsWasilla April 23, 2010 at 4:16 pm

He’ll save every resident a mere dime with this bullshit, but the real bonus is that they get to hate on brown skinned people. Dude’s practically won already.

WonderWomyn April 23, 2010 at 4:17 pm

Dude step back and stop trying to define my country. Mkay? My America is multi-colored, multi-ethnic, filled with rainbows, a vast array of bewildering religions, and atheists too it speaks a million languages and there still might be room for your Southern old-man white-assed-self IF you cut out the “I’m in charge I get to define the whole country” act right now. Otherwise, you’re out– everyone else is in.

KilgoreTrout_XL April 23, 2010 at 4:20 pm

You could have same some editing money by getting rid of about 30 of those dumbshit fade-outs, you fucking moron. But I guess that’s just the businessman in me talking.

HipHopOpotamus April 23, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Did he get the director of [re=563232]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: I believe, since 1996, the preferred term is “ebonics”.

WonderWomyn April 23, 2010 at 4:25 pm

[re=563271]smitallica[/re]: Yeah. That was about my reaction. Also, I’d like to show up with a bunch of brown folks (self included) speaking anything but English dressed in dashikis and ponchos and turbans and such and just… like SURROUND him so he can’t ever get away from the ~diversity~ –we’d all have little US flags and we’d sing the national anthem in Spanish and French and also the NEGRO national anthem … and rainbows … and… oh whatever bugs him the most.


obfuscator April 23, 2010 at 4:27 pm

[re=563260]ella[/re]: jesus, that made me laugh.

WonderWomyn April 23, 2010 at 4:31 pm

[re=563232]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Ain’t nothing more American than jive. Except maybe for how them Indians talk. Why we let these fools say how Brits be talking’s “American?” Ain’t we invented nothing original here?

maven April 23, 2010 at 4:31 pm

30 May 1982, New York Times, “On Language” by William Safire, pg. SM8:
“That would have been appreciated by ‘Ma’ Ferguson, the Texas Governor,” writes the Rev. J. Carter Swaim, pastor emeritus of the Church of the Covenant near the United Nations in New York, “who, when Spanish was proposed as a second language for school in the Lone Star State, replied: ‘Not while I am Governor! If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it is good enough for Texas children.’”

English was good enough for Jesus’ driving test, so its good enough for Alabama.

Crank Tango April 23, 2010 at 4:32 pm

[re=563278]WonderWomyn[/re]: what gets me is they act like immigration was invented yesterday or something. I guess it started going downhill for them when immigrants started getting darker. But that doesn’t mean they are racists, no, of course not.

problemwithcaring April 23, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Maybe it’s the business man in me that has my ass so sore.

One Yield Regular April 23, 2010 at 4:34 pm

What gall, this guy criticizing other people’s language skills. I’m living proof that being born and raised in the South is not an excuse for continuing to speak like a Deliverance hillbilly when you’re an adult.

GOPCrusher April 23, 2010 at 4:34 pm

[re=563237]germansteel[/re]: Alabama! America’s Galapagos Islands!

TakingAmes April 23, 2010 at 4:35 pm

They don’t speak English in Al-Abama.

obfuscator April 23, 2010 at 4:36 pm

needs moar star wipe.

also: “duzzittoyew” was obviously workshopped for an hour or so prior to filming. i hope all the outtakes are included on the director’s edition betamax release.

“up and AT them!”
“up and at THEM!”

Ducksworthy April 23, 2010 at 4:38 pm

So. A confused hateful fuck is running for Governor of Alabama. Which party I wonder. Clearly a decent Gawd fearing Christian, also.

JMP April 23, 2010 at 4:38 pm

[re=563290]Crank Tango[/re]: Not really; the old-time Irish, Italian and other non-WASP immigrants back in the day were hated by this guy’s philosophical ancestors just as much, although now they’re just another type of white folk and some of those immigrants’ descendants have joined in on the hatred.

Southern man
better keep your head
Don’t forget
what your good book said
Southern change
gonna come at last
Now your crosses
are burning fast
Southern man

Ducksworthy April 23, 2010 at 4:38 pm

[re=563219]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Fuktard

Ducksworthy April 23, 2010 at 4:41 pm

[re=563301]Ducksworthy[/re]: Sorry. That’s not right, its always been know in the south as mouffullshit. The schools used to try to discourage it but gave that up along with teaching them anything.

proudgrampa April 23, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Does it? To you??

BlueStateLiberal April 23, 2010 at 4:43 pm

These people are coming off more and more like the last of a dying race clutching at straws. Good.

Monsieur Grumpe April 23, 2010 at 4:52 pm

If you would like to drop Mush Mouth a message.

And! But! Also!
Here’s a list a Alabama zip codes for your convienience.

Crank Tango April 23, 2010 at 4:53 pm

[re=563299]JMP[/re]: yeah I am just saying that for these assholes looking backward, immigration used to be ok? Cuz seriously, if you are not a “native american,” your ancestors were immigrants, willing or otherwise.

Lawndarts April 23, 2010 at 4:55 pm

Amigo! Dos cervezas por favor. Me and the Gov want to drink.

slappypaddy April 23, 2010 at 4:55 pm

[re=563312]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: caveat rattus cornerdus.

UsuallyCynical April 23, 2010 at 4:56 pm

look at this clown’s website. it is filled with ads of a dramatic pausing/contemplating nature.

Johnny Zhivago April 23, 2010 at 5:00 pm

[re=563337]UsuallyCynical[/re]: It’s sad, but true. About the only thing a true drama queen can do in Alabama is go into politics or get a TLC reality show about having 19-20 kids.

magic titty April 23, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Jim Newell is the funniest writer on the internet. Eh, top 20.

Johnny Zhivago April 23, 2010 at 5:00 pm

[re=563337]UsuallyCynical[/re]: pausing/contemplating: that’s what teleprompters are for

krlars April 23, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Press One for Engleeyish…I had succesfully blocked that montrosity from my head until now. Now’ll I’ll be singing THAT around the house all weekend.

Jukesgrrl April 23, 2010 at 5:15 pm

Whether they give the exam in 12 languages or only English, thousands of the people who pass it aren’t capable of reading and writing in ANY language. Yet they are still permitted to operate killing machines. I don’t, however, imagine Mr. James sees any advantage, financial or otherwise, to drivers (or voters) being literate.

JMP April 23, 2010 at 5:17 pm

[re=563330]Crank Tango[/re]: Oh yeah, well that was OK because they were white. One answer I’ve gotten is that the earlier immigrants were OK because they all immigrated legally; of course, up until the quota system was enacted in the 1920s there basically were no immigration laws, and therefore no such as an illegal immigrant, except for “no Chinese” (with “no hookers” and “no commies” added later).

Godless Liberal April 23, 2010 at 5:20 pm

So hey, this guy is Fob James’ son. You may remember Fob James from such classic hits as “re-instituting ACTUAL CHAIN GANGS” in the mid 90s. That’s the 1990s, not the 1890s, when that would not be weird.

More of this proud legacy is exactly what Alabama needs to reclaim its status as America’s laughingstock from South Carolina.

getoffmylawn April 23, 2010 at 5:21 pm

[re=563191]Elephants Gerald[/re]: Fred Thompson Lite

WonderWomyn April 23, 2010 at 5:26 pm

[re=563327]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: At first I was going to tell him that I didn’t agree and be rational– then I remembered how much fun it has been to watch the Republican party swing further and further away from rational grounds… so I wrote this:

“A friend sent me an email of your ad where you say that people should learn ENGLISH. You are so right! and those damn liberals are going to try and say youre racist– that’s all they ever do. Keep being *yourself* and speaking out, Mr. James! Someone needs to do something about what is happening to OUR country. They act like it is wrong to be proud of who we are this is OUR country. I don’t pay much attention to politics but you have my attention now. Keep up the good work! I think there are a lot of folks like me who want someone who speaks to OUR concerns. Don’t let the critics shut you up! AMERICA means speaking English, being Christian, living the way people like us live. We should tell the world! Go TIM!”

I want him to take this further tell us how he really feels, maybe he’ll say something racist enough to get everyone clued in to how clueless he is… maybe…

PsycGirl April 23, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Aside from the accent (which, as a native Southerner I suspect of being “put on” a bit), does Alabama not have its tests via computer? In which case the test is translated ONCE and hey, that’s already been paid for, why waste money?

One Yield Regular April 23, 2010 at 5:37 pm

[re=563363]Jukesgrrl[/re]: I would vote for having French-style driver’s license requirements in the U.S. Over there you’ve got to fork over a couple thousand Euro and go through a rigorous set of tests before they’ll let you behind the wheel. Proficiency in French – or any other language, for that matter – is almost entirely beside the point.

Tommmcatt April 23, 2010 at 5:46 pm

Save money? Did you factor in the thousands of Pubic Accommodation-based lawsuits the state will have to defend themselves against when your moronic plan comes to fruition?

Stupid is as stupid does. Seems like common sense. Does it to you?

What Fresh Hell is This? April 23, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Tim is a distant kinsman of mine. I am so sorry. Yes, he and his dad are as dumb as a bag of rocks.

albatross April 23, 2010 at 5:56 pm

But, the King’s English was (Norman) French…Silly Saxon!

S. Cullen Bonz April 23, 2010 at 6:02 pm

What’s his position on repealing Alabama’s dildo ban?

Formerly Preferred April 23, 2010 at 6:07 pm

I looked up the twelve languages in question. One is ASL, which I’m fairly sure is not spoken only by illegal immigrants–and I’m also fairly certain that ASL speakers can’t readily just “learn English,” assuming that there is a spoken component of the test.

Two of the others are German and Korean. I can understand the state wanting to keep all those Hyundai and Mercedes employees out–after all, it’s not like the State of Alabama has funneled billions of dollars to those companies in an attempt to lure them in in the first place.

At least this has given me a reason to detest Alabama OTHER than Richard Shelby (R-Mercedes).

Smoke Filled Roommate April 23, 2010 at 6:24 pm

[re=563282]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: Oh, sheesh, I was kidding.. Tim James is so white, so I was trying to think of the ultimate contrast in language and purposely picked ‘jive’ cause it’s so outdated. But I guess the whole thing is about furriners..

Barrelhse April 23, 2010 at 6:26 pm

[re=563278]WonderWomyn[/re]: Thank you for reminding the POS.

Tim April 23, 2010 at 6:27 pm


Tim April 23, 2010 at 6:29 pm

I am seriously, SERIOUSLY, considering driving through good ole’ Alabammy with an insane death machine’s worth of dildos, to protest their ban. I want to be known as the person who made Anton Scalia talk about dildos in a Supreme Court decision. I really do.

Barrelhse April 23, 2010 at 6:34 pm

[re=563232]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Jive, you say?

doxastic April 23, 2010 at 6:36 pm

With all of that money they save, Tim could make a whole new spazzy commercial.

doxastic April 23, 2010 at 6:41 pm

[re=563372]Godless Liberal[/re]: Fob James’ son, eh? So he’s not so much a “businessman” as opposed to a politician, so much as a man who has spent his entire life sucking on his daddy’s–and friends–titties.

Buttery1000 April 23, 2010 at 6:54 pm

He might have to watch what he eats at Taco Bell from now on. I’m just sayin’.

drpangloss April 23, 2010 at 6:55 pm

@Tim: you could get one of those Nerf air pump guns and shoot low weight plastic dildoes at Bama law makers all day. Now that would be a car/foot chase on CNN Id actually pay to see.

The Toot April 23, 2010 at 7:11 pm

Has anyone else pointed out that “Does it to you?” is a sentence fragment lacking a verb, and thus incorrect English?

Reading 111 comments is hard.

schvitzatura April 23, 2010 at 7:12 pm

Teabaggerese is an English dialect and a driver exam in ‘bama will be available for those that require it.

So let it be written, so let it be done…

One Yield Regular April 23, 2010 at 7:22 pm

[re=563504]Tim[/re]: Try using them to spell out the Ten Commandments on an Alabama courthouse lawn. That should get some attention.

Zorg April 23, 2010 at 8:25 pm

In Switzerland, they speak four languages, including the ancient dialect of Romansch. If you want Swiss citizenship, you gotta pass tests in all four. Guess Tim James wouldn’t fit in too well amongst them cheese-meltin’, watch-makin’ ski bums with their crazy Socialism an’ all. Bet he can’t even yodel worth a shit. But, he would probably like their ban on structures that look like minarets. Uhm, what’s my point?

Smoke Filled Roommate April 23, 2010 at 8:30 pm

[re=563625]Zorg[/re]: Now I want fondue.

HonestInjun April 23, 2010 at 9:33 pm

Lovely and scenic New Zealand offers license tests in a variety of languages spoken by brown people: Arabic, Chinese Simplified and Traditional, English, Gujurati, Hindi, Korean, Maori, Punjabi, Samoan and Tongan. Also, and, too, it’s a freekin SCRATCH TICKET style, no computers, single use and no one here is complaining about costs — oh right, it’s not really about the costs, is it?

[re=563514]Barrelhse[/re]: [re=563232]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Oh, and this guy James? Jive ass dude ain’t got no brains anyhow.

hotdog April 23, 2010 at 10:15 pm

[re=563282]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: Apparently the new, new term is African American Vernacular English.

hotdog April 23, 2010 at 10:20 pm

מתוק ביתית אלבמה

snideinplainsight April 23, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl driving test!’

snideinplainsight April 23, 2010 at 11:27 pm

Yob tvoyu maht.

snideinplainsight April 23, 2010 at 11:37 pm
Potater April 24, 2010 at 1:33 am

“Gambling is bad for the citizens of Alabama. Gambling targets the less fortunate, feeds addictive behavior and opens the door to higher crime rates. The concept of a winner at the expense of a loser is in conflict with the principle of the Golden Rule.”

You just described the Golden Rule of your sacred capitalism, asshole.

God, I can’t wait for this country to vomit all its wingnuts out into the ocean.

naveed April 24, 2010 at 1:58 am

They must live in some sort of utopia in Alabama with this as a platform.

Smoke Filled Roommate April 24, 2010 at 6:13 am

[re=563697]snideinplainsight[/re]: We have some good sasquatchin in jobs, education and our budget. Kids are on rocket science… Let the common sense.


schvitzatura April 24, 2010 at 6:41 am

What about Scots, Irish, Manx, Welsh, and Cornish? You know, the lingo Timothy Jimmy’s ancestral kinfolk likely spoke before catching a ride across the biggish puddle, before serving their seven-year+ indentured tenure.

Rotundo April 24, 2010 at 8:21 am

[re=563557]Buttery1000[/re]: That should probably be extended to every restaurant. Anyone who isn’t lilly white will be lining up to hock a loogie in Candidate Fer Gubb’ner’s entree. I’d hire a taster myself after this ad…

Rasvar April 24, 2010 at 9:16 am

Wait a minute. If he changes the tests, how will his housekeeping staff be able to get to work at the Governors Mansion?

Oh shoot! I forgot. This is Alabama. They still have contraband slaves hidden out back for that from the last KKK rally.

Gun-toting Progressive April 24, 2010 at 10:24 am

Yay! A story about a blatantly racist political process not from Arizona!

schvitzatura April 24, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Cracka is crackaasscracka.

How does:

Despite the significant economic impact of foreign-owned companies, such as Hyundai and ThyssenKrupp, James promises to stop multilingual testing for driver’s licenses in Alabama in favor of English-only testing.

square with:

In May 11, 2007, ThyssenKrupp AG announced an investment of €3.1 billion (US$4.19 billion) for building new carbon steel and stainless steel processing facilities in southern Alabama. The announcement came after several months of competition between a site on the Mississippi River in Convent, Louisiana, and a site on the Tombigbee River, near Mount Vernon, Alabama, in Mobile County, about 30 miles north of Mobile.


Hyundai Motor Manufacturing Alabama (commonly called HMMA) is an automobile factory in Montgomery, Alabama. It is owned and operated by Hyundai Motor Company of Korea.

What Fresh Hell is This? April 24, 2010 at 4:33 pm

And don’t forget Mercedes near Tuscaloosa and all the Korean companies in East Alabama that support the Kia operation in West Georgia.

Tim’s a businessman, but he never said he’s a “good” businessman.

GaryLawrence April 24, 2010 at 5:48 pm

Why is he walking all over the place? Because this is how the Southern Cracker demonstrates that he is alpha. Not only do you get to view his intimidating physique from various angles so that you know he is thick in more ways that one, you also learn that he is crazy agitated and will slap you with the back of his hand just to relieve tension. And you know he has the confidence that he can get away with it because either you agree with him or you are the Other. It makes sense. Does it to you?

Custersdeadhorse April 24, 2010 at 6:16 pm

Bet the wannabe gubinator doesn’t know this commercial is available in more than English–check out upper left hand corner of screen on YouTube.

jus_wonderin April 24, 2010 at 7:22 pm

Tim James – Common Stench

maven April 25, 2010 at 12:28 am

[re=563661]hotdog[/re]: wasn’t that Lenny Skynstein’s big hit?

snideinplainsight April 25, 2010 at 1:01 am

The best part of his blog is the letter his mother wrote;

“Timothy Ellington James was born in Opelika, Alabama on March 3, 1962. We were so poor Fob had to take our decrepit Ford Fairland, “the Gray Ghost,” 30 miles from the hospital to hock it for $300 to get him out of the hospital.

“Like his father, Tim spent most of his time in the woods watching deer and turkey and all such friends for hours at a time. Later in life we were astounded that he had been listening so much; and, by osmosis, he knew just about everything important there was to know.”

It makes sense to me -

mynameisdetroit April 25, 2010 at 11:30 am

tim james es una puta sucia. Viva Mexabama!

Smoke Filled Roommate April 25, 2010 at 8:11 pm

[re=563845]snideinplainsight[/re]: There’s so much in there.. How did he know the exact cost of the Jesus picture? Was the price tag left on it? Also, haircuts is good! Timmah! And not everybody can be “sweet like the Whittle’s”. Good lord.

It’s not an Alabama resume unless it ends with “Love, Mama”.

What Fresh Hell is This? April 26, 2010 at 8:48 am

[re=563845]snideinplainsight[/re]: Yeah, they loved him so much they sent him off to boarding school at the first possible moment.

Egregious April 26, 2010 at 9:48 am

Note to Tim James: It’s not really a racist dog whistle if everyone can see and hear you blowing it.

Also, people of Alabama, in spite of the fact that your unemployment and poverty rates are among the highest in the nation and the performance of your public schools is atrocious, Mr. James is apparently of the mind that your state’s most pressing concern [INSERT TONY-WINNING, DRAMATIC PAUSE] is the use of multi-lingual DMV application forms!

rmontcal April 26, 2010 at 9:54 am

Wait, taco eaters? ME?!?!?!

S.Agnew April 26, 2010 at 11:51 am

Phil Ochs, whom none of you remember, handled this the right way for Alabama’s neighbor:

“Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of”

hillarys_left_nut April 26, 2010 at 12:54 pm

ahhh…this is FOB James’ son. Fob is a pretty interesting, if totally insane, cat. He’s actually mixed in some accomplishments, with teh crazy.

dstntmbrk April 26, 2010 at 7:24 pm

There is a more important campaign happening in the state of Alabama than Mr. James’s assault on world languages…

snowlady June 3, 2010 at 1:11 am

[re=563330]Crank Tango[/re]: Even if you are a “Native” American, your people probably came from elsewhere (re the Bering Land Bridge). They just got here first.

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