Happy Earth Day, America! (Did You Get Her Something Nice?)

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  In honor of the single day each year when we remember that we live on an actual planet and not aboard some weird cruise ship in space full of giant baby-people, America's politicians will pass comprehensive climate-change legislation and embark upon a grand mission to build a new economy based on renewable energy and sustainable communities bordered and connected by open space and wilderness. Just kidding, they're not going to do shit. But you go ahead andLove the Earth, just please wear a biodegradable condom. [ LA Times / New York Times ]

• Who knew aboutEric Massahumping on all the male congressional staffers, and when did they know it? We are talking about you,Pelosi and Hoyer. [ AP ]

• Twitter heartthrobCharles Grassleywill support Senate Democrats in their effort to try to make sense of the derivatives market. Why does Grassley hate regular America? [ Wall Street Journal ]