This is an actual United States Government high-definition production, “unveiling” the new $100 bill. If you have one of these (you never will), you will be invincible.
The new $100 bill is so mind-bendingly awesome that you can buy anything with it, regardless of price. Ha, “price.” How comical, now. A sick, ancient joke. This $100 bill has rocket boosts and cannons and lasers to kill poor people and annoying family members. If you put it in your savings account it will get 1,000,000-percent interest, compounded whenever the fuck you want. It has a nine-foot cock and is made of stars.
[YouTube, NewMoney.gov via The American Prospect]
{ 93 comments }
Why isn’t Ronald Reagan on this bill?
show me the money! fap fap fap
We can haz teh moniez?
This is obviously fake. There is no federal reserve, At least its not federal and it has no reserves. And even if it existed it would not need these foolish miniscule “notes”. It would just take a forklift and shovel all of our tax moneys into the Goldman Sacks for them to pay their bonuses with.
Earnest Borgnine for the watermark image?
It costs $500 to produce each one of these bills.
Did I just enter Benny’s bunghole for a brief second?
Is there a website where I can go and order a couple of these bad-asses? Also, how do I get rid of my old bills again?
just trying to keep up with personal printing technology. another challenge for Godamn Sachs!
There’s something about the second ghost Ben that’s rather unnerving.
And there’s an easy way to get some: go to work for the RNC, and ask for a stack to stick in the lesbian strippers’ G-strings.
ZOMG COLOR SHIFTING! IT’S SATANIC! EXORCISE IT! AARGH!
Good video, but this would make a better soundtrack.
I’m super excited to own one of these! Sadly it has nothing to do with the new design.
[re=561522]getoffmylawn[/re]: because my Aunt Myrtle is.
Masturbate? I jizzed just by watching that thing.
“Bell in Inkwell” must be some sort of code — if the rooster crows at midnight, I’m outta here.
Oh, you guys should see all this–
It’s unconstitutional. And socialist.
“Nine foot cock.” It’s one of those things that sounds good, but you really wouldn’t like it very much.
Throw in a free iPad, and I’m sold.
I’m sure Willem Dafoe has already figured out how to counterfeit these new bills and is producing sheets of them as we speak.
But where are the Ameros? Or are they only produced as gold coins? Maybe instead of “Federal Reserve Note” they could be “Gold Certificates” — backed by gold Ameros.
[re=561539]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yes, it’s a code for the meeting the Fed head has with the RNC Chair at this club out in California.
All that fancy schmancy stuff, and the girl at the gas station is still just gonna take out that yellow pen and draw a line on it.
What does anyone need $100 bills for, anyway? As the would-be Nevada Senator has explained, all we need are chickens to exchange for goods and services.
How much did we sucker taxpayers have to pay for this thing?
Also, if it’s so new, why does the series number read “2009″?
new and improved with anal/vaginal microchip techmologies!
[re=561542]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Hard to get pants to fit. Also, when you got an erection, you’d pass out–all blood would be in said cock.
[re=561541]ph7[/re]: This is just another one of nOBamer’s soshalist fashist commie trix to take away our REEL AMERIKIN MUNNIES stick us with this furrin’ lookin’ muslin furrin libril french munny to TAKE AWAY OUR GUNZ AND BIBLES AND FREEDUMS!!!1!!
From the official press release:
“When the new design $100 note is issued in TBD, the approximately 6.5 billion old design $100s already in circulation will remain legal tender,” said Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board Ben S. Bernanke.
Somehow I doubt that was an exact quote.
is this the money the republican’s paid those lesbian strippers with?
Dammit! I just picked up 6 of the old bills. Is there an additional charge for the upgrade?
What would Benjamin Franklin think of all this? And where are the Freemason symbols?
[re=561553]JMP[/re]: Since whoring is legal here in Nevaduh, I tried to exchange my
birthgift certificate from the Chicken Ranch for medical services and I got tarred and feathered for my efforts. Chicken feathers, of course.Plus it’s made out of rubber and doubles as a condom, size XS.
I haven’t seen a C-note in a loooong time. Is the $2 bill still around?
damnit! The hot dog vending machine at work only takes the old hundreds!
if it doesn’t have gold thread running through it, i’m not interested.
Big deal, all America cares about is how well they work as a coke straw.
[re=561526]Red Zeppelin[/re]: [re=561531]Sharkey[/re]: I hear you can get these new notes in the right ‘private financial markets’ around Sydney Harbour… the going rate is 5000¥/40€ each – cash only, or course…
[re=561556]Words[/re]: Yeah that too!
Wake me when they add holograms of Ben’s favorite french whores.
all the new security features on the new c-note are a de facto admission by our government that all the old c-notes in circulation are counterfeit. you can take that to the bank.
Now, witness the power of this FULLY OPERATIONAL hundred dollar bill…
[re=561522]getoffmylawn[/re]: I think Reagan belongs, if anywhere, on nothing less than the 500,000 dollar bill. French writer Guy de Maupassant used to have lunch directly under the Eiffel tower since it was the only place in Paris he could avoid looking at the thing. With Reagan on such a large denomination, most of us will be similarly spared.
Benjamin Franklin keeps getting bigger each time. In the next iteration he is going to be so big that it crops everything except his right eye and part of his nose.
god, that video was annoying.
how much does it cost to make one of these suckers?
In Soviet Union, $100 masturbates you! Come to think of it, it should do a bit more than just that…
The RNC thinks money is sexy enough already without all the expensive CGI effects…
[re=561542]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: how about nine one-foot cocks?
A $100 bill? Is there monies that haz more than two numbers?
Still not as good as a 99.9999% pure gold casting of Ron Paul’s wang. That shit will buy you a new soul.
[re=561591]Crank Tango[/re]: Reminds me of this one time in Rio….
I just came a little, you guys.
[re=561561]natoslug[/re]:
You just picked up 6 c-notes?? Who do you work for, the RNC?
My mistake, I thought the title said they would give me a hundred bucks to masturbate. Boy, is my face red.
[re=561592]Jukesgrrl[/re]:
There’s munniez that fold?!11!!!1
[re=561601]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: Leftover cash from spring break in D.C.. The kids didn’t spend as wildly as I thought they would, and I’m too lazy to take it back to the bank. Plus, it feels good having some cash in my wallet. Usually I just have credit card receipts and an emergency ketchup package.
sweet MIDI
The most OUTRAGEOUS thing about the new 100 dollar bill is that Obama made them take off the, “As a nation, we fully accept Jesus Christ as our personal savior! Allah be damned!” quote that has graced every 100 dollar bill since it’s 1787 inception!
[re=561611]natoslug[/re]: Your kids left $600 after spring break? Man, you need to give parenting lessons.
Is that what Reagan looks like with his hair down?
What is this on my new $100? Looks like traces of white powder.
They are paranoid.
The new bill is Pre-Blingee’d for your protection.
Also, the back side projects in midair holograms of R2-D2 and a naked Pamela Anderson doing the Hokey Pokey.
“Bell in the inkwell” was, up until the eighties, a sex move only legal in Germany.
Aesthetically .. putting mutant Ben Franklin’s face next to some Mondrian 3D space virus and shimmery crap is fucking awful.
Have the wingnuts found something that looks not at all similar to a Muslim national flag on it yet?
Oh geez, I’m going to have to get a much better copier now, thanks a lot.
All the hicks will just complain how it looks murr furrin. If they have one.
[re=561597]Zadig[/re]: I pre-came. Top that, Zadig.
It must be made of latex. How else could it bend and stretch like that?
After tearing that coupon in half along the perforated line, which end am I supposed to redeem for my free $100 bill?
[re=561539]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The butterfly is in the diving bell.
I repeat: The butterfly is in the diving bell.
Hey! Why aren’t you moving?!
[re=561641]Pizzuti[/re]: “Help me Ben Bernake — you’re my only hope.”
Seriously, when are we going to join the thinking world and stop making bills that all look the same, especially if you’ve left your reading glasses in the car? I know it’s foreign and therefore un-american and communist, but since they’ve already hired the artists and all the engravers and paper-meisters, couldn’t they finally decide to design paper money in sizes relative to the value of the denominations? Blind people like me would stop with the squinting at the register, and save a lot of people in line behind me the trouble of waxing age-ist on my ancient ass.
[re=561591]Crank Tango[/re]: Those would belong to the one dollar bill, courtesy of George Washington.
[re=561680]bitchincamaro[/re]: Tee hee, reminds me of those goofy oversized checks..
[re=561686]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Like the one Ed McMahon still owes me?
That $100 can only buy what? 70 Euros. I’ll bet those stupid socialists don’t have a fancy, pantsy shining 70 Euro note.
[re=561680]bitchincamaro[/re]: On top of looking the same, they certainly make for the ugliest money on the planet. The new bills look like they just took the old bills and put them through the wash along with a new pair of cheap jeans and a red t-shirt (or maybe a cheap American flag – these colors DO run!).
[re=561691]bitchincamaro[/re]: Yes. What’s your prescription? Mine’s -6.50 right and -6.75 left w/astigmatism in both. Myopic as a mofo; can’t have lasik. Everything’s blurry. But maybe it’s the few Stellas I’ve had. I apologize for the dorkiness.
[re=561693]One Yield Regular[/re]: Yeah, when they made the three dollar bill totally pastel pink with some underlying orange tones, I was like, wtf?
I’ll masturbate on it. Just send me one.
[re=561694]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Totes O-T, and prolly more a subject for Andy Rooney that Wonkette, but what the fuck is it with eyeballs, anyway?! When I break a pair of glasses, I can’t even begin to repair them until I buy a new pair to see the old pair. What’s up with that?
[re=561707]Diana Davies[/re]: We deliver. Address, please?
Just as long as there’s no pictures of black people on it. Because, as if.
I think it should vibrate. I’d start carrying them in all my pockets.
Now the North Koreans will have to work over time to copy this new bill. And we all know how Kim II hates paying OT.
[re=561635]Barrelhse[/re]: The highly visible holographic security ribbon, emblazoned with liberty bells & 100s, will allow one to line up their next set of bumps much easier now.
EXCELSIOR!
the best part- those amazing horn sounds. so fake and patriotic.
Looks like someone at the Treasury somehow just now found out about lens flare.
Ninety posts and no one has said, “Gideon Gono”.
Do people rich enough to have $100 bills even carry cash anymore?
[re=561863]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: With drug trafficking’s share of global trade, there will be a need for C-notes for a long time to come. At least until dealers start demanding Euros or Yuan.
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