U.S. Treasury Department Really, Really Wants You To Masturbate To New Features On $100 Bill

This is an actual United States Government high-definition production, "unveiling" the new $100 bill. If you have one of these (you never will), you will be invincible.

The new $100 bill is so mind-bendingly awesome that you can buy anything with it, regardless of price. Ha, "price." How comical, now. A sick, ancient joke. This $100 bill has rocket boosts and cannons and lasers to kill poor people and annoying family members. If you put it in your savings account it will get 1,000,000-percent interest, compoundedwhenever the fuck you want.It has a nine-foot cock and is made of stars.

[ YouTube , NewMoney.gov via The American Prospect ]