The “policy arm” of the Future, the George W. Bush Institute, is up and running! All of these policies will likely become law, soon. (You didn’t hear? George W. Bush granted himself binding post-presidential Papal Bull powers in a 11:59 pardon signing statement. He doesn’t know he signed this yet, though, so everyone be cool and shut the fuck up.) On Monday, Bush hosted several bloggers — “cyber dissidents” — from around the globe, arranged them according to how Free their home countries were, and then slapped their asses one-by-one with a wet towel before stealin’ their ‘puters.

Bush, and experts who spoke after him, began by framing the Internet not as the automatic freedom generator it once promised to be, but as yet another battleground in the struggle against tyranny. With his opening remarks, Bush made it clear the day wasn’t just about freedom fighters trading war stories, but about laying out a plan of action.

“One of the things I was nervous about about a think tank is that all we do is have people come here and they sit around and think,” Bush said. “I think it’s important not only to have people come around and think and have experts write and opine, but also to figure out how to act.”

Whatever, man. Wonkette is an Automatic Freedom Generator for the entire globe. Don’t know what every other site’s problem is.

[Dallas Morning News]

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  1. “One of the things I was nervous about about a think tank is that all we do is have people come here and they sit around and think”

    Won’t be none of those problems with thinking, eh W?

  2. Bush pretending to be knowledgeable about the internet is a little like Peggy Noonan pretending to be knowledgeable about G-Spot orgasms. Uncomfortable!

  3. He was nervous about having people sit around and think. That’s probably why people liked him — he didn’t make anyone else nervous that way.

  4. When does he flee to his compound in South America again? I need to know, because I’m going to need gallons and gallons of office supplies that weekend, and I wanna be prepared.

  5. I fucking love this guy.

    He literally believes that thinktanks do nothing but sit, and think. He literally does not think they do anything else. Just, awesome.

  6. He said while still in office he wanted to start an ‘awesome’ freedom institute. Kind like the awesome freedom he brought to the Middle East.

    The Abraham Lincoln of the Middle East. As it were.

  7. …Wonkette is an Automatic Freedom Generator for the entire globe….
    I dunno, Jim. I thought Wonkette was yet another battleground in the struggle against tyranny.

    Or Something. Trucknutz also.

  8. “Because of the economic boom in China, the government has more resources to deploy on Internet censorship,”

    That certainly explains why his administration made such an effort to destroy our economy. It wasn’t so that his friends could loot the Treasury, he did it to make us all freer! He really was just misunderstood. Bravo, George, Bravo. FREEDUM!

  9. Bush knows there are times when just sitting around and thinking is a bad idea; for instance, why just think about invading and conquering another country for no particular reason when you can just go ahead and send the troops in there. On the other hand, thinking about rescuing people from an oncoming hurricane is a lot better than actually doing anything about it.

  10. Admit it everybody: having a witless president who made insanely bad decisions on the basis of whatever would make his peen feel bigger is much less entertaining than having a thoughtful, literate, intelligent preznident who works within the system and actually makes things better, albeit in frustratingly small increments.

  11. [re=561346]jetjaguar[/re]: [re=561347]chascates[/re]: Taking your two comments together, maybe all they do is sit around and think because it’s hard to type up policy papers after losing all your limbs to an IED.

  12. Now the George W. Bush Presidential Center at Southern Methodist University will have a policy arm, the Bush Institute, and a “how to act” arm, the Bush Actor’s Studio. Will Ferrell will teach classes in James Lipton and George W. Bush.

  13. In a sick weird way, I kind of sort of miss old Shrub– mostly for his comedic value. The good thing is now he’s just a plain old amusing idiot and not an amusing idiot who was destroying everything decent about this country.

  14. The institute pulled together six big anti-government voices from China, Russia, Iran, Syria, Venezuela and Cuba to discuss using the Web in the interest of freedom…

    Great — the Dubya legacy will be that of nurturing the world’s future Ahmad Chalabis — building corrupt dissent to replace the corrupt oppression in their native countries.

    But hey — the director of Freedom House says we’ve been in a “freedom recession” for the last five years? I thought freedom was on the march, conquering the Axis of Evil and Bad Guys and whatnot? This must be some sort of scurrilous rumor, probably put forward by those people who say all that nasty stuff about our child-molesting pontiff.

  15. [re=561356]V572625694[/re]: to say nothing of the satanic vice president who shot his friend in the face. ah yes …. good times. (and Jon Stewart’s voices for each)

  16. For posterity, he should be interviewed till the day he croaks like the last member of a stone-age tribe in Borneo. Also, he should donate his brain to science for all the science thinkers out there.

  17. “Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Bush,
    The three words that best describe you are, and I quote,
    Think Tank Thunk”

  18. [re=561372]Jim Demintia[/re]: it took a minute for me to remember how it felt knowing that the president was a bumbling arrogant fuckwit of a middle manager who couldn’t run a whorehouse in a gold rush.

  19. I’m sorry, but I have to demand a correction. I’m pretty sure that the George W. Bush Institute is in charge of finding out how Bush moves around without Karl Rove walking behind him with a remote control like Dr. McCoy.

    And, Wonkette, you will always be my Automatic Freedom Generator for the entire globe.

    [re=561348]qwerty42[/re]: Have you never been around when Jim drags the ban hammer out and the purges begin? Why the Snorg Girl Purges alone rival Stalin. I saw it on Glen Beck!

  20. Holy shit, there is nothing that sums up what was wrong with the Bush presidency more than that he was actually afraid of the “thinking” part of “think tank.”

  21. [re=561411]obfuscator[/re]: [re=561447]NopantsMcGee[/re]: You Wonketeers are a tough crowd. Maybe it’s that I spent the majority of my 20s with this fuckstick in office, so remembering how much I hated him reminds me of how it feels to be young and capable of vigorous feeling.

  22. I dunno, should the experts write and opine about how to act? Or do we just not like the writing and opining at all? I’m confused. I forgot what it was like to read this moran’s “speech” in print. I do know that our children is learning, though, so there’s that.

  23. “With his opening remarks, Bush made it clear the day wasn’t just about freedom fighters trading war stories, but about laying out a plan of action.”

    Wait, who are the Cyber-Contras?

  24. “another battleground in the struggle against tyranny”? Odd, I thought we were traitors, hated the troops, and were helping the turrirists to win, when we blogged against the Bushyt Holy Crusade Against Islam.

  25. [re=561411]obfuscator[/re]: I always thought that Steve Carrels(sp) character, in the Office, was based on the Shrub. Seriously…also.

  26. He also probably thinks that they think in an actual tank. Less armored, more of the water variety like you see out in West Texas.

  27. “One of the things I was nervous about about a think tank is that all we do is have people come here and they sit around and think,”

    Hot dog-it and boy hody; ole boy’s still got it!

    And, to think, this guy was entrusted (or entrusted himself, twice) to oversea the largest economy in the world. Those were the good ole days, right? Where you didn’t even have to question whether your leader was functionally comatose.

  28. [re=561517]arewethereyet[/re]: i see the similarities. i also feel like michael scott shares many similarities with my former governor*.

    *his name rhymes with “todd klagojevich”.

  29. If I’d presided over the complete clusterfuck that was the Bush Jr. Presidency, I’d rather go on a hunting trip with Darth Cheney than think about it.

    We understand, George, we really do, and I’m sure the millions of people whos lives were shattered by your rancid Administration’s stupidity, duplicity and arrogance feel your pain… every single day.

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